Chapter Fifty — Bastian
CHAPTER FIFTY
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BASTIAN
Ididn’t want to sleep, but I needed to. The fight was tomorrow.
The nerves from finding out Trinity might have put herself in danger still zipped through my limbs.
But going down to the building’s gym and beating the hell out of a punching bag wouldn’t help.
Not when I needed to reserve the rest of my strength for tomorrow.
Water, then I would try to sleep.
Rin was in the kitchen. A mug sat on the counter with the string of a tea bag over the rim. Tea could be nice. That sounded better than ice water right now. She hummed to herself, and I made myself silent as I came up behind her.
“Is there enough for two?”
Trinity startled, whirling and knocking into the mug and sending it flying off the island. The dish shattered, the sound deafening.
My Omega yelped like someone had hit her, and I was immediately looking at her feet to see if she’d been cut by the breaking pieces.
No.
She had socks on.
She ducked around me and grabbed the broom and dustpan before starting to sweep. Fast.
“Rin.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’ll clean it up. That wasn’t a sentimental mug or anything, right? I’m sorry.” Her words were so rushed they blended together, and I saw her hands were shaking enough that the broom was having a hard time doing what it needed to.
Taking the two steps I needed, I wrapped myself around her from behind. She stiffened, expecting the worst. I pressed my lips to her ear. “Breathe.”
She did, but it wasn’t deep enough.
“Again.”
Slowly, her trembling slowed, and her body eased into my hold. Not as pliant and melted as I liked her to be, but better.
“You’re not there,” I said quietly. “You’re here.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts. It was an accident. And it was my fault. I shouldn’t have startled you. I’m sorry.” Her body shivered. I gently pulled the broom from her hands and lifted her onto the counter. “Stay there.”
It only took a few minutes to sweep the broken pieces and wipe the floor for splinters. I’d make a note for the cleaners to pay extra attention to the floor in here.
Then I pushed Trinity’s knees apart so I could stand between them. Her head hung low, not looking at me, not looking at anything.
“I assume at some point you broke something, and they were angry.”
“That’s putting it mildly,” she mumbled, her hands fidgeting in her lap. “I’m just…”
A low sound. She sometimes made them when she was struggling with her voice and frustrated. I hoped she knew I would wait forever for her to get where she needed. Not like I was a stranger to struggling with words.
“I’m just clumsy. I’ve always been that way.
I’ll be putting something down and suddenly it’s on the floor and I don’t know how it got there.
Or I trip over nothing. Knock something over even though I swore my hand was nowhere near it.
” She did look up at me then, glossy tears in her eyes.
“I hate it, because I don’t understand why I can’t just not do it. ”
She wasn’t finished. I felt it, and so I waited.
“And then I react like this, and—”
The way she cut herself off wasn’t a struggle with her voice, it was her censoring herself. “What?”
Rin shook her head.
I stepped closer so I could pull her against my body, even as she sat on the counter, and kissed her cheek slowly. “Tell me.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why?” A whisper into her neck.
“Scared.”
One movement allowed me to lift her up, legs wrapping around me on instinct as I walked to the other side of the apartment and her nest. To my surprise, one of the hoodies I’d been looking for was tucked behind a pillow. And a pair of pants.
I couldn’t stop my smile. Trinity had been sneaking our clothes in here. Note to self: check the nest if you’re missing clothes.
I turned and sat so she draped over me, and wrapped us both in the closest blanket. “Better?”
Trinity’s lips pressed together so hard they went pale. Her scent was bitter and dark. So no, it wasn’t better, but the look on her face told me she was trying.
“Come here.” I pulled her down so her head was on my chest and began to purr. My fingers ran through her hair the way they always seemed to. I couldn’t stop. The strands were so fucking soft I always wanted my hand in them somehow.
And the way Trinity leaned into my hand like a fucking cat in the sun helped.
Slowly, her body relaxed into the puddle I knew it could be. Her scent softened too. She snuggled down further into the blanket and against me, finally allowing her instincts to take over.
This was how I would fall asleep. Tangled with my Omega. Never should have tried anything else.
I wanted to ask her the question again, but it hadn’t disappeared. The words floated in the air. Neither of us had forgotten.
Finally, I felt her fingers grip the sides of my shirt. Grounding. “I’m scared that one of my reactions will be too far,” she whispered. “And you’ll realize it’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.”
It took everything I had not to react immediately. I kept purring, kept the slow, smooth rhythm of my hand in her hair, kept her close to me.
That would never happen. Trinity was my Omega.
Mine. Not a hypothetical or a desire. It was the only reality.
But she couldn’t feel it the way we could.
Not yet, at least, so nothing I could say would be enough to convince her, and rushing to dismiss the fear would only make her feel like it wasn’t valid.
We needed to get her more things for the nest. Because when her heat hit and she could finally feel the scent match? We were all going to explode.
It wasn’t only biology that made me sure of her. She was beautiful and kind. Smart. Interesting. Passionate. Biology drew me to her, and everything made me fall in love with her. It was time I told her that. I’d waited far too long to say the words.
I moved her higher on my body so her face was tucked into my neck. Her face was damp from her quiet, drying tears. “I love you.”
Her soft gasp worked its way into the little spot in my heart that was only for her. Could she not have known?
“I love you,” I said again, stroking her hair. “No strings. No expectations. Just you. Okay?”
It took her a long time to speak. “Okay.”
Slowly, I shifted us so we were on our sides and I could see her face. “I’m pretty sure we got that mug at a garage sale.”
A choked laugh came out of her. “Really?”
“I think so. For like fifty cents.”
She laughed, and I smiled. It was what I wanted. To bring her back. To have her stay rooted in this moment with me.
“There is no thing in this world that is more important than a person,” I said. “No possession more important than you.”
Her gaze slid away. “It’s easy to hear. Not always to remember.”
“I know.”
She pulled away. “You have your fight tomorrow. You should rest.”
“I’m resting just fine right here.”
“Are you sure?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to tie you down?”
A blush painted her cheeks and that sweetest scent of violets swirled around us. “No.”
“Tomorrow, after the fight, Brooks and I have a surprise for you.”
“For me? But it’s your night.”
I stroked her skin beneath the hem of her shirt. Everything about her was so fucking soft. I loved it. “I’m not worried about the fight. More interested in what comes after, actually.”
“What is it?”
Shaking my head, I settled us down again. “I’m not going to tell you, except for the fact that it has to do with your list, and we haven’t done it yet.”
Her eyes widened and went distant, like she was going through all the things on her list in her head and checking them off. “You’ll see tomorrow.”
She didn’t beg to know, though I could tell by the way she bit her lip that she wanted to. Good Omega.
“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep in your bed?”
“I’m very sure.”
With Trinity curling into me, the silence was easier now. Nothing hanging over our heads. Just us.
She was falling asleep, and I was happy to be her pillow. But there was one more thing I needed to say, even if she wasn’t awake to hear it.
Leaning close, I breathed the words into her skin. “You’re worth it.”