Chapter 4
IV Ashes
Caliane
I run to my bedroom for a quick wash, looking out through the windows as I go.
Raduna and Arvi are out in the gardens with the kids, playing some sort of game that requires a lot of running and laughing by the look of it.
Arvi has Sameel sitting on his shoulders.
I wince when I see the boy’s pudgy fists firmly clasped around Arvi’s pointed ears. My knight doesn’t seem to mind, though.
After donning a new dress, I hesitate on the threshold, then turn toward Idrina’s chambers. I know Magnar was just with her, but I want to check on his mother myself.
Her parlor is as dark as always, but I take heart in the strong sound of her voice as she bids me to enter. Idrina reclines on a chaise longue by the fireplace, her wrinkled, paper-thin skin reddened by the glow of the embers.
“Have you come to see if I’m dying yet?” she asks, her voice an unfriendly croak. “Don’t worry. Between you, Magnar, and the doctors he tries to force on me, I’ll jump in the cremation furnace myself to get away from your fussing.”
I sit down in a chair nearby, but Idrina refuses to look at me. She stares into the flames, her jaw jutting out in defiance. She holds something in her hands, the thing too small for me to see in the gloom. The metallic gleam it catches from the fire makes me think it’s jewelry.
“Has Magnar tried to convince you to see the medic, then?” I ask, doubly grateful for Khay’s interruption. Conversing with my mother-in-law is challenging when she’s in a foul mood, but my well-sated body refuses to tense up in her presence today.
She waves her hand. “I don’t need a doctor. I need Hrognar by my side.”
I sit up, frowning. Hrognar, Idrina’s husband, has been dead for years.
“Is your brain addled?” I ask, knowing she prefers directness. “Your husband is long gone, Idrina.”
“Addled!” She spits with vehemence, looking at me for the first time since I came in. “I know he’s dead, you hoyden! I need him with me as he is now!”
I shake my head, non-plussed. “He’s… he’s ash now. Isn’t he? Or do you mean his spirit that’s gone to the gods?”
“Gods. Pish! No, you had it right the first time.”
I sigh, sitting back. Idrina seems calmer, and she looks away into the flames, bringing the gleaming object to her lips for a dry kiss. Her outburst makes me none the wiser.
“Please, tell me in plain words what you mean.”
“Ashes, girl, ashes.” She waves her hand with impatience. “My Hrognar was burned and put into a set of jewelry—a brooch, a necklace, and a ring. There hasn’t been a day I haven't had him by my side since he passed away.”
Her explanation takes me aback, and I spend a moment digesting it. “Do you mean—you wear jewelry with your husband’s ashes? That’s…”
I don’t finish because I can’t say any of the words crowding on my tongue. Strange is the best-mannered of them, but it will only lead to Idrina making fun of me for being an uncivilized human. The other words are uncivil indeed: disgusting, horrifying, morbid.
Idrina turns to look at me. Her eyes are used to the gloom, and she must see my expression clearly. Her lips stretch in a mean smile.
“Oh, don’t make that face. It’s not a custom every queen is required to keep. Once Magnar breathes his last, you’ll be quite welcome to scatter his ashes on the wind and take a younger lover.”
I shake my head with a wince. “So what are you saying, Idrina? You want to have Hrognar by your side in his ashen, jewelry-bound form?”
She grunts, opening her palm. I lean in to see an ornamental silver orb hanging from a thick chain. Idrina taps it with her finger, her claw clicking against the silver. Then she turns her palm, showing me a matching ring intricately carved with ornamental symbols.
“I lost the brooch, the third piece in the set. I don’t wear it usually, but a few weeks ago I went to look in my box, and it was gone. There’s a piece of him missing and I don’t like it, Caliane. It’s like having a man with no cock. I need that brooch.”
I cough to cover the half-choked sound of shock at her words. Idrina harrumphs, letting me know my coughing doesn’t fool her, so I clear my throat and ask.
“So the brooch is his… organ?”
Magnar would scold me from shying away from saying the word cock, but it’s one thing to say it referring to my men, and quite another—to my deceased father-in-law.
“I said like. I don’t know which ashes are from what, silly girl. We didn’t chop him into bits before burning him, did we? What an idiotic idea. Unless that’s what you humans do with your dead. It wouldn’t surprise me a bit.”
I hide my face in my hands. My shoulders shake from silent laughter that I’m afraid to give in to, because I fear I’ll sound quite hysterical.
Idrina scoffs with evident contempt, but I know she’s enjoying our conversation.
Otherwise, she would ignore me, thus letting me know I’m not worthy of her attention.
That’s what she does to people who bore her.
Once my laughing fit is over, I compose myself. Idrina stares into the fire, the corners of her lips drooping. I realize she is truly upset despite her fiery manner.
“Is this why you haven’t been eating?” I ask. “You’re worried about the brooch?”
She shrugs and doesn’t answer. My shoulders drop with relief.
“Thank the gods. I thought you were ailing. Well then, we only have to find the brooch, and you’ll be all better.”
She scoffs, shooting me a piercing look. “Only find it, will you? You think I haven’t looked? It’s nowhere in this room. Someone took it, Caliane. Someone stole a part of my husband.”
“Where have you worn it last?” I ask, undeterred.
Idrina is frail and her room—dark and cluttered. I won’t be convinced the brooch is gone until I look for it myself.
“To bed a few weeks ago,” she says with a long-suffering sigh, as if my question is a silliness she chooses to indulge.
“Would you mind if I look around your bedroom then?”
“I already looked.” She waves me toward her bedroom door, though, so I go in, opening the curtains, and have a good look under the bed and around the bedside tables.
They are too heavy for me to move since Agnidari furniture is large and awfully sturdy, so I resolve to bring one of my knights to help.
Idrina allows it with an air of munificence, but I spy a tiny, pleased smile curving her lip.
For such a thorny old lady, my mother-in-law enjoys attention an awful lot. Especially from my knights.
I almost collide with Raduna when I step out into the corridor.
He steadies me with his hands, chuckling.
His hair is gathered on his nape today, his arms bare, since he only wears a vest. I give him an appreciative look.
Yes, if I were Idrina, I wouldn’t pass up an occasion to look at my knights, either.
“I was just looking for you, my queen,” he says, warmth sparkling in his brown eyes. “I wondered if you might do me the same honor as you did Khay today.”
My mouth is already open to ask him for help moving some furniture, but Raduna’s words distract me.
I gape, blinking, until understanding dawns.
A pulse of pleasure curls in my belly, followed by a flash of annoyance.
It seems everyone wants a piece of me today.
Maybe I should give up trying to do any work until my men say their lewd goodbyes to my body parts.
“Honor, was it? Somehow I don’t think that’s the word he used when he went around boasting about it.” I sigh under my breath. “Very well. But first, can you help me with a little chore? It won’t take but a minute.”
I turn toward Idrina’s door, and Raduna places his large palm on my shoulder, gripping it gently.
“I can wait, my queen. Today, tomorrow, or a month from now will be perfect as long as you want it. Don’t force yourself into something you’d rather avoid.”
His kind face is serious, his mouth gentle as he watches me calmly. I can’t help but laugh when I consider how different his manner is from Khay’s.
“You know, if Khay was half as considerate as you, I would be swallowed in work and quite miserable right now. No, I don’t wish to avoid being with you, my knight. It’s just… I demand a lot of myself—so much that it feels like there’s nothing left for others sometimes.”
“Yes, you do.” Raduna cups my cheek, watching me with intense warmth that travels from the top of my head down to my very toes in a shivering, relaxing wave. “And it’s our task to keep you from burning too much of yourself away. What do you need my help with?”
“Oh! Yes. Idrina lost a brooch, and I’m helping her find it. I think it might have fallen behind some furniture.”
“I’ll help.”
Raduna moves both bedside tables away from the walls, then a chest of drawers and even an enormous wardrobe in Idrina’s parlor.
He grunts, gripping the wardrobe with his enormous arms as he tackles it, bearlike yet controlled.
When I tear my eyes away from his bulging muscles gleaming with sweat, I catch Idrina’s eye.
She arches her eyebrow with a smirk, and I realize my face is all flushed.
Raduna is a powerful man, and his display of strength makes my knees delightfully weak.
“I told you I already looked,” Idrina scoffs when I stand in front of her, unhappy to report my lack of progress. “Someone took it. Maybe that new serving wench you forced on me.”
Accusing the servants? Oh, that’s low. I narrow my eyes, true anger rising in my belly.
“Sarah is no thief. I have tested and vetted her myself, and I vouch for her. If this is some ploy to get rid of your nurse, Mother, I’m telling you right now it won’t work.”
I put my hands on my hips, staring down my mother-in-law as fury and suspicion burn in my chest. Idrina mutters something, avoiding my eyes.
“Speak up. I can’t hear you.”
“Sarah’s a good nurse,” she says, sounding defensive. “This is no ploy. But who else could it be, Caliane? The only people who visit me are family and her these days. And I’d sooner believe it was a servant than any of you.”
“Oh.” A surprising bout of affection fills my heart when I realize Idrina trusts us so much.
Family. She’s really distraught because of her loss, and yet, she believes none of us have taken her brooch.
Before I think better of it, I drop down by her chaise longue and put my arms around her frail shoulders.
“What even!” she huffs, trying to push me away with half-hearted effort. “Unhand me this moment, you grabby wench!”
Even as she says it, her long fingers curl around my upper arm. I hide a smile. I’ve seen her with Khay’s nieces and my children, heaping kisses on their heads while they tried to squirm away. The old grandma only pretends to loathe familial affections.
I pat her shoulder and heave myself up to my feet with a grin. Idrina huffs, rearranging her blankets about her form, but her cheeks have purpled with a faint blush.
“I’ll find your brooch,” I vow. “I promise. You’ll be reunited with your husband soon.”
Idrina pauses her fussing to give me an incredulous look, and Raduna chuckles. I realize with a gasp how my words must have sounded.
“I do not mean in death!” I exclaim. “You’ll be reunited here, you and his ashes, and whatever else you desire.”
“Mannerless human,” Idrina grumbles. “I know exactly what you meant. As to your promise, I won’t hold you to it, because that brooch has probably been sold and melted already. Focus on making a few more heirs, will you? Now let me sleep.”
She waves us out of the room, and I shake my head. Idrina seems unable to express positive emotions other than by mistake. While I’d like to pretend she was moved by my hug and promise, her taciturn manner makes me doubt it.
“That’s what I get for my troubles,” I huff under my breath.
“You know, Magnar spent over an hour trying to tease the reason for her bad mood out of her,” Raduna says when we set out down the corridor.
“She never told him. She’s kept this secret for weeks until you came in and got her to tell you.
She respects you very much, and I think you’re the only person she trusts to find her treasure. ”
I shake my head, feeling quite defeated. “What if I can’t find it? She might be right, you know. If someone stole it… But why would they? She has a few chests filled with gold and emeralds lying around. Why not take those? The silver brooch isn’t half as valuable.”
I frown, and Raduna bends almost in half to take my hand. He cradles it in his, and when I look up, he watches me with a wide, sharp-toothed smile.
“See? You’ll figure it out.”
His confidence props up my spine until I straighten, an answering smile stretching my lips. My knight bends low, palming my cheek, and gives me a soft, lingering kiss. I open my mouth to ask him what he wants to do, but he gives me no time.
My knight picks me up with those muscular arms of his and throws me over his shoulder as if I’m a bag of potatoes. I squeal, half in shock, half in glee, as he strides down the corridor, purposeful and hurried.
“Where are we going?” I gasp out, laughing.
“It’s a surprise.”