Chapter IX
IX Milk
Arvi
Caliane is exhausted by the time evening comes, her strength all but sucked dry.
Tonight we all assist at the kids’ bedtime.
Nisha has trouble falling asleep, and I and Khay take turns singing lullabies after Magnar overexplains that Idrina is well and no, she won’t drop dead from sadness because her brooch was gone for a few days.
For all we know, she might be fondling the thing under the covers as we speak. Maybe getting frisky. I don’t say it out loud.
I am angry with her, because she made Caliane suffer. It wasn’t deliberate, but still Idrina should take heed sometimes. Also, how could she not say she told Nisha about the brooch?
After he talked to her, Magnar explained to us in hushed words that Idrina didn’t think Nisha was tall enough to reach the box, so she didn’t bother telling us the only person who knew about the blasted mourning jewels was the four-year-old girl. Who, of course, can climb furniture like a cat.
By the time the kids fall asleep, Caliane sways on her feet, which is just as well. Both Khay and Raduna are still going strong after their fuck sessions with our queen, and Magnar seems preoccupied. Caliane shall sleep undisturbed.
As for me, I’ve done a lot of thinking.
For one, I watch myself with Nisha and Sam, dissecting every interaction after it happens.
I search for traces of my father in me and so far, I found one.
When Nisha ran too close to the shooting range, I dove after her and pulled her back by the hair, the only part I could reach in time.
Alda had just loosed an arrow, and it likely wouldn’t have hit Nisha, but I didn’t think at that moment, I just acted.
Of course, I scared her and made her hurt, but after the first few seconds of terror and shock, she clung to me for comfort, and I apologized profusely. Khay, who was there, praised me for fast reflexes and said nothing about the hair pulling.
Would he have said something, though, if I acted like my father? Khay is carefree and not too judgmental. So I asked Raduna after that, and he said I did the right thing.
I toss and turn in bed. Caliane is safe and sound between Khay and Raduna, and I’ve rolled far away on the enormous bed so as not to wake anyone with my fidgeting. Magnar lies on his back, snoring lightly, and I stare through the window at the two moons roaming the clear sky.
I pulled Nisha’s hair, and it made me afraid I’m like my father, but the truth is, he never physically hurt me. He always used a proxy.
And it’s not like I did it to cause her pain or make her stronger, or any other bullshit he used as an excuse. It’s stupid. Nisha forgave me, but the feel of her hair in my fist haunts me. What if it’s a sign?
But if I go looking for signs, I’ll find them, I know. That way lies madness.
Caliane stirs, sniffing cutely, and crawls out of bed.
I listen to the sounds of her relieving herself in the bathroom, then the splash of water as she washes her hands, and sigh.
I want to have a child with her. I want—I want my bloodline to be cleansed of misery and fear.
I want to pass down what I have best, and keep in the past everything that’s screwed up.
When she comes back, she doesn’t get in bed but stops by the window, hugging herself. I lie still, pretending to be asleep. Caliane presses her forehead to the colored windowpane. She releases a single muffled sob.
I’m out of bed before my mind makes a conscious decision to act.
She startles when I put my arms around her but relaxes instantly, melting into my embrace.
We stand together, facing the window, and I don’t know what my queen is thinking.
When I look down, all I see is the top of her head and the silhouette of her nose.
“I’m sorry I woke you,” she whispers after a moment.
“You didn’t. I can’t sleep.”
She hums, and I hesitate, but Caliane and I don’t have secrets, do we? And so I tell her about my anguish.
“And she said it really hurt, Caliane. Am I… am I turning into him?”
My whisper cuts the cool air, urgent and supplicating, like she’s my goddess who releases me from guilt.
She turns, and I drop to my knees at once so we can look at each other without straining our necks. My queen smiles softly as she strokes the side of my head, a bit raspy with the day’s growth. I’ll shave it smooth tomorrow morning, like I do every day.
“You kept her safe. And she never once mentioned any of that, so I think she understood what happened and forgot the painful but necessary part of it. I think you’re looking too hard for proof that you are like him, Arvi, and it makes you biased.”
I snort. “You know, I just thought something similar. But how will I know? How… I am not objective.”
“Maybe make a commitment to believe us next time,” she says, shaking her head with a smile.
“Both Khay and Raduna told you it’s fine.
If you can’t trust yourself, at least trust them.
But Arvi, you are a wonderful father and you have years of experience already.
Nish and Sam adore you, and it won’t be any different with your baby, I promise. ”
I feel relieved, though the mess in my chest doesn’t get any less complicated. Then again, it probably won’t go away any time soon. Just look at Caliane still suffering from her father’s touch, even though she’s so far past this.
“What’s the way through?” I ask, even though I think I know the answer.
She huffs with a crooked smile. “You just live one day at a time. Having wonderful people by your side helps.”
I nod. She nods back. Here we are, two broken people made whole by our love—except neither of us is really broken, are we? We have everything one could possibly want. We’re happy.
That finally makes me brave enough to try.
“Are you still on the brew?”
She shakes her head. “I took the last dose yesterday, but the effects are supposed to linger for a few days.”
We stare at each other, and my body grows tense and aching, so many trapped things wanting to shake loose.
I’ve been in turmoil for the last two days, like I was a rope relentlessly pulled this way and that between the need to breed my queen and my terror of fucking it up, and somehow, here I am, and it all wants out.
She sees the shift in my expression. Her lips part on a sigh, and she wets them anxiously.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, suddenly hoarse.
“You look like you want to eat me.”
“Larunas aren’t for eating.” She cracks a smile, but I don’t smile back, chaos brewing in my gut and mind. I’m afraid it will drown me, drown us both. “To be fair, they aren’t for fucking, either. Or for breeding.”
Her breath catches, and she glances over at the bed. No one stirs. My hands shake a little as I place them on her cheeks, turning her head back to face me.
“Do you want to go back to sleep?”
Please, say no, I chant in my head. It doesn’t have to be now, I know, but I feel like if she doesn’t let me have her tonight, I’ll explode in an ugly, horrible way.
I need her. My body swells and surges, waves of heat pulsing down my spine.
This is visceral, far too dangerous, and yet, she can handle me.
I’ve known this almost from the beginning.
She shakes her head, pressing her lips together. “But we’ll wake the others. I’m sure they won’t mind, but do you—”
“Let’s go to my room.”
She nods in understanding. No, I don’t want to wake the others. For this, I need her all to myself. Maybe it’s selfish. Who the fuck cares.
She presses her finger to my lips and turns to the door, walking silently on bare feet.
I head toward the chest of drawers where I saw her put away the crystal cock, and Caliane sighs when she sees me take it out.
Maybe I’ll use it, maybe I won’t, but it’s been on my mind among the chaos.
I’ve made myself come yesterday thinking about her stuffing herself full with it.
My room is the second down the corridor, and it’s dark when we go in, the fire and candles unlit. Caliane shivers from cold, and I kneel by the fireplace, where the wood is neatly laid out—all it needs is a spark. Soon, fire crawls over the dry sticks, but it’s not enough to warm my queen yet.
My bed is large enough for two, and I pull her under the covers with me, leaving the toy on the bedside table.
She shivers against me, and I murmur in dismay, putting my arms tightly around her.
I run way too hot, shaking from excitement, not chill.
She burrows into me, soft and trusting, and I can’t help it.
I get hard, because she’s here and she wants me, and that’s more than enough.
My mind fares well when blood rushes south to fill my unnatural dick. It’s luxurious to cuddle with my girl and be hard, something I couldn’t allow myself in the past. It was always a race to get off before my brain gave up.
Caliane presses closer, tangling her legs with mine. I stroke her hair and back as the fire crackles, moonlight painting the dark carpet blue. My girl sighs and strokes up my back, nestling against me like an animal seeking warmth.
Time passes. Warm currents of anticipation course through my veins, but I delay it as much as I can, luxuriating in this moment. I like the seeming aimlessness of it. Once we start, it will all careen toward one goal.
She sighs, stretching, and tickles my ribs just for a moment, stopping before I try to catch her hand.
“Remember when you asked me about breastmilk all those years ago?” she asks, sounding innocent and sweet, but the question instantly ripples through me, pooling low in my gut.
“Yeah?”
“I think I’d be fine with it. Like—tonight. We could try.”
“Oh fuck.”
She giggles, and I struggle, black spots dotting my vision before I blink them away. My cock just hardened in a blinding rush, and it’s a rigid spike poking her breast from below. For a moment, I’m afraid I’ll faint again. This is too good.
“I don’t have much, but I think you can squeeze out enough for a taste.”
“I won’t squeeze it out. I want to suck it out of you. Yeah?”
I know this is a depraved, lewd thing, but come on, we drink goat milk, for example. Isn’t that far more perverted? At least Caliane’s stuff is made for, well, people. All right, humans, which I’m not. Oh, who cares.
“If you want to.”
She sounds apprehensive, and I don’t wait for her to change her mind.
She stopped shaking and is warm now, so I let go of her and dive under the covers, instantly finding a soft, warm breast with my mouth.
I lick it, breathing in. It smells sweet, like milk and woman, and I shudder with pleasure.
A voice of hesitation tries to speak in the back of my head, but I shut it up.
I’ve suckled her nipples plenty when she wasn’t nursing. This is hardly different.
“Oh!”
Her back arches when I pull her nipple into my mouth and suck, my hands roaming down to her ass, where they stop for a squeeze.
Nothing comes out the first time, and I lick the nipple a few times, then try again.
This time, sweetness coats my tongue, and Caliane writhes, moaning in pleasure mixed with distress.
“I’m far too sensitive!”
Yeah, and I know exactly what to do to keep her happy without sacrificing any of this.
I suckle again, pulling more milk, and slide a finger inside her, where she’s hot and wet for me.
She keens, her muscles contracting, and I search in the dark, soon finding her clit.
I spread her wetness over it and rub, working her tit in a steady rhythm.
This is heaven. It’s warm, sweet, perfect.
My cock pulses with need, but I’m patient.
The longer we wait, the more cum I’ll have to breed my queen.
Fuck, if she gets pregnant soon, she’ll have milk again. Yes, I have to breed her. Precum trickles out of my tip, and I groan when the flow of milk slows. I think I’ve drunk it all, but my laruna has two tits, doesn’t she?
“Arvi!”
Is this a protest? I don’t care. I let go of her empty breast and latch on to the other, dipping inside her with two fingers for more slick.
I can’t even think about the possibility that she might take me whole.
Three fingers it is. I stretch her a moment, pulling milk from her nipple, then go back to teasing her clit.
She shakes, gurgling incomprehensible words as her fingers press into my scalp, holding me to her.
This is warm and dark, like a nest. I never want to leave this cocoon of pleasure, skin sliding against skin, sweetness filling my mouth, her moans that grow progressively louder until she chokes on her breath, shuddering in release.
The milk stops flowing, only the smallest droplets coming through, and her breasts feel soft and empty. I pull away with a sigh of disappointment.
“If we do that often, you’ll make more?” I ask, stretching her pussy with three fingers again in the hope that she might take me.
“Y-yes.” She pants, her dark hair strewn all over my pillows in a lovely mess. I grin, showing off all my teeth. I saw the marks Raduna gave her yesterday, and I think I want to bite her breast, but not tonight.
“Good. Did you like it?”
She nods breathlessly, and I lean in to kiss her, sharing the last traces of her sweetness with her. My queen sighs with pleasure, putting her languid arms around me, but of course, we aren’t done.
“Are you warm enough? I need you uncovered for the next part.”
“I’m hot. What next part?”
I throw the blanket off her with a flourish and reach for the crystal cock. Caliane’s eyes widen, and she hums, seeming a bit tense. I open my bedside table and grab our sex oil.
“What’s that face?” I ask as I uncap the bottle, and she watches my movements with slight apprehension. “Don’t you want to fit me, sweet? I thought you were my brave girl practicing with this nice little toy.”
She huffs with annoyance and sticks out her tongue. “If you must know, I see I’ve miscalculated. Yours is bigger.”
I look down. Fuck, it’s a miracle I’m still conscious.
“You’re right,” I confirm. “I’ve never been harder in my life, and getting hard makes it bigger. I can think about sad things to make it a bit limp, but once I get inside you, nothing will help it.”
She snuffles out a laugh. “No. Just—get to work.”