25. Quiet Yards, Loud Thoughts #2
I look over at her, hoping she’ll continue.
She does. “It’s just that instead of letting you dream or imagine, it’s constantly telling you what you can’t do. I don’t feel creative in the class at all. I feel like a box-checker.” She pauses a moment, then asks, “How did you know I hated it?”
“I read people well.” Which is true. I did even before the CSA trained me.
“Plus, while we were eating, you had your phone on the table, and a grading notification came up for that class. You turned your phone over. Which is natural—I know I never wanted to think of school when I wasn’t there.
But I saw the expression on your face, and it was more than that.
I could tell the class causes you a lot of stress.
Does it make you worry you’re in the wrong major? ”
Tessa gives a little nervous laugh and glances at me from the corner of her eye as we walk. “You got all that from me turning my phone over? That’s… freakish.”
“Hey,” Owen says. “Watch it.”
“I’m just saying, do you ever wonder if your girlfriend has mind-reading superpowers?”
Owen chuckles. “I have, actually. But I’ve always been amazed and impressed by it.”
Tessa looks at me. “Also, that’s kind of a leap to go from not wanting to think about my class to being in the wrong major.”
I grimace. Inwardly and outwardly. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Because you are right.” Tessa swallows and glances past me to Owen.
“I really want to want my major. But I keep questioning whether I’m cut out for it.
Even though I’m passionate about design.
But I don’t know. I want the freedom to create atmospheres and moods—not just spaces that meet code. ”
Owen says, “You’ve never liked being boxed in, not even when you were a toddler. So, I can see how you’d feel that way. Is there a different major you’ve been considering?”
Tessa lights up when she says, “Design, Technology & Management. They have a concentration in Theater Design & Technology that sounds so cool! I’d still be using spatial creativity, but for storytelling and visual impact.
They’ve got classes on things like stage layout, theming, and even art direction.
” Then her face falls, and she says, “But I don’t know. ”
She stays quiet for long enough that I know she’s not going to offer more on her own, so I give her a nudge. “You’re unsure because you don’t want to disappoint your dad? And Owen?”
“Again, freakish.” She looks at me for a long time before she says, “Exactly.”
“I’ve got five older brothers. Four went into fields related to business solutions. But not my brother, Blake—he’s a dentist. Do you want to know what has made me super proud of each of them? When they’ve found the career that most perfectly suits them. The one that really allows them to shine. ”
Tessa stops walking and turns to Owen. “What do you think?”
“I want to see you shine in a career that perfectly suits you. I’m betting Mom and Dad do, too.”
“Really?”
Owen nods.
“You wouldn’t be disappointed?”
“Nope. I’d be proud of you for figuring out what you most wanted.”
I smile at Owen, and he gives me a little smile back.
Tessa looks forward again, smiling like a woman whose whole world just opened up to her. She links her arm in mine, and we start walking again. Then she says to me, “You’re really easy to talk to, you know?”
“Freakishly easy?” I ask. I do feel like I kind of need to walk on eggshells around this girl, but the humor just slips out. I glance at Tessa and only see a smile. Success! I look over at Owen and grin. He reaches out and holds my hand. Okay, I am feeling a lot better about things here now.
I get in about five steps of actually feeling good when I step in someone’s discarded gum right as Tessa shouts, “Audrey!” And then she unhooks her arm from mine and runs forward awkwardly with her one foot in a walking boot toward a woman who’s standing on the street, looking surprised to see her.
I don’t have anything resembling a napkin to use to get the gum off my shoe, and I don’t just want to scrape it on the sidewalk for someone else to step in.
I don’t have a lot of choices here, so I decide to scrape it off on the asphalt of the road.
Not a great option, either, but it’s the lesser of two evils.
As I veer right to the road, walking awkwardly to keep my shoe from putting the gum right back onto the sidewalk, I nod to the woman with Tessa and ask Owen, “Who’s that?”
Owen sighs. “That’s my ex, Audrey.”
“Oh.” As I’m stepping off the sidewalk and trying to take in Owen’s ex, I bonk my head on the underside of one of the hanging flower baskets.
“Ow,” I say, mid-step, followed closely by a much more enthusiastic “Ow!” because not only did I bonk my head, but my hair got caught in the basket and really got yanked.
And now I’m tethered by the hair to a hanging basket.
Owen rushes over to help. Since I can’t look up without it pulling on my hair too much, while he’s working on untangling this mess I got myself into, I check out the woman who, thankfully, has all of her focus on Tessa.
She is beautiful. Her chestnut hair is pulled back into an elegant low bun, and she’s dressed in dark wash jeans, heels, and a flowy blouse that make her look like she belongs on a magazine cover.
She also has a look about her that says she never forgets to register her car or comes down the stairs sporting only a towel and a head full of shampoo, not knowing her new neighbor can see her. I bet she’s never even burned cookies.
“Okay, I think I got it,” Owen says.
I slowly and gingerly step away from the basket, the few remaining strands pulling their way free.
Until the last couple get stuck and are yanked from my scalp.
I rub my head as I look back up at the hanging basket, feeling betrayed by it.
Then, I start scraping my shoe on the asphalt, trying to get all the stickiness off so I won’t leave a trail behind me.
Then I take the most fortifying breath I can, muster what dignity I have left, put my hand in Owen’s, and head toward Tessa and Audrey.
As we get closer, I start hearing part of their conversation.
Tessa is saying, “My flight’s not until tomorrow morning.
You should come over! There’s tons of food leftover from lunch.
Besides, how long has it been since you’ve seen my parents? ”
“They had me over just a couple of weeks ago. But I’d love to come and see you before you head back!” Then she sees that we’ve caught up to them, and she says, “Hello, Owen. It’s great to see you.”
I glance at Tessa to see that she’s looking at my hair with her brow furrowed.
My hands fly to the top of my head, and I feel the tangled mess that is supporting the part that I’m sure is practically sticking straight up.
The movement catches Owen’s attention, and he tries to help, which doesn’t make things any less embarrassing.
By way of explanation, I motion back to the betraying basket. “The hanging flowers decided to attack. Hi, I’m Charlie. It’s nice to meet you.”
Cool. Very cool. Nothing like minor public humiliation to reinforce that I’m the quirky chaos goblin and Audrey is grace in heels.
Plus, Tessa loves her. Owen’s parents love her enough to have her over when neither of their kids is in town, so she obviously fits in with his family well.
She seems perfect for Owen, and right now, I feel anything but.
It’s fine. I’ll just walk directly into the nearest pothole and let the shame swallow me whole.