31. Let Me Be Brief
CHAPTER 31
LET ME BE brIEF
LEDGER
I still don’t understand what happened last night. Things seemed to be going so well, then suddenly, they weren’t. I chased after Zoe to find out what was wrong, but she had just said, “ Ledger , please. I need to go.” And I could tell by the look on her face that she really did— what she most needed was space.
As much as I wanted to go to her and make things better if I could, I gave her space. But knowing that she was distressed made it so hard. I’m proud of myself for not giving in until this morning when I texted to ask if she was okay. I just need to know that she’s okay.
I haven’t gotten a text back yet, and I can’t concentrate on anything at work. Even though we got word this morning that the Trust piece in Dublin has been stolen and has been making its way across Europe .
We’ve been watching its movement all day. Just after lunch, we were unsure whether the men vying for Aragundi’s empire were heading straight to Serbia to get the Trust piece in Belgrade or if they were heading back to their base. There has been a flurry of activity here, planning for all possibilities.
Then , moments ago, we found out that they are heading back to their base, which we now know is somewhere in Montenegro . So the directors of both the CSA and the CIA have called a joint briefing late this afternoon.
The moment we get the alert that the team from the CIA has arrived— something I will never get used to, and from the looks of it, neither will anyone else in my department— we all stand up from our desks. I barely breathe as I wait for them to come around the corner from the hallway leading to the lobby.
The moment I see Zoe , relief washes over me. She is beautiful, as usual. She’s even smiling, which makes me finally able to take a full breath. She walks toward me, along with Director Sullivan , Kenneth , the CIA’s analyst, and a guy with curly blonde hair that I am guessing is her tech op, Packston . Her eyes are taking in everything, and it reminds me of the first time she walked into our offices weeks ago.
This is going to be a bigger mission, so we’re meeting in the large conference room. I head over to it, and Zoe meets me as her team, along with Miles , Jace , Charlie , and Kella all start filing inside.
I am so happy to see Zoe that I’m grinning like a fool. I nod at the smaller brace she’s wearing that doesn’t look nearly as cumbersome as the boot. “ I see you ditched the boot. You must be thrilled.”
“ As much as I hated to give up the fashion accessory, the doctor said this morning that I’m healed enough for the mission, and that I just need to wear this as a precaution. It’s a bit more stealthy, so they won’t be able to hear me coming.”
She’s talking in words that sound a lot like our normal flirty bantering, but her tone is way off. Whatever upset her last night is still bothering her. I’ve asked myself a million times if it could’ve been because I added the extra charm to her necklace. I can see she’s wearing the necklace tucked into her shirt, though, and when she moves a bit, I catch a glimpse of the lock. If it had been the source of what upset her, I think she would’ve removed it.
Even though I don’t have any direct evidence, only a sense of the vibe, it feels like she’s in the same state of mind as she was when we last met here for a briefing— before everything between us happened. Like she’s trying to put distance between us. Between me and loving her. I give a little shrug. “ This boot might not be as cute, but it will better match our tactical uniforms.”
“ And I’m all about aesthetics in the field.”
I study her for a moment, then ask, “ Is everything okay?”
“ Yep . Doing great.”
I might have been able to take that answer at face value a few weeks ago, but now I know her deeply enough to see past what she’s showing on the surface.
As Director Lancaster comes down the aisle behind Zoe , a tablet and some papers in her hands, Zoe’s eyes flick to the wall that holds the tally board showing how many missions each of us has won. “ I see that you’ve added two tally marks to each of our columns since I was last here.”
“ Well , you know, Dublin and Belgrade , joint missions, and all.”
She nods, thoughtful. Then her eyes meet mine, and there’s conviction in them. “ I’m going to win this mission.”
She turns and walks into the conference room to join everyone else.
“ Oh … kay,” I say to no one, then I walk in, too, and take a seat at the conference table.
My mom reaches the head of the table and sets her papers down but doesn’t take a seat. “ It’s been a busy day for all of us and there’s still a lot to do, so I’ll make this quick. The men vying for Aragundi’s empire— the Barno Brothers — along with their group, have made their base at the Fortress of Dormitor in the forested mountains of Montenegro .”
She taps on her tablet and an image comes up on the big screen of the fortress. It’s … well, “formidable” is a good word for it. But so is “awe-inspiring.” The structure is built into the mountain itself, and it’s a thing of beauty. The whole area is. It’s all surrounded by a dense forest, rocky terrain, green grasses, low shrubs, and many stone outcroppings.
“ We want to capture them and take down their network before they combine it with Aragundi’s ,” the director says, “so you’ll be headed to Montenegro and traveling to this fortress.
“ There will be four teams going out into the field. The CIA sent out a surveillance team in the past hour. Since they’ll arrive ahead of everyone else, they’ll monitor the perimeter and provide us with real-time intel on enemy movements. We will also have a distraction team and an extraction team, and they each consist of operatives from both the CIA and the CSA . They will be briefed separately.” She nods in the direction of Zoe , Jace , Miles , and me. “ The four of you will be the infiltration team.”
I look to my right at my brothers and grin, and they grin back. Jace holds out his fist and I bump it with mine. Then Jace shakes out his hand. They might not be in it for the adventure as much as I am, but they can’t deny that the adventure excites them, too.
I look to my left and grin at Zoe . I’m so glad that she was able to talk her director into assigning her to this mission even though she isn’t fully recovered yet— I know how important it is to her to finish it. The two of them must have a good working relationship and he has a lot of faith in her abilities even while injured, or he likely would’ve selected a different operative. Her eyes are on the image, not on me, but I can see the excitement there. This is going to be an adventure, for sure.
Director Sullivan of the CIA stands and says, “ The distraction team will, obviously, create a distraction that will pull as many of the enemy forces away from the main entry points of the fortress as possible, making it easier for you and later, the extraction team, to enter. The extraction team will round up any enemy forces inside as well as secure the stolen Trust pieces.
“ Your job, as the infiltration team, will be to penetrate the fortress and disrupt communications. We believe they have a server room in the fortress. You’ll need to get to it, download everything onto a drive, and gather every bit of intel you can find before the guys inside know there’s a problem so they don’t just burn all the data to keep it out of our hands. Getting that data might be the most important part. We’re hoping it’ll contain info that will lead us to a takedown of Aragundi , as well.”
Zoe raises a hand. “ I will get the drive.”
I nod. If Zoe wanted to “win” a mission where we all have the same goal, securing that drive would be the way. After her comments outside this room, it doesn’t surprise me at all.
“ I just got off the phone with Montenegro’s Minister of Defense ,” Director Lancaster says. “ They were not too pleased to find out that they’d drawn the short straw as to where these guys decided to set up base, and they are more than happy to help us get them out of their country. So they will be supporting the Distraction and Extraction teams.”
Director Sullivan is standing with his arms crossed. “ We’re going to get these guys, and hopefully get Aragundi , too. It’ll make the whole world a safer place.”
All of us nod. I can see Zoe from the corner of my eye. I can’t wait until this meeting is over so I can talk to her. I want to find out how she’s really doing and what freaked her out so much yesterday.
Director Lancaster starts talking again. “ You’ll leave at oh-six-hundred tomorrow from Washington - Dulles . You’ll be flying on one of the CIA’s jets with the other two teams. We’ll have as much information as we can get about the layout of the fortress on the plane waiting for you tomorrow morning. Whatever we can’t get by then, we’ll send during your flight. Analysts , you’ll need to arrive at oh-six-hundred as well, since the surveillance team should be on site by then, sending you information.
“ It’s a ten hour flight, and there is a six-hour time difference. By the time you make it with all your gear from the airport to just outside of the Fortress of Dormitor , it’ll be just after one a.m., local time. You should be able to infiltrate by two a.m., which will be optimal for catching them by surprise. Packston , Charlie , and Kella , you’ll start supporting them in the field at that point, which will be about seven p.m. our time.”
The director looks at each of us for confirmation that we got all the info and don’t have questions. Once we all nod, she says, “ Finish up what you need to, and then get home and get some rest. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
Everyone stands and starts filing out of the room, including Director Sullivan , Kenneth , and Packston . Zoe’s turning to leave, too, but I say, “ Hey , can I talk to you for a minute?”
She glances at the door. “ I can’t. My ride is leaving.”
“ How about later tonight, then?”
She shakes her head. “ I’ve got to get ready. Mission to make the world a safer place, you know. I’ll catch you tomorrow at the airport.”
I just nod and watch, hands in my pockets, as she walks out of the conference room. I’m still standing there when I realize that my mom is in the room, turning off the big screen and gathering her things, and she witnessed the exchange.
“ Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
I plop down into a chair, which rolls backward. Apparently I do, or I would’ve just shook my head and left quickly. I take a breath, and then meet my mom’s eyes as she sits down in a chair, too. “ I love her.”
“ I know you do.”
I look at her for a moment. “ At first, I thought she just didn’t feel the same. Or that it… I don’t know, scared her.” I pause, trying to put into words what I’ve seen on Zoe’s face. “ I love her, and I don’t think she believes that I do.”
And I thought that maybe, just maybe, I might be more important to her than the mission now. But I think as far as she’s concerned, she’s still willing to sacrifice anything, including me, for the mission.
My mom nods like she gets it. “ And do you believe that she loves you?”
“ Yeah . I mean, most of the time. She’s pretty good at faking things, so there’s always a part of me that wonders.” That line of thinking instantly exhausts me and I say, “ Do you know what? Whatever .” I look toward the wall of the conference room that separates us from the rest of the department, not really seeing anything past the glass. “ It’s not like I want a relationship anyway. Relationships make people boring. I don’t want to be tied down.”
My mom stays quiet for a beat. Then she says, “ That used to be true.”
I look back at her.
“ But is it still true?” She asks. “ Because from what I’ve seen, Zoe came along and changed everything.”
She really did. I exhale a huge breath. “ It hasn’t been true in a long time. I think it’s just what I like to tell myself to get over Moldova .”
“ Moldova ?” She looks confused, and for good reason.
“ Do you remember the mission I was on a year-and-a-half ago when I was trying to get that laptop from that scientist, and it took me deep into the forest there, and communications went down?”
She nods. “ We lost contact with you for three days.”
“ That’s when I first met Zoe . It was our actual first mission together. She was after the laptop, too, so we teamed up. At least, I thought we were working as a team. I also thought she liked me as much as I liked her. Turned out she was faking both.”
“ I see. Why didn’t you report that she was on the mission with you in your debrief?”
Because I was embarrassed that I let her pull one over on me? Because I was embarrassed to be rejected? Because I was embarrassed not to bring back the laptop myself? I don’t say any of that, though. Instead , I shrug.
My mom nods, like she can tell by my expression exactly what my reason is. She spares me the lecture about disclosing it— and I absolutely should’ve disclosed it. I’ll probably get the lecture later, actually, but right now she’s being my mom, not my director.
“ Maybe Zoe wasn’t actually faking it in Moldova ,” she says. “ Maybe she had just as hard of a time believing that you could love her back then as she does now. ”
“ That makes no sense. How can she not believe that I love her? She has to know that. I mean, she’s perfect in every way— if you told me that everyone who knew her loved her, I would believe it.”
“ Maybe she doesn’t feel that way.”
I rub my forehead with my fingertips. “ And the worst part is, when I was trying to tell her how loved she is, I think I made things so much worse. I might have really hurt her. I don’t even know what I did, so I have absolutely no idea how to repair the damage.”
My mom stays silent for a long moment. Then she says, “ Would you mind if I talked to her this evening? Not as the Director of the CSA . And not as your wing-man. Just as someone who understands what she’s going through. I might be able to help her.”
Sometimes I forget how much my mom has experienced. “ Please do,” I say.
This is an important mission, and I’ll need to have my head fully in the game. I can compartmentalize other things going on in my life with the best of them. I can compartmentalize my feelings about Zoe and get the job done, just like I did in Dublin and Serbia .
But let’s just say that I would rather not have to compartmentalize my worries about Zoe and whether or not she’s okay while being on a mission with Zoe .