Chapter 7
Chapter 7
T he party was a success, both for the parents-to-be and Esther, who sat serenely on the periphery and didn’t ask one question about nursing or mention all that could go wrong with the birth or blurt infant mortality statistics for developed nations. (She did that once, but only to Leo.) In fact she sat tucked beside him, as friendly and relaxed as he’d ever seen her, unlike him who had now added a new worry. Had someone been following them today? And, if so, was that the first time?
He dithered throughout the party, distracted. When it was over, he told Esther to wait for him and reluctantly made his way to Ridge’s office. As galling as it was that the man who had once been his rival was now his boss, it was even more humbling to have to ask for his counsel.
“Come in,” Ridge said. He glanced up when Leo made his entrance, not quick enough to hide his surprise. “Leo, can I help you with something?”
Leo sat, letting his gaze travel around the cozy, well-appointed office. If he’d kept his nose clean, been less of a loose cannon, less cocky, less of a screwup, he might be the one in the office. Not that Cameron Ridge would ever wind up in Leo’s position. Guys like him didn’t sink that low. It was physically impossible for them to tumble from atop their white stallions.
“Esther and I went out today. I saw the same sedan twice. Esther saw it four times.” He wasn’t embarrassed to admit Esther saw the car more because she had also bested Ridge in her observations. With Esther, being observant wasn’t a competition; she blew everyone else out of the water.
“Huh.” Ridge steepled his fingers together and leaned back. “Anything else unusual to report?”
Leo smiled. “I’m assigned to Esther. My definition of the word unusual has become something else entirely.”
Ridge laughed. “Yes, she’s not what any of us expected.”
Leo’s smile morphed to a frown.
“We thought she’d be cocky,” Ridge hastened to explain. “I mean, she was basically handpicked by the highest ranking military intelligence branch in the world, placed here with kid gloves, assigned her own handler. And yet she seems either unaware or unaffected by how unusual that is. And she’s so…”
“Wholesome?” Leo supplied.
“Fresh off the farm,” Ridge agreed. “I’m glad to see you two getting along so well. I had my doubts, actually. I thought you’d do a runner by now, if I’m being honest. This seems outside your comfort zone.”
“It is, but…” he paused, not certain how to say it and not certain he wanted to. “Esther is…soothing.”
“Sometimes we get so caught up in our world of life and death and secrets, it’s shocking to meet someone from real life. Makes you remember your priorities. That was what happened with me and Maggie,” Ridge explained. “Like my first breath after being underwater.”
Leo remained silent, uncertain of how to respond. They were old school military, not exactly known for discussing the warm fuzzies.
“Yes, marriage has changed me,” Ridge added, reading Leo’s mind.
“Uh, good for you, I guess,” Leo said. He swiped his hand over the back of his neck.
“As for being followed, I’ll put Ethan on it, see if he can catch a tail. Esther’s been working on some high-level, high-priority stuff lately. If someone has found out about that…”
“It could only have come from this office,” Leo inserted.
Ridge scowled, staring hard at his desk. “Not necessarily. Her hire made the paper. The contest was national news. It wouldn’t take much for a high-level hacker to track her here. It might have to do with her newfound notoriety and nothing to do with our caseload.”
“Sounds like wishful thinking to me,” Leo said.
Ridge’s lips tightened, but his voice was even when he replied, “Maybe so. We have a tightknit crew here. I’d hate to think we have a mole. But I also keep an open mind because we both know letting the job become personal is what trips us up.”
“Is that a warning?” Leo asked.
“Not at all. Keep me informed. If I find anything, I’ll do the same,” Ridge said.
Leo took it as the dismissal it was. He stood and was almost at the door before Ridge spoke again.
“Leo.”
Leo paused and turned back.
“I read the transcripts of what went down with your team. I had them sent over when I knew you’d be working here. You did nothing wrong. There is nothing you could have done differently, nothing to save those men. It’s one of the risks of what we do.”
“It’s never happened to you,” Leo said.
“No, but there have been close calls,” Ridge said.
Leo gave him a heads up nod and let himself out. Ridge probably meant well, but until it happened, he couldn’t know how it felt. Survivor’s guilt. In this instance, knowing the correct word for it did nothing to alleviate the feelings burning inside him. Nothing he did ever seemed to ease the gnawing shame that he was the one who came home when others didn’t.
Esther stood waiting in their cubicle, fingers twirling her braid. “I want you to navigate our way home,” he said.
“Sure,” she agreed.
“I didn’t expect such easy agreement,” he admitted. She never paid attention to their surroundings, never had the vaguest idea where they were when he asked her.
She shrugged one shoulder, giving him a half smile that looked different from the others, secretive, perhaps.
Once they were in the car, she told him which way to turn out of the parking lot. She called each turn before he reached it, taking them to her apartment with ease.
He double parked in the street and faced her. “I am thoroughly impressed.”
“I memorized the map,” she confessed.
“Have you been having late night study sessions?” he asked, smiling. She was an early-to-bed, early-to-rise person, a fact he’d discerned during their first week together.
“No, while you were talking to Ridge.” She reached for the handle.
“Hold up. You memorized how to get home in the short time I talked to Ridge?”
“No, I memorized all the streets in DC.”
He quizzed her, asking her to name the street four blocks away. When she answered correctly, he asked her to name all the streets surrounding their office. “Of course I only did metro DC,” she added regretfully. “If we venture farther, I’m still lost.”
“Esther.” He picked up her braid and tickled the end of her nose, causing her to grimace. Light touches drove her crazy. He had no idea he knew that information until that moment.
She shuddered and rubbed her nose, chasing the feeling of stray hairs away. “What?”
“Nothing. I’m going to walk you up today.”
“Okay,” she said, not questioning him on it. She had never questioned him on anything. He could tell her they were going to dance the hula on a picnic table in the park, and she would reach for a lei and say, “okay.”
“If it’s so easy for you to navigate by memorization, why didn’t you do it before?” he asked as they hoofed it up four flights of stairs in her building. He was not puffing or winded. He’d eaten more than usual today, that was all.
“Why would I do that when I have you?” she asked.
“Then why did you do it today?” he asked. He took her key and opened the door, pausing to make certain there were no sounds within. After possibly being followed today, he wasn’t taking any chances.
“Because you want to get rid of me,” she said. Her tone was the same frank one she always used, but his heart stuttered.
“Esther, I don’t want to get rid of you,” he said.
“Of course you do.” She faced him, clasping her hands behind her back. “You want to move on to an assignment with more prestige and action. You don’t want to be saddled with someone like me.”
“What do you mean, someone like you?” he asked, annoyed. He had no idea why he was annoyed, he just was.
“Leo, come on.”
“Come on what, Esther? What are you trying to say?”
“Eleutheromania.”
“Use normal words,” he said.
“These are my normal words,” she replied.
“Fine. Good night, I’ll see you in the morning.” He turned and walked out of her apartment, closing the door sharply behind him. He hoofed it down all the flights of stairs and slid behind the wheel before he’d let himself reach for his phone and look up the word.
Eleutheromania: An intense and irresistible desire for freedom.
He tossed the phone onto the seat, frustrated with Esther, frustrated with himself, frustrated with everything. Why was he frustrated, though? Everything was true. He did want to get away from this assignment. He did want to get away from her. He could feel himself teetering over the edge, blurring the lines between the job and friendship. He couldn’t go down that road again; he wouldn’t. The guys on his team, they’d been his brothers, the closest people in the world to him. And now they were gone. And they had been trained soldiers and agents, like him. How much worse would it feel to lose someone so helpless, so soft and vulnerable and under his care?
He shuddered and turned up the air, feeling suddenly nauseated. The sooner he got Esther up to speed so he could move on, the better. On the other hand, he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, to make her think she was some kind of dread assignment. He wanted her to see the truth of the situation with no hurt feelings.
That’s what she already did, he reminded himself. There had been no hurt or regret in Esther’s tone. In fact she’d sounded chipper when she talked about moving on from their arrangement.
He wouldn’t allow himself to think that was the source of his annoyance. He was supposed to be the one who wanted to move on, not her. She was the one with an inappropriate crush. Or was she? What made him believe she had feelings for him outside the realm of their working relationship? She’d certainly never acted on them, never hinted as much, never flirted with him, mooned over him, stared at him, fawned over him. On the contrary, she acted like any professional work mate should act, and wasn’t that a kick in the teeth?
“You are some kind of messed up dude, Leo,” he whispered to himself. The sooner he finished this assignment and moved on, the better everyone would be. Eleutheromania , indeed. Bring it, Leo was ready for freedom.