Chapter 1
Chapter 1
G aines “Ribs” Hillcrest learned early not to ring the doorbell. One or both of the kids might be sleeping, and Jordan would kill him if he woke them. But when no one answered his knock, he wasn’t sure what to do. He knew they were home; he could hear them. But no one answered the repeated taps. His hand hovered uncertainly over the bell, and then he decided to test the handle. Unlocked. Should he…Too late to ponder, he had already let himself inside. And then he wished he could undo it because he heard something he was unaccustomed to hearing, yelling.
“It’s my job, Jordan. I can’t help that it’s my job .”
“Stop saying it’s your job, Jay. I know it’s your job. I’ve been living with your job for twelve years.”
“And resenting it all that time,” Shimmer said.
Jordan gasped. “That is not true, that is absolutely not true. How dare you say that? I have been nothing if not supportive, but I’m tired, Jay, and when you’re here, you’re not really here…”
“I can’t believe you are heaping this on me. If you can’t keep up at home while I’m away, that’s on you.”
Ribs was shocked by the unprecedented ugliness. He’d never heard Shimmer or Jordan talk this way before, and especially not to each other. Stay or go, he wondered. Squeezing his eyes closed and mustering some courage, he took a breath and stepped into the room.
“Hey, guys. No one answered the door, so I let myself in.” His tone was overly bright, especially in contrast to the heavy tension now simmering in the kitchen. Shimmer and Jordan looked at him, equal parts shocked and embarrassed.
“I’ve got to pack,” Shimmer said before stalking from the room.
Jordan swiped her fingers under her eyes and forced a wobbly smile. “Hey, sorry.”
“Where are the kids?”
“With Amelia,” Jordan said. Her eyes were still leaking. She pressed her fingers beneath them, lip wobbling.
“Jordy, is everything okay?”
“You caught us at a bit of a bad time,” Jordan admitted, aiming for a smile and failing mightily.
“I’m sorry,” Ribs said, glancing helplessly for the door. “I could go, come back when Amelia gets here with the kids.”
“Hey, no, absolutely not.” She reached out and gave his sleeve a little tug, finding a real smile. “We love having you here, you know that. You’re always welcome. I’m sorry it’s so…”
“It’s okay,” he said, offering what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Her eyes flooded and she looked away, fighting for composure. “Maybe I’ll go see what he’s up to, help him pack and whatnot.”
“You guys are packing pros,” she said with a watery little sniffle.
“Undefeated,” he agreed. It would have been natural to give her shoulder a squeeze or pat, but he went by without reaching out, leaving her untouched. With Jordan he always had to check himself, to fight upriver of his natural instincts, in case too much came spilling out, overwhelming them both. He’d fought hard to keep his secret these thirteen years. For all their sakes, he planned to take it to the grave.
Shimmer was in their bedroom, roughly tossing things into his bag.
“Need any help?” Ribs asked.
In reply, Shimmer barked a harsh laugh. Ribs’s eyes landed on the bed and he gave a low whistle. “Is Jordan in some kind of competition for the most throw pillows? If so, I think she’s winning.”
“I dunno,” Shimmer replied, sounding as miserable as he looked.
“What’s up?” Ribs asked. He tossed a handful of pillows onto the floor and plopped onto the bed, letting his feet dangle over the edge. He’d taken off his shoes, but it still felt weird to put his feet in anyone else’s bed, even his closest friends.
Shimmer stopped throwing things in his case long enough to glare at him. “It’s just…everything. She’s so…” he waved helplessly in the direction of Jordan.
“It’s a rough patch,” Ribs said.
“It’s been a rough patch since the kids came along, and I’m sick of it. I can’t be here twenty four seven helping out if I’m off making the money. It’s not like she works.”
“I thought you guys agreed you want her to stay home while the kids are little,” Ribs reminded him. Back when Jordan was pregnant the first time, Shimmer had gushed over their plans. Jordy’s going to quit and raise the babies. She wants to be that mom, you know? The one who makes all the cupcakes and homemade Play-Doh.
“Yeah, but she can’t have it both ways. She was going to stay home while I worked, that was the deal. Now she wants me to do everything—work the crazy job then be a fulltime parent. It’s impossible.” He tossed a pair of boxers in his bag with disgust. “I’m so over this.”
Ribs scowled. This felt like more than blowing off steam. This felt bad. “What? What are you saying?”
Shimmer picked up the pair of underwear he’d just discarded and rolled them into a compact ball. “Exactly what I said. I’m over this. I think maybe we need a break.”
“You do not need a break. You’re fine.”
“You don’t know,” Shimmer said. “You have no idea what it’s like to be married, how hard it is. I’m tired of it, the constant nagging and complaining. Nothing I do is ever enough. She’s impossible to please. Maybe we were too young when we got married.”
Ribs sat up because it wasn’t the kind of discussion you could have lying down. “Jay, stop. Breathe. Something’s been not right with you for months, and this is a side effect of that. What is going on, really? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m not the problem here, it’s her.”
It was on the tip of Ribs’s tongue to disagree, but he bit it. Now was not the time to come to Jordan’s defense. “I’m sure marriage is hard, I’m sure it takes work, but you can’t throw away twelve years over a little rough spot. That’s not you. You’ll regret it, I know you. After this assignment, we’ll go out for a night, talk, see where it stands and what we can find to help, okay? But promise you won’t do anything rash, won’t throw away a lifetime of love in a moment of anger.”
Shimmer nodded, but he still looked far away and unreachable. Ribs had seen that look before, and it scared him. He stood and gripped his bicep. “Hey, listen. Things get messed up in here.” He tapped his brain. “Doesn’t mean they’re real or true. We love you, all of us, and we’re here for you. We’ll get this figured out, okay?”
He nodded and let out a shaky breath. The hard set of his shoulders relaxed and he glanced toward the kitchen with something like regret. “I guess I should go say goodbye before I go wheels up.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Ribs said. He reached for the throw pillows he’d tossed on the floor, trying and failing to rearrange them the perfect way Jordan had them.
Shimmer paused at the edge of the room and regarded him with an inscrutable stare. “Take care of her for me, okay?”
“Always,” Ribs said, tone flippant as he stared at the round pillow in his hand. It wasn’t an odd comment for Shimmer to make, not in their world. They often made those sorts of requests and promises to each other over their wives, kids, girlfriends, mothers. It wasn’t until much later he’d remember and allow the request to play itself over and over in his head, tormenting him with all the other things he could have said and done.