Chapter 6
Chapter 6
R ibs intended to be there for Jordan as much as possible, but the next day her mother and Shimmer’s parents arrived, setting up camp in her house and pushing out the friend group that longed to gather.
They met at Maggie and Ridge’s instead, forming their own sort of wake for their friend, plotting ways to help and support Jordan moving forward. They’d been down this road before, unfortunately, too many times. Such was the world they inhabited that this would be the twelfth time Ribs acted as pallbearer for one of his former teammates or coworkers. This time felt different, however. Not only had Shimmer been his closest friend, but he was angry. Why hadn’t Shimmer let him in, let him help? And how could he have left his family in the lurch this way? The selfish cruelty of his final act left him simmering, not to mention all the complex emotions where Jordan was concerned. He wanted to be there for her, to move in and set up camp to make certain she was okay and taken care of. And yet he had no right. She had no idea about his feelings for her and even if she did probably wouldn’t return them. Her husband had just died, a man who had been both of their closest friend. The situation was rife with a mix of emotions, all of them bad. He felt grumpy, touchy, tense, like he wanted to cocoon himself away from everyone, including his friends.
But he didn’t. Because he knew the temptation, because he understood where it could lead, he forced himself to reach out, to keep showing up, to keep talking and connecting so he didn’t end up like Shimmer. It would be so easy to do, to begin to isolate himself, to listen to the voices in his head, to heed their lies. No one cares, no one understands, no one will miss you when you’re gone.
Instead he called those lies out whenever they arose. He was surrounded by people who cared, by people who understood, by people who would miss him when he was gone.
Who depends on you, though?
That one was harder to answer. His work depended on him, but he was replaceable. The next SEAL or soldier was always waiting in the wings, ready to be a spy. Espionage was the world’s oldest profession. As long as there were people, there would be spies.
Otherwise, what was his purpose? He had no wife, no children, not even a girlfriend.
The day of Shimmer’s funeral arrived and Ribs didn’t think he was the only one who didn’t want to face it. All of them seemed to be dragging their feet, not making eye contact with each other as the funeral director gave them the rundown on what they needed to do with the casket. They were holding it together, but barely. For a group of former SEALs, keeping control of their emotions was mandatory. Except Jones who blubbered continuously, but no one minded because it was Jones; it would have been weird if he didn’t cry.
The receiving line took place before the funeral. Maggie and Amelia were on Nash and Charlotte duty. Charlotte’s stuffed dog had arrived. It was as big as she was, and she carried it everywhere, including to the funeral. The sight made Ribs smile, the only smile on such a grim day.
Jordan stood at the front of the room looking tired but pretty in her simple black dress. Amelia must have done her hair because it was softly curled and lay perfectly on her shoulders, making her look like the quintessential widow, blond and grave and feminine.
Ribs and the other guys hung back, letting the other friends and family snake through the line first. She held it together admirably until their group arrived and then she began to crack as first Ridge and then Ethan gave her a hug. By the time it was Ribs’s turn, she was weeping and unable to support herself any longer. He led her to her seat and remained holding on, offering unspoken as well as actual physical support. Charlotte spied him and, connecting him with her beloved new dog, slid off her grandfather’s lap and into his, snuggling into his embrace as best she could with her giant new dog between them. It helped to focus on her instead of his pain, so much that he almost felt bad for taking her from her grandparents. But soon they were enmeshed in their own grief, as was Jordan who shook with silent tears that ran unabated down her face. Ribs reached over and clasped her hand. She clung like a lifeline.
He had to let go when it was time to serve as pallbearer. He looked for a reasonable replacement to support her and found none. Her parents were both absorbed with their grief or with the children.
“Just hang on,” Ribs murmured, giving her hand a squeeze before he had to let go. It felt like the motto for the entire day. Just hang on and we’ll somehow get through.
The remainder of the day was interminable. In reality the processional and burial lasted the normal time. They only felt as though they stretched on for hours. By the end everyone was exhausted. This time the group didn’t give Jordan up to her family; they all trekked back to her house where Amelia and Maggie had arranged for a post-funeral dessert buffet, which was a strange thing, unless anyone knew Amelia and Maggie and their legendary love of desserts. Somehow it helped to sit together and eat pie and cobbler and coffee.
Jordan fell asleep on the couch while everyone scurried around her, cleaning up, washing dishes, putting away toys, cuddling and loving on the kids. They said goodbye to Shimmer and Jordan’s parents and left, one by one until only Ribs remained. He sat beside Jordan on the couch, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, willing her both to wake up and get some rest.
“She hasn’t been sleeping,” Jordan’s mother confessed in a whisper, sitting in the chair beside the couch. Now both of them stared at Jordan as she continued to sleep. “Not just with this, but pretty much since Charlotte came along. I remember those days of having young babies, being so tired you can barely function. And now this. I worry. I’ve been trying to convince her to move back home where I can help.”
Ribs worried, too, but Jordan moving away? Unthinkable. “What was her response to that?”
“She said it’s too soon to make any decisions. She wants to let things settle before she figures out her next step. But she’s so far from any family here.” She shook her head sadly.
“She’s not, though. We’re all family here.”
Her mom looked at him with a cross between amusement and pity. “I know you feel that way, and I know all you boys were close, being in the navy together and all. But it’s not the same. Blood is thicker than water, as they say. Everyone has their own family, their own life to lead. After this initial hubbub, everyone will return to those lives and families, and then where will she be?” Once again she turned to stare at Jordan, this time worried.
Ribs stared at her again, too. It wasn’t true, what her mother said. Maybe everyone else had families and lives to return to, but not him. He wouldn’t be that guy who left Jordan and moved on when something shinier came along. “I don’t have a wife or kids,” he said. “They were mine by extension.”
“I appreciate that, sweetie, and I know Jordan cares for you a great deal. You’ve been a good friend to them but, like him, your job takes you far away. He was gone so much, too much, and now…” She shook her head and faced Ribs. “Your job takes you away just as much and you don’t live here. At least he was here part time, could add the salt to the softener and change the light bulbs. Now she’ll have to do all that, too. If she moved home, all her family is there. Her uncles and cousins and brothers. We have a community, she’d be taken care of.”
Her words made him squirm, mostly because they were true. He spent more than half his time traveling, like Shimmer. And unlike Shimmer he had his own house across town, one that was sadly neglected because he was also rarely there.
“We’ll figure something out,” he promised.
Jordan’s mother pressed her lips together as if to say, We’ll see, and both of them returned to staring at Jordan.