7 – Ciara
“ D o you want to elaborate as to why you’re letting us have the kids for two nights?”
My mother’s glance is careful, and I know she’s trying.
She has been trying for a long time.
I guess she has figured it’s not worth losing her remaining daughter, too. Besides, she does love the kids. Maybe not enough to make more of an effort, but I have accepted them for who they are, and I’m just glad I have a small relationship with them again. It’s not huge, but it’s something and, right now, I actually need it.
“Spike is out of town,” I say, offering the fakest smile I have ever given. “And I have school, so I thought you might like to take them.”
“We love taking them. I do have plans, but I have canceled them.”
There she is.
“It’s no big deal,” she goes on, waving a hand. “I’m sure the ladies will understand.”
I let her finish, and then wonder to myself if I should have just left them with Addison. The only reason I left them here is so I can see them each night and put them to bed. I had to tell my parents I’m going to school, though, which means they now know I’m here every week and that gives me no excuse to avoid them.
A problem for another day.
“I will be around each night to put them to bed. Are you sure you’re okay with it?”
She waves a hand. “We will be fine. I’ve done this before, you know?”
That went well.
I shake the thought from my mind and give her a hug. Then, I say goodbye to the kids who are playing with my dad, who Danny loves. Mercy is chewing on a toy as she watches her grandad, babbling. It is good for them; I have to remind myself of that. With one last glance, I exhale and leave the house.
I need to get to school, and I need to take my mind off everything that’s happening.
Addi told me Spike and Cade got into some massive fight. I don’t know, I haven’t called him and he’s not calling me. We’re both stubborn, and I know it could be days before one of us breaks. It’s childish, sure, but I’m tired of having the same argument. Either he wants to open up to me, or he doesn’t.
I’ve been down this road with Spike before, and it didn’t end well.
He has a problem with keeping the way he feels inside and, because of that, when things get hard, it can be difficult getting through to him.
Arriving at school, I go to my room and put my things down before heading to my first class.
Pervy Pete is very extra today, to the point where he had to lean over me while I was doing some work and breathe on my damned neck. Even when I flinched away, he did nothing to step back. He needs a good dick punch and someone to put him back in his place. I might just join Paulie on the next attack on Pete. It might help me release some of this steam.
By the time I get to Gerard’s class, I’m flustered and tense. My mind is frantic, and I’m overstimulated. So much so that I run straight into him when I rush through the door. My books and laptop go flying everywhere. Steadying me with his hands, he stops me from falling on my backside.
“Whoa,” he steadies me, “what’s the rush?”
“I’m so sorry. I’m having the worst day. I didn’t mean to run into you.”
I step back, lowering down to get all my things. He squats down and helps me, his eyes on mine, concerned. “Are you okay?”
“Just troubles ... at home. It’s nothing. I just need to slow down today.”
He studies me. “You know, I could use a hand gathering some things before class, and considering you’re early, you could help? It might take your mind off things.”
Nodding, I push to my feet. “I’d like that.”
Placing my things down, I follow him out of the class and down the halls.
“Is it going too far if I ask what’s happening at home?”
Rounding a corner, we move past students heading to their next classes.
“It’s nothing major,” I tell him. “I’m just having problems with my partner. He’s stubborn and sometimes we just don’t see eye to eye.”
Gerard laughs. “Relationships, am I right?”
I can’t help but smile. “Exactly. Anyway, I brought my kids with me this time and they are at my parents’, so it’s just another thing for me to think about.”
“You don’t like your parents?”
I shake my head quickly. “It’s not that. I mean, we didn’t have the best relationship, but I just don’t like taking them from Danny.”
“That makes sense,” he says, unlocking the storage room door, “but it’s also important for them to see their grandparents. Don’t you think?”
He’s right. It is.
“I’m overreacting, aren’t I?”
He chuckles. “You’re a mother, it’s your job. I’m sure your parents are glad to have them around.”
“Well, I mean, it does slightly inconvenience them, but they deal.”
He takes a heap of notebooks off a shelf and turns, handing me some. “They don’t like being grandparents?”
I shrug. “Sure they do, but I’m not their favorite child so I guess it’s not me who they wanted grandkids from.”
He pauses. “How do you mean?”
“My sister died a while ago, and she was without a doubt the favorite. They were bitter and angry at me for a long time.”
“Did you have something to do with it?”
I shake my head.
“Then why are they bitter and angry at you?”
I bite my lip, then exhale. “Because I’m with the man who was with her when she died. They were ... married.”
His brows shoot up. “Well, that is complicated.”
I snort. “That’s an understatement. Anyway, the past is the past. I just need to relax.”
“Well, if it helps, I promise it is a good lesson today.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
Chuckling, we leave the storage room and go back to the classroom. He’s right, it did help me. I feel a lot better and focus a lot more on class. By the time the day is over, I’m a lot less stressed out. Spike still hasn’t called, and even though it’s bugging me, I don’t let it show. Instead, I head over and have dinner with my parents, put the kids to bed, and head back to my dorm for my much-needed shower.
I have figured out if I leave it until late, I always have the place to myself.
Tonight, it’s later than usual, but I’m not missing the chance, so I gather my things and head into the shower area. The door creaks when I open it, and as I stand for a minute, I realize it’s silent and I’m alone. Exhaling with relief, I find a shower cubicle and begin getting undressed.
When I lean down to take my underwear off, I see something unusual.
It looks like ... blood.
Splattered against the wall and trickling in from the cubicle beside me.
Heart racing, I lean down and peer underneath.
What I see has a scream ripping from my throat.
“YOU SAW NOBODY HERE ?”
With a blanket wrapped around me, I shake my head at the bald officer standing in front of me. His name is Harry and he’s stern but kind with me. Of course, I don’t think he has much choice, the area is swarming, and people are desperately trying to figure out what went on in here.
I’d like to know, too.
When I leaned down to peek under, I was faced with the open eyes of a girl with blood coming out of her head. I knew the second I laid eyes on her that she was dead, there is something about the blank expression on someone’s face when they pass. I knew it, and as I screamed, I was desperate to get the hell out of there, but I couldn’t do that. I had to call for help, and within minutes, the police were here.
“No,” I say, softly. “I came in for a shower and when I stepped in, I saw blood. I just looked under and ...”
“Why were you here so late?”
I shoot him a stern look. “Because it’s quiet at this time of the night, and I’m not fond of showering with other people.”
He writes something down. “You’ve only been here a few weeks?”
Is he trying to say I did this?
“I didn’t even know her name,” I protest. “I’ve never seen her before in my life.”
He ignores this and keeps writing.
“You heard nothing? Saw nobody leaving?”
“I told you what I saw,” I snap.
He hums under his breath.
I breathe a sigh of relief when I see Gerard pushing through the crowd. He stops next to me, his eyes concerned as he looks to the officer. “Is there a reason you’re keeping my student?”
Harry looks up at him, his face blank. “She was the only one here when the body was found.”
“That may be so, but unless you have reason to hold her here, I’d like to get her checked out by the paramedics as she’s no doubt in shock.”
Harry grunts something under his breath. He knows as well as the rest of us in the room that he can’t keep me because there is nothing to keep me for.
“I will be in touch,” Harry murmurs.
I look to Gerard. “Thank you,” I whisper.
“It’s no problem. Come on, let’s get you looked at. Is there someone I can call?”
I nod. I give him Addison’s number because I know Spike won’t answer. At the very least, she can find Spike for me so that I can let him know what has happened. Right now, I need him. Regardless of anything else, tonight I just want his arms around me because what just happened in there scared the hell out of me. Seeing her vacant eyes, so young and innocent, brings a sick feeling into my stomach.
“I’ll go make the call while Timothy here checks you over.”
Gerard disappears and Timothy, the paramedic, smiles warmly at me. “Is that blanket warm enough? Can I get you another one?”
I shake my head, and he leads me over to a bench to sit down as I see them lifting the girl’s body that is now wrapped in black plastic, and they wheel her out. The chaos outside as teachers try to keep the students away can be heard clearly even in here. There is no way they will keep them from seeing it, considering they have to wheel her right past them. It breaks my heart, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
“I’m going to get you some water,” Timothy tells me kindly. “Then I’m going to ask a few questions to make sure you’re doing okay.”
I nod, numbly.
“Alyssa,” a girl cries, her voice ragged and distant. “No.”
She must be outside, but I can hear her cries of pain clear as day.
Alyssa .
I haven’t seen her before, or met her, but she’s a young life taken and there is nothing I can do about it. Her eyes burn into my mind as I close mine, trying to push the memory away as more tears fall. I’ve dealt with enough violence with the club, but something about this hits different. Those people, they’re bad. This girl, she was just here going to school, trying to make a life for herself.
“Here,” Timothy says, handing me a glass.
“Thanks,” I croak.
He squats down in front of me. “What you saw tonight was very confronting, I’m sorry you had to see that. I think you might be in shock, which is completely normal, but I’d like to make sure you’re okay if that’s alright with you?”
I nod.
“Firstly, let’s get you out of here.”
He helps me up and we get out of the bathrooms. Walking past the other students, who are whispering and looking at me with shock, is enough to make me want to shrink into myself. I know they’re all going to think it was me. I was the one in there, the one who found her. Gossip like that travels fast in a place like this.
Reaching the ambulance, Timothy opens the back and helps me in, then closes the door. It’s blissfully quiet, and I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Are you feeling dizzy?”
I nod. “A little lightheaded.”
“Lay down for me, I’ll pop your legs up for a bit. It helps.”
I get onto the bed and lie down, and he elevates my feet a little while he checks my heart rate and blood pressure. He talks casually to me while I lie there, and after a while, I do feel a little better. He keeps monitoring me for about half an hour before finally letting me go.
Escorting me out, he guides me back to Gerard, who is standing with a group of teachers.
“I have called your friend,” Gerard tells me. “She is organizing someone to come. Do you need help back to your room?”
I shake my head. “No. I just want to go and lie down.”
He nods. “I’ll worry about everything here, just go and rest.”
The police are still on scene collecting evidence, but the body of Alyssa has gone, and, slowly, they are trying to get the crowd to break up. Little by little, people are going back to their rooms under the instructions of the staff. The police will no doubt have questions for all of us, especially me, but not tonight.
Tonight, I just need him .
I need him so bad.