Chapter 14
While he eats, I work on making a place where he can sleep.
There’s no way I’m sleeping tonight. I’ll be the one to keep watch.
Even if he managed to stay awake, there’s no way he can fight against anything that comes our way.
He’s too weak. Of course, I’m not a much better option; but I’m all we’ve got.
I clear away anything that can be moved and go to work finding branches that can be used for some sort of covering.
When I finish, I’m dripping with sweat; and my injured arm is pulsing with pain.
I ignore it and head back over to Kaldar.
“All right. It’s ready.” I keep my voice bright and cheerful.
“It’s not nearly as nice as the ones you make, but it will do for tonight. ”
He stands to his feet, and I put a steadying hand on his back. I frown. “Kaldar, you’re really hot.”
“Thanks.” His one-word grunt does nothing to ease my worries.
“Seriously.”
We walk over to the shelter I made. “Do you want me to take the first shift?” he asks.
“No. I’ve got the first shift; you can take the second one.
” I don’t tell him I have no plans of waking him; my goal is just to help him survive the night.
He lays down on the hard ground and is out almost immediately.
I stand to my feet, but a hand grabs the back of my leg, right above my ankle.
I nearly jump out of my skin and whirl around.
“Stay with me.” The words are quiet, and it takes me a moment to even understand his words.
They’re slurred together, but I get the gist of what he’s trying to say.
My heart strings tug, and I find myself agreeing.
Even though I didn’t make this shelter for two, I manage to squeeze myself into the spot next to Kaldar.
He reaches out his hand, and I pause only for a second before I take it in mine.
“Just rest now, Kaldar. Everything will be okay in the morning.” It only takes seconds for his breathing to even out, and I know he’s asleep.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to center myself.
We’ve got maybe another twelve hours. At the most. Dread pools in my stomach. What am I going to do?
I sit next to Kaldar for hours before I have to move. My backside is numb, and I’m too panicky to sit here any longer. I start to stand up, but a hand stops me. I go still. I thought he was asleep. “Stay,” he whispers.
I don’t have the heart to argue with him. “Okay.” I shift positions and try to get comfortable.
“Will you come with me to my kingdom?”
His words shock me, both because I thought he had fallen asleep again, and because of what he said. I wonder for a moment if he’s even lucid. I decide to be honest with him. I doubt he’ll even remembers this conversation in the morning. “Do you want me to?”
“Yes.”
I know this isn’t a conversation we should be having right now.
He’s got poison in his system and isn’t even fully lucid.
I'm terrified he’s not going to make it through the night, and if he does, that he won’t make it until the afternoon.
And yet, in this moment, with the future so uncertain, I want to say and do anything that will give him peace.
“Okay.” He squeezes my hand faintly. He mumbles something, and I have to lean forward to hear it.
I think he says something about holding me to it, but honestly, I’m not really sure.
But the priority right now is rest, so I squeeze his arm.
“Just rest now, Kaldar.” He doesn’t say anything, and I’m pretty sure he’s out again.
The hours I spend sitting next to Kaldar are the longest of my life.
I jump at every noise and struggle to stay calm.
You've done this before, I remind myself repeatedly. But there’s something different about this time, this night.
Every other night shift I’ve taken, I knew Kaldar was right there and would wake up immediately if I needed him.
Now, it’s just me. He’s relying on me to keep him safe, and that’s a terrifying thought.
I check my weapons for at least the third time this hour.
I take a moment to listen to his breathing.
I don’t like it; his breathing has been getting progressively worse as the night drags on.
I put my hand on his forehead and shake my head.
His body is heating up. There is no doubt in my mind that the poison in his body is killing him.
I don’t know what to do to save him. Anger and helplessness crash through me, and I leave the shelter to pace.
“If there’s anybody listening or watching our progress, this would be a good time to end this thing,” I speak into the darkness.
“We’ve proved we can survive any of your tests.
But if you want to still have a king at the end of this, the Rites need to end now.
Your king isn’t going to make it much longer with the poison in his system.
” Anger pulses through me. “If he dies, where will your kingdom be then? With no king? Is it worth it? It’s going to be hard to justify these Rites when your king is dead after them!
” I wait with bated breath, hoping for something.
Anything. When nothing happens, more than disappointment flows through me.
Despair fills me because Kaldar really is going to die in a few hours.
I thought maybe he’d be strong enough to beat it; but there’s no mistaking that his body is shutting down.
I pull on the ends of my hair because I don’t know what to do.
This can’t be happening! Kaldar makes a sound, and I spin around and hurry back to him.
He coughs, and it rattles in his chest. I drop on my knees next to him.
He can’t seem to catch his breath, and panic builds in my chest. I reach behind him with my good arm and pull him into a sitting position.
It seems to help, and he catches his breath.
But it weakens him further. I help him lay back down.
I hold his hand, but I don’t think he’s even aware that I’m here.
“Please don’t leave me,” I whisper to him.
A tear drips down my cheek as I remember another time and another place when I said those same words.
For a moment, Kaldar’s body is replaced with my mother’s and father’s bodies.
My mother had been killed instantly, a knife across her throat.
My father’s death had been almost as quick.
I’d held his hand in this same way and cried, begging him not to go.
He’d squeezed my hand, and that was it. I felt as the life left his body.
I cried over their bodies, begging them not to leave me.
I was only nine and completely alone in this unkind world.
We’d grown up in the banished community.
My parents had met in the banished community, fallen in love, and chose to have a family.
They didn’t have to. Life was hard outside the kingdom walls, but they wanted to make it work.
Even though we’d had nothing, our family of three was full of so much love.
And then, one day, it was all gone. Simply because some of the king’s soldiers wanted to have fun.
That was the day I had to grow up. I was on my own at nine and had to survive.
The only good thing about growing up in the banished community is that they took care of their own.
I had a place to sleep, along with the other banished kids.
And when there was food, I was given a small share of it.
It was a hard life, but I survived. I had friends.
Harper was one of them. I’m not exactly sure when it was that we became friends.
But I remember the day she found me crying.
It was the one year anniversary of my parents’ death.
I’d cried and cried that day. I was so alone and was drowning in sorrow.
Harper plopped down next to me. She was skinny and at that gangly stage with long, straggly hair and an attitude that rivaled anyone’s in the banished community.
“Are you just going to sit here and cry?” she asked.
“My parents died a year ago today,” I remember responding.
“So?” I remember turning wide eyes to her, shocked that she’d said that.
“My parents are dead too, and you don’t see me sitting around crying about it.
” I’d had no words for this girl with the attitude.
I stood to my feet, ready to go find another quiet place where I could cry and mourn my parents in solitude.
“You gonna go somewhere else and cry?” she called out after me.
I’d turned around. “Yes!”
“Fine. When you’re done, come find me and we can do something to make today special.”
I remember staring at her, certain she wasn’t right in the head. “What?”
“Let’s find something to do to make today a good day.”
I remember scowling at her. “Today will never be a good day!” I’d stormed off, but I heard the words she’d said after me. And I’d never forgotten them.
“It’s your choice. It’s always a choice. You can make today a good day, or it can be terrible.”
I’d still found a place to cry alone, but I’d never forgotten Harper’s words.
And on the next anniversary of their death, I had a choice.
I could either spend the day in misery, or I could choose to do something to make the day special, to honor their memories.
I chose the latter. I found Harper and asked her if she wanted to do something with me.
I think she knew, even though I never said a word about it being the anniversary of my parents’ death.
She’d grabbed a few of her friends, and we’d played together for hours.
It ended up being a really good day. When I’d gone to bed that night, I’d done so with a smile on my face.
While I still missed my parents so much it ached, I realized I could miss them and be sad they were gone but also be happy to live my life.
That was a turning point for me. I often wonder if Harper has any idea how much she helped me that day.
She’s the reason I do my thankful list each and every day.
Life is hard, and it’s not fair. But it’s how we respond to it that counts.
For me, it’s finding the things I’m thankful for and making a list every single day.
I smile in spite of myself, picturing how Farrah and Harper are going to respond when I finally see them again.
My heart squeezes in my chest, and I look down at Kaldar.
I can barely see him in the dark, but I find his hand and slip it between my two hands.
“You’re going to make it, Kaldar,” I say softly.
“But you have to fight. I’m not going to let you leave me.
” I swear I feel his hand move in mine, but maybe it’s just wishful thinking.
I hear something, and my head jerks up. I put Kaldar’s hand on his chest and take my knife in one hand and Kaldar’s longer knife in my other and stand to my feet.
I have no idea what’s coming, but it’s up to me to keep us both safe.
I use Kaldar’s knife to slice through the shirt and the wrap on my arm, letting it fall free.
I don’t register the pain as I prepare to face what’s coming.