Chapter 32
“I am aware of that; thank you.” It’s silent in the room for a moment.
Auri breaks the silence. “I have to go to the bathroom.” Her voice is soft, but we all still hear her.
I start towards her, but Rauk gets there first. He lifts her into his arms effortlessly, and my arms ache just watching.
It’s probably best; my muscles are sore from today.
He strides out of the room. I watch them go a moment and then turn back.
“Where’s Rysden?” I ask, hoping to get the attention off me.
Hector brings out a pot of some kind of stew, his specialty. “Thanks, Hector,” Farrah says quietly, before glancing over at me. “He’s been at the wall all day. Guivre problems.”
I pull out the chair across from her and sit down.
I ladle some meat stew into a bowl and slide it over to Farrah.
“Thank you,” she says softly. I fill a bowl next for Lox and another one for Hector before I fill one for myself.
I’ve only just taken the first bite when the front door opens, and Rysden and Jamik come inside.
“Hey,” Farrah says as they come into the room.
Rysden moves right to her and kisses her.
I drop my head and focus on my bowl of stew.
It’s really good, but it makes me think of Elowen and I make a mental note to ask Rauk how she’s doing.
I ladle out stew for both Jamik and Rysden.
“Where were you?” Rysden asks, setting that intense gaze on me.
I sigh. “I was in the Jaguar Kingdom taking out some of the guivres.” Everybody in the room stares at me. “I don’t know why everybody’s acting weird. It’s not like I went by myself; Redara was with me. I’m fine; I didn't get hurt.”
“But you could have been,” Farrah pushes.
I lock eyes with her. “You were the one pushing me saying how bad it was.”
Farrah throws up her hands in exasperation. “Because the Dragon Kingdom was supposed to help, but they’ve refused to help.”
I feel my own frustration start to rise. “And I told you there are reasons they can’t. Things aren’t just cut and dry.”
“They seem like they are to me. The Jaguar Kingdom is going to fall to the guivres, and then the Wolf Kingdom will be next. And the Dragon Kingdom can’t come to our aide? That’s ridiculous.”
“It’s not ridiculous,” I respond with more heat than I intend. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Well, then enlighten us,” Farrah adds.
“It’s not my place to say. You have to ask Rauk. He—”
“I can’t believe you’re already siding with them,” Farrah says, sliding her chair back and standing.
“I’m not siding with anybody,” I protest. “I’m just saying you don’t know the whole story. Rauk has reasons for doing what he’s doing. So, before you start overreacting—”
“Overreacting?” Farrah repeats with a short laugh.
Rysden levels a look at me that I promptly ignore. “Yes. I’m just saying—”
“Harper, we’ve given you everything—we provided a place for you to live because you had none, clothes, food, and a chance to even live in this kingdom. You were a banished, and now you’re not. And this is how you repay us?”
Her words shock me to my core and hit that dark place inside of me.
I stand up and push my chair in. I start to pick up my plate but realize with dismay that my hands are shaking.
I want to say everything and yet nothing at the same time.
I leave my plate because I’m afraid I’ll drop it and break it.
Instead of saying anything that I know I will regret, I leave them at the table.
When I turn, I meet Rauk’s gaze. I hadn’t realized he was standing just a few feet behind us.
His dark gaze runs over my face, but he doesn’t say anything.
I’m suddenly exhausted and don’t want to deal with anything anymore.
I'm just about to reach out to Redara to ask if I can come sit with her for a little while when I remember she’s with Nox.
Feeling more alone than I have in a long time, I make my way towards the stairs but stop at the bottom.
I don’t really want to face Auri right now either.
So instead, I slip outside. As soon as I’m outside, I take a deep breath of the cold night air.
It’s not as cold as the Dragon Kingdom, but it’s still chilly.
Yet, I find it comforting; this is, after all, where I grew up.
I don’t want somebody to find me out here, so I start towards the stables.
By the time I get there, I'm chilled. I open the door and slip inside. I wrinkle my nose at the smell, but I know I’ll get used to it after a bit.
I find an empty stall and settle into the hay.
I hear a noise and go still; I really don’t want to face anybody right now.
I’m surprised when Solace rounds the corner and steps into the stall.
“Hey, Girl,” I say softly to Farrah’s wolf.
I’m not at all shocked when Shade, her mate, joins us as well.
They sit on either side of me, and I go still.
I’m not really sure what they’re doing, and I really don’t want to be a wolf snack tonight.
But when they both put their heads down, I figure they’re no threat to me.
I reach out and lightly touch Solace; she’s a little less terrifying than Shade.
She doesn’t resist my touch, and I find touching her soothes my inner turmoil.
I wonder absently where their cubs are and then figure they’re probably not cubs anymore.
They're probably almost full-sized now and out doing what wolves do.
I try not to think about Farrah’s words and attitude towards me.
I know she’s stressed and scared. I get it, but.
..I push my thoughts away, preferring not to dwell on them.
I lock them up in my imaginary black box and push them deep down.
Someday, I’m going to have to deal with all the things I’ve pushed down; but today is not that day.
I absently think how nice it would be to have Auri here right now; I think she would love to sit with the wolves.
But I don’t want to go inside and risk running into anybody right now.
I’m not surprised when Redara reaches out. Are you okay?
I’m fine.
She waits a beat. I’m sorry you had a fight with your friend.
I don’t really know what to say to that, so I keep it simple. Thanks.
Are you all alone?
I look at the wolves on either side of me.
Actually no. Funny thing...I’m with Solace and Shade.
Or rather, they’re with me, keeping me company.
It’s surprisingly warm and comforting. I wish Auri were here with me; I think she’d love it.
I’ll have to bring her out sometime soon, and see if they’ll come to her.
She’s quiet a few minutes. Your mate is on his way.
Wait. What? Redara what did you do? Why would you send Rauk?
I’m trying to escape the craziness and chaos, not bring it with me out here.
She doesn’t answer. Redara! I hear the door to the stables open, and I close my eyes and put my head against the barn wall.
Footsteps sound, and then, there he is. Rauk steps into the stable that I’m currently occupying.
I’m surprised to see that Auri is with him.
That immediately softens me up. “Hey, what are you guys doing?” I ask, trying to keep my voice light.
“We heard there were wolves,” Rauk says, stepping into the stall and immediately making it seem smaller.
Auri stares down at the wolves with awe on her face, and it melts my frustration. “Hey, Kiddo. Want to meet them?”
“Yes.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
I pat the ground next to me. “Come on down.”
Rauk steps forward, and I expect him to lower her to the ground.
He surprises me by sitting next to me and putting her on his lap.
The entire side of his body is touching my entire side, and I don’t really know what to do about that.
I ignore it; that seems like the best response.
“Shade and Solace, these are my friends, Rauk and Auri.” Shade doesn’t move a muscle.
I’m not sure if he’s sleeping or simply ignoring us, but Solace turns her head towards us.
Her intelligent eyes meet mine, and I give her what I hope she sees as a grateful smile.
“Can I pet her?” Auri asks in quiet awe.
I look to Solace, who gives a single bob of her head. “Go ahead.”
Auri leans forward and runs her hand through Solace’s fur. “It’s so soft.”
“A little softer than dragon scales, right?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
She continues to pet Solace and leans back against the barn wall again.
I can feel Rauk’s eyes on me, but I ignore him.
He stays quiet, and I don’t say anything either.
I watch Auri with Solace. In this moment, I’m so thankful for Solace and Shade too.
I don’t know why they came to me tonight; maybe this is just what they do.
Maybe they sleep in this stall every night; I really don’t know.
All I know is that I can have this moment with them with Auri.
“You don’t have to defend me to your friend.”
“I wasn’t defending you,” I tell him without looking at him.
“Sure sounded like it.”
“I wasn’t,” I return.
He chuckles, and it does a weird thing to my insides. It’s just because I’ve never heard him laugh, I tell myself. “Whatever you need to tell yourself, Harper.”
My name on his tongue in that raspy voice makes me feel...something. Something I don’t want to examine at all. Needing desperately to change the subject, I reach for the first thing I think of. “Is Elowen okay?”
I feel the change in him. Whatever lighthearted moment we shared is gone completely. “She was knocked out, but she’s okay.” I can hear the anger in his quiet words, and it matches my own.
“Did you take care of whoever did it to her?” I ask in an equally quiet voice.
“Yes.”
I nod my approval. I don’t ask what he did; I don’t want to know.
“Good.” We’re both quiet after that, but it’s much more tense than it was a few minutes ago.
Still, I can’t bring myself to regret asking about Elowen.
I've been worried about her. “I’m glad she’s okay,” I finally say.
“You obviously came here. So are things at least stable?”
“I left things in Thorne’s hands. The threat is nowhere near over, but it was taken care of enough that I could come here.” He’s quiet a moment, and I think that’s all he’s going to say. “Thank you for getting Auri out.”
I turn to him in surprise and find his eyes on me. Him sitting this close to me, those intense eyes locked on me, is waaaay too much for me. I look back at Solace. “No problem. It’s not that big a deal.”
“It is,” he argues. “It’s a huge trip.” He lowers his voice. “And making it with somebody else is no easy task. But you got my sister out when I couldn’t. That’s more—”
I don’t know what he’s going to say, but I can’t do any more emotion of any kind tonight. So, I cut him off. “I’m glad I was able to do it.”
He doesn’t say anything else about it, and I take a deep breath. I'm ready to head in for the night, so I stand up. “I brought a bag for you.”
Again, his words surprise me. “What?”
“I know you left with nothing, so I tried to grab a few clothing items for you and Auri. I probably did a terrible job, but you can look at it if you want. Then you don’t have to wear your friend’s clothes.”
“Her name is Farrah.” I don’t know why that seems to be the most important thing to say right now, but it just is.
“I brought clothes for you, so you don’t have to wear Farrah’s clothes anymore.”