Chapter Ten
~Zak~
I woke up to the sound of an alarm blaring and I sat up, looking around in confusion for a moment until I remembered where I was.
“Sorry,” Kellen mumbled as he slammed his hand onto his phone screen. “Meds.”
“It’s fine,” I assured him, sitting up and stretching. “I should probably get going anyway.” I needed to rent a car and head back home today. I probably should have just taken the bus back with the team, but I hadn’t been sure what was going to happen with Kellen, or for how long, and I’d wanted to give myself time if needed.
“Okay,” he said through a yawn.
His phone went off again and a moment later mine began ringing as well, followed by someone pounding on the door.
“Just a minute!” Kellen yelled, silencing his phone as we both jumped out of bed and scrambled to get dressed. “Bathroom,” he whispered, pointing toward it .
I grabbed my phone and my clothes and ran into the bathroom, shutting the door gently behind myself as I answered my phone.
“What?” I said softly.
“Coach is looking for you,” Josh said. “Did you go home with Kellen Fox last night?”
My stomach dropped and suddenly I couldn’t speak anymore, my breath coming in short, quick bursts.
“Fuck, calm down,” Josh snapped. “I can almost feel you panicking. No one else knows. But there are pictures of the two of you together at the bar last night all over the internet. We think one of the bunnies posted them.” He paused then added, “It wasn’t Naomi.”
I could hear raised voices on the other side of the door, but they were too muffled for me to understand what they were saying. Though, from the timing of his guest’s arrival, I could make a pretty good guess what they were arguing about.
“I wouldn’t have thought it was,” I told him, exhaling slowly. “What are people saying? ”
“Just that it looks like you’re actually friends,” he said. “No one is even hinting at anything else. But coach went looking for you this morning and couldn’t find you bunking with any of the guys, so I just assumed you’d made your own sleeping arrangements.”
The volume of the argument outside was growing and I wondered how long I was going to be stuck in the bathroom. I honestly wasn’t sure if Kellen had suggested I hide to protect myself or because he didn’t want anyone to know what had happened either, so I wasn’t going to leave until he told me to.
“I’ll find Sutherland,” I assured Josh. “Thanks for the heads up.”
The minute I disconnected my phone rang again and the voices outside stopped.
Shit.
“Dempsey,” I answered quietly.
“Where the fuck are you?” Sutherland barked in my ear.
“I’m headed back to the hotel,” I lied. There was a loud slam followed by a soft knock on the bathroom door. I opened it to find Kellen standing there with a grim look on his face. “I’ll meet you in my room in twenty minutes.”
“Bullshit. I know where you are. Meet me in the bar in ten.” And then he hung up on me.
“So, how’s your morning?” Kellen asked.
I barked out a laugh as I followed him out of the bathroom. “It started out really great, actually.”
“Yeah? ”
“Yeah.” I reached out and grabbed his hips, pulling him into me before kissing him softly. “Unfortunately I have to go meet my coach.”
“I know,” Kellen said. “I’ve been invited to join you both along with my manager.”
The way he said invited led me to believe that he’d also been dictated to.
“Do they know?” I hated how pathetic my voice sounded.
“Not exactly,” he answered hesitantly. “But your phone ringing in the bathroom kind of confirmed what I’d refused to. I guess someone at the bar last night posted a picture of us talking, and now the world thinks we were pretending to fight for publicity. But it sounds like everyone just assumes we’re friends. So hopefully it won’t affect you too badly.”
“I can take care of myself,” I told him, my tone more clipped than I’d intended. “I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault.”
“It’s no one’s fault,” he insisted. “And I’ll follow your lead. However you want to do damage control is fine with me.”
What I wanted was for him to not refer to our situation as damage. I wanted to have time to go back to my room and change so I didn’t show up to this meeting in the same clothes I’d worn the night before. I wanted the fact that I’d spent the night with Kellen Fox to be a secret. And I wanted to do it again.
Unfortunately, today probably wasn’t going to be about what I wanted .
Kellen and I each took turns using the bathroom for what it was intended for, then we headed down to the hotel bar, only a few minutes later than Sutherland had requested.
The bar was empty, probably because it was so damned early in the morning, so Sutherland and the man I had to assume was Kellen’s manager were the only people present, sitting next to each other at a table near the back of the room.
Both men stood as we approached and Craig Casper introduced himself to me as Coach Sutherland shook Kellen’s hand and insisted the rock star call him Dan.
We all sat down together and silence fell like a brick. And since they were the ones who’d wanted this stupid meeting, I didn’t feel the need to break it, and apparently neither did Kellen.
“Fine,” Sutherland said, as if answering an unasked question. “I’ll start. Dempsey, are you in a relationship with this man?”
“No,” I answered honestly. “I could have told you that over the phone. ”
“But you did sleep with him last night?”
“I don’t see how that’s any of your fucking business,” I told my coach. “Kellen was kind enough to let me stay in his room, since Josh was fraternizing with Naomi Rose in ours all night.”
“We’re not here to talk about Josh,” Sutherland snapped.
“Really, because he brought a reporter back to the room. Which seems like a much bigger deal than me hanging out with Kellen Fox.” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Sutherland. “But it’s not really about that, right?”
“No, it’s not,” Sutherland agreed. “You know damned well what it’s about.”
Of course I knew. But I wasn’t about to save him the discomfort of having to say it out loud. If he wanted an answer to a question, he needed to fucking ask it.
I felt Kellen’s hand rest on my leg under the table. The gesture of support obvious and appreciated, but not necessary. I honestly wasn’t sure what he and his manager were doing at this meeting. Clearly Kellen was open about his sexuality with his band and his manager, so what was the big deal?
“Are you gay?” Sutherland finally spat when he realized I wasn’t going to offer him a reprieve.
“Yes.” There was really no point in denying it, everyone at the table had clearly made their assumptions about what really happened between Kellen and me, and I was too pissed at their belief they had any right to discuss it with us to worry about their feelings .
“How could you keep this from me?” Coach asked, his tone bitter and harsh. “Why didn’t you trust me enough to come to me?”
“Because it’s none of your business,” I snapped. “It’s no one’s business.”
“Well now it’s everyone’s fucking business,” he hissed.
“No, it’s not.” I let out a long, slow breath. “As far as the world knows, Kellen and I are friends. You can release a statement saying that we met last night to clear the air after a mutual misunderstanding in the press over the past week. Frame it as two men working out their differences like adults.”
“No one is going to believe you could act like an adult,” Kellen said.
“Can you not?” I tried to glare at him, but as our gazes met, I couldn’t hold back a small smile.
“You two are going to stay the fuck away from each other,” Sutherland said.
“Do you really believe that you have the authority to tell me how to live my life?” I shot back. “You can’t tell me who I can be…friends with. ”
“I can when that friendship could ruin your career. Could bring unwanted attention to the team.”
“Wait a minute,” Kellen cut in. “From one photograph of us sitting in a booth at a bar, our label and your team has just assumed we jumped into bed together. That sounds like a you problem. The world has already proven that no one else is going to make that wild of an accusation.”
“Not yet,” Craig agreed. “But all it takes is one slip. One moment where the two of you forget that there are cameras everywhere and then what? ”
“Why are you under the impression that we won’t be able to keep our hands off each other?” I asked, rolling my eyes at the absurdity of this conversation. Though the momentary tightening of Kellen’s fingers on my thigh was a reminder that at the moment, we weren’t keeping our hands to ourselves. “It was one night. It’s not like I’m going to ask him to team prom.”
“You guys have prom?” Kellen asked.
“No.” I chuckled. “But we should. ”
“Enough,” Sutherland snapped, rolling his eyes at me. “Team management feels the same way. We would have cleared it with your agent…but you don’t have one at the moment. So, you’ve had your fun. But it’s over now.”
Like being chastised for who I fraternized with wasn’t enough. Sutherland just had to take the opportunity to dig at me, again, for firing my agent in a contract year. But that was a different fight for a different time .
“No one is hinting at any impropriety—” Sutherland continued, but he was cut off immediately.
“Impropriety?” Kellen snapped. “There’s nothing improper about two men being together.”
“Oh, grow up,” I told him. “You think I’ve spent my life in the closet for nothing? Of course people are going to find it disgusting. People are fucking awful, Kellen. If they weren’t, the LGBTQIA-plus society wouldn’t still be fighting tooth and nail for basic human rights. And the fact that your flag isn’t flying loud and proud means you know it, too.”
“Don’t tell me how to live my life,” he said coldly. “I’ve never hidden who I am.”
“Which is why I found so many pictures online of you and other men out in the world, living your truth for your fans to see,” I reminded him.
“You know what—”
“Jesus Christ, knock it off.” Craig said, his tone thick with irritation. “We’re having this meeting because we assumed neither of you are interested in making your situation public. Were we mistaken?”
“No,” Kellen said softly.
I knew that was entirely for my benefit, and while I appreciated his willingness to keep my life private, I couldn’t help feeling a small twinge of guilt that I was forcing him back in the closet.
“Right,” Sutherland said. “Then the matter is settled. You will cease all communication. And that includes no longer sniping at each other through Naomi Rose. ”
“And how do you expect us to pull that off?” I asked incredulously. “She’s not going to let this go. We get Hockey Tonight way too many clicks.”
“Like you said, you’ll make a statement advising that you worked out your differences at your meeting last night, and the whole situation was a misunderstanding. You’ll wish each other the best. And that’s that,” Sutherland said.
“So, we shouldn’t do J.C. Penney photo shoot together?” Kellen asked.
I kicked him under the table and fought like hell to keep from laughing .
“Kellen, this isn’t funny,” Craig said.
“This is hilarious,” I insisted. “The nerve of you two fucking guys.”
“This is in both of your best interests,” Craig insisted. “Mr. Dempsey is correct that Kellen’s sexuality hasn’t been splashed around and I’m not in any rush to break the hearts of millions of women around the world.”
“Stop it,” Kellen said, glaring at his manager. “I’ve never kept my sexuality a secret. ”
“You’ve never flaunted it, either,” Craig reminded him.
“What are you going to do when one of my exes finally talks to the press?” Kellen asked his manager.
“They can’t,” Craig said.
“What do you mean?” Kellen asked, his gaze narrowing as he stared at his manager.
“I mean they’ve all signed NDAs and received compensation for their silence.”
“You…what?” Kellen’s fingers curled into my leg, digging his nails in as his body started to shake. “How could you?”
“I was doing my job,” Craig answered, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. “I was protecting you.”
“Protecting me from what?” Kellen asked.
“From yourself,” Craig snapped.
“We’re getting off track,” I interrupted, reaching down to grip Kellen’s hand in mine and stop him from clawing into my thigh.
I couldn’t blame Kellen for being angry. Hell, I was pissed, too. All of this was utter bullshit. These men had no right to sit there and scold us, to dictate to us how we handled ourselves. Neither of them would be where they were if it weren’t for us.
But I was scared that if the tension ratcheted up any higher, Kellen was going to fall into another panic attack, and I didn’t want him to have to deal with any more anxiety at the moment.
Kellen glanced over at me as he squeezed my hand in return. Damn, he really was gorgeous. And those navy blue eyes of his were beyond expressive. It made so much sense that his manager had forced secrecy on his past boyfriends. Because who wouldn’t want to tell the world they’d been with the hottest rock star in the world?
“This is exactly what we’re talking about,” Sutherland said coldly. “If you’re caught looking at each other like that, then everyone will know the truth.”
“Looking at each other like what?” Kellen’s brow furrowed as he stared at my coach .
“Like the sun shines out of each other’s assholes,” Craig said. “For fuck’s sake.”
I honestly hadn’t realized I was looking at Kellen any differently than I’d been looking at both of them. Well, maybe with less contempt.
“Are we done?” I asked.
Sutherland looked at his watch and nodded, pushing away from the table as we all stood as well. “The bus is leaving in a few minutes.”
“I’ll be home when I get home,” I informed him .
“Kellen, sound check is at five, make sure you’re not late,” Craig told him before turning and walking out, followed closely by Coach Sutherland.
I wanted to ask Kellen if his manager always treated him like a child, but judging from the bombshell about the NDAs, I could pretty much figure out the answer for myself.
“This is bullshit,” I told him. “Are you really okay with this?”
“What are we supposed to do instead?” he asked, his tone absolutely defeated. “Neither of us can risk ruining our careers over this. They’re just trying to protect us.”
“They’re trying to cover their own asses,” I argued.
“I’m sorry I put you in this position,” Kellen said softly. “I didn’t want this for you.”
“I did this,” I told him firmly. “I called you out first. I goaded you into coming to the game last night, invited you to the bar…and I came to your room. Because I wanted to. I wanted to see you again. Wanted to be with you. Don’t blame yourself for any of this. ”
“Yeah, but now that we’re being forced to keep last night as a one-night stand…”
“You don’t want to anymore,” I finished for him.
The truth was, neither did I. I may have wanted that when I got off the elevator the previous night, but the moment I felt him inside of me…I think I knew I wouldn’t be able to give him up so soon.
I also knew that I wanted him again as soon as possible. I just wasn’t sure he felt the same .
“What do you want?” I asked him.
“What do you mean?”
“What part of that question tripped you up?” I narrowed my gaze at him. “What do you want, Kellen?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. “I haven’t thought about what I want in a quite a while. Everything I do is for the greater good. To ensure that my band and my crew and everyone who depends on us isn’t screwed up by something I do. There are too many lives dependent on my public image. I can’t afford to make too many mistakes.”
How the hell could I have thought this man was arrogant? Was it really possible that the biggest rock star in the world had lived his entire life doing what he was told? Never able to make his own decisions? So utterly controlled by his manager that he wasn’t even able to date who he wanted in the manner with which he wanted to?
What the hell kind of life was that ?
I stayed closeted on purpose. He’d had it forced upon him without the benefit of even knowing it.
“Well,” I said, reaching out to grab his hand in mine. “I’m asking. We might not be able to solve all of our problems, but right this minute, what do you want?”
“I want you,” he whispered.
“I was so fucking hoping you were going to say that.” I reached out and grabbed him by his waist, pulling him into my chest before crashing my mouth over his .
His arms wound around my neck, holding me tightly as he kissed me back.
The situation was impossible. Two ridiculously famous men, forced by circumstance to keep our wants and our needs secret from a world that had no business knowing about any of it in the first place.
So if we were to be miserable, if we were to hide in shadow and lie to everyone about everything…we may as well do it together.
“We’ll figure this out,” I promised him. “I don’t know how, but we will. ”
“Okay.” He gave me a soft smile. “I guess for now though I should get going.”
“I’ll call you?”
“You’d better,” he teased, his grin widening.
“Break a leg tonight.”
He nodded before turning and walking away.
I wanted to believe what I’d said, that we’d find a way to figure things out between us. But we were headed into a brutal playoff season, one that we desperately needed to be a part of, which required a huge win in Las Vegas, not to mention strategic losses from two other teams in the league. And he was on a tour that was unlikely to continue to coincide with our travel schedule.
But maybe that was better. I wasn’t promising him that we’d magically become a couple. The odds of both of us overcoming our issues to make an actual relationship work were astronomical.
However, that didn’t mean we couldn’t find a way to become some version of friends. Preferably a version that didn’t require things like pants.
Then again, maybe I was kidding myself.