Chapter 6 #2
He pulls back, and his hands leave my face to climb into my hair, his fingers carding through it.
Instead of yanking on it as others like to do, he gently lifts a strand, touching it with his thumb.
“So soft. I didn’t expect that. It looks like spun silver.
I’m fucking obsessed.” Then he rests his forehead against mine. “I know this isn’t real. Just…”
He pulls away and doesn’t finish what he wants to say.
“Just what?”
He sighs and glances down the street. When I think he’s not going to answer, he says, “Just let me… pretend for a little while. Pretend that this is real, that you actually like and care about me. I know I told you to be yourself, but…”
My mind is void of words. I can’t think of one thing to say as we stare at each other. But what Julien told me hurts my heart.
“You’re very beautiful,” he says, changing the subject. “Your eyes are… I can’t stop looking at them. And despite the bruising, you have the creamiest skin I’ve ever seen.”
“Thanks.” Well, at least I speak, even if that’s the millionth time I said that stupid word. My flaming face says the rest. I’m not one to blush, but that’s twice now. It’s not like men never give me compliments, so I’m not sure why I’m reacting like this.
Julien rushes to the driver’s side, climbs in, and starts the car. “I kind of wish I had more blow. I’m in the mood for it. Then again, I’m always in the mood for it. That and drinking. Anything to escape.” He glances at me. “Do you do blow?”
I shrug. “I can’t afford drugs.”
“As much as I crave it, I don’t want to ruin the next couple of weeks by binging on coke and trying to find more. I want to be lucid.” He then winks at me before pulling out onto the road. “Although I stole several bottles of my stepdad’s precious liquor. Anything to piss him off.”
I laugh at that, and it’s something I’ve often wished I could do to Tito if I weren’t so afraid. To piss him off without him retaliating is a daydream I often have.
It takes us about forty minutes to get to Santa Monica Beach. Our first stop is Shutters on the Beach hotel, as the sign says. As soon as we park, my stomach starts to turn acidic. I don’t belong here. This place is so far beyond me, and I’m not even dressed for it. My clothes are shit.
“You look like a deer caught in the headlights,” he says with concern. “Is this okay?”
“Uhm…” How do I explain to some rich dude what it’s like to be me?
I guess most people in my position would be amazed and excited.
All I feel is fear. Fear that I’m not good enough.
Fear that if I fail Julien, Tito will beat me even worse.
Fear that people will see the worthless piece of shit that I am.
They won’t see the real me. They’ll only see me as a failure in life.
Someone who sells himself instead of being forced into it.
“I’m just… I’m underdressed.” My words don’t even remotely explain my growing anxiety.
“We’re at the beach.”
I give him a no-shit look. “What I mean is that this place is really fancy, and my clothes are shit. It’s just… I just… It’s not only the clothes.”
Julien reaches for my face, and it instantly calms me. “Hey, it’s fine. We can stay somewhere else. There are other places you’ll feel more comfortable. Okay?”
God, he’s so nice, and I feel like I’m letting him down.
I take a deep breath and force my fears way down to the bottom of my gut.
I can do this. I can do it for him. “No. It’s a really nice place.
I’ve always wanted to see what the inside of fancy hotels looks like.
” I try to give him a reassuring smile that he’s not buying.
“Romeo, it’s okay.”
“No, I want to. Yeah, I’m… nervous only because I’m such a… it doesn’t matter. Seriously, let’s do this.”
“Tell you what. You can borrow something of mine. I’m sure it’ll fit. You’re a little skinnier, but I’ve got a belt. Tomorrow, we’ll get you something nicer. Is that okay?”
I huff a small laugh and nod. I love how sweet and thoughtful he is. I think it’s genuine. I hope so.
“Help me carry things in?” he asks.
“Sure.”
After Julien checks in, we grab all our stuff from the back of his truck.
People definitely look at us, especially at me.
I’ve never cared about how I’m dressed because it serves a purpose, but now I want to cover up.
My skin itches with it. At least Julien doesn’t seem to care what I am, so maybe I should stop caring, too.
When we enter the room, my jaw falls to my feet. Is it a room when we practically have an entire house facing the ocean?
The suite is the nicest place I’ve ever been in.
It’s full of fancy furniture with a lot of blue and white.
There’s a separate bedroom, a living room with an actual fireplace, a dining room, and an office area.
I’m fucking terrified to touch anything, but I do anyway.
My trembling fingers trail along polished wood and soft fabrics.
I can’t even imagine how much a place like this costs, and I don’t ask.
I step outside onto the balcony, wrap my arms around myself, and shut my eyes as I inhale the cool ocean breeze. It’s fresh with a hint of brine. Despite living so close to the water, I rarely get to see it.
I hear the flicking sound of a lighter, then I’m hit with the smell of cigarettes. I open my eyes and turn to face Julien, who’s staring out at the beach. He takes a drag, then he sips a large gulp of something amber from a bottle. He hands the bottle to me. “Want some?”
I rarely drink because I don’t like being out of control, but you only live once, right? Julien’s my meal ticket out of here and out of this life, so I’ll do anything to keep him happy.
“Sure.”
I take a tentative sip, expecting a strong burn going down, but the liquor is smooth with a sweet aftertaste. “It’s surprisingly good.”
He snags the bottle from me and takes another large sip, then hands it back, and I drink some more.
Julien holds his cigarette away from me and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me close to him as I pull out some gloss from my pocket and spread it across my lips. The windy, salty air will dry them out.
“This is going to be fun. I promise,” he says.
I turn into him, rest one hand on his chest, and hold up the bottle. “Cheers to fun and new lives.”
Julien frowns as a shadow crosses his features. He takes the bottle from me, tips it back, and drinks down almost a glass worth of liquor. He sets it down on a table and wipes his mouth. Did I say something wrong?
“To new lives,” he finally says. “Now, let’s get you dressed.
We’ll hit the arcade, do some carnival games, then we’ll go on the Ferris wheel.
After that, I want to walk on the beach for a bit.
Tomorrow, we’ll sunbathe and maybe surf.
Before dinner, we’ll shop and make you prettier than you already are.
” He gently pinches my chin and leans in to kiss me.
He tastes of liquor and cigarettes, but I don’t mind, because when he kisses me, it feels almost real, like he really does want me.
“We’ll grab you a pair of swim trunks in the morning before the beach.
I think we passed a little gift shop in the lobby. ”
“After that?”
“Tomorrow night I want to be inside you.”
“Okay,” I breathe on his lips, still hovering over mine.