Chapter 34
Julien - Epilogue
Six Months Later
I sit on the leather sofa in my study, holding Romeo’s hand. Meanwhile, he has his unicorn tucked into his other arm. He’s grown really attached to the thing. Maybe since he’s never had a toy in his life, he’s making up for lost time.
I’m sweaty and trembling, desperately trying not to cry.
Maybe I need a fucking unicorn. Romeo presses a kiss to my cheek, then rests his head on my shoulder.
His warmth and love ease my soul, but facing the therapist online for my fourth session has stressed me the fuck out.
It took me a few weeks to finally open up to her and admit that I’d almost killed myself and had spent a year planning it out.
I worried she’d have me committed, but she didn’t.
Instead, she’s helping me process it, but that process has been fucking heavy.
“We’re almost done, Sugar,” he whispers.
I nod and sniff.
Romeo and Jinx have their own therapy with a different doctor, but they’ve been handling it a fuck ton better than me. They have amazing coping skills.
It’s also been hard not to blurt that I killed someone. Coping with that hasn’t been easy either.
“Tell me how you felt when your stepfather died,” Dr. McKenna asks. She’s an older therapist of about sixty-five. She’s really nice and patient.
“When I found out Holt killed himself because he’s a fucking pervert and a criminal who got caught, I laughed. Since he died, I’ve felt only relief that he’s gone.” I play with Romeo’s rainbow-colored fingernails, unable to look at her. “And that makes me feel… I dunno, bad, I guess?”
“Why do you think you should feel bad?”
I give her a non-committal shrug. “Like I should give a shit or something, when I don’t.”
“Julien, you do not owe your abuser your guilt or sorrow. You don’t have to feel empathy for everything and everyone, but it’s also okay if you do.
There’s no wrong way to feel here. Holt hurt you in such a profound way that it changes your very being.
It’s okay to hate him and be happy that he’s dead. ”
I nod and mumble thanks. I wasn’t only happy at the time, I fucking got trashed that night and imagined pissing on his fucking grave.
“It was… weirdly ironic that the day I attempted suicide, I learned he killed himself. It’s kind of poetic, like… life got it right for a change.”
She smiles at that. “I’m glad Romeo was there to help you process everything.”
He snuggles into me more. I can’t see his face, but I have a feeling he’s got one of his little shy smiles and is probably blushing. “Me, too. He saved my life.”
“And you saved mine.”
“Tell me about your mother? Have you heard from her?”
“She called a couple more times after Holt died, begging for money, but then she stopped. I don’t know where she is or what she’s doing, and I don’t care. If she ends up like Holt, I won’t shed a tear. But no doubt she’s finding another man she can dig her claws into.”
“Parents should love their children unconditionally, and when they betray them, it cuts deep. Your mother may not have assaulted you, but her neglect and indifference were just as abusive.”
“Yeah, I know.”
We talk for the last few minutes, but before we end the video call, she asks, “How’s the Lexapro working for you? You still have a bit to go before you get the full effect, but your sleep, appetite, and energy should be pretty good by now.”
“Yeah, I’m doing good.”
“He hasn’t had any nightmares recently,” Romeo chimes in.
She smiles again. “Good. I’ll keep you on the same dose for now, but we’ll monitor it to make sure you get maximum benefits.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
“I have you on the schedule for the same time next Thursday.”
“Yeah, I’ll be here.”
“See you then, Julien. Take care, Romeo.”
We say bye and sign off.
Romeo and I turn to face each other. “I’m so proud of you for opening up to her finally.”
“It’s easier with you, but yeah, I get so worried that she would, I don’t know, see me differently… negatively. When I get all emotional, it’s hard to be careful with my words about Tito.”
“Yeah, same. I want to tell the world what you did for me, but I don’t.
We can’t.” Romeo takes my hand and kisses my palm before pressing it to his cheek.
Fuck, he’s so sweet and beautiful. “And I think we’re safe, right?
The police never questioned us about Tito.
Not sure if they found any of the other boys. ”
We watched the news every single day for weeks to see if there was a manhunt for me, but nothing has happened so far. It’s been over six months, so I’m hoping the case has gone cold.
The police did find me a few months back to talk about Holt, though. Mom couldn’t have told them where I was because she has no idea where I’ve moved to, but it’s not exactly hard to find me. I’m not in hiding. I used my real name to purchase this property.
They questioned me about his fraud and kiddie porn, which I had no idea about.
They asked if he had ever touched me inappropriately, but I told them nothing.
It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal to have been honest about it, but I don’t want them digging any deeper into my life than necessary.
It’s better this way. Besides, he’s dead, so what else could they possibly need other than to close the case?
“Yeah, I think we’re safe,” I agree.
Romeo gives me a brief kiss and stands. “I love you, but I’d better get back to my online class. I can’t fall behind.”
“It’s my turn to say how proud I am of you, too, Cupcake. You and Jinx both.”
“Thanks, Sugar.”
He and Jinx have been working on getting their GEDs.
It’s been slow-going because they’ve had so little education, but they’re sticking to it, determined to succeed.
Romeo wants to be a vet tech due to his recent obsession with animals, and I’m so here for it.
Jinx wants to do social work to help kids like him.
Meanwhile, I’m taking online college courses in business and attending the local community college for equine science.
I plan on filling the large stables with horses to house and train.
Well, I won’t be doing the training. I’ll hire a trainer and a veterinarian for the hands-on work.
When Romeo has completed his education, I’ll hire him to help the vet.
We’re all just now starting our lives. It’s the first time I’ve created a future for myself, a real future, one that entails a long life with love and family.
Romeo opens the door to my study and is suddenly bowled over by a swarm of barking dogs. Romeo’s on the floor, giggling and getting mauled in the cutest way. He’s smothered in tongues, fur, and wagging tails.
I laugh at the ridiculousness. I swear to fucking god, every time Romeo leaves the house, he comes back with a new pet. We now have six dogs, two cats, three hamsters, five rabbits, twelve chickens, one rooster, and a pet cow. It’s a regular zoo around here.
Yep, my life is utter chaos, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It makes me smile daily.
“Let me up! Bad Oreo, Cookie, Tapioca, Candy, Shortcake, and Nutmeg! Bad babies!”
Romeo manages to stand and wipe himself off. He looks back at me sheepishly and shrugs before leaving.
He can have all the animals in the world, for all I care. It makes him happy. When he’s happy, I’m happy.
“Julien! Julien!” Romeo yells from somewhere in the house. I set down the casserole dish and remove the oven mitts. We’ve all taken up cooking instead of hiring a chef. It’s been nice to learn new things and do them myself.
“Where’s the fire?”
“They’re done!” He rushes into the kitchen, grabs my hand, and yanks me toward the front door. “Come on! Stop dragging your feet!”
I chuckle at his combined excitement and exasperation. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”
It’s obvious what he’s talking about since I hired the people to put up our archway sign at the foot of our driveway. I’m assuming they’re done.
Jinx meets us at the front door, and I open the entryway closet to pull out our coats, boots, and hats. We quickly get dressed and step outside to an overcast day that promises snow later tonight. We already have five inches on the ground.
We had our first snowfall right after Thanksgiving, and seeing Romeo and Jinx play in it brought out the kid in me. We spent the day building snowmen and having a snowball war. It was one of the best days I’ve ever had.
Once we’re dressed warmly, we jump into my truck since the driveway is long as hell and it’s too cold out. When we get there, we hop out as the workers load their supplies and gear into theirs.
I shake the supervisor’s hand. “Hey, thanks for getting this done so fast and right before the holidays.”
“My pleasure, Julien. I hope you boys like it.”
Durango has been surprisingly welcoming to us, and the people don’t seem to care that Romeo and I are together, at least outwardly. Everyone’s been amazingly kind.
I wrap my arm around Romeo’s waist, and we stare up at the sign under the archway.
‘Sugar-Sweet Ranch’
The name of our ranch and stables is my gift to Romeo. His sweetness is now immortalized in ownership.
“Epic, bro,” Jinx says. “Love it!”
Romeo sniffs and looks at me with red-rimmed eyes. “I love it so much, too. I love this place, this home you’ve made for us. God, I can’t wait until we have horses here.”
“We’re going to have to wait until spring. I’ll find us a couple of foals to start. But most of the horses will just be staying here temporarily as we train them for other owners. Well, we’ll hire someone to train them.”
After paying the supervisor, they leave, and we still stand there, staring at the sign.
“You realize we have no idea how to ride a damn horse, right?” Jinx says, stating the obvious.
“I’ve already set us up for lessons as soon as it warms up. I’ve always wanted to ride a horse.”
My body involuntarily shivers. None of us is used to the cold yet, after spending our entire lives in LA. Sure, it gets chilly sometimes at night, but not when it’s 26°F. “Let’s go back in. I’m freezing my nuts off.”
After dinner, Romeo and I sit on the upper balcony outside our bedroom. Our fireplace in the room also feeds into the balcony, so it’s warm.
He’s curled up on my lap, playing with my curls, while we watch the snowfall in a blanket of white. All the dogs are lying around our feet, trying to get close to the fire, too.
“I’ve never been more happy,” he whispers, as if being any louder will disturb the silent snowfall.
I kiss his temple, then rest my head against his. “Me neither. This is definitely the happiest I’ve ever been. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, baby.”
Romeo nuzzles his cold nose against my throat, sending a wave of goosebumps across my skin. “And I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you, either. I’m glad we didn’t end up like Romeo and Juliet.”
I smile at that. A couple of months ago, I read him the story. He didn’t understand most of it, so I had to explain it to him, but I think he enjoyed it.
“I’m glad, too. I’m happy I stayed.”
Romeo reaches for my cheek and kisses the other one. “Me, too. I wouldn’t have survived without you, just like that story.”
I still think about the pain I’d caused him that day when he learned the truth. Not once did I blame him for being so angry with me. He made what I’d done to him, and to myself, so clear. I almost destroyed two lives, possibly three.
Staying hadn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. Perhaps it’s because Holt is dead and everyone else is no contact. Something shifted in me when that happened. That sliver of light offered to me as a gift by Romeo grew brighter with the passing of my stepfather.
“What would you like for Christmas, Cupcake?” I ask him to shift to a lighter subject.
“A box of kittens.”
My chuckle turns into a full-on laugh. “A box of them? Can’t you be happy with one? We already have two.”
“Nope. I want so many animals. Plus, we need more barn cats. We don’t want the horses to be lonely.”
If he wants a fucking box of kittens, I’ll get him a damn box of kittens. I’d give him the goddamn world if I could. He’d at least make it a better place.
“Your wish is my command.”
That night, as we’re snuggled in bed, the fireplace is glowing redder as the fire dies. All the dogs are at our feet in the huge bed, and one cat is under the covers with Romeo, while the other is sleeping on my head on the pillow.
“I can’t move,” I complain.
He giggles softly. “It’s the best.”
“I want to make love to you sometime this year, dammit, but there are animals in the bed all the time.”
“Tomorrow night. We’ll kick them out for a while. Promise.”
“Fine. I’ll hold you to it.”
I close my eyes and once again enjoy sleep without nightmares.
Yeah, I’m happy I stayed.