Twenty Two
Noah
It’s been a while since I had friends over for a party. I used to throw them often in college. It was one thing my father was lenient with.
His credit card.
If I stuck to the plan, I could spend whatever I wanted. It looked good for the son of one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast to spend in excess, and I used to rent out venues to throw parties all the time. I love crowds, parties, being the center of attention, and seeing what trouble I can get into.
Or at least, I used to.
The thought of that now makes my skin crawl. It was excess at its finest... and worst. I had so much but felt so little.
Now I feel too much.
Slipping on a new shirt, I smile. It’s pretty. The hem stops right below my navel, showing a sliver of my stomach. It’s burgundy and gray striped, and the entire thing shimmers like it’s made of glitter. My black pants are tight and low-rise.
I look hot.
A handful of our friends are coming tonight. I know Jamie’s less than thrilled, but he’s making an effort for me. When I’d gotten home tonight, trays of snacks were on the counter, and the house was spotless.
It made me feel way more than I wanted to.
I think I hear Bri and Xavi down the hall. Grabbing perfume, I spray a little, walking through the mist as my door swings open. “Hey!” Bri grabs me in a hug. “Ugh, damn! You smell incredible, what is that?”
I show her the bottle. “Jamie let you guys in?” Where is he?
“Yeah, he’s getting dressed now, I think.” She frowns as she looks at my face, and I smirk. “Did you do your own makeup?”
“If only I knew what I was doing.”
She laughs. Tonight she left her braids down, and the purple contacts she’s wearing make her eyes pop around the celestial galaxy she painted across them. She’s stunning. The lacy crop she’s wearing has cute puff sleeves and shows off her ample cleavage. “Move, move, we’ll make magic happen.” She looks over my products, shaking her head. “Had I known, I would have brought my kit.”
“It’s not permanently attached to your hand?”
Bri looks at me, dead serious. “Xavi wouldn’t let me bring it.” She pouts. “But I have enough to work with. Sit.” I sit on my bed as she grabs the few items I have. “Going to be real simple. You’ll get the Bri special another day. Close your eyes.” I let her work—dabbing here, blending there. More noises sound out in the living room. “So, how are things?”
“Fine, I guess.”
“Just fine?”
I want to peek an eye open but keep them closed. “Yeah. Fine.” It’s quiet for a moment. “Why?”
“No reason. Just making sure you’re happy here. Settling in.”
“That’s it? No other reason?”
I hear mischief in her tone. “Of course not.”
The door swings open, but it’s quiet. “What?”
“Just seeing if you need help,” Xavier jokes. “You look hot, Noah.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll leave you both to it.” Hearing the door close again, I wait a moment before I ask what I want to.
“Almost done.”
“Can I ask a question?”
She sighs. “Is it the question I know you’re going to ask?”
“Maybe . . .”
She takes a breath. “Yes, I know he’s in love with me. No, I am not in love with him. Yes, he knows that. No, I won’t settle. Yes, I love him more than anything, it’s just not—”
“Romantic.”
“No, it’s not. He knows it too. I’m not stringing him along, don’t you worry.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” There are people you meet who you can just feel are good down to their bones. Bri is one of them.
“I just prefer women. I’m not saying it could never happen with a guy, but most likely not. Unless Levi Ackerman stops battling Titans to woo me. Hand to God, I’d never look at a pair of titties again.”
“So, women it is then?”
She laughs. “Yes. Most likely. It’s been hard, though.”
“Since . . . their sister?”
I feel the sigh she lets out. “I miss her so much.” Brianna lifts her finger, blending something along my temple. I won’t question her. “She was—” She laughs. “A pain right in my ass.” It’s quiet for a moment, and I let her have a second. “Sometimes, I wonder if this is it. I wonder if I’ve already found my person and no one else can compare. I’m happier being alone than being with anyone who isn’t her.” Reaching out slowly, I find the side of her leg, rubbing her soothingly.
“I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine.”
She grabs my hand, giving it a good squeeze. “I don’t mind talking about her but...” She’s quiet for a moment. “Don’t bring her up to Jamie.”
“I won’t.” It seems like they all avoid talking about her in front of him. Why? I understand grief works in many forms, but Jamie seems to get angry when anyone just mentions her. What happened?
“He likes you,” she says.
“No, he doesn’t.”
Bri sits in my lap, finishing up the other side of my face. “Jamie’s a prickly bastard,” she says. “But he’s a soft little dough boy underneath it. Growing up, he was never shown real love. I think that’s why he struggles with Lia.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think, in his head, he doesn’t believe we all love him as much as we do. It’s why he acts so distant sometimes. I don’t like pushing his boundaries, but... when I see it’s that mental block in his mind and not what he wants, I tend to push his buttons.”
I do that too. I know sometimes Jamie just doesn’t like to ask for help or comfort. I’d give him both willingly. “I don’t know what we’re doing.” Jamie doesn’t want anything with me, though. I know that. Time and time again, he’s said he isn’t interested in that.
“Nobody cares more for the people around him than Jamie does. It’s just his execution that needs work.” Bri smiles, looking over her work. “Done!” She loops her arms around my neck, hugging me as we look in the mirror.
“Holy shit, you’re so talented.” My eyes practically pop against the smoky-brown eye shadow. A soft blush spreads up my cheeks and temple with a tiny bit on my nose.
My phone buzzes. Grabbing it, I see Mark’s text.
Mark: Pulling in.
“We better go. Thank you!”
Stepping out into the living room, I hear voices. Jamie is talking to Xavier, and when he turns to face me as I walk into the room, my heart catches in my throat.
Holy hot damn!
Jamie, sans beanie, stands in the living room, his hands stuffed in the pockets of the dark-wash jeans he’s wearing. They mold to his thighs—thighs I want wrapped around my head—and he’s wearing a red T-shirt that’s fitted to his body. Damn, does he look good. Taller. More confident.
While he looks hot, I can’t help but miss the worn sweats, oversized sweaters, and tees. Not that I’m complaining. Jamie looks so fine. “You look—”
Our door opens and Hunter walks in. Then Mark walks in laughing, and it takes me a second to understand why untill I see the man following in after him.
“Hey.” Hunter squeezes Jamie’s arms, giving him a look.
“Damn, look at you.” Letting Mark pull me into a hug, I’m a little confused. “This is Noah,” he says to the man. “I hope it’s okay, I brought a friend from work. This is Josh. He’s helping out with a game we’re working on.”
“Hi.” Josh reaches out his hand. He’s handsome—reddish-brown curls mussed on top of his head, bright blue eyes drinking me in. An easy smile splits his face, the kind that months ago would have made me melt. “I hope it’s okay. Mark mentioned he was going to a game night tonight, and it’s been a while since I’ve been around friends.”
“Oh, well, of course. The more, the merrier.” I shake his hand, and heat prickles the back of my neck.
“Nice to meet you.” His eyes don’t leave mine until they dip down, giving me a not-so-subtle once-over.
“You too.” Pulling my hand back, I try to smile but feel a little overwhelmed.
“This is Brianna, Xavier... and Jamie,” Mark says. His tone’s dismissive, saying Jamie’s name, which pisses me off. I’m so tired of the senseless feud between them.
“What are we playing?” Bri asks.
“What do we want to play?” I’d gotten drinks, and Jamie had made snacks. Pizza will be here in about an hour. I’m ready to have a good time. For the first time, I look behind me, my stomach falling to my feet. Jamie’s cold eyes are on Josh.
“Never have I ever!” Xavier shouts, fist-pumping the air.
“No, come on, that’s so college,” Bri whines.
“Well, I never went to parties. Let me live!” Xavi whines. “Never have I ever.”
“Fine. Brat. I’m mixing drinks, though!” Brianna’s head rests on my shoulder. “Be ready to get as drunk as possible.”
“Here.” After pizza we set up the table, and while the conversation is easy and fun, I can’t stop glancing over at Jamie and the hole he’s trying to glare into Josh’s skull. Now ready to just drink and play, I sit next to Josh and Hunter. This way I can leap across the table to shield Josh in case Jamie jumps across the table to strangle him, like it looks like he wants to do.
Mark lifts the drink to his lips, flinching. “What the fuck is this?”
“Vodka with cranberry juice.” Brianna smiles wide.
“Where’s the cranberry?” Taking a tiny sip to try it, he nearly gags. “No one light up around this. Jesus.”
“Pussies.” Bri takes a shot, rolling her eyes.
“Who’s starting?” Mark asks.
“I think our gorgeous host should start.” Josh winks at me. My traitorous eyes glance quickly at Jamie, and as if sensing me, his eyes lock with mine. Something softens in his face. Giving him a tiny smile, I mouth thank you to him and wish I could tell him how gorgeous he looks tonight. Jamie’s smile widens a touch more and he winks at me. Heat pools in my belly. That wonderfully swoopy feeling sits behind my rib cage.
“I’ll start.” Peeling my eyes from Jamie, I grab my cup, flinching a bit as I taste it.
Okay, this is mostly vodka.
“It’s probably going to be hard finding things you haven’t done.”
My eyes burn into Mark’s. “Never have I ever lied to my partner to get them to date me.”
“Oh, fuck you,” Mark snaps, taking a drink. Hunter shakes his head, not looking amused. Their story is kind of fucked up, and it’s a low blow to bring it up, but I’m not going to let Mark get away with teasing me.
“Okay.” Josh, on my left, thinks. “Never have I ever wished a current partner was an ex.”
Bri and Jamie drink. That’s intriguing. “Details.”
Panic hits Bri’s eyes. Jamie answers, taking the heat off her. “My high-school girlfriend broke up with me when she started college. I was hurt. I thought I loved her. It was hard not to compare my next relationship and wish it was her.”
Something ugly and so stupid twists in my gut. “Never have I ever gone on more than one date in a day?” Mark says.
Brianna, Josh, and I take a drink.
“I bet you have men lined up to take you out.” My face heats. Josh winks at me.
Taking a quick sip, I freeze. Jamie’s eyes are warm on me and I want to blow him a teasing kiss but I remember where we are—not in our bubble.
“Never have I ever used dish soap in a washing machine,” Hunter smirks.
“Oh, ha ha.” I take a drink, and they all look at me.
“What?” Josh purrs. “Please explain.”
“I thought soap was soap!”
Hunter chuckles, taking a tiny sip. “Soap is not soap.”
“It should have been labeled better! It’s not my fault your house is so unorganized.”
“Ah, yes.” Mark takes a small sip. “Because dish soap is such a vague name.”
“It worked out just fine. I got to sleep cuddled into Hunter’s chest hairs.”
“What?!” Mark snaps.
I lean in, whispering. “He was gentle.”
“Okay, okay. Enough, asshole. You take things too far.”
Josh goes next. “Never have I ever used sex toys.”
We all take a shot except Xavi. “I am learning way too much about my brother.” Xavi mumbles.
“Or the things Bri used to do with our sister,” Jamie says.
“Never have I ever shared intimate details about a partner with friends.”
No one drinks. “Noah, you need to drink!”
“I don’t share intimate details about my partners!”
Mark levels me with a look. “Three words. Rainbow. Glitter. Cock.”
Oh, he’s evil. Biting my bottom lip, I take a drink, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “What?” Josh laughs. “I have to hear this.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yeah, Noah. Elaborate.” Fucking hell. This is Mark’s payback for my first question. Looking into my glass, I feel eyes on me. My gaze lifts and locks with Jamie’s, unable to look away.
Beautiful eyes.
Damn, does he look good tonight. Not well rested, but his eyes have barely any shadows. Last night he fell asleep in my arms, hugging me tight while I finished an audio book. Jamie is so much bigger than I am, but in my arms he’d felt so small. So vulnerable. When he’d stirred slightly, whimpering in his sleep, I’d held him tighter. I like that I seemed to calm him.
“Noah?”
“Oh my god, why are you so annoying?!” Taking a breath, I give in. “I hooked up with someone recently, and I told Mark their cock was so amazing it had to be made out of rainbows and glitter.”
Bri spits out her drink.
Xavi and Josh laugh.
My eyes lift to Jamie, and I freeze.
I lick my bottom lip, and Jamie’s eyes go immediately to the action. He sticks his piercing between his teeth, and the memory of that piercing caressing my rim makes my cock rally.
This isn’t going to work.
It was nice that Mark brought someone for me to meet, but this fluttery feeling belongs to Jamie, and it’s not fair to Josh or anyone else. I know he has zero interest in a relationship, so I should probably let it go, I just... can’t. I need to see this through with him, whatever it means.
Right now, I don’t even know what that means.
Bri tops off my drink. “I love your makeup.” Josh smiles at me, and okay, he’s really hot and nerdy in his own way.
Blinking out of this trance, I smile. “Thank you. Bri did it.”
“Very talented,” Josh says to her. “The model too.”
“Okay, come on.” Xavier stands. “Never have I ever sent a nude.”
Mark, Hunter, and I drink.
“Never have I ever experimented with bondage.”
Josh, Hunter, and Mark drink. Mark and Hunter. Barf. Josh, however... okay, intrigue piqued. “Oh, really?” Putting my chin on my hands, I blink at him. “Please elaborate.”
Heat fills his eyes as he watches me. Okay, just because this isn’t going to go anywhere, doesn’t mean I can’t have a little flirty fun. “You haven’t?” Shaking my head, I take a little sip. “Shame.”
Grabbing my drink and keeping my flirty eyes on Josh, I’m just having a bit of fun. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe it’s the peace I made with myself. “Why’s that?”
Josh leans in, blue eyes warm on my own. “I think you’d look real good with your wrists bound.”
“Who the fuck says that?” Jamie snaps.
Good feelings crushed. I look at Jamie who’s glaring at Josh. “I don’t think I was speaking to you.”
“You are now. Talk to him like a person.”
“Mind your business,” Mark says back. “He’s just flirting.”
“He’s being a creep. Noah is a person, not a fucking doll.”
“Okay, enough, all of you.” Hunter glares back at Mark.
“Why are men so emotional?” Bri whispers before taking a sip. “Okay! Never have I ever wanted a fictional character to turn me inside out.” She sighs, taking a drink... Okay, she’s been taking drinks between questions and is definitely feeling it.
It’s not hard when your drinks are mainly vodka.
I take a sip, because my book boyfriends runneth over. “Josh, go ahead. Last question,” Bri says.
“Uh...” Thinking, he says. “Never have I ever almost died.”
It’s like the air leaves the room.
Bri and Hunter’s heads turn to Jamie and it’s like all the light leaves him. “I need some air.” Jamie gets up and leaves.
What the hell just happened?
“What?”
Bri sighs, standing. “I’ll go check on him.” It hits me then. If I wasn’t tipsy I may have understood.
The scars.