Chapter 18
Madi
Isay good night to Zachary, and take a quick shower. There’s a stabbing pain behind my eye, paired with a weird sensation spreading through my body, causing my skin to feel tight. The bedroom now feels hauntingly cavernous and I try to ignore the faint thunder outside.
Nest, nest, nest.
While I know that I can go to any of the other bedrooms right now and be eagerly welcomed into their beds, I’ve been fiercely independent for too long, forced to care for myself when no one else would. That’s all I know.
For the first time on this trip, I miss my nest. It’s not much, it’s small and a little pathetic if I’m honest, but it’s home. I was never going to be the type of omega who had a luxurious nest, like Harper does. Mine have always been simple, cozy.
Harper loves decorating her nest with the best quality products, I just hated spending money on that stuff. Her favorite blanket costs nearly $900. That type of money always went towards my alpha-free life fund.
I give up on lying in the cold empty bed, and gather up my phone, pillows, and blankets, along the guys’ shirts, dragging it all into the closet.
Shutting the small walk-in closet door, the relief is instant.
That’s exactly what I needed. A tiny space.
I cocoon myself in the corner. I inhale their scents, holding their shirts close to my chest, trying to remind myself that no matter how loud and bright the storm gets, I’m safely tucked away here.
As the thunder crashes it reveals the storm to be even closer than I thought, I pull the blankets tighter around me and squeeze my eyes shut. I’m a big girl and I can survive one stormy night.
The bedroom door creaks and a few seconds later, the closet opens. The light from the hallway illuminates Alric from above like some hot, shirtless, grumpy angel sent from heaven to tempt me.
His tone is low when he asks, “What are you doing, omega?”
“I needed a nest,” I whisper into the darkness.
“May I come in?”
Now that he’s here, my omega side is screaming internally for the safety he would bring.
It wars with my need to be alone, to suffer in silence.
My logical side says no, that I can survive alone, that I’ve been on my own for so long.
Even when I’m scared or hurt I don’t need anyone, but fuck, my heart is longing for his touch.
When only silence answers him, he doesn’t ask again.
I think he sees it in my eyes, the wounded part of me that demands to reject his presence, but the other side can’t help but beg for it. He steps into the small space, and I sit up enough that he can move behind me.
When he gets comfortable in the blankets, he gingerly pulls me down to him. I rub my nose against the soft chest hairs that pepper his skin, and deeply inhale the comforting and alluring scent.
We stay like that for a long time. He draws lazy circles on my back with his tender touch and I cling to him in the most embarrassing way, but he would never mock me for it.
I know he doesn’t understand why I’m resisting.
He’s an all or nothing type of guy, not easily swayed or indecisive.
That’s the biggest difference between us.
“You’re being very brave,” he whispers into my hair with a soft kiss. I look up at him, my chin resting on his chest.
“What do you mean?” My voice is small and rough.
“This has been exceedingly hard on you, and you’ve handled it with tremendous strength. Please know that’s something I’ll always admire about you.”
I lower my face so he can’t see the emotion there. I don’t feel brave at all.
He should call me a big fucking coward, because that’s what I know I am. I’m going to let my fears get in my way. I’m probably going to regret it, too, but I don’t wanna be with these men unless I’m 100 percent sure I’m all in. They deserve someone like that, who loves without fear.
That’s just never going to be me.
They should have an omega who’s not going to look for an exit the moment things get hard.
Someone who wants to spend every second of a day with them, who’s excited to share their heat, not terrified of it.
I wish I could be that woman. I knew my mom’s pack’s treatment of her broke me in some ways, but I guess I never realized how bad it was.
That the unending fear buried deep in my heart might always be greater than any love they might try to pour into it.
“You don’t hate me?” I feel so vulnerable asking, but I need to know.
“What? No, never. Why would you say that?”
“Because you were so angry when I arrived, because I don’t want a pack. It feels like I’ve ruined your life—all of your lives.”
His hand reaches under my chin so I am gazing back up at him.
“That anger was not at you, never you. It was at myself. For failing to be an alpha you wanted to stay with, for being so demanding at dinner. I didn’t know my time with you had run out, I thought I lost you from my own selfish actions. For not being patient enough.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Then I saw you arrive with Hunter and thought you chose him over me, and why wouldn’t you?
He’s funny and famous, beloved by everyone, it’s easy to do so.
Everyone wanted to be his friend in college, I never understood why he wanted to be mine.
Then I was angry at him for lying to you.
I thought his deceit would make you hate us forever and I would lose the best thing that ever happened to me.
I’m so sorry I reacted like that and for making you feel anything other than cherished. Can you forgive me?”
I would lose the best thing that ever happened to me.
Guilt consumes me but I manage to get out, “Of course.”
I want to change the subject. I don’t want to think about my failures anymore and how it’s going to destroy these three men I’ve grown to care for.
“Will you tell me about your mother?” I ask softly.
“Only if you tell me about yours.”
That seems like a fair trade, hurt for hurt.
“My parents met in college. My mother was a Greek exchange student. They fell in love, but she was determined to return to her hometown, and he had no interest in leaving his own. They broke up after graduation despite love being there. Three months after she returned home, she found out she was pregnant. She tried to get in touch with him, but the only number she had fell out of service after he moved. By the time she found him, he was in med school. He did offer to move us there or for him to drop out of school to come here, but she told him no, that we would be okay, and we were. She was loving and kind, and had a large family that filled any gaps his absence would have left. My father came and visited for three months every summer.”
“What was that like?”
“They would fall in love all over again at the start of his trip and they were fighting by the end. He wanted his big city life and for us to join him there. She wanted it to be here. When it came to college, I wanted to go to school where they went, so I became a dual citizen and I went to college in the States.”
“When did you meet Zach and Hunter?”
“Freshman year.”
“You all were just kids.”
He smiles briefly at that. “Yeah, we were. My mother was dealing with health issues for a while. My last year of college, right before finals week, she took a turn for the worst. I had a plane ticket booked for the day finals ended. My aunt said to come home early and I was going to, but my mother forbid it. She said that she was feeling better, that I could wait a couple of days and she would be fine. I was going to miss graduation, but that didn’t matter. ”
His voice cracks. The slit under the closet door lets in a bit of light, revealing his glossy eyes. My heart crumbles at his pain.
“Something was wrong, I could sense it. I left in the middle of the night on the first day of finals. I couldn’t care about school if she wasn’t doing well. I missed her death by thirty-six minutes.”
I hold him tighter, tears filling my eyes. “Oh, Alric, I’m so sorry.”
“I can’t bring myself to come here on the anniversary of her death, it reminds me how much I failed. I should have gone to college here, would have if I had known I only had a few years left with her.”
I remember his words clearly.
For the second time in my life, I feel like an absolute failure.
I hate myself for making him feel that way again.
He continues, “I come here every year on her birthday. Which is why we’re here in the middle of a historic storm, weeks before the biggest launch of my career.
We’ve never missed a year. I told Hunter and Zachary they didn’t have to come this time.
We had so much going on with the marketing and logistics.
I was just going to come alone for one day.
They wouldn’t hear it. Now, I wish that I had, because Hunter would’ve never brought you here. ”
His honesty is a gut punch, but it would have been better that way. They had a chance to move on when I was only a client—now we’re forever intertwined.
“We may not get the ending that we want, but I’ll always be glad that I met you.” I kiss his chest. “I’m sure your mom would be very proud of the alpha you became.”
“I like to think that, too. It makes the regret easier.”
I can understand that.
“When is her birthday?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Do you do anything special for it?”
“We take the boat out for the day. She loved sailing. I’ll think of another way to celebrate, since the storm has ruined that tradition.”
We’re silent for a short while before he says, “Your turn.”
Here we go.