Chapter 9
Chapter nine
Daniel
Five Years Later
We’re at The Envelope celebrating Serenity’s graduation later that afternoon. It’s still hours before we open, so the chairs are still on top of the table, except for the ones that we brought down to hang out in.
Declan had food delivered, and we’re all laughing at Harrison trying to balance two forks on a toothpick on a glass and then teaching Cammy to blow on one side so it spins.
Serenity’s currently sitting on Declan’s lap while he feeds her. They’re disgustingly cute together, but I’ve never seen him happier, so we can put up with a little PDA. Cassidy is behind the bar, pouring us drinks from the soda gun.
I’m walking to the back room to put on some music when there’s a knock on the door. Thinking it’s another food delivery, I make a left turn and open the front door.
In an instance, I see a head of red, curly hair, as the woman in front of me rummages through an oversized bag.
“I’m so sorry, sir. I’m a cleaner here, and I think I left my phone here somewhere,” she explains on a hurried breath.
But when she looks up, her breath leaves her lungs, and we stare at each other in stunned silence.
It’s my girl.
The one from five years ago. The one that I fell in love with in less than twenty-four hours and haven’t been able to forget about. The one I hired a PI to try to find. The one I still scour the internet for. The one that other women have come forward and pretended to be.
“Daniel?” she asks, her face pale and shocked. The smile that spreads across my face could light a city. She remembers me! She seems just as stunned to see me as I am to see her.
Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her in a tight hug. I’ve thought about this moment for years. What I would do, what I would say when I saw her again, but none of that matters. She’s here, and I’m never letting her go again.
“Mama?”
A young girl I didn’t notice before is tugging at Nell’s slacks and looking at me skeptically.
My eyes shoot back up to Nell. Mama? Nell has a baby? How old is this kid? I don’t know the first thing about kids except for Cammy, but that’s Cammy. And this little girl could be the same age? Maybe older? Maybe younger?
Nell winces and then sighs.
“I guess we should talk.”
Mindlessly, I nod and motion for her to follow me back into the club. I lead her to my office so we can have some peace without an audience. She and the girl sit on the black leather couch I have in there, and she sets her bag down on the floor, and holds her head in her hands.
She has a kid. She got married and had a kid. What? Right after we got together? Was I that forgettable? I thought we’d had a moment. I thought she was right there with me emotionally. Did I read the room wrong? No, I don’t do that.
“So... that day. I don’t know what happened.
” Tired, sad green eyes find me. She looks like she’s aged a decade.
She has deep, dark bags under her eyes, and she’s lost weight.
She was a small thing to begin with, but now her shoulders and elbows are bony rather than thin.
A protective rage threatens to overtake me.
What fuckwad let her get this tired? This skinny? If she’s married and her husband...
I look down at her left hand. No ring. Not married.
Still. She doesn’t look healthy, and the realization that my sister must have looked just as tired and thin as Nell causes the air in my lungs to seize.
I want to scoop her up and take her to the hospital, but something stops me.
Nell needs to tell me something. And the little girl sitting next to her doesn’t know me.
I’m a stranger, and I can’t kidnap her mother to take her to the hospital.
The girl sits politely next to her mother silently, observing the adults quietly. She’s got her mother’s green eyes, but brown hair. Where’s the father in this situation? Are they separated?
She sighs again, and my heart aches for her. I don’t know her situation, but it doesn’t matter. I’m going to do everything in my power to support this woman who so fully has my heart.
She turns to the little girl and holds her hands in the little girl’s lap. Her lower lip trembles, and tears gather in her eyes. I’m about to stop whatever this is and hold her. She doesn’t cry when she’s with me. Hell, I’m going to make sure she never cries again.
My warring emotions have made me helpless to do anything but watch. I want to hold her. I want to punch the motherfucker that made her tired. I want to watch her come apart beneath me again. I want to get to know her little girl.
“Danny,” she starts, addressing the little girl. “This is Daniel.” She turns to me. “Your father.”
Shock doesn’t begin to describe what I’m feeling.
She doesn’t give it time to sink in before she’s rushing to ramble.
“I’m so sorry, Daniel. We used protection.
I don’t know how it happened. I tried to find you once I knew.
I called the resort, but they wouldn’t give out any personal information like a phone number.
So, I went there again to see if I could find you in person, but it was months later, and you’d already moved on to another resort.
I had no idea how to get in touch with you. ”
She’s fully crying now, so her daughter... our daughter... climbs into her lap and wraps her tiny arms around her mama’s neck. Nell wraps an arm around the child and rests her cheek on her head, like she’s grateful for the comfort.
Blurry green eyes find me again. “I’m sure you think this is some sort of trick. We can do a DNA test if you want. Especially if you’re here...” she looks around my office, then looks puzzled. “How are you here? Why are you here?”
She asks, just now realizing we’re in my office.
“I work here. Co-owner with some of my friends.” That’s all I can manage to get out.
I’m stunned as the implications of everything settle in.
I have a daughter. I have a daughter I didn’t get to see come into this world, or take her first steps, or hear her first words.
I can feel my own face grow hot with emotion, but the tears don’t come until I realize Danny’s brown hair is the same color as mine.
I believe her. And my heart aches for the two beautiful girls in front of me. Alone in the world. A single working mom. She said she was a cleaner here. That shift is from five am to nine am.
I wasn’t there for them.
I don’t know what this means for us going forward. To what extent she’ll allow me to be a part of their lives. I understand the need a mother has to protect her child, and I would never want to make them uncomfortable.
“She knows about you. I haven’t kept any secrets. I told her she has a daddy and that he would be with us if he could, but that we couldn’t find each other again.”
Her face is nothing but heartbreak and pain.
I can’t stand it. No matter what this means for me, or for us, Nell doesn’t cry. It propels me into motion.
I sit next to them on the couch, and go to hug them, but stop first. “May I?”
She nods, but then we both wait for Danny’s answer. Consent is important, and it’s never too early to learn.
She nods too, so I wrap my arms around both of my girls.
“Whatever happens, it’s all going to be okay. Okay? No more tears.” Nell takes a few more minutes of sniffing and face wiping.
I pull away from them.
“I’ll be right back.” I sprint down the hallway into the Green Room and grab a cloth napkin from behind the bar.
“What’s going on? Are you alright?” Cass asks, noticing my agitation.
“Great! Wonderful! Back in a minute.”
I run back to my office and hand Nell the napkin for her face. Danny’s deep green eyes watch me as if I’m a puzzle she’s trying to figure out. But I wrap my arms back around them, holding them until her mother’s crying slows and eventually stops.
“I have a diary for you. It’s at the house. It’s her life growing up and pictures. I didn’t know if... you’d want to be a part of her life if you found us again...”
“I looked,” I interrupt. “I looked everywhere for you. I hired private investigators. I hired hackers to try to find you. I couldn’t let you go. Not after that night. If I had known...”
My throat tightens with emotion. She nods sadly.
“Where are you two staying? Can I drive you home? Can I visit?”
Nell hesitates, and my hope deflates. “Maybe we should find my phone?”
Dejected, I nod. That was not the answer I was hoping for, but it seems like a lot has happened in the last five years, so I won’t push her on it. I’ll be in their life in whatever capacity they’ll have me. Even if it’s just driving them home.
I help her stand, with Danny in her arms, wrapped like a koala.
As we walk down the hallway back to the rooms, I escort her with a hand on her lower back, praying it brings back some memory of that day and how good we were together. If it does too, she gives no indication.
We check room after room until we find her phone on the counter of room eleven.
I wonder what she’s thinking, walking her daughter through a sex club, but most of the toys are hidden behind decorative cabinetry. Except the St. Andrew’s cross. But a four-year-old wouldn’t know what it was other than a weird-looking bench.
She shoves her phone in her purse and turns to me, giving me a sad look. I don’t like it.
“Please, just let me drive you home. We don’t have to talk. I won’t make it weird. I’ll just give you my phone number, and you can decide where we go from here. Please?” I beg. And then add much quieter. “I can’t lose you again.”
She nods, and I lead her to the front door.
Grabbing a pen and paper from the receptionist’s desk.
I write my number and hand it to her. I’m desperate for more.
More touch, more time, more words, I want to know everything about her life, and the last five years.
I want to kidnap them and take them home with me and make sure they never cry again.
But deep down, I know it needs to be at her pace. She needs to decide what parts of their life she’s willing to give me.
And all I can do is pray.