Chapter 11
Chapter eleven
Daniel
I’m not okay as I drive back to The Envelope. I didn’t really tell them where I was going, or why I needed to borrow their car seat, but they were still celebrating Serenity, and I needed to return the car seat, anyway.
I let myself in through the back door, and shuffle numbly to the bar before pulling out the expensive whiskey and pouring myself four fingers.
“Woah, man. It’s only two o’clock. What’s going on?” Declan asks, an uncharacteristic note of concern in his voice.
I flop onto a chair next to the group and take a swig.
“I found her.”
“Who?” someone asks.
“Nell.”
“Nell?” Cassidy exclaims. “Your girl? The one that got away?”
I nod, not really feeling connected to my body or this moment. My head is back at that house, with Nell and our daughter.
Our daughter.
“Apparently, she’s a cleaner here.”
“For how long??” She leans forward, totally invested.
“Wait, your girl from the ski lesson?” Serenity asks. They all know the story and why I haven’t slept with anyone since her. Ironic for someone who owns a sex club.
“Yes. And I have no idea. How long has she been under my roof and I had no idea?” I murmur to myself. Holy shit. We could have been passing each other for months. I usually leave before the cleaners come.
I take another swig, digging my phone from my pocket and setting it face up in front of me, just in case.
She said she’d call, but never when. Today? Tomorrow? A month from now? Christ.
I swipe my hand down my face.
“It gets better. I have a daughter. We... have a daughter.”
Gasps from the girls. Silence from the guys.
“Are you sure it’s yours?” From Harrison.
Fucking blunt and brutal Harrison.
“Yes, it’s fucking mine. She’s got my hair and my smile. She’s even got my chin dimple. She’s like if you took the very best parts of both of us and combined them.”
Another swig of the whiskey.
“We were all thinkin’ it,” he grumbles, as he focuses his attention back at Cammy.
Declan rests a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you have your PI look into her? Just do a DNA test. Just to be sure. You’re worth a lot now, and I hear stories all the time like this.”
I nod. Whatever. Having Greg look into her wouldn’t be a bad thing, though.
I’d like a better picture of what their lives have been like over the past five years.
Nothing too invasive, just something to ease the knot in my stomach.
Something to give me a bigger picture. Nell’s the type of person to put her own needs last, and not even realize she’s doing it.
Danny being plump and healthy while Nell’s collarbones are sharp enough to cut glass proves it.
She’ll brush over anything she thinks is too demanding or emotional.
She’s been trained from an early age not to be a burden.
I love her, but I can’t trust her to paint me an unbiased picture of their lives.
As for the DNA test? I’m not sure my name is on the birth certificate.
Will I need a DNA test to add it? Or to add them to my will?
I’ll do one, eventually. But then the thought registers.
Women find rich men, tell them the baby’s theirs and then demand child support.
I haven’t been paying her child support all these years. Or alimony.
“I need a minute,” I say, standing and swiping my phone from the table.
I fire up my laptop and find a child support calculator for Virginia, since that’s where she lives. Then, an alimony calculator. If I’d been able to find her, she would have lived with me. I would have spoiled her with more money and things than she could ever ask for.
Once I have the number, I double it, and write her a check, assuming her last name hasn’t changed. I didn’t see a ring, but that doesn’t mean she’s unattached. Fuck, I hope she’s unattached.
I fold the check and put it in my pocket. Just in case.
“Guys, I think I’m going to head out. I need to wrap my head around what all this means.”
I dip my head and give Serenity a kiss on the cheek, which earns me a growl from Declan that I ignore. “Congrats, Ser.”
“Cammy girl,” I say, ruffling her blonde hair.
Harrison gets a pat on the back as I shuffle out. I didn’t finish my whiskey, so I’m not drunk or even tipsy, but the emotional bombshell that just went off has me feeling confused and numb.
I shower when I get home and crawl into bed.
It’s only six PM, but I can’t imagine being productive at this point.
I have mindless reruns on the TV in the background, but I’m staring at my phone.
How did this happen? How did I let her go again?
And with my daughter? I should have kidnapped them. Kid- and person-napped?
Unknown Number: It was really good to see you again today
God, please be Nell. Please be Nell.
Me: Nell?
Unknown Number: Did you run into another baby mama today?
I smile. She’s teasing. That’s a good sign - a really good sign.
I want to call her and hear her voice, but I have to let her set the pace.
Me: You'd be surprised how many women pretended to be you over these last five years
Nell: You're joking
I pull up the interview I did with The Atlantic in a last-ditch effort to find her. I told them I had found the love of my life, but that she was playing hard to get. And that if she wanted to get in contact with me, to email me at an email I’d set up specifically to field emails.
Shit, at one point I even hired a PA who knew specifics only Nell would know, like the color of the scarf she left in my room, the name of the cafe, or who owned it.
Or why I became a ski instructor. That PA would respond to the emails with a questionnaire, and if they got any of the details wrong, they were thrown into the “No” pile. We received thousands of fake “Nells”.
There’s a lull while she reads the article.
Nell: You really are ridiculous
Me: I wasn't done with you. Why did you sneak out in the morning anyway?
Nell: I knew we couldn't have anything long-term. And I didn't want you to see me getting on the Greyhound. You assumed I had driven there, and I didn't have the heart to tell you I was too poor to buy a car
Me: Baby, I would have driven you back to DC if it meant we got more time together
Nell: Not getting your number is my biggest regret
We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, combing through memories - her from her house, and me from mine. These small confessions are mending something that was broken between us.
Me: I had to move resorts. I looked for you in every person that walked by. Praying you'd come back one day. And then my bed stopped smelling like you and it broke my heart
I don’t blame her at all. Morning afters are always awkward, especially when that person wants more than you do.
She assumed we couldn’t be together after that night, and she wanted to leave the memory perfect.
No awkward goodbyes, no ‘I’ll call you later’ that you know isn’t actually going to happen.
But God, do I regret moving resorts. She did come back for me.
Just months later. I should have stayed.
I should have known we could have built something together.
But she wouldn’t have come back if it had not been for Danny.
I know the obstacles seemed insurmountable to her.
I just need to prove to her now that they’re not.
That there’s no barrier or wall or obstacle that’s going to stand in my way.
Me: Well, now you can be the stay-at-home-mom I've always wanted
I need to lighten the mood but also put the idea in her head.
Nell: :( I wish I could. We don't always get our dreams
I nod my head and grab a notebook and pen from the desk. I need a plan. A plan to make them mine. A plan to convince Nell that her dreams are worth chasing, and that I’m the type of man who wants to help her get there.
Even if what she needs is a kick in the pants.