Chapter 16 Daniel
Chapter sixteen
Daniel
She answers the door with an excited smile, eyes twinkling, and my heart races. She’s so goddamn beautiful.
Danny peeks around behind her legs and stares up at me with her mama’s gorgeous green eyes.
I kneel, handing Danny the smaller bouquet I’d brought. She looks up to her mama for approval, and Nell nods. She takes them with an almost inaudible ‘thank you’. I rise and hand Nell the bigger bouquet, dropping a kiss to her cheek.
“Thank you, Daniel. They’re beautiful. I’ve never gotten flowers before.
” She spins and grabs Danny’s hand to lead her back into the kitchen.
I take the opportunity to peek at where my girls are living.
Danny gave me the four-year-old’s version of a tour this morning, but she’d forgotten the front camera was on, so all I got was a tour of the underside of Danny’s nose and the ceiling.
To the right, a large staircase leads up to the top floor, where I’m assuming the bedrooms are.
To the right of that is a formal sitting room.
To the left, a formal dining room. I follow them back into the kitchen and peer around that, too.
The kitchen is large, with an island and a breakfast nook.
Beyond that is a sunken living room with a large brick fireplace.
Everything seems up to date and comfortable. I’m glad to know they’re living well.
Nell seems to be rushing to get the flowers set up. There’s an anxiety in her movements that is new. I’m about to ask her if she’s alright when she spins again, grabs her oversized purse, and drags both Danny and me to the door.
“We’re heading out! Don’t wait up!” she shouts up the stairs to, I’m assuming, Gen.
I hold the door open for them before rounding the back of the car and opening the door for Danny.
She climbs in, and I hesitate. Do four-year-olds buckle themselves in?
I researched where the straps are supposed to go, and even had the fire department inspect the installation, but I forgot about the straps.
Would it be weird if I buckled her in? A still relatively strange man touching her?
Shit, there are so many things I’d never considered with parenting.
I’d watched Declan and Serenity struggle through colic and colds, and bottles and teething, but I guess I never appreciated how many layers there are to parenting.
“Um... can I buckle you in, or is that a mommy thing?”
“I can do it,” she tells me matter-of-factly. So, I watch her wrestle the buckle with her tiny hands and double-check that it’s across her chest properly, before closing her door gently and opening the door for her mom, who waited patiently for me, clutching her oversized mom-bag.
“That’s okay, right?” I ask her quickly. She nods and sits in the car.
As I back out, I rest my arm across the back of Nell’s seat.
She goes rigid beside me, but when I check on her, she’s looking at my forearm resting against the steering wheel.
That’s right, my girl’s got a thing for forearms. I squeeze a fist, just to make some veins pop, and I watch as she squirms in her seat.
I really need to work out in front of her. Shirtless, naturally.
“So, I figured we could hit up The Steak and Egg diner for dinner and then I got us tickets to the latest Pixar movie... what was it called?”
“Shiner?!” Danny asks from the background.
“That’s the one.”
Nell rests a chaste hand on my thigh. “That was really sweet of you, Daniel. You don’t mind sitting through a two-hour-long kids’ movie?”
“Are you kidding? I’ve been looking forward to Shiner since the trailer came out months ago!”
This pulls a laugh out of Nell, because she knows kids’ movies weren’t on my radar at all until a few days ago.
The diner is packed, but it’s loud and kid-friendly, and has the best milkshakes in the city, according to TripAdvisor.
An older black woman leads us to a booth towards the back and hands us laminated menus.
I wonder what kind of kid Danny is. Chicken fingers and French fries? Mac n cheese? Grilled cheese?
I smile to myself as I scan the menu, and sure enough, tomato soup and grilled cheese are there. I wonder if Nell will let me repeat our first meal together.
Nell orders a burger for herself and chicken fingers and fries for Danny. I smile knowingly at her as I order the soup.
Her eyes widen slightly and get a faraway look on them as she gets lost in the memory of it.
“So, Danny,” I direct her attention back to me while her mom gets lost in the memory of our night together. I hope she’s remembering how good it was. I hope it makes her want more.
I googled “questions to ask a four-year-old girl” and memorized a handful so I’d always have a way to engage her. Slowly, she warms up to me as my questions get more and more ridiculous. Nell laughs alongside Danny, and it’s one of the best dinners I’ve ever had.
Full, we walk the two blocks to the old theater on this side of town.
We settle into our seats, Danny in the middle, and when the lights dip low to begin the film, I rest my arm over the back of Danny’s chair to play with Nell’s hair.
I drag a finger up and down the back of her neck.
I won’t be physical or affectionate in front of Danny yet.
We’re just building that relationship, but I want Nell to know that this is a date for her, too.
After the movie, I drop them back off at their house, giving Nell a chaste kiss on the cheek.
When I climb into bed that night, I pick up my phone and bring up our chat.
Me: What do you say when Danny asks about us? About what we are? Not kissing you tonight was my worst nightmare, so what I’m really asking is when can I hold your hand? When can I kiss you?
Nell: Your worst nightmare? Really? Not fire, or snakes, or the zombie apocalypse. Not kissing me?
Me: 1000% Your lips begged me to kiss them all night. Apologize to them for me?
Nell: Lol, they accept your apology.
Nell: You looked really good tonight.
Nell: I wanted to kiss you, too
Nell: I just don’t know what to tell her. What if we don’t work out and I have to tell her we broke up? I’ve never dated while being a mom. It makes everything so much more complicated. It’s not just my heart on the line, but hers, too.
Me: IF we break up — because let’s be real, that’s never going to happen. Then we co-parent as friends, no matter how hard it is. We show her what a breakup should look like. No drama, keyed cars and messy divorce lawyers. But two people who can love each other enough to let them go.
Nell: How do you always know the right words to say?
Me: It’s a gift.
Nell: I’ll talk to her about it tonight and let you know tomorrow.
Me: Thank you, gorgeous. Goodnight.
Nell: Goodnight, Daniel.
I plug my phone in to charge on my nightstand and flip open the worn composition notebook.
My heart aches with longing. I appreciate her writing me these notes, but God, how I wish I had just been there to hear the words. Been able to hug her and celebrate with her and tell her how everything would be okay.
Instead, I reach into my nightstand and pull out my own notebook.