Chapter 25 Penelope
Chapter twenty-five
Penelope
Something’s wrong.
I stare down at my phone as a weight of dread settles in my stomach.
I had an inkling a few days ago that something had shifted with Daniel but ignored it. I convinced myself I was just being needy because I can’t get enough of Daniel. But three days later, I’m certain.
Something’s wrong.
His text messages have gone cold. He’s taking longer to reply, and when he does, they have none of the flirtation and banter they usually do. He’s avoiding FaceTimes. And he hasn’t mentioned getting together again.
Anxiety zips through my veins as I consider that he might be done with us.
And I’m not even sure I would blame him.
I’d blame him for going cold on Danny, but I wouldn’t blame him for going cold on me.
He’s done absolutely everything and more for a partner, and I can’t seem to figure out what I want.
I can’t seem to figure out how I get more with Daniel and still take care of my family.
It’s kept me up at night.
They can’t afford a cleaning lady, a personal chef, and an in-home aid for Gen. Could I afford to hire all three with the money Daniel gave me? That money’s supposed to go to Danny. It feels selfish to spend it on hiring people to do what I’ve been doing for years.
Could we move in with Daniel, and I could drive here every day to take care of things? Where would that leave Danny? Driving with me? Home with Daniel? She starts pre-K next year, so maybe we could move in then?
And now that he’s gone cold on us, is that even something that he still wants?
After I feed everyone and clean up the kitchen, I get Danny set up in a bath before I pace the hallway with the door open enough that I can hear her if she needs me.
I stare down at the phone in my hand. I need to know what’s going on with him.
If this is it, I need to know that. I’m already sleep-deprived; if I go another night of tossing and turning, I’ll be useless tomorrow.
Maybe he’s working, and he won’t want to talk. That seems like the easiest leg in.
Me: Are you working tonight?
Thirty agonizing minutes later, Danny’s out and we’re both in our warm pajamas.
Daniel: No. At home. About to go to bed
Before I can overthink it I reply.
Me: Danny and I are coming over
I toss a few things into a small backpack for Danny and order an Uber. Twenty minutes later, we’re knocking on Daniel’s door.
He opens looking disheveled. His hairs a mess, his T-shirt is crooked at the neck, and a sinking feeling hits me.
What if he’s not alone? What if he’s done waiting for me and picked someone up from The Envelope?
It wouldn’t be hard. He’s gorgeous and has a club full of beautiful, wealthy, sexually adventurous women at his disposal.
I know he’s done and said beautiful things, but I also know how rich people are used to doing and saying whatever they want to get their way.
I clench my fist. Then I guess we'd better get this over with now.
“Are you alone?” I ask him, my voice laced with ice. I’m not sending Danny in there to watch TV or play in her room if he’s got another woman in there.
“What?” he asks, incredulous.
“Are you alone?” I nearly growl.
“Mommy?” Danny asks, tugging at my hand.
“I need to know if you have another woman in there before I decide if we’re staying or leaving,” I whisper-hiss to Daniel.
He tosses his hands in the air and gives us his back, walking back into the sitting area.
“Why would Daddy live with another woman? He loves you,” Danny tugs my hand again and whispers.
“Yeah, Mommy. Why would I live with another woman when I’m in love with you?” Daniel asks, bitterness and sarcasm lacing his voice.
I walk in, close the door behind us, and kick off our slippers.
“Baby, would you take your backpack and go play in your room for a bit? Daddy and I need to have an adult conversation.” The tone in my voice leaves no room for argument, so Danny does.
My fists clenched, I watch her little body run up the stairs and into her room, shutting the door behind her.
I stare Daniel down, who does the same to me.
I try to call my racing heart. I don’t want to believe he’s done with me.
I don’t want to believe we went through so many years longing for each other, only to have it end after a handful of months.
I don’t want to believe I’ve done something to push away such an amazing man.
But I can’t focus on that. Danny’s what matters.
“If you’re done with us, I need to know.” I’ve summoned every ounce of bravery I have within me and my voice still cracked. My heart still hurts. And tears still threaten to spill over.
“Done with you?!” Daniel shouts, shooting to his feet. His chest heaves, his eyes narrow, and... he’s completely pissed. But I refuse to back down.
“Your text messages. They’ve changed. I can’t have someone hot and cold in Danny’s life. You’re either in it consistently, or not at all.” I lift my chin, and drop my eyes to his shirt because I can’t stand the anger I see in his.
I don’t know what I’ve done to piss him off so much, but I can cry about it later. I also know I legally can’t keep him from his daughter, but I will protect that little girl until my last breath, and if it means threatening the man in front of me, I will.
His shoulders slump, which gives me the curiosity at least to look him in the face again. All at once I watch his anger fade and morph to confusion, understanding, and then defeat.
He slumps back onto the couch and stabs his fingers through his hair.
“I’m fucking all of this up, aren’t I?” he mumbles to himself.
My guard is still up, but the man in front of me doesn’t look like he’s fed up with me, or like he’s moved on. He looks... wrecked.
“What are you fucking up?” I ask cautiously.
The sigh that leaves him feels like it’s too big for his body.
Sweet brown eyes blink up at me, utter devastation on his face.
Finally, a look of determination settles over his brows and he starts.
“Something happened a few days ago, and I’ve been dying to tell you, but I have no idea how to.
” His gaze drops to his hands, but I wait for him to finish.
“Cass said to do it kindly. Harrison said to be blunt and not worry about your feelings, but I don’t think I can do that.
And every time I go to write it out in a text, I second-guess fucking everything.
I can’t hurt you, Nell. I won’t. But there’s no way to tell you this without it hurting you. ”
Dread fills my lungs, but the anxiety eases. He’s cheated on me. And he regrets it now. But he knows there’s no way forward for us but still wants Danny in his life. I knew this was always a possibility, and while my heart folds over on itself painfully, at least now I know.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. I always knew there was a scenario in which we weren’t together. Of course, I’m devastated. But at least he looks as devastated as I feel. I never really believed I deserved him, anyway.
He stands and steps into my space.
“You know?” he asks, almost hopefully.
I give a tiny nod of my head but can’t look him in the eye. “It’s okay if you cheated. What matters is Danny...”
He stills and takes a step back. “Cheated?”
He takes another step back, and when I brave a look at his face; he looks pained.
“You think I cheated?”
“I... I don’t know... it’s the only thing that made sense...” Doubt creeps in. Was I too quick to assume?
“Sit down,” he commands, motioning to the couch across from the one he sits on.
So, I do.
He takes my hands in his and squeezes them, so I look up at him.
“Your sisters came to visit me at The Envelope a few days ago. They tried to seduce me. I had security remove them before anything happened. But if you don’t believe me, I can show you CCTV footage.”
Oh.
I search his eyes for the lie, but there isn’t one. All I see in sincerity, a little hurt, a little coldness, but no lie.
“I... I’m sorry I assumed. I just... you don’t text, you don’t call, ‘something terrible happened’... what else should I assume?”
Daniel winces.
But I believe him. I know he’s a good man, and I know he loves me, but maybe I still don’t believe I deserve him, or a place in his life. Danny, of course. Me? What have I done to deserve him?
And my sisters? God, of course, that sounds like something they would do. Especially after that family dinner. The hurt I expected doesn’t come. Instead, I feel disappointment, because I knew they were capable. I feel disgusted that they would disrespect me so quickly. I feel sad.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, lacing my fingers through his. I’m sorry for doubting him, I’m sorry for their behavior, I’m sorry for leaving him so many years ago.
“You knew they would do that?” Hurt laces his voice.
“No!” I shout. “No, but I had a feeling they might do something like that. They...” I look down.
I don’t want to talk badly about them, or air our dirty laundry, but this is Daniel.
“They spend most of their free time trying to find themselves wealthy husbands. Country clubs, fundraisers, the Kennedy Center, wherever rich people can be found, they’re not far behind. ”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he says, sliding onto the couch next to me and wrapping his arms around me. I settle into his embrace and press my cheek against his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist. He’s so warm and comforting.
“I’m sorry I assumed,” I reply.
“I’m sorry I let them into The Club.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t warn you.”
He leans back and tilts my face up to see his soft smile.
“Did we just have our first fight as a couple?”
I snort unladylike. “I think so.”
“And look at us, already making up,” he teases, dropping a kiss to my forehead and both my cheeks.
“I promise I won’t go cold on you again. I should have marched straight to your house and told you, but honestly, I didn’t want to risk running into them again. But it’s no excuse.”
“It’s alright.”
He presses a chaste kiss to my lips.
“I’m glad you came here. Spend the night?”
I look up the stairs. “Only if Danny wants to.”
“Perfect!” Daniel shouts before standing and lifting me into a bridal carry. “She can be bribed.”
I laugh, and Daniel locks the front door and carries me up the stairs.