Chapter 7
Bryson
I hate that Lillian is hurting. She’s so torn up over this. I need her to understand that it doesn’t matter. Not to me. There are a lot of issues I’m worried about, but this isn’t one of them.
“Sweet girl, don’t take this the wrong way, but spanking you was never going to fulfill the sadist in me. I never would have spanked you hard enough or long enough or with the right implements.” I stroke over her hair and down to her back.
My chest is tight. This entire evening has been a shock to me. It shouldn’t have been. I’ve known I was interested in Lillian from the moment I met her. I doubt I hid my first reaction to her from Camden or Simone.
Honestly, I’m impressed with myself for putting off meeting her again face-to-face until tonight. A month of talking on the phone, video chats, and texts. Lillian has ingrained herself in my life.
I’m well-aware that we have very different needs, and I don’t have a clue how we’re going to overcome the monumental hurdle between us or even if it’s possible, but tonight only solidified that I can’t turn away from her.
I’m not a Daddy Dom. Or I wasn’t. But she’s definitely Little, and every single giggle, every squirm, every time she bites her lip… Everything she does makes my cock hard because it’s her. I’m fucking falling for her.
I wasn’t kidding about spanking her. Sure, I spank masochists. Men and women. But most of the time, spanking is a warm-up. It’s what I do before flogging, paddling, cropping, or caning. I’m proficient with knife play and fire play.
I get an adrenaline rush from hurting people who want to be hurt. I’ve never done anything with anyone that wasn’t well-planned, consensual, and safe. I negotiate every scene. Even this one. But I should have predicted Lillian wouldn’t be a masochist before my palm struck her bottom.
She looks down at her lap again. “You’re not even going to call me tomorrow.”
“Lils, I’m going to call you tonight when I get home. I’m going to call you first thing in the morning to check on you. I’m going to call you every few hours to be sure you’re still okay. But first, I’m going to stay with you until I’m certain you’re okay.”
“You don’t have to be nice to me.”
“You’re right. I don’t. I could walk out, but I wouldn’t do that to anyone. No good Dom would. If it ever got back to Roman—the owner of Surrender—that I’d left a submissive alone after a scene, he would end my membership at the club in point-five seconds. Every time you scene, you need aftercare.”
She sighs. “Now I’m an obligation.”
Oh, this is not going well. I need her to hear me. I need her attention. I grab her waist and flip her onto her back on the bed before straddling her body and staring down at her.
It works. She’s listening. Her eyes are wide, and her mouth is open.
“You are not an obligation. I might not be spanking you again because it’s not your thing, but believe me when I say that I can and will come up with plenty of other ways to punish your naughty self when you misbehave.
I’m going to call Camden first thing tomorrow and chat with him about what to do when you break the rules while you’re under his roof. ”
She gasps, eyes wider. “What are you going to have him do?”
“Call me. You and I may have a lot of shit to work through, but there’s something between us, and while we’re exploring it, you’re mine to discipline. Understood?”
She slowly nods. The tension seeps out of her body.
“If you misbehave under Jameson’s or Camden’s roof, I will be the one to punish you. Are we clear?”
“Yes, Sir,” she whispers.
“We’ll discuss this again tomorrow when your head isn’t foggy. So you can expect to have this same conversation again.”
“Okay.”
I hate that she’s not reaching for me. She’s not touching me at all. She’s rigid under me because she’s upset and confused and unsure where things stand between us.
I can’t blame her. I don’t have a fucking clue how we’re going to work this out. All I know is that we have to try because our chemistry is off the chart. I’ve never felt like this with someone who wasn’t into the same kind of kink as me.
Who am I kidding? I’ve never felt this attracted to someone who was masochistic. I’m thirty-five. I’ve dated a lot of women. I’ve had a few relationships. But nothing that lasted or stood out or left me feeling tingly. Not until Lillian.
Lillian has had me wrapped around her pinky from the first night I met her. I only spent a short time with her, but I paced my house while I waited for her to get home and call me. We talked for a while that night, even though it was late.
We spoke the next day and the next day and the one after that. We came up with all kinds of excuses to call often until it became a thing we do. We talk every night and have done for the last month. We’re close.
When she mentioned joining Surrender, I stiffened. I can’t explain my odd feelings about her being at Surrender, but the idea didn’t sit well with me, so I blurted out the suggestion that we go on a date instead.
I suspect the problem is that I don’t want her to see me there. I’m afraid of how she will react if she watches me scene with someone. It will scare her off. How could it not? She’s so fucking green, and I scare off a lot of people.
Lillian has never seen me do a scene. The night we met, I was there to watch and analyze Camden and Simone’s dynamic. I blocked off the entire evening for them. I spent time with Lillian after I left their private room, but I didn’t perform.
I’ve been to Surrender several times since that night, and I’ve scened with submissives, but Lillian wasn’t there. The idea of her watching me and potentially panicking and not wanting to talk to me again makes my skin crawl.
This is madness. I’m infatuated with a woman who has nothing in common with me. I don’t see how this is going to work out. And yet, I’m going to try because doing otherwise isn’t an option.
I lower my forehead to hers and nuzzle her nose, wanting her to relax and soften. I want her to giggle again. She’s too serious. We had such a great evening until we scened.
I kiss the corner of her mouth. I love her scent and the way her breath hitches. I love how soft her lips are and the way her hair fans around her. I need to taste her again. Maybe I can convey how I feel with a kiss.
We didn’t negotiate more than a kiss. Maybe normal people come back from a date and wing it, but I’m not wired that way.
I want consent from my partners ahead of time.
Lillian did agree to kissing, so I don’t feel like I’m taking more than she offered by touching my lips to hers again.
I’m hoping to bring us back to where we were before the spanking, reminding her how fucking good we feel.
She whimpers and opens for me when I lick along the seam of her lips. Her hands come to my waist, thank goodness. And then she slides her palms around to the front of my shirt, grabs my tie, and tugs me down.
There she is. My sweet girl. Feisty. Curious. Bold.
I kiss her for so long that my arms start to shake, and then I finally pull back and ease off the side of her bed. I grab her hands and haul her up so she’s standing in front of me.
She says nothing as I head for the door, keeping her hand in mine. When we get there, I cup her face and kiss her again. “Wipe the worry from your head, sweet girl.”
“Okay,” she whispers. “You’ll call me when you get home so I’ll know you’re safe?”
I kiss her one more time. “Yes, Lils. I’ll video call you. Get ready for bed. I expect to see you in one of those nighties, ready to go to sleep.”
She smiles. “Yes, Sir.”
After one last peck on her lips, I open the door and step into the hallway. “Lock the door and set the alarm, Lils.” When the door shuts, I wait to make sure I can hear the lock engage and the beep of her alarm.
I try not to go all caveman over her apartment. It’s hard. I may not be a Daddy Dom, but my instinct with Lillian is to keep her safe. Her sister isn’t living here anymore because she was attacked in front of this building.
Rationally, I know that was a one-off. The man who attacked Simone is in jail. But I still don’t like the thought of Lillian coming and going from this building, especially not at night. I impress that upon her often and make her call me when she gets home.
She’s a waif of a woman. It would be easy for someone to overpower her. As usual, I stuff my concerns to the back of my head because I have no right to boss Lillian around.
The crazy thing is I’ve already had thoughts of what it would be like to have her in my house. Living with me. Every time I think about such a notion, I wonder about my sanity. I’ve never had any woman living in my home. I’ve never had a woman visit my house for any reason.
Granted, I’ve only been in my current home for five years, but I don’t bring dates back to my place.
I don’t even have that many dates. Most of my social life happens at Surrender.
I meet up with people. We scene together.
I go home. There’s no morning after. No worrying about how I’m going to get a woman out of my house.
And yet… With Lillian, I feel something unfamiliar. We just went on our first date. I just kissed her for the first time. My cock stayed in my pants. We’re so far from a sleepover that it’s not even funny. And living together. Ha. That’s way in the distant future, where it belongs.
The hurdles between us are seemingly insurmountable, but if my feelings for her continue to grow every time we talk, sooner or later, I’m going to have to face the facts and dig deep.
Right now, all I can do is ponder her sweet voice, her giggle, her soft lips, and her innocence. I’m so fucking smitten with her, and I don’t know what to do about it.