Chapter 1 #3
“Yeah,” Jaylin managed after he’d been quiet for too long. “I want to support someone in family law.”
“That’s a really great ambition,” Miyazaki said. “I’m sure you’ll be an amazing support.” He was meeting Jaylin’s eyes, expression warm and sincere, and something molten dripped down Jaylin’s spine.
He felt—jittery. Anxious in the face of Miyazaki’s praise, because what did this guy know, he didn’t know Jaylin, he had no reason to think Jaylin would do a good job doing anything. Empty praise, that was all it was. Probably because Aditi was in the room.
That had to be it.
“I’ve got to get going,” Aditi cut in, having somehow thrown all her stuff into her backpack without Jaylin noticing. “You two could decide what to do next, yeah? Okay, cool! Bye Jaylin, I’ll see you next week!”
Jaylin watched Aditi flee, feeling betrayed. He jumped when he heard Miyazaki chuckle.
“Sorry,” Miyazaki said in response to whatever facial expression Jaylin was making. “I’m not laughing at you, promise. Aditi just thinks she’s so clever and subtle.”
“Why is she trying to be?” Jaylin asked, throat dry. Why was Miyazaki affecting him this much? Just because he was acting nice? It wasn’t as though Jaylin hadn’t met other men who acted nice. The key word was “acted.” They always showed their true colors in the end.
He hurried to gather up his things. He didn't want to be trapped in a room with a man he didn't know, who’s motivations he could only guess at.
Who was making him feel a whiplash of muddled emotions.
Miyazaki gave him a rueful look, thankfully unaware of Jaylin’s inner turmoil.
“Well, it was more Deepak, really. Aditi’s brother.
He’s made it his mission to get me out of the office more, and I think he roped Aditi into his plans.
Not that I think you’re just some project for me to poke at,” he added quickly.
“And I’m sure Aditi doesn’t either. She likes you, so she wants you to do well in whatever you’re trying to accomplish.
I think it was more just a matter of two birds, one stone. You know?”
Jaylin didn't know at all. While he was kind of… pleased to hear that Aditi actually liked him, as opposed to just putting up with him because her dad said she had to, Jaylin didn't understand the game here.
And not understanding the game meant you were going to lose.
He grabbed for his coat. It was the one Brent had bought for him, because he refused to go out with Jaylin in the tattered thing Jaylin normally wore for the winter.
Jaylin’s old coat might have been old and beaten up, but it was a fucking good coat. He’d bought it at a thrift store several years ago for thirty-six dollars, and it had probably saved his life a few times when things had gotten really bad.
The new coat was fancy-looking and probably expensive, but not nearly as warm. But Brent had bought him the coat, so Jaylin had to use it, at least on the days he saw Brent. In his rush to leave his apartment that morning, he’d grabbed it automatically instead of his warmer one.
Jaylin’s hand fisted in the material. It was so stupid and so ungrateful, but he hated this coat. He hated being cold.
It suddenly struck him that in his haste to get himself out of an uncomfortable situation, he was packing up in front of Miyazaki, who had come out all this way to tutor him. If he left now, he’d be disappointing Aditi and…probably disappointing Miyazaki too.
He’d come all this way. It would be so ungrateful and selfish to leave like this, just because Jaylin was uncomfortable.
“Sorry,” he said, fingers clenched around his coat. “I didn’t mean–”
“It’s okay,” Miyazaki said. He sounded kind. “If you’ve got to get going, I understand. I wasn’t aware that Aditi was surprising you with me. I should have though. That’s par for the course with Aditi.”
“Yeah,” Jaylin said without thinking. “It took me a while to figure out if she thought I was a person or a computer. Then again, I make way too many mistakes to be a computer.”
“Mistakes are how you learn,” Miyazaki said with a shrug.
“Mistakes get you in trouble,” Jaylin muttered, before he realized he had said that out loud.
“Shit–” he looked frantically up at Miyazaki.
“I mean, sorry, I—” Fuck, even if Miyazaki weren’t a high-powered lawyer who could literally break Jaylin to pieces, he didn't want to get Aditi’s friend mad at him either.
“It’s okay,” Miyazaki said, holding up a hand. Jaylin couldn't decipher the expression he made then, but the next moment he was smiling as though they were sharing a joke. “I’m not going to write you up for cursing, promise.”
Jaylin let out a weak chuckle. “Still uh. Sorry.”
Miyazaki’s smile slipped for just a moment before it slid back into place. “No harm done. But really, am I making you late for something? Or are you just uninterested in tutoring? Because it’s fine if either thing is the case. It’s not your fault Aditi blindsided you.”
“I’m not late for anything,” Jaylin said, because that was true.
Brent had already had him all night. He probably wouldn't be bothering Jaylin until at least the coming evening.
Jaylin was just planning on going home, scrubbing himself down again, and then collapsing into bed for a nap before rousing himself once more to try and focus on more school stuff.
It really, really sucked sometimes having to do extra work because of how he was. He couldn’t read his textbooks in class while the professors went over the material, so Jaylin had started blocking out time to read ahead as best he could, memorizing as he went.
He knew it was ridiculous. He couldn't imagine other people had to memorize their textbooks in order to not get lost in class. But it was the best method he’d come up with to keep from failing. It ate up most of his free time, but that was the trade off.
Miyazaki was waiting on an answer.
The thing was…
The thing was, if Jaylin were smart, he’d be jumping at this opportunity.
Miyazaki was a name. He was important . If Jaylin managed to not fuck up—managed to maybe even do a decent job on what they worked on together—he might even get a good referral out of being tutored by him. A good referral would be worth so much.
This had the potential to be a genuinely good thing, if Jaylin could keep from messing it up or making a fool out of himself. He could just never tell Brent.
But… there was no reason to tell Brent, was there?
“I’m not late for anything,” Jaylin said again. “I—sorry I was just. Surprised. Since I didn’t see this coming.”
“I understand,” Miyazaki said genially.
“But I’d like to,” Jaylin continued quickly. “Take you up on your offer. If it was still on the table. If that’s okay.”
Miyazaki beamed at him. It was unfairly devastating, a fact which made Jaylin mad. He knew better than to fall for nice-guy stuff from handsome, put-together men. Brent had been a nice-guy once too.
“Oh hey, great,” Miyazaki said. “Of course it is. I’d love to help you however I can.”
“Thank you.” Something tight inside Jaylin loosened against his will in the face of Miyazaki’s enthusiasm. “I’d really appreciate it.”
“Sure,” Miyazaki said. He pulled out his phone. “What days and times work for you? I certainly remember being a full-time college student with a packed schedule.”
Jaylin did his best not to boggle. Miyazaki was an important person with an important job.
Why in the world was he trying to acquiesce to Jaylin’s schedule?
“Um… I’m free now? I mean—it’s just that you’re here now.
So if you’re free, we could maybe… just see if you want to really work with me? Before scheduling any more sessions.”
There, that was good and diplomatic, right?
“That sounds great,” Miyazaki said. “I want to help and I can’t imagine that changing, but I appreciate you giving me a trial run to see if you think I’d make a difference.”
That… wasn't at all what Jaylin had meant. “Okay,” Jaylin said weakly.
Miyazaki looked around the study room, then down at his watch before giving Jaylin another smile. Was he like this all the time? Just… smiling that brightly at everyone and anyone? “How do you feel about changing locations? My treat.”
“Oh, uh, sure.” Jaylin didn't care. Miyazaki was the one going out of his way. “Wherever works for you.”
“Great,” Miyazaki said conspiratorially. “It’s perfect hot cocoa weather.”