Chapter 21 Larissa
“Where are you going?” Boone asks. “Fifteen minutes until the ball drops.”
He points at a big projection screen hung in the dining room where the news is covering Times Square.
It’s a tradition in the Mason family to all watch the ball drop together. It’s something you just can’t miss. And I don’t want to miss it except I can’t find my man.
“Have you seen Hollis?” I ask him. “I haven’t seen him in a half hour or so.”
Boone smiles. “The last time I saw him, he was sitting at the piano upstairs with Coy.”
“Really?”
He nods.
I make my way to the stairs. After avoiding a spilled drink, I finally make it to the top. Despite the music playing overhead, I can hear the faint notes of a piano coming from the library.
I pad down the hallway and peek around the corner. And, just as Boone said, Coy and Hollis sit at Siggy’s baby grand piano.
“What about this?” Coy says. He presses the keys in quick succession and sings a refrain that isn’t quite finished.
“Hey,” I say once he stops playing. “It’s almost ball drop time.”
Hollis’s eyes find mine. They’re so alert and … happy.
My heart fills, and I give him a smile. When it’s returned, I want to run to him and wrap myself around him.
“Your boy here has a great ear,” Coy says. “I’ve been fucking around with this melody for a month now, and Hollis just sat down and fixed it up in ten minutes.” He looks at Hollis. “What the fuck, man?”
Hollis shrugs it off like he does everything.
I march across the room and rest my arms over his shoulders. “He’s pretty great,” I say, setting my chin on top of his head.
Coy nods his head in agreement. “I’m gonna go get a beer and find my mom. She’ll have my ass if I come home and don’t watch the ball with her.” He gets to his feet. “I’m not joking, Hollis—we need to have a writing session soon.”
“Yeah. Anytime,” he says as if he’s in disbelief.
Coy flashes me a smile before he disappears around the corner.
“So,” I say, sitting next to him on the piano bench. “Sounds like you’ve had a productive night.”
He laughs, running a hand down his face. “I can’t believe I just helped Kelvin McCoy write a song. I mean, we didn’t finish it, but he actually took my fucking suggestions.”
“Because you’re talented.”
He snorts. “I think he must be drunk.”
“Hollis,” I say. “Stop. You never give yourself any credit.”
“It’s just … hard to believe.”
“Why? Why is it any harder to believe that you could help Coy than some random dude in Los Angeles?”
He watches me carefully, the shine of the moment still there. “Because I’m me. I don’t know what I’m doing, Riss. I just gave him my opinion.”
“So it comes more naturally to you. It’s awesome. Another hidden talent you can use for the next ambush question-and-answer session,” I joke.
He laughs, pulling me into his side. He kisses the top of my head.
“I like this with you,” he says softly. “Do you think that’s okay?”
“I think that’s very okay. That makes me happy.”
He kisses my head again. This time, I feel his smile pressed against it too.
“You know that it’s okay to have hope, right?” I ask him. “It’s okay to want to have things … and people … in your life.”
I say it gently because I don’t want to startle him and make him retreat behind his shield. This vulnerable side of him—or the fact that he’s allowing himself to show it—is new. And I don’t think he’s quite sure how to manage it.
“That’s what River told me,” he says softly.
“I think I like River.”
“You would. He’s a good guy. He’d give you the shirt off his back.”
I giggle. “I’d much rather have the shirt off yours if I get to see those abs again.”
He snorts and shakes his head. “What am I going to do with you?”
“I have suggestions.”
He takes my hand and gets to his feet. I stand too.
I look up into his face. Instead of seeing a wall that’s keeping me out, I think I get a glimpse behind the curtain. His features are a little softer and his gaze not quite as severe. His touch is a little sweeter as he runs a hand down my cheek.
My breathing gets shallow as I try to remember not to hold it in.
“Things feel different when I’m with you,” he whispers. “It’s the craziest shit ever.”
“I’m glad.”
I nod, giving him a smile. I know this is hard for him to admit and I need to let him work this out on his own.
Because I’ve already worked it out. He came into my life like a whirlwind and flipped every script I had.
When I look into his eyes, I can see … a future. Together. The kind of life that Siggy and Rodney have.
There would be a lot to figure out. I know that. But I want to figure it out. There’s time to do that.
If only he wants to, too.
I force a swallow. “Do you feel it too?”
“I don’t know what I feel, beautiful. I know that being around you makes me want to get up in the morning. It makes everything funnier and more enjoyable.” He strokes my cheek with his thumb. “I know I look forward to seeing you. Naked.”
I laugh softly.
He grins too. “I don’t know … Maybe there’s something to be said for new years and new beginnings, right? Maybe?”
“Maybe.”
My heart swells in my chest. The room completely stills and all the sounds from below fade away. I just take in this guy that’s standing here with me and hope against all hope that it is a new beginning. For both of us. Together.
“Riss …” he says.
But before he can finish, Boone blasts my name from downstairs.
“Riss! Get down here!” he yells.
Hollis grins. He bends down and kisses me softly. I try to deepen it, but he pulls back and chuckles.
“Later, naughty girl. We have to get down there for the ball drop. I can’t fuck it all up now.”
I groan as he leads me to the staircase and down it.
We gather with my family in the dining room. The room is packed with bodies and air horns and confetti primed to be tossed. We tuck ourselves in a corner next to a giant aloe vera plant.
Hollis stands behind me with his arms over my shoulders. The ball begins to drop down the pole and everyone starts to cheer.
The room fills with shouts and premature horns and I take a moment to breathe.
“Hey,” Hollis whispers in my ear.
I look up at him.
He smiles the sweetest, softest smile I’ve ever seen and it melts my heart.
The room bursts into the countdown.
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
“Auld Lang Syne” plays over the entertainment system as everyone toots horns and shakes noisemakers.
Hollis grabs my face in his hands and kisses me.
It starts soft and sweet but gets deeper and harder as the seconds sweep by. My knees go weak from the taste of his mouth—cake mixed with beer mixed with Hollis—and the happiness at having him here.
And having him happy.
He pulls back, panting, and laughs. “Happy New Year, baby.”
I bite my lip and try not to show him how affected I am by him. “Happy New Year, Hollis.”
Colored confetti falls onto our heads and Hollis wipes a piece off of my eyelashes. “You are something, you know that?”
“I’ve heard that before.”
He laughs as Boone walks by shouting, “Happy New Year!”
Hollis starts to say something else when my aunt Siggy’s traditional first song of the year starts to play. The harps and flutes float happily through the entire house and probably the yard because Aunt Siggy lives and dies by setting the year with this anthem.
“Want to get some champagne?” I ask.
His eyes dart around the room. I look to see what he’s looking at, but nothing looks amiss.
“The food will be changing to breakfast-y stuff soon, so if you want any more pizza, we should grab … it now …” My voice trails off. “Hollis?”
His shoulders are stiff, his eyes a muddied mix of expressions.
“What song is this?” he asks, gripping the back of his neck with his hand. “I can barely hear it.”
“Oh this?” I laugh. “This is Aunt Siggy’s New Year’s theme song. She says it’s to remind everyone of their dreams and to wish on stars and … all that jazz. It’s the creative in her.”
He nods and looks around, clearly uneasy.
“Hey,” I say, touching his shoulder. “Are you okay?”
He nods again. It’s accompanied by a forced swallow. “I need to get some air. Okay?”
“Yeah,” I stammer, confused. “Want me to come with you?”
“No. I’ll be back.”
He all but storms out of the dining room and disappears in the mix.
My back hits the wall as I try to figure out what in the hell just happened.
Siggy comes up to me. Her smile slides off her face as she takes me in.
“Hey, Riss. You okay?”
“I think so?” It comes out more like a question than an answer, but it’s the best that I can give her. “Something just happened with Hollis, and I don’t know what it was.”
She looks around. “Where’d he go?”
I shrug.
“Give him a few minutes. Holidays can be a roller coaster for some people.” She kisses my cheek. “Happy New Year, my favorite niece.”
“Happy New Year, Aunt Siggy.”
She tosses me a wink and moves to a circle of her friends.
I stand in place with the knot that’s twisting so tight in my stomach that it pains me to breathe. Something is wrong. I know it.
Tears prickle the corners of my eyes as I replay the emotion in his from just a few minutes ago. Was it fear? Anger? Sadness? I don’t know.
And that kills me.
I slip through the house, looking for him. I avoid every set of eyes and every attempt at conversation. Once I’m sure he’s not inside, I walk to the front porch.
The lawn is dark unless you’re under the twinkling lights, so if he’s out there, I’ll never find him.
I venture down the tunnel. When I come to the other end, I see him sitting inside his car.
The engine is off, and the heat from his breath has fogged up the windows a little bit. His head hangs, and I wonder if he’s texting someone or just dozing off.
He doesn’t look up as I walk toward him. He doesn’t look up at all until I lift my door handle. His head jerks up, and he looks surprised to see me.
“Hey,” I say, climbing inside. The air is cold, and I shiver. “Are you okay?”
The happiness in his eyes from earlier is gone. It’s replaced with a heavy dose of dark and hard and desolate.
I don’t know how he carries all of that around.
My heart breaks for the beautiful man in front of me.
“I’m not feeling great. I think that shrimp didn’t sit well with me,” he says. “I can leave my car here, and I’ll call an Uber.”
“What?”
“I want to go, but I know that you—”
“Hey.” I touch him on his arm. His gaze falls to my hand. “If you’re leaving, I’m leaving.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
I smile softly. “I know. But we came together, and we leave together. Besides,” I say, trying to make him laugh, “having you in the car to myself is my favorite time to interrogate you.”
He almost grins. “You’re a pain in the ass.”
“I know.” I wink at him. “Let’s go.”
I reach back and grab my seat belt.
“Don’t you need to go in and tell them goodbye?” He looks toward the house. “They’ll miss you.”
“They can text me.” I lean across the console and press a kiss on his cheek. “Now get this car started because I’m freezing.”
Relief washes across his face, and he starts the car. We head home in silence. I don’t think I’ll be seeing the light in his eyes anytime soon. Something just switched off.
But what?