19. Jasper
19
JASPER
T he Easter holidays had arrived, and Jasper was taking some time off work. Two glorious weeks stretched ahead with better weather, lighter evenings and less rushing around trying to get the children to school on time. He wasn’t taking the full fortnight off because his parents were having the children for a few days in the second week but this first week of the holidays was theirs.
Jasper had planned out a variety of activities for them spanning the two weeks. This morning they’d asked to go to the café and see the chickens, then to have lunch there. He’d agreed, pleased it would mean he’d get to see Ellie too.
They walked Wiggy along the beach and he splashed in the shallows with the children, then spotted a group of teenaged boys playing football. Like a shot, he was gone, racing towards the ball which he grabbed, then ran away. Jasper ran after him, and so did the teenagers, and when he caught up with Wiggy, he took the ball back, gave it to the teenagers and apologised. They were laughing though, seeing the funny side of the theft, and said Wiggy should play for the local team. After that, Jasper and the children took Wiggy home and gave him a wash, then left him snoozing in the sunlight streaming through the bifold doors.
As they walked to the garden café, Jasper savoured the salt-laced air and the warmth of the April sunshine on his skin. Mabel and Alfie chatted about school, their friends, and the holiday they were going on with their grandparents next week. When Jasper’s mum had phoned and broached the subject of her and his dad having the children for a few days, Jasper’s initial reaction had been panic. His mum had said they’d like to take the children to Penzance for a few days. It would only be three nights, she’d explained, but it would be nice for them and for the children. Plus, his mum had continued, it would give Jasper some time to himself. As she’d spoken, the panic had grown, threatening to engulf him.
His mum had guessed what was happening because he’d gone so quiet, and so she’d talked him through what he was feeling, helped him to address his physical reactions and then told him he had a choice about this. It didn’t have to happen. He was in control. Like she’d worked magic on him just by understanding, he’d run through some relaxation techniques and soon, he felt calmer. And when he was calmer, he could accept that the children going on a holiday with their grandparents was a positive thing for them. He had agreed, and they’d worked things out in terms of dates and times, and Jasper had felt pleased with himself. Until recently, he’d have abhorred the idea of the children being anywhere other than with him, but now it was different. Now, he could see it as a reasonable request. Whether he would be able to enjoy the time when the children were away was another matter though, and so he vowed to set himself a busy schedule so he wouldn’t spend the time moping and worrying.
‘Nearly there, Daddy,’ Alfie said as they reached the turning for the café.
Jasper smiled down at his son. ‘Yes, nearly there.’
‘Are you tired, Daddy?’ Alfie asked.
‘Not particularly. Why?’
‘You are being quiet.’ Alfie gave a small shrug, as if it was obvious why he’d asked.
‘Oh! Sorry. I was lost in my thoughts.’
‘What are you thinking about, Daddy?’ Mabel tugged at his hand.
‘About how happy I am that you two are going to have a holiday with your grandparents.’
‘Are you sure, Daddy?’ Mabel tilted her head.
‘Yes. Of course, I’m sure. Why, sweetheart?’
‘Well, it’s a big deal for you, isn’t it?’
‘A big deal?’ He realised he was asking a lot of questions, but he needed to understand what his children were thinking. The last thing he wanted was for them to worry about him when they should be enjoying being young.
‘Yes. It will be our first holiday without you and Mummy.’
Jasper gulped. There were things going on with his children that he hadn’t even registered. They could be so intuitive and so accepting, far more accepting than he often was.
‘It will be a big deal for me, yes. But you’ll have the best time and I can sleep later in the mornings.’
Alfie giggled. ‘You never sleep late.’
‘That’s true, but it’s because I’ve always got to get you two lazybones out of bed!’ Jasper roared, then scooped up Alfie and threw him over one shoulder and grabbed Mabel and threw her over the other. They both squealed with delight and wriggled as they tried to get him to put them down. He kept them there until they reached the café gardens, then set them down in front of the gate.
‘Daddy, that was funny!’ Alfie said, his cheeks pink and his tiny teeth exposed in a wide grin.
Mabel stood with her hands on her hips, slightly out of breath, her hair coming out of her ponytail. ‘That was not funny, Daddy. Look at the state of my hair now.’ She reached up and tried to smoothe her hair back, but it needed brushing.
‘It was a bit funny.’ Jasper motioned for her to turn around, then he gently removed the bobble from her hair, brushed his fingers through it and redid the style. It wasn’t perfect, but it looked better than it had.
Mabel turned around and scowled at him, but then her lips twitched and she giggled. ‘You bugger, Daddy!’
‘Pardon?’ He raised his brows, and she bit her lip.
‘Oops! I mean … you silly bear.’
‘That’s better. But wouldn’t a bear be all growly and come grab you?’ He raised his arms and growled and the children screamed and ran ahead of him. He growled again, chasing them until they’d raced around the café three times and were all puffing, laughing and red faced.
‘Stop now, Daddy!’ Alfie held up his hands. ‘I’m so thirsty.’
‘Me too. Let’s get a drink.’
As they entered the café, he thought that there was nothing better than making them both laugh and seeing their small faces light up with joy. He hadn’t always been good at that part of parenting. He did his best to put on a cheerful front but it could be exhausting and he knew they sometimes pretended to believe he was happy, but he caught their worried glances that told him they weren’t convinced. But now, things were improving, and he intended to make them laugh as much as possible. Children should laugh and smile and run and dance and get the most out of life and it was his responsibility as their parent to ensure they had plenty of opportunities to do so.
The café was warm with spring sunshine and smelt of toasted sandwiches and coffee. His stomach grumbled, and he looked at the specials board to see what he could eat today.
The specials included Wild Garlic Soup (which he knew was delicious), Cornish crab and garden salad sandwiches, honey baked ham and cheddar toasted panini, and parmesan truffle fries in a basket. Freshly baked scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam, rhubarb tarts with Cornish custard, and lemon and elderflower drizzle cake were today’s desserts. His mouth watered as he read through the delights available and he knew Ellie had something to do with the new treats on offer. Ellie had brought more to the village than her pretty smile and warmth. She’d also brought new ideas and innovation to the café her grandmother owned. And, of course, she’d brought a light into Jasper’s world that he’d thought never to see again. He’d been so shut down to joy that he’d thought never to see everything positively again. However, time and then Ellie, had helped him to begin the shift from his grief-ridden impasse to a state where he felt life could be good again.
As if thinking about Ellie had summoned her, there she was, standing behind the counter. In a white and red polka dot tea dress with a wide belt and her dark hair in a high ponytail, she looked fresh and youthful. When he’d first seen her, she hadn’t looked this good. Beautiful, yes, but haunted and ground down as if life had been too dark and twisted for her to thrive. But just over a month in the Cornish village had changed her physically, and he suspected, mentally, and she looked like she belonged here. Fresh air, good food, and the love of her gran had clearly had a positive effect upon Ellie, and she looked far more relaxed and definitely happier now. What had happened to her in London to make her so weighed down? He hadn’t asked because he hadn’t wanted to probe, but he was curious and wanted to find out. As he had discovered, it was good to talk and so it could help Ellie with her own healing if she shared things with him that she had been working through.
He turned, about to tell the children to find a seat, but they’d already gone to their favourite table and were taking their favourite books off the shelves. The café was like a home from home, and he knew how lucky they were to have this retreat to escape to when they wanted nourishment and a change of scenery. Not just that, they had the beach and the village and the coastal path and so much more on their doorstep. The enormity of it hit him then and made him wobble inwardly. All of this he had become immune to as he’d stumbled through his choking grief, but now it was right there in front of him, clear as the spring sky. Jasper had so much to live for and he was ready to embrace it all and make the most of every day.
Starting now…
‘Morning!’ Ellie said when he approached the counter. ‘Isn’t it just a beautiful day?’
‘Almost as beautiful as you.’ He held his breath, wondering how she’d take the compliment.
Her cheeks flushed and her eyes widened.
‘Oh … Thank you.’ Her hands went to the wide belt and touched it as if to adjust it a fraction, then she slid her hands into pockets in the pretty dress.
‘The colour of the dress really suits you.’ Who even are you, Jasper? Did you eat a bowl of charm for breakfast?
The thought made him laugh, and Ellie frowned.
‘What is it?’ She pulled her hands from her pockets and wrapped her arms around herself.
‘I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing at myself. Rarely do I give many compliments, yet I just gave two within seconds.
‘Oh.’ She smiled now, but her eyes remained wary. ‘OK.’
‘But I meant both of them. You do look beautiful, Ellie, and that colour is perfect on you.’
‘Well then, thank you.’ Her shoulders dropped and he sighed with relief. He hadn’t offended her, and she seemed to like the compliments. His worry had been that perhaps she would find him creepy, and he’d make her uncomfortable, but instead she appeared to be happy. ‘I’m not used to being complimented,’ she said, and Jasper’s jaw dropped.
‘What? But why?’
‘My um … My ex-boyfriend didn’t compliment me much. Well, not at all. And as an actor, I was more used to being told what I wasn’t and what I needed to do in order to be better. It’s a harsh industry and not good for your self-esteem.’
‘Well that’s crazy because you should have compliments all the time and if you were my girlfriend, I’d shower you with them.’
Her eyes widened again, and Jasper froze. What. The. Hell? His mouth was really running away with him this morning. There must have been some honesty flakes in with the bowl of charm.
‘I mean…’ He sighed. ‘Sorry, Ellie, it’s been a busy morning. Wiggy ran off on the beach and stole a ball and we had to chase him all the way along the sand until I could grab him. The group of teenagers were pretty good about it but then we walked here and perhaps I’ve just had too much sun. Not that I didn’t mean what I said to you because I absolutely do, but I know I’m also being rather chatty.’ He laughed and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. ‘Sorry.’
‘You have nothing to apologise for, Jasper. Nothing at all.’
They stood holding each other’s gaze until Jasper felt a tugging at his T-shirt. He turned to find Alfie hopping from one leg to the other. ‘I need a wee wee,’ he said.
‘OK, go on then. You know where the toilets are.’
‘I just wanted to let you know, so you didn’t think I was lost.’ Alfie grinned at him.
‘Thank you.’ Jasper ruffled his son’s hair. He would go with Alfie if they were anywhere else, but the toilets were just through the door at the rear of the café and there was no other way in there. Normally, Alfie insisted on going in alone at the café, as he liked to feel like a big boy, just like he was in school.
‘I guess I should order some drinks,’ Jasper said. ‘What’s good today?’
‘We have a peach iced tea that’s very refreshing.’ Ellie smiled.
‘I’ll take three of those please and after I’ve checked with the children, I’ll order some lunch.’
‘No problem. Go on over and I’ll bring the drinks to you.’ He was about to turn away when Ellie said, ‘Oh, and Jasper?’
‘Yes?’
‘You look really good today, too. That blue suits you.’
Jasper ran a hand over his beard and smiled shyly. ‘That’s very kind of you.’ When he’d dressed that morning, he’d thought the blue of the T-shirt brought out the blue of his eyes and he’d wondered if Ellie would notice. Him! Caring about what a woman thought about him.
But as he walked over to the corner table, it hit him it wasn’t just any woman he was thinking about. It was Ellie, and she was someone very special indeed. It had even crossed his mind that Kimberley would have liked her if they had met.