12. Vivi
Vivi
It’s well after midnight and I’m still awake, staring at the ceiling. Cade went to sleep over an hour ago and I know I need to sleep because he’ll be up again before dawn, but every time I close my eyes I can’t stop my mind from spinning.
Everything that’s happened since yesterday afternoon, when my only concern was what to wear on my date with Easton, is on a twisty loop going round and round.
I’m worrying about a baby who isn’t mine but feels like he might be. Worrying about living with a man I barely know and openly admit I want to climb like a tree. Worrying about marrying that same man in the not-too-distant future.
Convenient or otherwise, that last one keeps popping up the most.
Logically, it all makes sense.
He needs help securing custody of Cade. And it’s not like I’ve got anything else going on right now. Plus I like Easton. I would be helping him with the abandoned baby even if I didn’t want to jump into bed with him.
Cade is what’s important and if that means I marry a man I’ve tried to keep at arm’s length for months to ensure the little boy gets the life he deserves, I will.
And who wouldn’t want to help a friend in that situation?
Except whenever I think about how the future might turn out, all these emotions—wants and needs—swamp me.
I’ve never dealt with anything like it before.
For one, I’ve never seen myself as a wife.
Or a mother.
And yet I’m diving into both roles without pause. With enthusiasm.
It’s not like we can’t get divorced if things go bad. Or that Easton would be on his own raising Cade if I choose to walk away. He’s got plenty of people to help him if I’m no longer here.
But no matter how many ways I look at it, how many possible outcomes I come up with, I can’t imagine myself walking away.
From either of them.
“You’re keeping us both awake with that noisy brain of yours.”
Easton’s low murmur has me turning to my side and whispering, “I thought you were asleep.”
“Who can sleep with all that thinking going on.” I can hear the smirk in his voice.
“Sorry?”
With a low chuckle, he says, “Is that an apology or a question?”
I don’t know what it is. And honestly, I’m not sorry we’re in this situation. I like being the one to help Easton. The one he asked to help. The more time we spend together, the more I want to be together.
Which is why the idea of marrying Easton doesn’t scare me like it should. I should be running for the hills. He isn’t just asking to put a ring on my finger, he’s asking me to be part of a family.
“We should get married as soon as we can. Before we see the lawyer.”
My words have Easton rolling toward me. “That’s what you’re thinking about?”
“Yes. No. Not just that, but mostly.” I shrug. “Every possible scenario is running through my head and every time it comes back to us being married as the best option.”
“Getting married is the answer?”
“Yes. No. It’s complicated.”
Another laugh rumbles in his chest. “Understatement of the year, Vivi.”
“I know. But I think you were on the right track when you asked me earlier. If we’re a married couple, committed to giving Cade a happy, safe home, a judge will look more favorably on you adopting him.”
“Us. If we get married, we will both be adopting him.”
“Huh.” In all the crazy running around my head, I hadn’t thought of that. How that little nugget escaped me is mind-boggling. I’m the one who thinks of everything.
“Legally I’d be his dad and you’d be his mom.”
I’d be Cade’s mom.
Why that’s a revelation, I don’t know. I don’t know why it makes me feel warm and tingly inside either.
The idea of being a mom to Cade is exciting.
And terrifying.
“I don’t think I’ll be good at it.”
“What?”
“Being a mom.”
“You’re already a good mom.”
“I am? How? I don’t have kids so how do you know I’m any good at it?”
I don’t have the first clue about being a mom. My own was indifferent most of the time. I don’t remember her ever hugging me. And my dad was never around. The only time I knew he was home was when he and Mom argued late at night.
That all changed when they figured out I could make them money, then neither of them left me alone. Running away from home was as much for my sanity as it was to escape their constant attention.
“You think of him first. Every time.” He must know I’m going to argue because before I can, he presses a hand to my mouth. “You do. When I startled you awake on the couch, your first instinct was to look for Cade. Ask where he was.”
I frown. “Anyone who found themselves taking care of a newborn would do that.” My words are muffled against Easton’s palm.
“No. Not anyone.” He lifts his hand from my mouth and a pang of regret hits me. “I can name a few people whose first reaction would be to call the police and hand the baby over if they found one abandoned at their front door.”
“That was all you, you didn’t want to call the police, not me.”
“It was us . Sure, I voiced it, but you went along with it. At any point between now and when we saw him on my doorstep, you could have called the police and told them he was abandoned.”
“You didn’t want me to.”
“You’re right, I didn’t. But I don’t think that’s why you agreed with me about keeping his arrival quiet.”
“What is then?”
“You’re a caretaker. Look what you did for Laney and Vail. For Van once you located him.”
“He was living right near me, and his mother was on drugs and sleeping with her dealer!”
“Yes, but you didn’t have to befriend his nanny or help put a security system in the house they were staying in.”
I want to brush his words aside, tell him it was nothing, but that would be a lie. “I can’t stand seeing kids being abused or taken advantage of.”
“Caretaker.”
I huff out a breath. “Anyone?—”
“No. The fact children are abused and taken advantage of every single day proves that wrong.”
“My parents weren’t very good.” The admission is as close as I’ll get to revealing my childhood. Even Laney and Hadley don’t know the whole truth.
“I know. And no, I haven’t had you investigated. But I’m observant, and with you I find myself more so than normal. You left home at seventeen for a reason, and while I hope one day you’ll share that with me, I don’t need the details to understand you did it for your safety.”
“They weren’t physically abusive.”
“If they were I’m positive you would have done something about it. But abuse isn’t only physical. It comes in many forms and degrees of severity.”
“Neglect was their worst crime.”
“Do you have siblings?”
The change in topic surprises me. “No.”
“Did you want them?”
“No.” I swallow around the lump in my throat as memories of my childhood fill my head, the aching stomach, the cold so deep my bones hurt.
“One day I’d like you to tell me about your life.”
“Why?”
“Because if you haven’t worked it out yet, and really, with that big brain of yours I’m surprised you haven’t, I’m a little obsessed with you, Vivian. I want all of you, good and bad. And I want to spend the rest of my life making up for what your parents failed to give you.”
I don’t know what to say. In the months since I met him, Easton has made no effort to hide his desire for me, but until this moment I didn’t believe it was more than physical attraction. Or even think it could be.
“I asked you for a marriage of convenience but what I want is a real marriage. One based on trust and love. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve here, Vivi. I’m offering myself to you completely. No expectations except you let me love you the way you deserve.”
“Easton.”
“Shh.” His hand presses against my lips again. “I’m not asking for reciprocation. I’m just giving you my truth.”
“But—”
“No. No buts. We’ll talk more tomorrow. Sleep now.”
“I can’t sleep after that!”
“Shh!” His fingers press a little harder. “Don’t wake the baby.”
“Humph.”
This time his chuckle is louder and I find my lips twitching with a smile in spite of my frustration with him.
I like that he’s being honest. Although, all I have is his word for it. I don’t know him, not really, and I’m the first to admit I don’t let people close.
My friendships with Laney and Hadley are the longest ones I’ve had, and even those are superficial. They know me as well as I let them. The situation with Van definitely brought us closer but they still don’t know what I do or why I do it or how rich it’s made me.
The truth of my skills is something I keep close to my chest because, like what happened with Van, if the wrong people discover who I am, what I can do, the authorities are the least of my problems and I can kiss goodbye more than my freedom.
If the crime bosses of the world knew it was me fucking with them and their ‘businesses’, I’d be dead.
Can I marry Easton and take care of Cade knowing I’m a possible target?
Am I ready to give up my secret life for a real one?
One with friends, a husband—a son.