17. Saige
17
SAIGE
M y heart is racing as I throw a change of clothes in my overnight bag and get back in my car after dropping Bridger off with the promise that I am not freaking out.
But I totally am.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I wasn’t and that’s why I need some space. Some clarity. And there’s only one place I can go for that. Thankfully, the ride to my cousins’ house isn’t far because I need them tonight.
“Saige, hey, come in,” Vienna says, opening the door wider as she eyes the bag in my hand. “Is everything all right?”
“Of course.”
“Aren’t you a terrible liar,” she muses, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the kitchen. “Wine, coffee, or something stronger?”
“Wine.”
“Can’t be too bad then,” she says, taking a couple of glasses from the cabinet and setting them on the island as I drop onto a stool.
“Are you okay?” Wells asks me as he comes into the kitchen and sets his glass on the counter.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you? Because it looks like you’re having an existential crisis in my kitchen.”
I frown because there’s no way I’m that transparent.
When I don’t respond, they share a look and I don’t like it one bit.
“Obviously, it’s about Bridger,” Vienna supplies and Wells nods.
“Definitely,” he agrees, like the two of them didn’t fight their attraction when she was only supposed to be his nanny.
“I like him,” I admit, resigned and also relieved to finally say the words out loud. “But I’m not sure I trust myself to like him.”
“Not everyone is going to be like Keith,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Softening his tone, he adds, “It was a long time ago and from what I can tell, Bridger is nothing like him.”
“Who’s Keith?” Vienna stage-whispers to Wells without looking at him.
“Her ex from college that was a major asshole and thought he was some rock god. Cheated on her and treated her like shit.”
“He goes tragically missing if he ever steps foot in Love Beach, got it.”
I snort, because I know she’s not exactly kidding, and it’s easier to focus on her outrage on my behalf than the fact that I let myself be wrapped up in something so toxic.
“There was a party at Bridger’s house, and I went,” I start before gulping down half the wine in my glass. “I wanted to make Bridger jealous so I flirted with someone else.” I keep my eyes downcast because it was childish and I’m not proud of it.
“What happened?” Vienna asks gently.
“Bridger left and went outside to sit by the pool. I followed him and he told me he was done chasing me. I told him I didn’t want it to be over, so I’ve been trying to show him that I see him and not just my past when I look at him.”
“Okay, so what happened tonight?” Wells asks.
“He likes the Illinois Blues so I got us tickets to the game.”
“And?” Vienna prompts with the slight raise of her eyebrows.
“And we were on the kiss cam and he kissed me and it was amazing. There was this incredible tension between us and so when the game was over we ducked into an alcove and made out. It got…heated…and I made a comment that resulted in him saying I should’ve known you’d be wild. ”
“What’d you say?” Vienna urges, leaning forward with interest.
“Nothing I need to hear,” Wells huffs and she snickers. “You’re allowed to like what you like, Saige. If he can’t handle that then he’s not for you.”
“I don’t think that’s the problem,” Vienna murmurs as my body sags.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t be that person anymore. Yeah, I was young but I was reckless and I liked it. God, I liked it so much—the music and the parties…”
“And you’re allowed to like that as an adult,” Vienna says firmly.
Throwing back the rest of my wine, I state, “But I was ready to give him a blow job in a dark corner of a baseball stadium.”
“Sounds hot.” Vienna grins.
“I’m thirty years old,” I lament, throwing my hands out to the side.
“So? We both got off dry humping on the couch when we were still not having sex and-”
“Vienna, for the love of God,” Wells growls, and my mouth hangs open with exactly zero appropriate responses coming to mind.
“Wow,” I finally whisper. “That’s…informative.”
My cousin blushes and looks up at the ceiling, but Vienna only shrugs and smiles. “I’m just saying there’s no need to be shy about what you like.”
I try really hard not to think about my cousin’s kink possibly being dry humping, my expression full of regret at having to endure this conversation.
“Did he say it like it was a bad thing?” Vienna asks, blessedly saving me from further musings over their sex life.
“No, and then he felt bad I was upset and he tried to make me feel better—reassure me—but he shouldn’t have to. ”
“Is this loathing? I’m unfamiliar with it,” Vienna murmurs to Wells, earning her a side-eye from him and a glare from me.
“I’m serious. The man radiates sunshine. He’s happy-go-lucky and it’s as grating as it is endearing.”
“You know,” Vienna starts, “if the real estate thing doesn’t work, you definitely have a shot at your own line of inspirational greeting cards.”
“They’ll go perfectly with your flower arrangements,” I deadpan, making her laugh as Wells holds back a smile.
“Honestly, Saige,” Vienna says, closing the distance and taking my hand, “if he doesn’t love you, want you, exactly the way you are, then he’s not the one for you. You can be successful and a freak in the sheets,”—she pauses—“or in an alcove. You do you, girlfriend.”
“There’s so much I can’t unhear but,” Wells mumbles as he refills my glass and tops off Vienna’s, “you can’t live your life in the lines when all you want is to color outside them.”
“That’s a really good line,” Vienna coos and he smirks, letting his gaze trail over her.
“How good?”
They’re disgusting and adorable, and secretly, I want that, but I’m so afraid of putting myself out there again.
“I’ll let you two do whatever it is you’re gonna do and go sleep in Haven’s room.”
“Pancakes in the morning,” Vienna calls as I grab my bag and wave without looking back. There will be plenty of time tomorrow to thank them for letting me crash tonight.
I’m almost to the top of the stairs when my phone vibrates in my pocket. Part of me wants to ignore it, but isn’t that what got me into this mess in the first place?
brIDGER: I stand by my earlier statement
SAIGE: What’s that?
brIDGER: I like it better when you’re annoyed with me
I toss my phone onto the spare bed and pull the air mattress from the closet, setting it up to inflate so I don’t wake my niece when I shimmy it into her room. She’s my favorite person in this world, her light so bright it’s almost blinding. It warms the darkest parts of me, something that feels selfish to want but ensures I’ll never take her for granted.
SAIGE: I didn’t mean to get so carried away
brIDGER: Do you regret kissing me?
SAIGE: No. Just what I said in the alcove
brIDGER: Really? That sucks.
SAIGE: Why?
brIDGER: Because I haven’t stopped thinking about it
brIDGER: You let go tonight
SAIGE: Too much
brIDGER: Why? Because I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch that you trusted me enough to do it
SAIGE: I freaked out
brIDGER: And I just need to get you to run to me instead of away from me.
SAIGE: Why?
brIDGER: Because I can’t help myself when it comes to you
brIDGER: And I can see you’re trying
brIDGER: If you’re in, I’m in.
My heart pounds in my chest as the mattress pump turns off and the room falls silent. He’s giving you an olive branch.
SAIGE: I’m in