16. Ryan
Chapter 16
Ryan
A fter breakfast, the town was very much alive for the day. Spring Break brings in a lot of tourists and the nightlife begins to ramp up. I always keep extra guys on call in the firehouse and on standby at home and I make sure to block out my time as well. Last night I stayed at the firehouse with them. I won’t make the mistake of thinking a fire is ever too small again no matter how the alarm comes in.
It also gave me lots of time to think. I’ve been telling myself that I’ll enjoy our time together while we have it, and that I’m okay if she doesn’t stay. I told her to let me remind her how good it can be, but am I really helping her remember? Sure, sex is great but we had so much more than that. Bill was right. I've been holding myself back, keeping emotions inside and hiding words I want to say, still afraid to let myself fall completely for fear that she’s not going to stay.
I’ve never lived in fear before so why am I doing it now?
All my life I’ve been told I’m fearless and that's what makes me a great fireman. Now, being fearless can make you cocky but I have respect for the fear that can be there, I just don’t let it control me when facing it. I’ve run into burning buildings, I've gone up against forest fires and I've even had to jump from a third story building when I was a probationary fireman in the city.
None of that haunted me as much as it did when I let her drive away from me without telling her how I felt.
It’s also not fair for me to think she hasn’t changed. Who we were four years ago is not who we are now. We’re older, life has changed and things that weren't important before seem to move to the top of the list. Who am I to not believe her when she says she wants to try again with me? Bill’s words ring in my head. I’d be a damn fool to ignore it all now.
Waking up this morning I feel energized. I feel a sense of peace and a wave of change is in the atmosphere. After a quick shower, two cups of coffee, we’re all out the door and heading to the Great Lawn at the end of town for today’s festival.
It’s a beautiful sunny day and the field is packed with families and couples falling in love. Love Beach is a world of its own and I couldn't be happier that I've settled here. We walk as a group saying hello to the locals and taking pictures with kids. The fire department is treated like celebrities here and it makes me laugh but also gives me a sense of pride that we can bring safety to these people.
But today feels like more. I feel like I’m being watched extra closely by everyone in town and I can’t figure it out.
“Why’s everyone looking at me?”
“They all saw your truck parked at her house overnight the other night.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s news? The way Bill spoke it’s like the town expects it. So what’s the big deal?”
Maddox shrugs. “Could be the way you’re eye fucking her from across the field.”
I push him as we walk but laugh. “I am not.”
“You can tell us. Come on, guys talk! We’re your friends, too, you know. It’s not all business, all the time.” We walk in silence for a moment until he says, “It’s okay to look at her that way. As long as it’s only her.”
“Who else would it be?” I snipe out.
“I’m just saying. Sometimes you need love and sometimes you need hard love. And you can let that temptation show on your face.” He shrugs. “Sometimes you just have to take care of business, know what I’m saying?” He nudges me and I chuckle. “Marigold and I fuck in the bakery. Jace ripped Poppy’s dress right in half.”
“What?” I pull up short, not sure I want to hear this from them.
“Oh yeah. It was after the fire department Christmas party this year. Poppy brought her dress over to the house and asked Marigold if she thought it was salvageable.” Maddox digs out his phone and flips it around showing a picture of a dress torn in half.
I let out a breath and laugh, shaking my head. “I don’t know if I needed to know that.” Jace is not the quiet guy I thought he was and when I catch a glimpse of him he doesn’t seem phased in the least to hear us talking about it.
“So what’s your claim to fame?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know that I have one.”
“Come on, sure you do.” He puts his hands on his hips. “I’ll admit, sometimes I have to take Marigold to the bathroom and be a two-pump chump just so I don’t look like a bigger loser by coming in my pants.”
“Maddox! Jesus!”
“What! She turns me on like no one else and I’m not ashamed to say it.”
My lips roll in and I can feel the heat of embarrassment taking over my face. But I understand it. I glance around, lowering my voice. “I get that. You know, when she was gone there was no one else who caught my attention. Like, no one . I thought I may be broken. Until I’d lay in bed at night and think of her and instantly I was hard. It’s her I need. Her mind, her heart, her body.”
Maddox claps me on the back. “Definitely not broken, but it only works for one.” He leans in close. “The right one.” His eyes scan the crowd and a grin comes across his face. “There’s my girl now. Catch you guys later.”
We watch him jog across the field to her and Jace says, “He’s right, you know. It’s not just sex. I see how you guys are together, and I know what you mean when you say it’s just her. I feel that way with Poppy. It was her mind, her playfulness, the way she knew how to bring out the best in me and I in her. You two do that for each other and we all see it.”
“How’d you get so smart for a young kid?”
“It’s not about being smart. It’s just about realizing what’s in front of you.”
Sarah, the chief nursing officer, steps up to the podium and takes the mic. “Everyone! Gather around! I’m so excited to officially kick off the day! We’re going to start by announcing the honoree of this year's Spring-Break-A-Thon!”
Everyone claps and moves closer to the stage. The guys and I move up front but hang off to the side and I watch as Madeline steps on stage holding one of those large donation checks.
“We want to start off with a donation of our own. Madeline, would you like to do the honors?”
She stands next to Sarah, hiding the check from everyone. “Good morning, all! I’m so happy to be here today to present this check. As you know, it’s been a few years since I’ve been a nurse here at LBH. In that time, I’ve done travel nursing all over the country. It’s been so rewarding and I couldn’t have done it without the hospital donors and your help along the way.” Her eyes search the crowd until she spots me. “And now that I’ve come home, the remaining money that was being used for my travel is being put right back into Love Beach. I’m so honored to be able to present this check for fifteen thousand dollars to this year's honorees, our very own Love Beach Fire Department! Chief Donnelly, would you like to come to the stage?”
The crowd cheers and the guys clap and congratulate each other. I’m stunned until Maddox gives me a shove. “Get up there! They're waiting for you!” I watch Madeline the whole way, her smile leads me right to her. As I take my spot next to her, she turns the check around and Sarah hands me the mic.
“Uh, wow!” I laugh, a bit shocked to be standing in front of all these people. “This is amazing and I thank you all for nominating us to be this year’s recipients.” I turn to Madeline. “And to the staff of LBH, you guys make us look good and we’re thankful to work hand in hand with the best.”
We stand for pictures but honestly the only thing that replays in my head is her saying “now that I’ve come home.”