Chapter 30
SELENA
Pretending to want to kiss someone while you’re pretending like you don’t actually want to kiss them is exhausting and confusing and I should be relieved it’s over, but I’m not. Honestly, I’m so confused.
“Would you mind if we wait in here for a bit?” I ask Grayson without looking at him. I’m pacing around the large room.
He hasn’t moved. He’s still sitting on the bed, in the same spot.
“Sure,” he replies and I feel like I need to bake some pan dulce.
Okay, so downstairs I kissed Grayson Rhodes and he kissed me back. In this room I was straddling his lap and he kissed my neck in such a way it’s giving me chills just thinking about it. Then I thought I felt his excitement, but I was mistaken obviously.
I guess there’s nothing to talk about since we agreed some or all of this might happen. Except...
I kissed him.
He kissed me back.
It doesn’t mean anything.
Why does it feel like it means something?
This is where my overthinking comes into play and gets me in trouble.
I’m pacing around the large bedroom. The music is still playing below in the first floor.
I’m sure Samantha’s told half of the party she witnessed Grayson and me in the middle of some kind of sexual encounter.
With each retelling the story will get more convoluted, of that I have no doubt.
By the time it reaches Lila’s ears, I’m sure the intimate kiss will have become dirtier, featuring sex toys and elaborate erotic scenarios.
When I peak over at Grayson, I catch him running a hand down his face and I don’t have to wonder if he hates what happened, I’m witnessing his discomfort.
“Okay, I’m ready to go back downstairs,” I declare. I really need to get away from him. My thoughts and the things I’m feeling are so very inappropriate.
“Not yet.”
“Shouldn’t people see us?” I ask.
“Let them wonder where we are.”
From a merely logical standpoint, that makes sense. Taking a deep breath, I return to the bed.
Grayson stands when I sit, stretching his back and rolling his shoulders. His muscles shift when he moves. I don’t think I’ve ever realized how big and wide he is.
Ignoring how warm my cheeks feel, I ask, “So you’ve done this a lot, huh?”
His gaze meets mine. “Pretend to have sex? First time.”
I roll my eyes. “You know that’s not what I mean,” I sigh. “Fine. What would you rather talk about?”
“Why are you quitting soccer?”
I’m surprised by the question.
“I’m not quitting!” I snap. “I just... My parents don’t think I can make a career out of it. And I agree with them.” My emotions are all over the place. It’s the only explanation as to why I’m giving him an actual reason.
“Do you agree?” he asks, sounding skeptical.
I’m staring at his back as he looks out the window.
“You’re good, Alvarez. A career would easy for you.”
A tiny spark of hope ignites at his words. Could I do it, I wonder, but I shake the thought away.
“Can we talk about something else?”
When he faces me fully, he crosses his arms over his chest, looking wider and more imposing until he smirks. Then he looks intimidating in a very different way.
“Let’s talk about your books.”
I choke on my own saliva. “My books?”
“Your books.”
I do not want to talk to him, of all people, about my books. I take a second to clear my throat. “What about my books?”
“Which is your favorite?” he asks.
I laugh, falling back on the bed. “Start with an easier question.”
“Alright, I’ll narrow it down.”
I wait for him to do just that.
“Which do you like more: the one with the lawyer hooking up with three hockey players or—”
My ears are burning.
“—the one with the mafia boss who marries his enemies’ daughter?”
He’s talking about the two books Jess mentioned in her text. Pucking the Team and Forced Entanglement. Both have some serious smut.
“Um, I like both.”
He sits down next to me, making a scowly face. “Alvarez.”
“Okay, fine, um…” I sit up. “If I have to pick one? Then Forced Entanglement.”
“Why?”
Blushing, I wave away his question. “It’s my turn to ask you something. How many girls have you slept with?”
Why did I ask that?!
His eyes meet mine. Then his gaze drops to my lips for a split second before he replies, “Don’t know.”
“Rhodes, come on!” I laugh and he flashes half a smile.
He shrugs those broad shoulders. “I don’t keep count.”
“Wow, that many.” I chew on my bottom lip.
“We should go,” he says, heading for the door. Nodding, I grab his jacket and take the hand he offers without argument. Because the faster we get out of this room, the faster I can get away from him.
Walking down the stairs, everyone is looking at us again. This time I know what they’re whispering between themselves. Great.
The music in the background changes as we make our way to the kitchen. I recognize the lyrics. It’s a beat I’ve heard all my life. At bautizos and quinceaneras. Nostalgia and warmth replace the uncomfortable uncertainty I brought downstairs. I tug on his hand until he faces me.
“Let’s dance!”
He arches his left eyebrow. “Let’s not.”
This, I don’t mind. Wanting to argue with him feels familiar, conversations about books or sex does not. I mean, Grumpy Grayson is easier to deal with than Sweet Grayson or Sexy Grayson.
“Really, Rhodes? You’re not going to dance with your date?” I give him a fake pout and he scowls. Messing with him is so much fun.
“I don’t dance,” he states, looking over my head. “She’s here.”
Despite the dismissive tone, he suddenly pulls me flush against him. My breasts press into his hard body, throwing me off kilter.
This, I do mind. The warmth of his chest and embrace is quite unsettling, even alarming. Definitely too distracting. Okay, maybe I don’t mind all that much. Maybe I don’t mind at all.
Horrified by my own thoughts, I’m about to pull away to go dance by myself when I happen to see Lila only a few feet away. She’s glaring at us. At me.
She’s the reason we’re here, I remind myself. She’s the reason that I lean my head against his chest instead of pushing off him. She’s the reason his arms wrap around me and I let mine slip around his waist.
I don’t usually encourage hurting anyone and I don’t take any sort of pleasure in anyone’s suffering, however, I believe Lila deserves a taste of her own medicine after causing so much grief and heartbreak to one of the sweetest guys on campus.
Big Mike didn’t deserve how she mistreated him.
Even Grayson, as grumpy and scowly as he is, doesn’t deserve being stalked and harassed by her for years either.
Lila needs to know she’s not getting what she wants this time. It’s why I lean back a little until his blue eyes focus on mine. When I touch his jaw lightly with my hands, I can’t tell if it’s my heart beating rapidly or his.
The way his eyes look right now might be my favorite. They’re a bright, sky blue, so pretty and clear, they border on ethereal.
“Have you always been this tall?” I say, amazed that my voice doesn’t crack. I wrap my arms around his neck and almost giggle because he has to hunch down so I can be close to his lips. “It’s really not fair,” I whisper between us.
He kind of smells nice. Clean and airy and...and nice.
Grayson doesn’t reply. Instead, he grabs my thighs and lifts me up as though I weigh nothing. Now, we’re eye to eye. My feet are miles from the ground, but my body is secured against his from my chest all the way to my toes.
“Better?” he asks.
“Much,” I laugh. No one’s ever carried me like this. I am so tempted to wrap my legs around his waist, but I don’t for two reasons. One, my dress is very short and everyone would see everything. And two, that would be a very, very bad idea.
“Everyone looks so small from up here.” I squint as if I can’t make out anyone’s face. “Including you!” I chuckle. “Is that little Grayson Rhodes?” I ask no one.
“There’s nothing little about me, Alvarez.”
His words are charged with something I can’t name, but they warm up my entire body. All I want to do is bury my face in the crook of his neck to hide the blush spreading across my face. It’s kind of mortifying how inexplicably turned on I am right now.
He clears his throat. “You okay up there?”
His consideration catches me off guard. Everything about him right now is throwing me off.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I counter. It’s easier to be annoyed with him than to allow his behavior to affect mine. This way I won’t get any silly ideas in my head. Well, more of them. He lowers me to the tile.
I swallow as he watches me.
“Do you—”
“Selena?”
I turn to see my brother Sammy staring at me, then glaring daggers at Grayson. Oh no.