CHAPTER 5
DELANEY
As I settle on the porch swing while wearing a hoodie and leggings, I almost regret not grabbing a blanket from the living room since it’s still a little chilly in the morning here. While wrapping my hands around my cup of coffee, the warmth seeps into me and helps. Only a little though.
Facing the chill of the morning is worth it for the view I have right now.
The sun is barely peeking up over the horizon and starting to paint the sky in pinks, purples, and yellows. It’s beautiful.
I’ve seen a lot of sunrises and sunsets across the country while enjoying a lot of different landscapes. This one is a favorite and I couldn’t even tell you why. There’s just something serene about it with the mountains in the distance, but with flat land in front of me. Maybe it’s all in my head and I’m simply desperate for a place to feel like home. The way I feel settled here could just be an illusion.
Who fucking knows, but this morning, as I curl my fingers around my coffee mug isn’t when I’m going to figure it out.
My mind wanders to the work we’ve gotten done over the last week. The Burns brothers have impressed me, Noel most of all. He’s committed to making this equine therapy program work, it’s clear in everything he’s been doing.
While my focus is mostly on getting the horses assessed and trained, I also lay out plans for the rest of the business. However, it’s the job of whoever will be maintaining the program to set those things up. What good does it do for me to do it and then leave? The person in charge needs to be able to maintain and shift their marketing and brand as they see fit. Of course, I’m around to help and give feedback.
Once I laid out what they would need and who might be a good resource to tap into within the community, Noel has run with it. He’s already contacted the hospital in Wintervale as well as surrounding towns to touch base about letting them know Limitless will be a resource for them. Any suggestions they’ve given him; he’s taken on and followed up with.
That’s not all, he’s also started working on the program’s website along with Fletcher since he’s the one who has been maintaining Limitless’ website up until now. A lesser man would have just handed that project off to his brother to take care of, but not Noel.
Whenever he hasn’t been working on the behind-the-scenes things which go along with implementing a program like we’re building, he’s been with me and observing how I’m assessing the horses. He hasn’t been shy about asking questions, but he’s done it in an unobtrusive way without interrupting my work.
The biggest problem is that whenever he’s around I find myself more than a little distracted. He’s the most attractive man I’ve ever met, and the only man who has made had me consider breaking my cardinal rule to not get involved with people I work with, bosses especially. Noel is the kind of man you want to break all your rules for.
He’s intense and focused. He’s kind and thoughtful. The way he listens to me and probes my thoughts is intoxicating. The way he cares about the horses, the ranch, and the equine therapy program, even though it’s in its infancy, is filled with devotion.
It makes me wonder what it would feel like to have all of that devotion directed toward me.
Could he make me feel safe? Would I feel grounded, a feeling I hardly remember anymore because it’s been so long since I experienced it? Can he be my strength while letting me be his?
I shake my head, hoping to shake off those thoughts. They’re dangerous as hell. I can’t afford to give into them, no matter how tempting they are.
And they are tempting as hell.
It isn’t just me, either. Noel has embraced August in a way no one else has before. That would be enough to endear me to the man, but the way Auggie has soaked up the attention and basked in it like the sun, has only brought the point home that my brother needs a solid, steady, consistent male presence in his life. He deserves to feel settled and to feel like he belongs. And not in a fleeting way.
I’ve done him a disservice.
He never complained and I wouldn’t expect him to. The way he’s taken it all in stride allowed me to take a lot of things for granted. I should have put him first a long time ago.
I wanted to believe I was, but now I see I’ve just been running for eight years. Running and surviving as best I could.
But at what cost?
“Your thoughts are heavy,” Noel’s voice is a low rumble as he settles on the porch swing next to me.
I startle and press a hand to my chest where my heart is pounding hard. The glare I give him would be a deterrent to anyone else. But not to Noel Burns. No, he flashes me a boyish grin filled with teasing mirth.
“Noel,” I hiss in admonishment, “you scared the hell out of me. You shouldn’t just sneak up on people.”
He holds his hands up, the look on his face telling me he’s not sorry at all. “I thought for sure you would have heard the door open or me walk up, Freckles. I wasn’t exactly quiet.”
My eyes roam over the man, trying not to stare at the way the sweatpants he’s wearing stretch across his thighs or the way the henley he’s wearing shows off every dip and valley of his toned chest. The man is ripped, but not like he’s spent too much time at the gym. His body is proof of the years of hard work he’s put into the ranch and then the time he spent in the military before coming home.
An ache in my chest, the same one which is always present when I’m around him, has me dropping my hand and looking out across the land again. I can’t look at him. I don’t trust myself not to crawl into his lap and curl up.
Safe.
Secure.
Home.
No. I can’t think like that. I won’t. It’s far too dangerous to consider this man, this place, my home.
Just because I haven’t started looking to see where the next contract takes us doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
But what about giving August roots? Why couldn’t you stay?
I clear my throat to try and drown out my treacherous thoughts. A man like Noel wouldn’t want me and all my baggage. Even though I want to find a place to settle to give August the stability he’ll need soon, I’m not entirely sure I know how to do it anymore.
Maybe I’m just a lost cause.
“Freckles,” Noel rasps my name as he reaches over and grips the back of my neck like he’s holding me in place before I bolt while grounding me at the same time. His voice is low and coaxing, “What are you thinking about? I’m not sure if you’re about to pull a runner, hide amongst the horses all day to avoid what is right in front of you, or cry.”
I scoff, my voice wavering, “I don’t cry.”
He uses his grip on my neck to turn my head until I can’t avoid his eyes any longer. The way his gaze races between my eyes, like he’s trying to see deep into my soul, has my heart begging to be set free.
“But you do run and hide.”
My lips part and I try to form words, but they’re stuck behind a lump in my throat. Swallowing hard does nothing to help and I’m not even sure what I would say even if I could.
The silence stretches between us and my defenses are on full alert. “I don’t run or hide,” my voice is full of defiance that I don’t really feel.”
“Really?” He challenges me, “Is that why you’ve been out of the house early most mornings under the guise of work instead of what we really know to be true?”
I snap back, “And what is really true?”
“You’re avoiding me. You figured out I’m an early riser, just like you.” I huff and roll my eyes, but he doesn’t let up, the air around us charged with the pressure of his words and the truth within them. “You keep as much distance between us as possible and only grace me with your presence when you can no longer avoid it. Even then, you keep your responses to me clipped and to the point and only when I’ve asked a question about the program.”
“You’re my boss,” I point out, “I’m being professional.”
Noel’s laugh is a booming sound which wraps around me when it has no business doing any such thing. Staying away from him hasn’t been easy and I’ll never admit just how right he is. I’ve been running and hiding. I’ve been avoiding him.
Did I really have a choice, though? Every time I’m around him, even for a moment, I feel this tug in my soul. No matter how strong the feeling is, I can’t allow myself to be taken in by it.
“I’m not your boss,” he chuckles. “I’m your partner in getting this program off the ground. Fletcher, if you want to be technical,” he smirks, “is your boss.”
I roll my eyes and shoot the man a glare. “You’re the one who contacted me, and you’ll be heading up the program here. Hence, boss.”
“Sounds like semantics to me,” he muses. He’s not wrong, but that doesn’t mean I’m not right. “I know you’re about to make some excuse to get up and head out to the barn.” When I open my mouth to tell him he’s wrong, or maybe he’s right, he shoots me a look that has me biting my lip and trying not to smile. “You’ve been putting in a lot of work and while I know I won’t be able to talk you into taking the whole day off, can I take you to lunch?”
My tone is suspicious, “Lunch?”
“Yeah,” he shrugs, the motion so casual it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up, “just lunch. You gotta eat.”
“Lunch with you?”
He chuckles, the sound a low rumble that sends a shiver up my spine. “Yes, Freckles, with me. I’ll make some lunch and then I’ll show you my favorite spot on the ranch. We’ll eat.” I narrow my eyes, and he holds his hands up. “Just lunch. I promise.”
Even though my head is screaming at me to say no, the rest of me is louder. I swear my libido takes over before I can stop it. “Okay, lunch.”
The smile Noel shoots me is victorious. And then he’s gone so fast it’s almost like he’s afraid I’ll take it back. I would probably try, honestly.
As I get to work assessing Buttercup, I find it difficult to concentrate. It’s a damn good thing she is such a good horse and is willing to go along with me and not challenge me and what I’m asking her to do. How I get through the morning, I’m not sure, but I do.
When Noel walks up as I’m putting Buttercup back in her stall, I’m relieved to see him. I shouldn’t be. Avoiding him is better for me in the long run, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about having the chance to hang out with him since he asked me to lunch.
“Ready to go?”
His dark eyes are so earnest, I almost can’t look at him directly. I bite my lip as uncertainty settles around me.
“Maybe this is a bad idea,” I hedge. “What about August?”
“He’s covered, Freckles. If you haven’t noticed,” he smirks at me and my knees go weak, “he has uncles and an aunt here who love him. They will take care of him, no questions asked.”
When he entangles his fingers with mine, I should pull away. But I don’t. He pulls me out of the barn and to an ATV with a large cooler strapped to the rack. The way he leads me over makes me think he’s afraid I’m going to run away.
But I won’t. I agreed to this. I’ll see it through.
Even if resisting this man will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do.