CHAPTER 13
DELANEY
Bolt slows down as we come to the edge of the lake, just like he has every time I’ve ridden him out here. Normally it’s just because I love riding him, but today I need to think. The last two weeks have flown by, and every day was filled with memories. The kind of memories that make you ache because of how good they are while you’re afraid they’re only fleeting.
But they don’t have to be.
The memories I’ve made here can become part of my life and I could stay and make new ones. This could be permanent.
I just have to do something that scares the living daylights out of me. If I just take what Noel is offering, if I just accept that the love between us is forever, then I can stay.
It feels like it should be easy, and maybe it is.
Has there been another place I’ve been to that has felt this right? Have I had this feeling since I made the hard choice to sell my family’s ranch, and I set out on this path which kept me moving forward when everything in me wanted to curl up and never move again? Is there a better place for me to settle?
The answers to all the questions swirling inside of me are easy to answer.
My heart and soul yearn to stay. That is something I won’t, can’t, deny. It would tear me up inside to leave Limitless Ranch.
But then what about everything I’ve been building? What about the business I’ve put everything into?
Noel might have offered to travel with me, but what if that kind of life wears on him? And then what about August? I know everyone in the Burns family would help and be there for him, but I’ve been the only parent he’s known for most of his life. Would it be fair to keep going out on the road and leave him behind?
Even scarier, would he thrive if that’s exactly what I decide to do?
The guilt at the thought of what I’ve taken from him, of what I haven’t been able to give him feels like a noose around my neck.
Then there’s the option of having teleconferences or something which would allow me to consult from a distance. Just as I have that thought, a breeze caresses me, and I close my eyes.
“Mom, Dad,” I whisper, the sound caught and carried up to the vast blue sky above me. “I need a sign. Is this the right place for us? Can our future really be this place? Will August find friends here which will last him a lifetime, will he be able to finally be embraced by a family who would lay their lives down for him like you would have if you were still here?”
The breeze envelopes me again and it’s as if I can feel a hand on my cheek, urging me to open my eyes. When I do, I don’t have an otherworldly experience of seeing my parents in front of me, but it is as if I can feel them astride horses on either side of me. I look out at the land in front of me and a sense of peace I can’t ignore fills me.
Maybe it can be this simple.
My gut has been urging me to give in and accept what is being offered me here on this land. The family. The man. The love.
I’ve been scared. I’m still scared.
“What if it doesn’t work out? What if Noel decides one day the grief I always carry with me is too much? What if the love we have right now changes into something else? I don’t want him to resent me after I’ve given up everything that has kept me going when I didn’t know how else to do it.”
My heartbeat slows and everything around me stills. It’s just for a moment, a singularity I don’t think I could ever describe because it has to be experienced.
Bolt backs up a few steps and then moves forward again, as if he’s telling me that forward can change, that our paths can shift as you experience life. I run my hand down the side of his neck, a silent thanks for being steady when everything I’ve been clinging to feels like it is crumbling in my grasp.
“Stay,” it’s just a whisper on the wind and it could just be my mind playing tricks on me, but it’s as clear as day to my heart.
Stay.
Build a life.
Let love carry you as the roots you’ve been craving grow so deep in the soil they can never be unearthed.
Without another thought, I pull Bolt’s reins away from the lake. I don’t need to be here anymore; I know my decision. Still, there’s one person I need to talk to before I can commit.
The moment we’re completely turned, Bolt starts to gallop like he knows I want to get back quickly. He doesn’t disappoint and a feeling of freedom rushes through me. The landscape slides by us and the feeling grows.
Even though I’m antsy to talk to August, I take the time to get Bolt put away properly. Buttercup won’t let me walk by her without giving her some love and I can’t help but smile. I’ve been helping Eden and Buttercup repair their relationship. They’ll get there, but it’s going to take a little more time.
Honestly, I think Buttercup has forgiven Eden, she’s just being stubborn about it now because she likes the extra attention and the treats. Eden is using any trick she can on this horse, not that I can blame her since the horse in question is one of the sweetest that I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with.
When I step into the house, it’s quiet, but I know August is around here. I peek into the kitchen to find Noel making sandwiches and his face lights up when he sees me.
As much as I want to go to him and wrap him in my arms, I’m afraid I’ll blurt out my decision and I can’t tell him until after I have a serious conversation with my brother. I clear my throat and give an awkward wave which has amusement dancing in Noel’s brown eyes.
“Where’s August?”
Noel arches an eyebrow in question but doesn’t ask before nodding toward the stairs. “He’s in his room. I believe he’s building something.”
I nod once and before I can stop myself, I’m racing across the room and launching myself at my man. He catches me easily as his laughter fills the room. My hands cradle his strong jaw, and I pull him toward me. The kiss I give him is filled with something sweet and precious which he returns tenfold.
Even though my body heats up with how good it feels to be in his arms, I pull back and wiggle a little. Noel lets me down, not letting go completely until I’m stable on my feet. With a grin, I turn and hustle out of the room, the sound of his hard exhale making me smile.
Once I get to August’s door, I knock and then stick my head through the slight opening. My brother is sprawled out in the middle of the room and surrounded by blocks. My eyebrows pull together because it looks like he was trying to build something but isn’t, or maybe he can’t.
His head comes up and he looks at me with wary eyes. My steps are cautious as I walk deeper into the room and close the door behind me. I don’t like the way he’s looking at me, but I’m not surprised either.
He probably expects me to talk to him about where we’re going next. I would usually have the next contract set up and be planning for it. But the pull to stay, the way Noel’s words and promises have wrapped around me, hasn’t allowed me to even look through my email to see if there are any requests for my services.
“We’re going to be leaving, aren’t we?” Even though my brother tries to keep his voice steady, he can’t hide the slight wobble, dejection is threaded through each word.
I sit on the edge of the small bed he’s been calling his and pat the spot next to me. August gets up slowly and approaches, his feet dragging in a way they never have before.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” I tell him honestly. “This is the time when I start looking at what comes next.”
August swallows hard and I can see his internal struggle. It’s written all over his face. It breaks my heart and gives me hope.
“I don’t want to leave,” he finally whispers just when I think the silence between us will last forever.
I blink a few times at my brother and, as his words sink deeper, I find a smile lifting my lips. He does a double take when he sees my reaction, confusion in his eyes as his eyebrows pull together.
My hand covers his and I give a squeeze. “That took a lot of courage to say to me,” I murmur, my words gentle and filled with pride. “I’ve been pulling you all over the country for so long and you’ve gone along with it every time. You’ve never put up a fuss about leaving friends and places behind.” I tilt my head to the side as I study him. “Why is it different this time?”
August’s words are impassioned, “Can’t you feel it, Dela? This place is different. This place feels like,” he pauses before swallowing hard, the next word breakable, “home.”
“Auggie,” I breathe out, my heart soaring because he feels the same thing I do.
He’s never asked me for much, even though I’ve tried to give him everything. He’s been game to follow behind me as I try to find a way forward. In the last eight years, we’ve been each other’s home, even though I was never really sure if he even knew what that felt like.
Now we have a chance for more.
“Please,” he pleads, his eyes wide and round like he can get me to agree with him, to stay, with just a look.
“I think,” I pause as the feeling of freedom and peace I’ve been struggling against out of fear find a permanent place in my soul, “you’re right. I think we should stay.”
The moment stretches between us, and I watch as my words, even though they aren’t what he was expecting, work their way through my brother’s mind. One moment he’s sure I’m going to move us along and the next he sucks in a sharp breath before he grins at me. The smile on his face is so big and wide.
It would all be worth it for that smile alone.
My mind flashes back to a time when I thought I was going to lose my little brother just like I lost my parents. I sat next to his hospital bed, his hand so small in my own. I was filled with fear I’d never experienced before at the thought of the last of my family being gone. He’s been all I had left for so long.
But that’s not true anymore.
This ranch, and the people in it, have opened their family and their hearts to me. And to August.
We have so much more now. I’m not going to lose it.
August slams into me so hard I almost topple off the bed, but even if I did fall it wouldn’t matter. His arms wrap around me as he hugs me as tight as he can.
“You mean it? You really mean it?”
I rock us gently, feeling the depth of my decision wrap around me and ground me. The first of our roots, even though they are small now, start to reach into the soil. They’ll grow. They’ll get stronger.
Home.
We’re home.
“I mean it,” my words are a vow. “We’re staying. I’m sorry it took so long for me to accept it.”
August pulls back from me, the sadness gone from his eyes and replaced with excitement and mirth. “Noel is going to faint when you tell him,” he teases.
I throw my head back and laugh and my brother joins me a heartbeat later. I don’t know if my man will faint, but I do know he’ll show me exactly how thrilled he is about my decision.
More than once, I’m sure.