4. Mandy
4
MANDY
“ M andy?”
I snapped my head up from where I leaned on the heels of my palms, elbows framing the register. “What?” I blinked and cranked my head to see who had spoken. “Oh. Vince. Sorry.” I waved a hand. “Lost in thought.” Understatement! My mind had been consumed by my encounter with Chance since he’d left hours ago. “Did you say something?”
“I, uh.” Vince, my only employee and a damn good mechanic, cleared his throat and motioned toward the garage. “I’ve closed up for the night.”
My gaze whipped to the cheap, white clock hanging above the pegboard. Five seventeen. Wow. Instead of counting the register, I had spent the last seventeen minutes drooling into it. Classy.
Vince shuffled closer. “Um, I really need my paycheck.” His sweaty cheeks pinkened beyond the heat from the garage. “You were fixin’ to give it to me last Friday, but, um, it’s been a whole week. I can’t wait anymore.”
Embarrassment flooded my veins. “Oh.” I peered at the opened drawer, then back at him. “I’m sorry.”
The wan smile he shot me made me flush, then I registered the lack of funds in the tray. Walter. Of course. He’d taken it all. I silently cursed him for taking what little I had—and my father for putting me in the situation in the first place.
I counted out every bill still in the drawer, but they weren’t enough. “I’m sorry, Vince.” I thrust the small stash at him. “I’ll swing by the bank first thing tomorrow morning to get you the rest.”
Deep creases formed between Vince’s eyes as he accepted the cash. “Yeah. Um. I get that you’ve run into trouble.” His gaze flicked down, and I knew he hadn’t missed Walter’s constant visits to the shop. I prayed Vince didn’t know the real reason. Walter had already proven he’d target anyone connected to me.
“It’s just—” Vince scratched the back of his neck. “I’ve got Sue and Megan to take care of and I need a steady paycheck.” My heart clenched at the mention of his wife and daughter. They shouldn’t have to suffer because of my father’s bad choices. Vince cleared his throat again. “I, um…look.” His gaze snapped to mine and firmed with resolve. “I’m quitting. I’ll be by tomorrow to collect the rest of my last paycheck. I’ve got an offer from the paper mill to keep their machines running, and I’m going to accept it.”
I schooled my expression so Vince wouldn’t see how much his words crushed me. I didn’t blame him. Honestly, I admired his dedication to his family, but his walking out left me without a mechanic. I had too much work to do by myself, but I couldn’t afford to hire anyone else.
Not his problem . Forcing a smile, I closed the empty drawer. “I understand. I wish you nothing but the best. They’re getting a stellar employee.”
He ducked his head and waved, then strode out the door.
Locking the door behind him, I took two steps, then slumped into a black plastic visitor chair. I stared at the grease in the crevices of my fingers, and tears gathered at the corners of my eyes. “I’m sorry, Dad,” I whispered, my throat tight from holding the tears back. “I tried.”
Grief from missing my father warred with my anger at what he’d left behind. His gambling debt was too much for me to manage. He may have left me the garage and house, but I’d also inherited the tab he owed a ruthless bookie. It had come as a shock when I’d found home equity loan documents for the full value of the house in my father’s legal file. The money certainly never went into the garage or home repairs, and I had never noticed my father making frivolous purchases. Where had the money gone? The answer came when Walter showed up with two thugs, only a few days after I buried my father. He explained how George Loomis had been borrowing from Walter’s boss to feed his gambling addiction. The lump payment my father had given them didn’t even cover half of what he owed, and the longer the repayment dragged out, the higher the interest rate rose.
I’m going to have to sell the garage . I lifted my eyes and surveyed my sanctuary. No matter what life threw at me, this garage had always given me peace and the ability to tune everything out. All my happiest memories lived in this place: fixing cars with Dad, and later with Chance. Falling in love, one day at a time, shy attraction and friendship growing into something strong and solid, passionate and sweet. I’d danced with Chance after closing, to Dad’s radio, to Belinda Carlisle singing “Heaven Is a Place on Earth.” I’d thought that must be true, but no longer. No more. Those days were gone, and what came next would hurt.
I couldn’t see a way to hold on to my haven.
I strolled out of the master bedroom in the back of my single-level, Craftsman-style house, tucking a light-green knit T-shirt into my favorite jeans.
“Woah,” my roommate, Pepper Hammond, exclaimed, grinding to a halt in the living room. “Where are you going, all nice and dolled up?”
I dodged by her with a mumbled nowhere . Within a week of Walter’s visit two years ago, I had done two things. One, I’d asked Pepper, my best friend since high school, to move into my house to share expenses. And two, I’d gone straight to the FBI. One had worked out, the other had failed disastrously, though it wasn’t the feds’ fault. They’d been after Walter’s boss, who had a reputation as a vicious loan shark, but they hadn’t had much on him, not even his name. He’d shielded himself well behind layers of loyal underlings—but Walter, they’d felt, might be a weak link. Could I help with that, maybe? Dig around? Wear a wire? I’d been scared, damn scared, but I’d agreed.
I’d found out Walter drove down from Atlanta—a little over an hour northeast of Springwell—but nothing more. Then Walter had learned I’d called the FBI. How he’d done found out, I’d never know, but to say his retaliation had made me back out of the arrangement and never want to try again was an understatement. I still got chills just thinking of coming home, finding Pepper curled up sobbing, halfway in shock. Walter hadn’t hurt her, but he’d scared her badly. He’d sent one of his thugs to rob her at gunpoint, and left me with no doubts that I was to blame.
I can do worse, he’d said, the next time he’d come by. Much worse, so how about it? You going to behave?
I had behaved, and I’d buckled down, focusing on paying down the debt Dad had left. But even with Pepper’s rent money and the two of us splitting the bills, I couldn’t catch up. It was all too much—making loan payments to the bank, keeping up with the costs of running a garage, not to mention Walter’s relentless visits. At the end of the month, I barely had enough left to budget for groceries.
Now, Pepper bounced after me, not taking the hint. “Helllllooo? Where you headed?”
I snapped out of my thoughts and eyed Pepper, dressed for her late shift waiting tables at Lunar Brewing Company. “Sorry. Rough day.”
“Can’t have been that rough.” Pepper motioned at me. “You’re not in a tragic T-shirt or coveralls. So, where are you going? It’s Friday night. Hell, I’d ask the same thing if it was a Tuesday. You never go anywhere, so what happened? What’s changed?”
I shifted my socked feet as I felt my face heat. All right, so it had been a while since I’d had evening plans that didn’t include a movie on TV or a good book. So what? I wasn’t about to waste my own money, and I never had worthy male prospects asking me out. Which, honestly, why would I? I was too busy to bother. “Um. I have a date.”
Pepper blinked. “A date?” A smile stole over her face. “Who’s the lucky guy? Where did you meet him? Should I tell him you bite?” Her blue eyes twinkled. “It’s been at least two years since you’ve had a date.” She lowered her voice and wiggled her eyebrows. “Or are y’all skipping the meal and diving right into dessert ?”
“Ha-ha.” I maneuvered around my friend and plunked down on the couch. “You know him, actually.” I grabbed my favorite cowboy boots. “You remember Chance McCallister, right?”
At the continued silence, I glanced up and found Pepper’s mouth hanging open.
“Seriously?” Pepper asked, recovering.
“Yep.” I stood and searched for the small purse I rarely used. “He and his brothers are home for their dad’s funeral, but Chance isn’t going back into the Navy.” I said it…there. I marched to the open counter that split the living room from the kitchen/dining room. “He said he’s retired.”
“But…” Pepper followed me. “I’m confused. Didn’t you get over him?” She slapped her hands on her hips. “Did he or did he not ditch you for the Navy? And that was you crying over him for years, right? After all that, you’re giving him another shot?”
I found my purse on the counter and snatched it up. Yanking out my license and the bit of cash, I stuffed them into my pockets. “Not a shot. Just catching up. In fact,” I said as I tossed the purse on the counter, “I’m overselling it by calling it a date. More like two people deciding to be adults for a few hours before going on with their lives.”
Pepper cackled and linked her arms through mine, steering me toward the front door. “Girl, you keep telling yourself that. Maybe the BS will become believable with repetition.”
I grimaced and pulled free, heading for my aging, but well cared for, pickup and waving to Pepper as she made for her own truck. It wasn’t BS, whatever Pepper might think. I’d see Chance, hear him out, but that was it. Now that I’d gotten over the shock of seeing him again, surely I could manage a few hours in his presence without falling apart.
Quiet dignity, I reminded myself. No drooling, no yelling, no falling in love.
Yeah, I could do that, get through a few drinks without tearing down the wall around my heart or berating him for my breaking it in the first place. What choice did I have but to move on? Our relationship was over, and that was that.
Dear God, save me . Ten seconds in his presence and I’d already broken one of my vows. I was drooling. But damn, I couldn’t care less. Those jeans he was wearing ought to be illegal, the way they defined his thighs…such strong, firm thighs. My eyes slid up as he led me from the pub’s lobby. That was another crime, how his jeans hugged his ass. And his shirt was just as guilty, the way it clung to him, drawing attention to the muscles in his shoulders, back, and arms. Hard muscles, sinuous. Would he notice a pinch?
I barely registered the loud room packed with people itching to throw off the work week, or the music pumping overhead, making it harder to have a conversation. My gaze remained riveted on the man in my sights, wending his way toward a booth in the back.
Water , I silently croaked, needing to quench the desert in my mouth and the fire growing in my pants. I hadn’t seen action in way too long. How long had it been since I’d been touched? Since I’d been kissed, wanted, held in strong arms? I could still remember the taste of his skin, how it had felt to bite him and make him growl in surprise. How he’d moaned when I touched him, and?—
He pivoted, catching me by surprise. With a supreme lack of grace, I slammed into him hard. His arms immediately wrapped around me, pulling me flush against his broad, firm chest. My mouth watered, and I ached to taste him.
Then I inhaled. Home . The breath caught in my throat.
After twelve years, I’d never expected him to still smell like home—spicy soap and clean skin, his own unique scent. I breathed him in and let out a gasp. His aroma was so masculine and so ingrained in my psyche I had to get away before I did something stupid, like bury my nose in his pecs and inhale again. This did not bode well for guarding my heart.
Grasping both his biceps, I fought for control, gulping at the electricity zinging through my veins. I clung on tighter because if I let go, I wasn’t sure where my hands might end up. Chasing up his arms, maybe, to caress the sides of his neck. I shook off the impulse and pushed back enough to steady myself.
Chance’s hold loosened, but his eyes had gone black, his pupils huge with hunger or lust. A warning skittered down my spine, but it only heightened the sensation of being caught in his predatory gaze. His fingers bit into the sides of my ribs, just below my breasts, and I whimpered, not sure if I wanted him to let go or keep going. Throw me down on the table and have me right there.
Tension pulsed around me and coiled inside with every delicious inhale.
Dark brown eyes traced down my face and settled on my lips. Without even thinking about it, I licked my bottom lip. A low growl in Chance’s chest vibrated against me, and my nipples hardened to painful peaks. Oh, I remembered this—this feeling. This need.
Chance had always been dominant, and I’d loved that. Loved the way he took control, so I didn’t even have to think. I could just lie back and luxuriate in his every touch. He’d known what he wanted…but back then, he’d still been learning. Now… A shiver stole through me, a hot, crackling thrill. He was a man now, a boy no more. An experienced hunter peered through his eyes, focusing on his prey with feral intent. Confidence oozed from his pores, and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. He wasn’t trying to hide his desire, or the fact that he possessed the carnal knowledge to make me forget my own name.
“Sheesh, y’all.” An amused voice interrupted us. “Tone it down or get a room.”
I yanked my hands away and jumped back. Holy crap . I smoothed out my shirt with shaking hands. My eyes darted left to find Pepper grinning as she mouthed, Go for dessert .
Fire flamed my cheeks, and I suddenly needed to see what was playing on the TVs mounted in the bar area.
My roommate snorted, then turned to Chance. “Hot damn, man.” She swished a hand over his torso. “You’ve really grown up. Navy did a body good.”
He barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Pepper.” He leaned over and gave her a hug, and I was fine with that. Totally fine. I had no issue whatsoever with my friend’s breasts touching his chest. Nope. I was fine. With. It.
Pepper straightened and shot him a saucy grin. “Please tell me Harris is just as delicious as you.”
Chance scrubbed the back of his head. “Uh, sure. The Marines ‘did a body good,’ as you would say.”
Harris McCallister had been in the same grade as me and Pepper, but I had only ever paid attention to Chance, who was in the year ahead of us.
“Nice,” Pepper said, her eyes turning dreamy. “I lost my virginity to that man on prom night, and the way he made my body sing the summer following?—”
“Stop,” Chance grumbled, with an exaggerated shudder. “That is way more than I ever wanted to know about my brother.”
Pepper snickered and pulled a small pad of paper out of her apron. “So, what can I get y’all started with? Lunar’s crafted pale ale is on special tonight.”
It only took a few minutes to settle into the booth, put our beer orders in along with a recommended appetizer, and get Pepper to go away. Or at least that was my reason for agreeing to order cheesy bacon potato skins.
Chance twined his fingers together on top of the table and met my gaze. “You’ve always been beautiful,” he said. “But somehow you’ve grown even more stunning over the years.”
“Thank you.” I resisted scratching my nose from nerves. I’d always had a love/hate relationship with compliments. I loved receiving them, but never knew how to react. “You too, but you know that. Like Pepper said, good job growing up. I mean, look at you.” I waved to encompass all of him. “Seriously, just…wow.”
His grin grew wider, making my heart flutter. “I’m so used to punishing my body with an insane physical workout, these past two weeks have made me feel like a slacker.” He shrugged, the casual movement rippling muscles I seriously wanted to lick. “I’ve done what I could to keep up exercising at home, but it’s not the same.”
“I’ll bet,” I agreed, then realized I had no idea what he’d just said. Something about exercise. Keeping it up. I blurted out the first response that popped into my head. “Why in the hell would you want to maintain a SEAL-level workout now that you’re retired?”
He laughed and the rich sound did things to my body, stoking a fire in my belly and between my thighs. “I guess I’m still not used to being out of the military. Once I’m settled, I’ll feel better.” His brown eyes flicked away. “Looks like you’ve gotten settled, though—with the garage, I mean.”
I nodded, working hard to portray the epitome of happiness. “Sure have.”
His smile slowly faded, replaced with suspicion. “Who was that guy earlier, when I walked in? You looked sort of…I don’t know. Scared and repulsed.”
I stiffened all over and didn’t respond. My body felt cold where it had just been burning, fear creeping in and closing my throat. Chance didn’t seem to notice. He hadn’t stopped talking.
“Then I find that creep sitting in a black SUV, still there when I left, watching the garage.” His brown eyes darkened, but not with passion this time. “A dissatisfied customer would just drive away. That guy—you know that guy. Are you in trouble?”
“Here you are.” Pepper appeared as if she knew I needed time to figure out an answer. She plunked down the two mugs filled with the Lunar craft special. “Your appetizer will be out in a minute.” Without waiting for a response, she sidled to the foursome in the booth next to ours.
I grasped the mug’s handle, grateful for the reprieve. If I opened my mouth, the truth might spill out. I’d been fighting too long, all by myself. Holding in all my fear and outrage, pretending I was okay, even with Pepper. It would feel good to tell someone—someone strong, who could help. And Chance would help, I knew it—at least, the Chance I’d grown up with would have.
Sadness ran through me like a burst of cold water. I hadn’t been close to Chance in a very long time. It wouldn’t be fair to dump all this on him. Not on the same day he’d buried his dad. I swallowed hard and felt my eyes prickle.
“It’s nothing you have to worry about.” I reached for my drink and took a deep slurp.
“Mandy,” Chance growled. “I can help. I’ll run the guy off?—”
“Absolutely not.” I set the glass down harder than I’d meant to, slamming it on the table. “Look, it’s sweet of you to offer, but really, I’m fine. I don’t need some white knight swooping in to save me. I’ve done just fine without you for the last twelve years.”
Lies. All lies . I hadn’t been fine in a long time. I’d been lonely and drifting even before Dad passed away, before his debt crashed in and ruined my life. And since the big change, I’d spent so much time being scared that I’d forgotten how to relax.
“You might not need me, but I’m still here for you.” Chance’s knuckles whitened as he gripped the table. “Even after the way you ended things between us.”
My shoulders slumped. “Do you really want to get into that now?”
“You know what? I think I do. Why did you break up with me? I thought we were building our lives together.”
Pushing the beer to the side, I leaned forward. “ Together , huh? What does that mean to you? To me, it means, y’know, doing things together. Discussing our future, not just jumping in and making all the decisions on your own.” Together should have meant he understood my dreams, or at least knew what they were. He’d never asked, and that hurt to this day. “It’s pretty hard to ‘build our lives together’ if you’re overseas and I’m all alone. I probably wouldn’t even know where you were.”
Chance’s eyes had gone wide with surprise. “If you?—”
“You know what? This was a bad idea.” I scooted to the end of the bench and got to my feet. “Thank you for your service to our country. But you and me…” I trailed off. My heart hurt. I couldn’t say what I’d meant to say— we’re done, over . Instead, I cleared my throat and took a step back. “It’s been good to see you again, but I don’t need anything from you. And I don’t owe you an explanation about anyone in my garage.”
Heart thundering in my throat, I turned and fled, storming through the restaurant and out the front door. Oh God . I kept seeing the surprise, confusion, and pain flashing across his face, but my fear squashed every urge to turn back around and talk things out. He knew me too well. He’d soon get the truth out of me, and that would be disastrous for him and for me. If Chance tangled with Walter, I could lose him again, forever this time, and it would be my own fault. I couldn’t let that happen, no matter how scared I got. Chance hadn’t survived God-knew-what overseas, only to lose his life in his hometown to a loan shark.
It took me two tries to get my key to fit into the ignition. Chance didn’t come after me—or, if he did, I didn’t turn to see. I peeled out and drove through the quiet streets of Springwell, my mind whirling with my awful dilemma. Walter had made it clear he’d do whatever it took to collect my father’s debt. If Chance found out, he’d insist on helping. I couldn’t live with myself if Walter hurt Chance. But I was scared, and broke, and so tired. Drowning in debt with no end in sight. What chance did I have all by myself?
I let out a soft moan, filled with pure misery. Pepper had gotten hurt last time I’d reached out for help. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened again, especially to a war hero just home from serving his country.
I’d have to avoid him, or I knew I’d crack. Around him, I wasn’t myself. I couldn’t think straight, with our insane chemistry. We’d always been combustible, but I could not mistake lust for love, nor could I allow myself to think I had any claim on Chance. Even if he offered. He had his life to live, and I had mine—and they weren’t meant to intersect. Not anymore. The thumping in my heart might say otherwise, but that was just nostalgia for what we’d once had. Whatever I felt now, and whatever he felt, it wouldn’t be right to take advantage.
Turning into my driveway, I shut the engine off. I’d done the right thing walking away. After all this time, it’d be crazy to believe I was still in love with Chance McCallister. Crazy to imagine we still had a future instead of just a past.