10. Mandy
10
MANDY
S lumping, I smashed my cheek against the cool table and tried to catch my breath. An acrid taste hit the back of my throat and I sniffed. “I think something’s burning.”
“Oh, crap.” Chance yanked himself out of me, and I instantly missed the connection. He leapt to the stove and twisted a dial to shut off the burner. Picking the frying pan up, he laughed and showed me the black lumps. “I don’t think even the squirrels would touch these sausages.”
Chuckling, I shuffled to the kitchen sink. A delicious soreness had stuck with me, leaving me sensitive and hungry to be touched, explored. I contemplated telling him to forget breakfast. Once had not been enough. A hundred times, even, would just be a start. We had twelve years of catching up to do, and?—
I froze with one arm out to grab a paper towel. There, on the counter, sat the FBI agent’s business card. It had been tucked in the junk drawer—Chance must have found it when he’d been gathering cooking supplies.
I grabbed the paper towel and shoved it under the faucet. My mind was racing, my lust all but forgotten. Quickly cleaning myself up, I passed Chance a fresh towel. He wrapped up his condom and tossed it in the trash.
“Time to talk?” he asked quietly, pointing to the card.
“Yes. I think so.” If we were going to have a relationship, he needed to know all of it. I pulled on his shirt, not wanting to have this conversation naked.
He cleaned the broken egg off the floor, then put his shorts on.
“I’m not sure where to start,” I said, sitting down with a thud.
“How about when Walter and this loan shark entered your life?” He pulled a chair close to me and sat, massaging my shoulders.
I blew out a breath, gathering my thoughts. It took me a moment to figure out where to start, but once I got going, the words tumbled out. I explained about Dad, and his debts, and the loan.
As he listened, Chance’s jaw hardened and his eyes flashed with emotions—rage, sorrow, shock, and more—but he kept quiet, letting me tell the story at my own pace. God, I’d missed talking to him. He had always been a great listener and shoulder to lean on.
“After Walter’s first visit, I drove to Atlanta and walked into the FBI building,” I continued. A spasm raced through my fingers, and I blinked at the sensation of Chance gripping back. When had I reached for his hand?
Concentrating on the comfort of his touch, I kept going. “I didn’t have an appointment and my case wasn’t life or death, so it took a while before I got to see anyone. Agent Mark Butler. The one on the card. I told him what I’ve told you, and he asked me to be an informant.”
“I take it you turned him down?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I agreed. But I told him straight out that I wasn’t sure how useful I’d be. After all, I didn’t know anything about this loan shark or his organization. I only knew Walter. The agent asked if I’d pass on information as I learned it. I didn’t see a choice, so I said yes.”
“But?” Chance’s expression had turned grim.
“I had to back out.”
“Why?” His fingers twined with mine as if he was offering me his strength.
“Walter found out. I don’t know how. He had pictures, though, of me and Agent Butler. And then…” I squeezed Chance’s hand, drawing on that strength to fight my fear and fury. “Pepper was walking home. It was late, after work. One of his thugs came and robbed her at gunpoint. He said it was a warning. She didn’t understand, but I did. The minute she told me, I knew it was Walter—that he’d arranged the whole thing. So the next time I saw him, I made a deal. He’d leave my loved ones alone, and I’d play nice. I’d pay off Dad’s debt, I wouldn’t complain, and I’d keep the authorities out of it. I called Agent Butler, told him I was out, and I’ve been trying to deal with it on my own ever since.”
“You have me now to help.”
“I do, but…” I bit my lip, then plunged ahead. “I’m afraid you’re going to do something to make it worse,” I confessed. “Your sense of justice hasn’t changed, but you can’t fix this. I still don’t know who the boss is. My only contact is Walter, and what good would it do to go after him? He’s replaceable. If you take him out, his boss will just send someone else, someone who’ll come after us harder than before. One man can’t take on an entire corrupt organization.”
Chance’s lips thinned, and his eyes sparked.
I leaned forward. “Please promise you’ll talk to me before you get any ideas.” I hesitated, not wanting to bring up our past, but I knew I had to, to make him understand. I drew a deep breath and looked him straight in his eyes. “Don’t treat this like you did your Navy decision.”
Every muscle in his body turned to stone. “You mean the decision to give us a future?”
“A future?” I nearly laughed. “We already had a future. What do you?—”
“You always said you believed in me.” He leaned forward. “I trusted you meant it. When I talked to that Navy recruiter, he showed me how we could have a fresh start. They’d teach me how to channel all that anger into something productive and I could use it to protect people.” His chin lifted. “My scores on the aptitude tests were really good. It meant I’d start with a higher ranking, and it’d give us more money to start off our lives. I couldn’t wait to tell you.” He looked away, frowning. “I didn’t get it. Still don’t. Instead of being happy and proud, you broke up with me. I can’t tell you how much that shredded me. You left me, just ditched me without an explanation.”
Pain lanced through my heart, and I tried to take my hand back, but he clamped my fingers tighter.
“You destroyed me too,” I said, when he didn’t let go. “Not once did it occur to you to talk to me about our future. You just went ahead and made plans that impacted both of us. Plans you couldn’t take back—you’d already enlisted. I thought we were on the same page, and then out of the blue sky, boom . You slapped me in the face with this huge decision. This life-changing contract you signed behind my back.”
“Not behind your back?—”
“Did you ask me what I wanted for us?” I interrupted, needing him to finally hear my point. “My dream was to take over the garage and marry you.” I trembled, my deepest wish laid bare at last. I’d always assumed he knew, but saying it out loud all these years later still got my heart racing. Especially now with us on the cusp of…something.
Plunging ahead, I forced myself to confess it all. “I thought we’d run the shop together and maybe have kids one day. When you showed up with that contract, you told me my dreams didn’t matter. That our life here—the life I wanted and planned on—wasn’t enough for you.”
Tears filled my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and kept going. “You did the same thing my mom did to my dad. She stuck around long enough to make him fall in love. Long enough for him to have a taste of all his dreams coming true, then left when she decided she didn’t want the same things he did.”
The hard edges fell from his expression, and Chance’s shoulders slumped.
“Mandy,” he whispered. Small spasms shook his body, and he dropped his head.
My heart ached, but I continued. “I never wanted to be shuffled around the world at the Navy’s whim or be left behind when your team went out on missions.” A traitorous tear slid down my cheek. “I wanted to build a life in Springwell around you and the garage. But then you joined the Navy, and you were so proud and excited. I couldn’t ask you to stay, and I knew I’d be miserable if I went with you.” My throat hurt from pushing words past the lump. “I refused to beg to be enough for you when you’d already made your choice to leave, so I did what I had to do. I walked away.”
Chance rose from the chair and rounded the table. Craning my neck, I braced myself for his rebuttal. I never expected him to drop to his knees in front of me.
Cradling my face in his hands, he swiped his thumbs at the tears I couldn’t stop. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It never occurred to me you’d see it that way. It should have, but it didn’t.”
Relief at finally releasing the pain and him actually listening to me hammered at my defenses. Cracks split into fissures, destroying the wall I kept around my heart.
“Jesus,” he breathed. “I’m ashamed to admit you’re right. I didn’t ask you about the future, or where you wanted us to build our life together. I was so focused on ending the constant battles with my dad and the reputation I had in this town, I latched onto a way to escape that kept you with me.”
He pulled my head down to rest on his forehead. “I always wanted you by my side.”
“And I wanted to be by your side.” I kissed his hairline. “I just wanted that to happen here .” Mirroring his hold on my face, I gently forced his chin up. “Chance, we’ve both had time to grow up since then. We’re not kids anymore. I’m learning so many new things about you every day.”
Crinkles deepened around his eyes, and they lightened. “And I’m enjoying getting to know you all over again.” He shot me a devilish grin. “In fact, I’m feeling the need for another lesson. How about we skip breakfast and really devote ourselves to?—”
I lurched from the chair and pulled him up with me. “Food can wait—the diner’s got a late lunch special.” Tightening my hand, I led him to my bedroom, but hoped we wouldn’t surface until tomorrow morning for work.