12. Carolyn
12
CAROLYN
“ D ada?” Austin looked up at me with his bright blue eyes. He was playing on the floor, stacking colorful cups on top of each other and knocking them over gleefully.
“He’ll be home soon,” I answered and watched the smile grow on his face, which was exactly how I felt inside. Having a father was good for Austin. I couldn’t deny that. It had been instant love between father and son.
For nearly a week, Zach had slept in my guest room. We shared breakfast and bedtime duty like any parents would—which was a little surreal for both of us. After all, neither Zach nor I came from a traditional family with a caring mom and dad in the household. Never once had I doubted my mother’s love for me, but I still carried around a hole in my heart where my father’s affection should have been. For Zach, it was worse: no one had cared for him or his brothers until the Admiral took them in as young teens. Zach’s and my experiences left us struggling a little to figure out this co-parenting thing together, but I could feel a tight little family forming…and I liked it.
I liked the sexy, appealing man in my house, too. I’d dated no one since I broke off the engagement. I’d told myself I was too busy, with a young child and a business to run, but maybe that wasn’t the whole truth. Zach still had a claim on my heart. As angry as I’d been, I’d still never quite managed to get over him. I could admit that, finally—and could see that that was the real reason why it had hurt so much all those months when I’d thought he was ignoring my messages and abandoning me. If I’d listened to my heart, I would have known he was the last man to abandon a child or shirk his responsibilities.
I scooped Austin off the floor. “Let’s make Daddy some cookies.”
“Cookum,” he shouted and clapped his hands.
In the kitchen, I gave him a bowl and spatula so he could pretend to mix dough as I measured ingredients for ginger cookies, a favorite of Zach’s. It was good to have history with a man. I knew what he liked and disliked. Ginger cookies were special to him, something he had shared with the Admiral.
After I flipped on the mixer, I added a little flour to Austin’s bowl. I’d end up having to sweep the floor by the time we were done, but I didn’t care when he was so happy to be “helping.”
“Dada?” he asked again, making me glance at the clock. Almost six.
“Soon,” I promised, giving him a kiss.
I formed the dough into balls and placed them on a cookie sheet. With the first batch in the oven and Austin still content, I took a minute to check my email messages. I was waiting to hear back from the computer forensics expert. So far, Steve had uncovered a few things but was still at it. I wanted him to find something definite—and soon. So much was at stake for me.
I glanced at Austin when I heard the garage door open, happy that the toddler hadn’t noticed since Zach wouldn’t come in right away. I knew from the past week that he’d do a sweep of the property first, as he did several times a day, because he was hardwired to protect. And to love. I’d seen that so much since his return, even if he didn’t say the words.
The second batch of cookies was in the oven before Zach quietly opened the kitchen door and stepped inside.
“Hi,” I said, going to him, knowing that he would kiss me as he’d done other evenings. It was the domestic life I’d wanted with him and thought I would never get.
“Smells good in here.” His arm was around my waist, holding me to him.
“I made cookies. Austin helped.” We turned in time to see Austin toss a handful of flour in the air and laugh as the powder filtered down onto his dark hair.
“Uh-oh,” Austin squealed, delighted with the mess he’d made.
“Uh-oh is right,” I said with a smile.
“I’ll clean it up,” Zach volunteered as he headed for Austin and gathered him in his arms, dusting him off.
“No, take him and play,” I insisted. “He’s been asking for you for an hour. I’ll sweep it up and make dinner.”
While I cooked, I could hear them playing in the living room. Zach was a natural father. He’d looked to me for direction at first, but he seemed to instinctively know what Austin wanted and needed. I was lucky, lucky to have them both. I was on the verge of telling Zach that, but I was still afraid of the words. Maybe I could show it instead.
“Let’s watch a movie tonight,” I suggested when we finished eating dinner. “It looks like rain outside, and I could do with a good laugh.”
“What’d you have in mind?” Zach asked.
“Classic slapstick, I think.” I knew it was Zach’s favorite genre. He and the Admiral had been fans of the old-style comedy movies and had watched them together. From what he’d told me, those were some of the happiest memories of his youth.
“Always my first choice in film.” He grinned at me as he took Austin out of his high chair, making my heart flutter. I was reminded of how I’d felt when we were first in love, but there was something more between us. Maybe it was the knowledge of each other. Maybe it was because we’d gotten so much better at talking to and listening to each other. Maybe it was because we shared a child now. Or maybe it was all of that.
“I know.” I smiled at him as I rose and stacked our dishes. “You pick. The DVDs are in the cabinet under the television.”
“You watch slapstick still? And on DVD, huh?” he asked, looking happily surprised.
“You got me hooked,” I said with a shrug, “and Austin likes them. Besides, you can’t find most of these on any streaming apps, so I rather keep the DVDs.”
In the kitchen, I loaded the dishwasher and put together a tray of cookies and milk for a movie-time snack. My boys were already on the couch with the television on and a DVD loaded when I carried the tray into the living room. I placed it on the coffee table and caught Zach’s eye. He dropped his gaze to the cookies, then looked back at me. His face softened as I’d rarely seen it do, and he gave me a tender look, but he said nothing.
When we were engaged, I might have been upset by his silence, but I understood him better now. He was used to concealing his emotions, keeping them inside, and didn’t always know how to express his feelings with words. I knew he appreciated the movie and the cookies because they reminded him of good times with the Admiral, and it seemed right that he would share them with his son. I could almost read his thoughts, and that made me feel warm and bubbly inside.
Once during the movie, Austin jumped off the couch to imitate the antics of the actors, making Zach laugh. Grabbing his daddy’s hand, Austin pulled him up so they could pretend to fall down together. I stayed where I was, watching my guys. My guys . I liked the sound of that in my head.
By the end of the movie, Austin was nodding off in Zach’s arms. Zach no longer asked my permission to put him to bed. It was a task he’d taken over, freeing me to clean up the house or check my email or just pamper myself with a long bath or a glass of wine. But that night, I had work to do. I wanted to bring down some old business files I’d stored in the attic while the store was being refurbished. I was slowly working my way through the papers, determining which documents to shred and which should be scanned for preservation.
I climbed to the attic, entering it through a door in the upstairs hall. As I picked up a box, I looked around the space. Dormer windows faced each direction, and the wide-planked wood floor was sturdy. With a little paint and some furniture, it would make a great playroom for kids. I noticed with a little hiccup in my heart that I’d thought kids . Plural. One wasn’t enough, but the possibility of more children depended on what happened between me and Zach.
With a hopeful sigh, I headed down. I was outside Austin’s room when I tripped over the edge of a rug. Surprised and struggling to keep my footing, I let go of the box. It crashed to the floor, its contents spilling out.
Instantly, Zach was in the doorway of Austin’s room with the sleeping boy on his shoulder. His mouth opened to speak, but I gestured for him to be silent so he wouldn’t wake the baby. I couldn’t help smiling at the sight of this hunky, handsome man holding his sweet baby boy. Something inside me shifted, and I felt a giant swell of love for both of them. My fingers trembled as I picked up the scattered papers while Zach returned to the nursery.
I was blindly tossing papers into the box when one caught my attention. “Dissolution of Business” was printed boldly across the top, causing me to look more closely. The business had been a jewelry store, and my mother’s name was listed as one of the partners. I didn’t recognize the other partner’s name—not surprising, since I saw the date was more than twenty years ago. I would have been just a little girl at the time. Funny that I’d never heard my mother mention this store.
I placed the paper in the box, planning to ask my mother about it, and carried the box downstairs before returning to the nursery to kiss Austin good night. Zach had just placed him in the crib, where he was stretched out, looking happy and peaceful. I touched his little cheek and kissed his forehead before leaving the room. Zach adjusted the lights and followed me into the hall, closing the nursery door behind him.
I smiled at him, letting the emotions I’d felt earlier show on my face. I couldn’t hide how I felt. Zach didn’t hesitate to pull me into his arms. He kissed my lips, my throat, the little spot near my ear, all the places he knew I liked. But kisses were no longer enough. I put a little space between us and pulled his T-shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor.
I ran my hands over his chest, which was even more muscled than I remembered. God, his body was amazing. I hadn’t let myself think about that while we’d been separated. Well…not much , anyway. I traced one finger over a new scar on his left pec, but I didn’t ask how he got it. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but the two of us together at that moment.
“Carolyn?” His voice was soft, questioning.
“My room.” I took a step back, pulling him with me into the bedroom.
“I’ve missed this,” he murmured against my ear as his hands slid under my tank top to unclasp my bra. Shirt and bra went over my head, flying off to a corner of the room. He cupped my breasts, running his thumb over the nipples as he kissed my lips. I moaned at his touch. It felt both familiar and enticing.
“I want you naked,” I whispered against his lips.
He laughed softly. “You always did make your desires clear.”
“Are you complaining?” I trailed my fingers down the taut muscles of his stomach to the button on his jeans. I flicked it open, smiling when he sucked in a breath.
“Not a bit, sweetheart.” The word rolled smoothly from his tongue. He’d always called me that, starting almost from our first date. I’d missed the endearment, the intimacy, but I wouldn’t have to miss it any longer. He was mine again—at least in this way. I lowered his zipper, brushing my hand against his hard length before grasping it between my fingers. His breathing changed, and his eyes half closed as I stroked up and down.
“So good,” he said, but took my wrist, pulling my hand away from his dick. “Enough for now.”
“That’s no fun.” I gave him a mock pout.
“I think we’ll have plenty of fun.” He pushed the elastic waistband of my shorts down, taking my panties with them, before shedding the rest of his clothes. We stood naked, inches apart, not touching for a moment. “You’re so gorgeous.” His tone was almost reverent. I’d been a little worried, secretly, over what he’d think of the changes pregnancy had made to my body. But far from seeming disappointed in the changes, he looked awed. I flushed, loving how beautiful he made me feel.
“Make love to me,” I said. We fell onto the bed together, his hard body covering mine. I fumbled for the bedside table, reaching out to snag a condom from the box Charlotte had gotten me as a gag gift for my last birthday. Thank God I hadn’t thrown them out. There was no way in hell was I waiting for Zach to run to the drugstore to buy supplies. I handed him the condom and he paused to put it on before sliding back in place on top of me. I coasted my hands down his back to his butt, feeling the corded muscles as he trailed kisses from my lips to my breasts in a slow seduction. I didn’t want slow, not this time. “I meant now , Zach.” I lifted my hips, rolling them to cup his length.
“Soon.” He blew warm breath over my nipples as his fingers slipped between my thighs to touch me. Oh, God, I did love that. I nearly melted with pleasure and desire, but I knew it could be even better with him.
“Now.” Wrapping my legs around him, I opened for him. He took my mouth in a searing kiss but held himself away from me, not giving me what I so desperately wanted.
“Not yet,” he whispered. His lips against my cheek had me tilting my head to give him access to my neck. He kissed the secret spot I loved so much, and I didn’t bother to hold back my moan.
Zach chuckled, the vibration making goose bumps race down my skin. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I tilted my hips up, rubbing against his erection. His answering groan was music to my ears as he pressed against my pelvis. His face looked pained as he fought to maintain control, but I needed him now . Waiting wasn’t an option.
Digging my heels into his butt, I continued to rub against him. “Please, Zach. I need you inside me.”
With a growl, he thrust into me. The feel of him brought me back to when we were first together, and it was as if we’d never been apart. We moved as one, finding a rhythm that had us both panting, my body rapidly spiraling up with pleasure until an orgasm cascaded through me. With one final thrust, he came inside me, gasping out my name as I hugged him tightly to me, loving the weight of his body pressed to mine.