1. Lily
1
LILY
I yanked on my favorite khaki pencil skirt and slipped my feet into sensible beige flats. I was reaching for a white sweater set when my hand stilled. This outfit was all the things I’d promised myself I would no longer be: boring, predictable, conventional.
Kicking off the flats, I dug in the bottom of my closet for a pair of red wedge heels and grabbed a flowy silk top with a red and orange swirl pattern. Maybe a bit bold for a job interview for a nanny position, but if nothing else, I’d make an impression. And if my potential new boss couldn’t handle it, better to find that out now. I wasn’t going to spend another day hiding my true self—trying to fit myself into a mold that was never going to fit.
“Not bad.” I studied my reflection in the mirror after getting dressed. I liked the way the heels highlighted the definition in my calf muscles and how the blouse brought out the color of my lips. I’d bought both pieces on impulse the summer before, all the while knowing they were too bright for the drab teacher’s wardrobe that was expected of me.
For my new life, one of adventure and free choice, the outfit was perfect.
Too bad freedom didn’t come with a built-in salary. In an ideal world, I’d love to take some time to explore who I was and figure out what I wanted in life. But my apartment wasn’t rent free, and my savings from my job at the Hartford Academy wouldn’t last forever.
And I’d be damned if I’d accept one penny from my father after the way he’d scoffed at my artistic aspirations for years, making all those jabs about how he’d have to support me because I was too much of a dreamer.
Nope. No way. I’d try for this job as a nanny, just to get my feet under me and figure out a plan for the future. And then, once I’d chosen a path for myself, I was damn well going to follow it. No more holding back on my dreams. That was why I’d be careful to make clear to the toddler’s father that the job would be temporary. To my surprise, he’d actually been okay with it. Maybe he’d been impressed by my credentials—years of teaching along with a lifetime of helping to raise my seven younger siblings.
Or maybe he was just desperate. Either way, I was about to find out.
“You can do this,” I said to myself as I swiped on mascara and added lip gloss. With a last nod at my reflection, I hitched my purse over one shoulder and snatched up the folder with my résumé and notes about the job.
But then came the first big hurdle of the day: leaving my apartment without getting harassed.
With my hand on the doorknob, I checked out the peephole, carefully searching for creepy John Stout. His apartment door across the hall was shut, but I knew if he heard me leaving, he’d intercept me as he’d done so many times in the past months. His car was in the parking lot; I’d spied it from my bedroom window. I’d have to be cautious to avoid him. Please, please let me avoid him. The last thing I needed when I was trying to psych myself up for a good interview was to deal with a sleazeball making me feel gross and objectified.
It had only gotten worse since he asked me out on a date. I’d turned him down, of course, and he’d backed off—at first. The next time I saw him, though, he started coming on to me harder than ever. Before I rejected him, he’d just been crass and unpleasant. But ever since, there was an air of menace to his passes that skeeved me the hell out, like he was getting close to not taking no for an answer.
Carefully, I opened the door and closed it quietly behind me. As fast as I could, I got to the end of the hall, heading for the stairs instead of taking the elevator. If he saw me standing by the elevators, he’d definitely join me, and then I’d be stuck in a small metal box with him. No, thanks. I’d go down a thousand stairs in heels rather than deal with that.
Luck was with me, and I made it out the building door and to my car without being stopped. With an inward shiver, I started my car and pulled out of the lot, grateful that the nanny job, if I got it, was a live-in position. I could leave my apartment and creepy John behind for good.
The address Colin Vale had given me wasn’t far. As I drove, I reviewed what I knew about him and his daughter. He had made no mention of Sofia’s mother, other than to suggest he had complete custody of the child. He was looking for full-time help because of his job responsibilities that required him to work evenings and be on call. He hadn’t elaborated on what that job was.
It all seemed kind of cloak and dagger, and I wondered if he was secretly a spy. It didn’t seem likely, of course—what would a spy be doing in sleepy little Springwell, GA? But hey, maybe that’s what he wanted us to think? Maybe mild-mannered dad in a quiet little town was all part of his cover?
I snorted and shook my head at myself. No need to let my imagination run wild. I’d be meeting the man in just a few minutes and would probably learn he was just another perfectly normal guy. Hopefully one with a sweet, easy-to-look-after kid who liked art projects.
I turned onto Silvan Street and sucked in a breath. “Oh, wow,” I whispered, my eyes sweeping over the neat houses lined up on either side of the road like soldiers in formation in the watery January sunshine. They were all identical in design, and the only color choices appeared to be white, beige, and gray.
Who would want to live here? But it wasn’t unlike where I’d grown up. The houses in my parents’ neighborhood were larger, statelier, wealthier…but equally regimented.
I pulled to the curb in front of number seventy-four, a white house with nothing to distinguish it from the homes on either side. If I lived on this street, I’d have to paint my front door neon pink just to find my way home.
As a temporary address for a few months, I could manage it—but that was only if I could convince him to take a chance on me. Would he take one look at all the colors I was wearing and tell me that I didn’t belong? I squared my shoulders, brushed my dark hair behind my ears, and made my way up the straight sidewalk to the door. The bell had barely stopped ringing when the door was opened by a tall, imposing man.
In a second, I took in his appearance. Dark hair cut close, gorgeous blue eyes like the ocean on a sunny day, a physique that suggested power and strength. All that and one of the most handsome faces I’d ever seen. And he was young—not quite thirty, I decided.
Job interview. I gave myself a mental slap and stuck out my hand. This wasn’t a date. But, geez, if it were…
“Hi, I’m Lily Rhodes.” My voice sounded surprisingly level, but I was glad I got the words out before my hand was encased in his large, warm one. A frisson shot through me at his touch, knocking me almost speechless. I’d never felt such instant chemistry with someone in my life…and I certainly wouldn’t have expected to find it here.
“Colin Vale,” he replied. “Come in.” He stepped back, letting me pass him into his home.
His very white home. My eyes swept the living room, checking off the details. White walls, white carpet, white sofa, and chair. Yikes. The man had a toddler in this? There was no sign of it. No toys, no food stains, no signs of…living.
Dad would love this place , I thought. The math professor would see the blankness as pure and limitless, like an equation waiting to be solved. To me, it looked like a canvas yearning for color to transform it, give it warmth and vitality. Green, I decided, soft shades of green were what the room called for.
The only glimmer of color was in a glass display case against the far wall. Playing cards. I made out deck after deck, many of them old, worn, maybe even antique. Interesting. Was he a gambler? Was that his thing? I was curious, but it wasn’t my place to ask about his personal habits.
I did worry about the whiteness of his house, though. Should he hire me, how would I supervise a two-year-old well enough to keep the pristine order all around me?
“Won’t you sit down?” He gestured to the white sofa, and I gingerly sat on the edge. “You mentioned on the phone that you had experience with kids.”
“That’s right.” Did I ever. “I’m the oldest of eight.”
His eyes grew wider, which was less of a reaction than I usually received. Large families generally surprised and fascinated people.
“That must have been interesting,” he said as he sat across from me. His long limbs stretched out before him, but he wasn’t relaxed.
“It was.” And limiting, given how much time I had to spend looking after everyone else. Pursuing my own interests had never really been an option—not in my father’s eyes, anyway. But this man surely had no interest in hearing about that. He just wanted to know that I was qualified. “I’ve helped care for babies and toddlers for many years,” I assured him. “I’ve also got a teaching degree and worked for the past five years as a math teacher.”
“You taught at the Hartford Academy.” My smile froze on my face. I’d been hoping he wouldn’t bring up the private school where I’d been employed until a few months before…but that had probably been too much to ask. It made sense that he’d want to know why I wasn’t there anymore.
“You left midyear,” he continued, just as I’d expected. He was watching me in a way that made his statement feel like a polite interrogation. “That’s unusual.”
Practically unheard of. Hartford was prestigious—it wasn’t the kind of job you just left on a whim. But the circumstances hadn’t allowed for me to stay. I’d promised myself I would be completely honest about my forced resignation. In my view, I’d done nothing wrong. Hopefully, Colin Vale would recognize that. If not…well, better to get it over with upfront, probably. That way, we wouldn’t waste too much of each other’s time.
“I suppose you’d like to know what happened,” I offered.
“Tell me.” His words were more a command than an invitation. He seemed accustomed to giving orders and having them followed. Military? Definitely, I concluded, based on his appearance and demeanor.
“Hartford awards a few scholarships a year to high-achieving students from low-income families,” I began. “It’s not easy for those kids. They wear secondhand uniforms and they have to miss out on a lot of things the other students get—like sports and other extracurriculars—because they can’t afford the additional fees.”
“So it’s obvious who they are,” he said, his keen eyes sharp on me.
“Very, which can open them up to ridicule from other children. One of my scholarship students, a very bright and promising girl, was bullied repeatedly by the son of a wealthy family. I knew he was picking on her verbally from the way she reacted to him, but he never said anything where a teacher could hear, and she would never agree to report him, saying she didn’t want to make trouble. I wanted to help, but my hands were tied. But then he turned to physical abuse. He shoved her so hard she fell and broke her glasses. He didn’t notice that I was close enough to see it all until I spoke up.”
The memory replayed in my mind in all-too-vivid color. The chaos of the playground during recess. The pained noise Jasmine made when she hit the ground, breaking her glasses, and scraping her knee. The tears in her eyes that she tried to hide. The cruel smirk on Sinclair’s face, without a hint of remorse for what he’d done.
“I told him off and dragged him to the headmaster. I expected him to be expelled, but his parents are important people and donors to the school’s annual fund, so he didn’t face any punishment at all. Instead, he managed to get me in trouble, complaining to his parents about the way I’d spoken to him. I was given the choice of either giving the family a formal apology or being fired. I picked door number three and chose to resign.”
There it was in a nutshell. I sat back, waiting for him to judge my actions.
“What happened to the girl?” he asked.
I liked that that was his first question. It said something about where his priorities were. My father had declared that I’d stuck my nose where it didn’t belong and blamed me for causing a ruckus, but this man saw the situation differently.
“A friend of mine teaches in the public school in the gifted program. After testing the girl, they enrolled her there.” It had been as close to a happy ending as I could have expected.
“It turned out well for your student,” he concluded, “but not for you?”
I shrugged. In the five years at Hartford, I’d had more than enough time to learn that teaching was not my passion. I’d stuck with it because it was what my family expected of me and because I liked the security of a good job with a high salary…but as I stood in that headmaster’s office with him sneering at me, threatening to terminate my job if I didn’t bow and scrape to Sinclair’s awful parents, I realized that I was finally getting the wake-up call I needed. Security and a paycheck weren’t reason enough to stay in a job that brought me no joy or satisfaction—and that was on the verge of costing me my self-respect. I walked out of that office with my head held high, feeling hopeful for the first time in years at what the future might hold.
“I’m seeing my resignation as an opportunity to explore other options,” I explained, “which is why I said I could be your nanny on a temporary basis. I haven’t fully decided what direction I want to take next, but I know I want the freedom to find it.”
“Find yourself?” He looked doubtful, and I imagined that he had always known exactly who he was and what he wanted, and had no patience for people who were still working on figuring themselves out. Whatever. His opinion wasn’t my concern.
“Yes,” I said, unwilling to explain myself any more than that.
He leaned back in his seat, regarding me. Had I blown the interview by being too honest? Maybe, but I refused to play it any other way.
“Well, Ms. Rhodes,” he said, “I like your character, and the references you gave me checked out. If you want the nanny position, it’s yours—assuming you and Sofia get along. I just ask that when you decide to leave, you give me enough notice to find a replacement.”
“I can assure you of that. And please call me Lily,” I said with a big, joyful smile. This was the perfect stopgap job in every respect, and it was a huge relief to know I hadn’t blown it. “When would you like me to meet Sofia, Mr. Vale?”
“Colin,” he repeated. “Would tomorrow be too soon? If the two of you click, you can move in the following day.”
“Sounds perfect,” I said, rising from the sofa.
He walked me to the door and stepped onto the front sidewalk with me. The sameness of the neighborhood struck me again, and I had a sudden idea.
“Would you mind if I placed a couple garden stakes on your lawn?” I asked.
“What for?” He raised an eyebrow, clearly puzzled.
“The houses on this street are so much alike, I’m afraid I’ll drive right past your house. I promise it won’t be too showy.” I sensed he wouldn’t like something flashy on his lawn. He was clearly an orderly man. Neat, precise, and…way good-looking. During my interview, I’d managed to push those thoughts aside as I focused on getting the job. Now that I had it—unless Sofia turned out to be some kind of hellion, which seemed unlikely given her father’s demeanor—my mind was free to wander to places it probably shouldn’t.
Colin’s lips pinched together, and I wondered if I’d offended him. Maybe I should have waited with my request until I knew him better. But then he surprised me by suddenly giving me a devastating smile. “I guess that would be acceptable.”
“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I glanced in the rearview mirror as I pulled away. Colin stood on his sidewalk watching me. I’d give a pretty penny to know what he was thinking.