12. Lily
12
LILY
I rushed to embrace my Aunt Maddie in the downtown bistro. She had called me a few days before to say she had a few hours between flights and to ask if we could have lunch. I had been delighted and made arrangements for Sofia to spend the time with her cousin Austin, which made everybody happy.
“It’s so good to see you,” I said as we were seated. “It’s been months. I suppose my mother kept you informed on my failed teaching career.”
“Yes, she told me about it. You did the right thing, kiddo. No doubt in my mind.” It didn’t surprise me that Aunt Maddie would see the situation as I did, unlike my parents.
“I think so, too.” I hadn’t regretted my actions, and I was so much happier now that it was clear that getting away from teaching had been a great move. “And I’ve landed in a good spot for now.”
“The nanny job. Your mother told me about the little girl you care for, and I brought something…” Aunt Maddie dug in her tote bag and pulled out a stack of comic books. “Some for you,” she said, “and some toddler-appropriate ones for Sofia. They may still be a bit advanced for her, but they’re fun and colorful, so I thought she might get a kick out of them.”
“That was sweet of you.” I thumbed through the stack, noting they were brand new, some probably not even released yet. What I found fascinating was how the artists’ styles varied. There wasn’t just one way to be a comic book artist. I supposed there wasn’t just one way to do anything.
“So where are you headed?” I asked after we placed orders for drinks and salads.
“A comic convention in Chicago. I’m signing my latest edition.” She tapped the comic on the top of my stack. “Hot off the presses. And I’m leading a discussion about the place of comic books and graphic novels in our modern world. Some people argue it’s a dying genre, but from what I’ve seen, comics are hotter than ever.”
“Especially if they become movies,” I said. The theaters had been full of comic characters brought to life on the big screen. I hadn’t made it to the movies recently, but I tracked the industry, nevertheless.
“That’s the dream, isn’t it? Create something good enough that it catches a producer’s attention.” Aunt Maddie smiled wistfully.
“I don’t understand why no one has made a bid for one of yours.” So many of my aunt’s creations would make excellent movies. “Your work’s amazing.”
She shrugged. “Maybe it’ll happen someday. But until then, I’ve made a good living from it and I’ve got a great readership, so I’ve got nothing to complain about. We’ll talk about the comic world later. Tell me about Sofia and what’s been going on with your life.”
“She’s beautiful, smart, artistic, loving. I can’t believe how well adjusted she is, considering her past.” While we ate, I told my aunt about Sofia’s background and how Colin had adopted her after promising the girl’s mother he’d care for her. I found myself talking a great deal about Colin, too. I didn’t miss my aunt’s raised eyebrow. Maddie had questions about my relationship with Colin, I had no doubt, but I wasn’t quite willing to confess the depth of our connection because, in truth, it scared me.
“So you’ve landed in a good place.” She repeated my words from earlier while we waited for dessert and coffee.
“Definitely,” I agreed. Living in Colin’s house, being his lover, caring for Sofia fulfilled me in a way I hadn’t expected. I was still figuring out what I wanted for my future professionally, but I’d been surprisingly content in the past months.
“I’m glad for you, and I don’t mean to tempt you away if you’ve found your passion, but I recently learned of an opportunity you might be interested in.” Aunt Maddie scooped up a spoonful of her chocolate mousse, allowing a moment of drama to play out.
“What is it?” I was instantly alert.
“A comic artist who publishes with the same company as me has a paid internship spot coming available in New York City. I mentioned that I might know someone who would be interested. I told them about you, and I think the position could be yours if you want it.”
“Really?” This might be a dream come true. I leaned closer, almost sticking my sleeve in my lemon cake. “What else do you know about it?”
“It’s essentially an assistant position,” she cautioned. “You wouldn’t be creating or drawing anything. Instead, you’d be working with an established comic artist. Your tasks could range from coloring in his sketches to fetching coffee, I can’t say for sure—but it would be a foot in the door. You’d be able to network with all of his contacts, and you could get a sense from him of how the publishing world really works. I know you’ve gotten a little bit of a sense of it from me, but this would be much more hands-on. It would also put you right there in the publishing hub so that you’d be aware of other opportunities.”
“That sounds great. When does it start?” I asked.
My aunt smiled. “He isn’t going to start the hiring process for about three weeks. I do think it would be a good chance to figure out if you want to be part of the comic world or not.”
“What do you mean?” Of course I wanted to be part of it. Getting to work in the art world had had been my dream for a long time—ever since I could remember, really. I’d buried it because of my parents’ disapproval…which meant I’d wasted years, a mistake I wouldn’t make again. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I love the life you lead. Here you are, flying off to talk comics for the weekend. How awesome is that?”
“It is awesome. For me. But I don’t know that it’s your awesome.”
I sat back in my chair, trying to make sense of my aunt’s attitude.
“Listen, kiddo,” Aunt Maddie said. “Your parents are robots programmed to live the perfect life of prestigious academics. I mean no offense, because they’re brilliant people and I love them, but that’s the truth. You never fit into that life, not even when you were a little girl. You’ve struggled in the narrow confines they allowed you, and I get that you want to break out—but in order to do that, you have to find your own path. Comic books are mine, and I think you’ve always seen them as wonderful because they were the antithesis to everything your parents insisted on for you.”
“Aunt Maddie—” I was confused by my aunt’s words.
“Hear me out. I would be beyond delighted if you chose to become a comic artist like me—absolutely thrilled—but I don’t want you to get caught up in someone else’s dream. I don’t want you to be fascinated with the comic world because of the life I’ve led. Glamorous though it may be.” She chuckled and reached for my hand. “I know you love art, and I believe you’d got a real gift for it, but comics might not turn out to be the right medium for you. You’ve got to find your own way. It might be comics, but it might be something entirely different. Didn’t you say you were enjoying sculpture?”
“I am.” My instructor insisted that I had great talent in that field, which was gratifying. “But comics have always been special to me.”
“And perhaps they’re your future. You’ve got three weeks to think about it, so take your time coming to a decision. You don’t have to rush into anything.”
“I won’t,” I promised, but I was already imagining myself working in New York City, seeing a comic book with my name on it available for sale in a bookstore window. It would be such a change from my life as a teacher. I could never go back to living by the bell schedule, so I had to look forward—and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do that.
“I hate to eat and run,” my aunt said, checking the time on her phone, “but I’ve got to get back to the airport.”
As we drove, we chatted about Aunt Maddie’s children and my siblings, catching up on as much as we could in the time we had. I dropped my aunt at the curb, gave her one last wave, and headed to Colin’s house, still floating on cloud nine. I couldn’t believe my luck.
From watching my aunt’s career grow, I knew comic books were a competitive field. People thought that comic artists hung out in their pajamas and had it easy. Nothing could be further from the truth. It was a dog-eat-dog world, and having good connections could mean the difference between supporting myself on art and failing as so many aspiring artists had. Talent was essential, but who you knew in the industry was also key.
I automatically made the turns to Silvan Street, my mind whirling with possibilities. When I parked in front of Colin’s white house marked with the butterfly stakes, a terrible wave of queasiness hit me, and I realized the magnitude of the decision I was contemplating. It wasn’t just about me.
I’d have to leave Colin and Sofia to pursue this opportunity. I’d have to leave the life I’d made here. My chest tightened as I tried to put order to my thoughts. I’d never intended being Sofia’s nanny to be more than a temporary job, a stopgap measure on my way to something greater. I’d made that clear to Colin from the start, even back when I was interviewing for the job. But that was before I came to love Sofia. The toddler was bright and warm, finding delight in everything.
And then there was Colin. We’d come a long way from my first impression of him. He wasn’t uptight and rigid about rules, not even a little. I’d seen his funny, relaxed, loving side. He was also kind, generous, and so damn sexy that he made my toes curl. He was everything I could ever imagine wanting in a guy—but that didn’t mean that we had a future together. Not when our lives were heading in different directions. I closed my eyes, hoping that would diminish the pain searing through me. It didn’t. Instead, all the moments I’d shared with him danced before me.
Was I really ready to leave him? If I was honest with myself, I’d have to answer no. But the other side of my brain argued that this internship might be my best opportunity to get into the comic book world. How could I turn it down?
Damn it. I slapped my hands against the steering wheel of my little car. Why did I feel I had to choose between having a life like my mother’s or one like my aunt’s?
And why was this a hard choice? A few months ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated. My bags would have been packed in no time, and I’d have been looking for places to live in New York City before my aunt’s flight touched down in Chicago.
But these past few months had changed everything. They’d brought me a little girl to care for and a man who made my heart skip a beat when he walked in the door or took me to his bed. Could I walk away from them to pursue my dream?
I didn’t know the answer to that question yet, but I did know I had to be honest with Colin about the internship and the possibility I could be leaving. No matter how difficult that conversation would be.