2. Alex
2
ALEX
I cradled my infant son in my arms as I carefully climbed the stairs in my house. A week had passed since Luke’s rapid entrance into the world, and I wasn’t yet used to holding a baby. I was getting there, though, despite my fear of dropping Luke. When did parents get over that? I’d asked one of the nurses in the hospital that question. She’d laughed and replied, “Never completely—and once you get over that fear, being a parent will bring on ten more.”
I was a parent. A father. I’d repeated those words to myself over and over, which made them more real but left some unanswered questions. And I didn’t think I could wait much longer to know. While she was recovering in the hospital, Soledad and I had agreed that we needed to have a conversation about what happened.
I grinned as I entered the nursery. I knew what had happened. Soledad and I had made love and conceived what was now a seven-day-old baby. Luke’s eyes flickered open. No doubt this was my kid. The baby’s blue eyes and thick black hair confirmed it. Not that I had doubted Soledad’s word.
I still had questions, mostly about why she hadn't been in contact with me…but I wanted Soledad to be rested before putting those questions to her. She deserved that. The problem was that “rested” didn’t seem to be an option for either one of us these days. It hadn’t taken long for me to realize that caring for a newborn was pretty damn intense. Everyone talks about how often babies sleep, but the sleep is so broken up by feedings and diaper changes that the parents never seem to get a chance to relax. Not to mention, getting him to sleep in the first place usually required lots of time spent with Luke on a shoulder or rocking back and forth until he finally nodded off—as I just had. Not that I minded being there for my son, but taking care of him was running us ragged. I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like for Soledad if she really was going through this on her own, the way she’d intended.
After feeding Luke, Soledad had suggested that we’d have an hour or so to finally talk if I could settle him in the crib. A challenging feat, I had learned. Slowly, I lowered the baby into the frilly, fabric-trimmed bed, getting him down without waking him again. Luke stretched his arms over his head and gave a little contented sigh.
I watched him for a minute, still amazed that I’d had any part in creating something so perfect. As much as it shocked me, my family hadn’t batted an eye when I’d called them from the hospital to tell them the news. In truth, my calls to them had started as confrontations. I had assumed that they had known about Soledad’s pregnancy all along and that they were the ones to convince her to move into the house, and I was pissed they hadn’t contacted me with that information.
Turned out, it hadn’t been that simple. For the first part of the pregnancy, they really had been in the dark. Soledad hadn’t reached out to them, and they didn’t know her well enough to be in touch with her when I wasn’t around, so they hadn’t known a thing—not until she moved into the house. They had found out then. The house still hosted our regular poker games every week whether I was there or not, and it hadn’t taken them long to realize the place had a new resident. But by that point, my team had been deep into our mission and in a communications blackout, so they hadn’t been able to reach me directly. I’d found their texts waiting for me when I’d gotten back my phone, but since none of them had wanted to break the news to me via text, all their messages had said was that there was news I should know and that I should call as soon as I got a chance.
Normally, I’d have called them back ASAP, but after that shitshow of a mission, I just wasn’t in the right headspace to talk to anyone. I’d planned to reach out after I’d had a couple hours at the house to unwind, but…well…so much for that plan.
There was one advantage to them being in the know before me, though—they’d been able to help Soledad get things together for the baby. There were so many kiddos in the family at this point that there were plenty of toys and clothes and gadgets to go around. Zach had two kids—Austin was three, and Erin was six months old, born after I’d gone on my latest mission. Colin’s adopted daughter, Sofia, had just turned three, and he and his wife had another baby on the way. Our cousin Chance’s son, Ray, was a year and a half, and I’d just gotten the news that his wife was pregnant again.
Our family was growing by leaps and bounds, and it still kind of blew my mind that I had a baby of my own who was part of that. Me, a dad. It sure wasn’t anything I’d ever expected, but I’d been stunned to find that I loved every bit of it, even when I couldn’t get sleep for three hours together and had spit-up on all of my shirts. Luke had won me over from the moment he was born, which definitely ranked as the most amazing and overwhelming experience of my entire life. Despite my shaking hands, I’d cut the umbilical cord. It had been a hell of a week, I thought, still standing in the nursery.
I glanced around at the little room. I was thankful for everything my family had done to transform the space into baby central. I’d thought it was too much when I’d first seen it, but after a couple of days, I’d come to realize just how necessary every bit of it was.
With one last look at Luke and a quick verification that the baby monitor was on, I left the nursery and went downstairs to where Soledad was resting on the sofa in the living room. As usual, Frankie was curled up next to her. The little dog was never far from Soledad. She gave me a wan smile when I entered the room.
“I’m ready,” she said, straightening a little.
I didn’t have to ask for what, but I didn’t want to rush her. “Are you sure?”
“It’s time,” she said. “Let’s talk while he’s napping. I have things to explain.”
I wasn’t going to argue with that, so I sat across from her and waited.
“You have to be wondering if I knew before you left on your last mission,” she began.
I nodded, although I’d done the math and consulted an online pregnancy calendar. According to that, she could only have been a few weeks pregnant when I deployed. From what I’d heard, it usually took a month or two before women had the symptoms that made them think they might be pregnant. And some women had barely any symptoms at all, or symptoms that were easy to dismiss as some other issue.
“I didn’t. I realized it about three weeks after you left.” Her fingers stroked Frankie’s ears, and I wondered if it was more for the dog’s comfort or her own. “My period was never the most reliable, so I didn’t even notice that I was late. I was having some morning sickness, but I thought I’d caught a stomach bug. When I couldn’t seem to shake it off, though, I started to realize it might be something else. I took a test. I was…shocked at the results.”
I could imagine what that was like, especially since we’d broken up somewhere between conception and my departure. She’d been pregnant and alone. “I’m sorry you had to face that by yourself.”
She shrugged, a small smile on her face. “I got used to the idea quickly enough, and I knew that I wanted this baby. I never doubted that.”
I’d never doubted it either—as in, everything had happened so fast that I’d never actually taken a minute to consider what she’d gone through. She could have made the decision to end the pregnancy, and I never would have even known. Or she could have chosen to carry the baby to term with a plan in place to let some other couple adopt him. A horrible sense of loss rolled through me. I’d only known my son a week—and I’d never expected to be a father—but I already couldn’t imagine not having Luke. That realization made my next question even more important.
“When were you planning to tell me about the pregnancy?”
“I knew you’d want to know that, too, and despite our breakup, I wanted to tell you,” she said.
“Thanks for that, but…”
“Sometimes,” she said carefully, “in situations where you feel like things are getting out of control, you have the tendency to…take over.”
I didn’t really have a response to that. The way she said it sounded like she thought it was a bad thing, but I’d always seen it as one of my strengths. When you’re a SEAL, you go into every situation knowing that it could all go FUBAR at any moment. The ability to step up and take command when everything goes to shit isn’t just useful, it’s necessary. When things fall apart, leaders step up. That’s just how it works…isn’t it?
“Okay…” I said slowly. “And that’s a…problem?”
“It is when the thing you’re trying to take over is my life, my choices. I had some things I needed to work through on my own to figure out what I wanted and what made sense for me. I needed to be solid on that before I talked to you, or I was afraid that I’d end up going along with whatever you thought was best, whether it truly was right for me or not. But then, by the time I was ready to talk…you were on a communications blackout. I sent you a message, got your auto-reply, and knew that I’d just have to wait until you were back before we could talk.”
She shrugged, as if it was no big deal. Soledad had always had a strong independent streak. It was something I’d liked about her. She’d never been clingy or possessive, which was probably why our relationship had lasted as long as it had. We’d been on-again-off-again for a while with no lasting commitment. I thought that we both preferred it that way—we could have fun together when I was in town, but when I wasn’t here, we could lead our separate lives and do whatever we wanted without anything holding us back. It had been a shock when she told me, earlier this year, that she wanted more with me—that she was ready for a real commitment. Even though I liked her a lot—more than anyone else I’d ever been with—I’d felt like I had no choice but to tell her no. Commitment was something I couldn’t give her or anyone that. Not after the way my childhood had screwed me up. When I’d told her that, she’d lifted her chin, squared her shoulders, and walked out.
“If that’s true, why are you living here?” I kept my tone neutral, not wanting to lay any accusations on her.
She sighed. “A few months after you left, my employer declared bankruptcy and closed hundreds of stores across the country, including the one here. I was able to keep my job until the merchandise was packed up and shipped to other locations that were remaining open. After that, I was out of work and obviously pregnant, which made it incredibly hard to find another job. Trust me, no one wants to hire a woman who’s going to need maternity leave right away. I was able to find some side hustles—stuff that I could do from home on a freelance basis—but it didn’t pay all that much, and it wasn’t steady. I never knew from one week to the next how much I was going to make. I started to dip into the money Mom left me. Combined with what I was bringing in, it should have been enough to get me through the pregnancy.”
She stopped, flicking away a tear with a sharp motion of her finger. Soledad wasn’t a woman prone to crying. As a matter of fact, I’d never seen her cry. Telling me this was clearly difficult for her. I could only imagine how stressed she must have been with a baby on the way and no steady job or family support.
“You don’t have to tell me any more,” I said, shoving a tissue box across the coffee table to her.
“Sorry,” she said, reaching for a tissue. “Baby hormones. I’m kind of a mess. I cried when I dressed Luke this morning, just because his outfit was so cute. I know you don’t want to deal with tears. Give me a minute and I’ll get over it.”
I had no idea what to say. Becoming a father had sent me on an emotional roller coaster. It had to be ten times more intense for the mother. I certainly wasn’t going to judge her for crying. If anyone in the world was entitled, I’d say it was her. But that didn’t mean I had any idea what to do in this situation. Dealing with women’s tears had never been my thing. If a girlfriend cried, I was out the door and unlikely to come back. Still, I couldn’t and wouldn’t walk out on Soledad or my son. And, hell, this was my house. So I waited.
“Okay, I can talk again,” she said after a minute. “Anyways, I budgeted my money and thought I had enough to last until Luke was old enough that I could return to full-time work…and then the duplex I rented was sold, and I had to move. I was seven months pregnant, without a steady income—and this town is too small to have any programs to help me. No one would rent an apartment to me. I had to face the reality that I was about to be homeless.”
“My family would have helped you,” I said. My brothers were the only two people in the world who had never disappointed me. The three of us had bonded together to survive a shitty childhood, and that bond remained tight. And ever since we’d realized our connection to the McCallisters, my cousins had gone out of their way to make it clear that they’d show up for every one of us, too. In a day-to-day sense, that mostly meant that Chance was someone I could always call on, since he was the only one of the three who lived locally, but all six of us kept in touch regularly, and I knew that Lee and Harris had my back.
Soledad knew all of that. Hell, she’d been around back when I found out about having cousins in the first place. And she knew how close we all were, knew that she could have called on any one of them and explained the situation, and they’d have done whatever they could to help. She could have had that support from day one rather than waiting until she was seven months pregnant.
“I know,” she admitted, “but I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone. All I needed was a place to live for a few months, and I still had a key. So I moved in.” She shot me a look that was part challenge and part a plea for understanding. “And then your family showed up for poker night and found out what was going on.”
“Yeah.” Her smile looked awkward. “They were pretty determined to help after that point—wouldn’t hear of me staying anywhere but here, insisted on fixing up a nursery, kept swinging by with groceries and cupcakes, had me take over the bookkeeping for Carolyn’s store and Mandy’s garage so I could have a steady income stream. They’ve been really great. You’re lucky.”
“I know,” I said, utterly honest. My parents had been awful—Dad had been an abusive drunk and Mom had been a runner, walking out and leaving all of us behind in what she knew wasn’t a safe situation—but the family I had now was rock-solid.
“They said you wouldn’t mind me living here…” she added, sounding a bit uncertain.
I was quick to reassure her. “If I’d known, I would have offered you my place right from the start. Under any circumstances, but especially with a baby coming.” My baby.
“Thanks. I banked on that, but I promise Luke and I will get out of your hair as soon as I’m back on my feet.” The dog nudged her leg. “And Frankie, too.”
“Don’t think like that,” I said. I might not have expected this, but I wasn’t the type of man to cast out my ex-girlfriend and my son. “We might not be a couple, but we have a responsibility to Luke. I want to make sure he and you are safe and cared for. This arrangement can work for as long as it needs to.” The house had once accommodated a family of five, so there was certainly plenty of space for the three of us to have separate rooms. I had no problem with ceding the master bedroom to Soledad. After all, she was already settled in there, and it was right next to the room that was now Luke’s nursery. Lee’s old room, further down the hall, would suit me just fine.
“Thanks. I appreciate that.” Her hand rested on Frankie’s head again. The dog seemed to be an integral part of her life now.
“Where does Frankie fit into all this?” Since the dog had proven herself to be loyal and friendly so far, I didn’t have an issue with her.
“Strange time to adopt a dog, I know.” She stroked Frankie’s back. “A few weeks after I moved in here, I was out for a walk,” she explained. “A car pulled up near me, and a woman got out and took a puppy from the back. She told it to sit on the sidewalk, got back in, and drove off. I called after her, but I couldn’t chase her down.”
I imagined she might have if she hadn’t been pregnant. Soledad was a dedicated runner who’d competed in distance events in both high school and college. She’d been plenty fast, challenging me when we ran together.
“I took Frankie to a shelter, and they said a lot of puppies get dumped just like that. They promised to keep her for a week and try to find a home for her—but I was told that after that, she’d be euthanized.” She swallowed hard, and I could see her blinking back more tears at the idea. “I left her there but went back before the week was up. I thought we made a good pair. We were both at difficult times in our lives. She was young and homeless, and I was pregnant and homeless. We seemed a match, and she’s a good girl. I couldn’t have left her at the shelter to die.”
“I wouldn’t have expected you to. I’m a little surprised you didn’t adopt the entire shelter,” I said teasingly, earning a smile.
“It was hard not to,” she admitted, meeting my eyes, the smile still on her lush red lips.
Looking at her, it was easy to remember why I fell for her in the first place. She was beautiful, with her dark hair and complexion. The curve of her lips made me aware of the curves of her body hidden under her leggings and sweatshirt. The physical attraction between us had been strong, and we’d always been very compatible in bed. In other ways, though, we weren’t your typical pair. We were different in a lot of ways. She was an optimist, seeing the good in everything. Through my background as well as my training, I saw the potential for ruin in any situation. Like our relationship. It had ended as I’d known it would.
Well, except for Luke. That part was unexpected, but I’d do right by my child, which meant supporting Soledad. The romantic part of our relationship was done with, but she deserved anything else I could provide for her.
“How long are you home?” she asked, as if reading my mind.
My commitment to serving my country had been a source of conflict between us since she’d seen it as part of the reason why I wasn’t willing to commit. She didn’t object to the military, but she didn’t like missions that drew me away, completely out of touch, for extended periods.
“Not sure,” I answered after a long minute. I wasn’t ready to tell her that I was considering retirement. My current enlistment was nearly up, and I had decisions to make. If my last mission hadn’t been such a shitshow, I’d have signed on for another hitch without hesitation.
My plan on arriving home had been to think through the possibilities and deal with the aftermath of Bruce Lewis’s treachery—but I hadn’t had time for anything but brief snatches of sleep in between long stretches of baby care since I’d walked in the door. And now that I had a son, my responsibilities were different in any case.
Besides, my reasons for not wanting to settle down had a lot to do with how I’d grown up. I just hadn’t been able to imagine myself being a good husband and father after the awful example my own dad set. But Zach and Colin grew up in that same house, and they were both kicking ass at being family men. They were great husbands, great fathers. And they were happy . Happier than I’d ever thought they’d be. I still wasn’t sure that I could do what they’d done, but I’d started to think about it. To want it. To imagine that it might be possible…maybe. With the right woman.
“Okay,” she said. “It’s not my business, but I’m glad you took all this so well. To be honest, I wasn’t sure, with the way things were the last time we saw each other. But I’m glad you were here for Luke’s birth, and…” A cry over the baby monitor stopped her next words. “I’ll get him.”
I watched her walk past me, not sure that I’d said the right things. But we’d had the conversation, cleared the air somewhat, so we could focus on caring for our son. I was glad for that.
“Come on, girl,” I said to Frankie. The dog, tail wagging, jumped down from the couch and trotted to me. “Let’s go outside.” I stepped out on the back porch and grabbed a ball that had been left on the wooden planks. I lobbed the ball into the yard. Frankie shot down the steps, snagged the ball, and returned to me.
“Drop,” I commanded, and Frankie let the ball go. “Good girl.” I’d always wanted a dog, but my schedule hadn’t allowed for it. I tossed the ball a second time, my eyes following its trajectory into the barren yard. My career hadn’t left any time for gardening either. There were some basic shrubs, enough to keep the place decent-looking, but Chance’s dad hadn’t really been one for gardening, and after he died, no one else had ever really gotten around to doing anything with the yard. It was set up with a nice grill for family cookouts, but that was about it. It was a shame since I loved to work in the soil.
Soledad was one of the few people who knew that about me—the only one outside my family. I’d gotten my love for gardening from the Admiral, the man who’d taken me and my brothers in when we were on the path to being teenage delinquents.
I’d kicked up a fuss at first when the Admiral put me in charge of trimming the hedges and mowing the grass, but I’d grown to love it. Not that I ever let the old guy have the satisfaction of seeing that. I smiled at the memory of planting a vegetable garden with the Admiral. I had complained the entire time, but my foster father had ignored everything I’d said—maybe because he’d been able to see my enjoyment, even when I’d tried to hide it.
When we had more tomatoes, squash, and peppers than we could eat, I saw the merit in the work and realized I had a green thumb. After that, I quit my grumbling and learned what I could about gardening. When my temper got the better of me, as it had frequently when I was a teen, I’d retreated to the green space that surrounded the Admiral’s home and gotten my hands dirty.
Maybe I could plant a few more shrubs and get some landscaping going while I was home. I’d filed for paternity leave, giving me extended time off. My future, though, was still murky. It was going to be harder to leave Springwell behind now, with Luke in my life. But on the other hand, was I really ready to leave my SEAL team and the career that I’d built? If I wasn’t a SEAL, what would I do with my life? I needed time to think. Gardening would help me do that.
I walked out into the backyard, evaluating sunny and shady spots while visualizing possible plant choices. I was nearly at the far end of the yard when my phone rang. The display read Travis: Travis Cole, one of my SEAL teammates.
“Hey, Travis. What’s up?”
“You need to watch your back,” Travis said after we exchanged greetings. “Bruce is out for blood.”
At the end of our most recent mission, I had turned Bruce Lewis in for misconduct. I respected every man I served with except Bruce, who was a douchebag and a criminal who didn’t deserve to wear the same uniform we did.
“So?” I said.
“So he’s got more connections than you do. His father’s a colonel with a post at the Pentagon. Grandpa was an admiral. They’re calling in all the favors to protect their boy. You don’t have that kind of pull on your side.”
“I’ve got the truth,” I insisted. Bruce’s actions were unconscionable. Anyone would have turned him in had they known.
“The truth isn’t always enough, and you know it. They’re trying to hush it up, and if they succeed, it wouldn’t surprise me if Bruce tried to turn the whole thing around on you.”
“No one’s going to believe I was involved in that crap,” I said. The military wasn’t perfect, but I had faith that as long as I’d done things by the book—and I had—I wouldn’t wind up on the short end of the stick.
“I hope you’re right about that,” Travis said. “But that’s not the only thing to worry about. Rumors are spreading like wildfire about Bruce, and his family is only going to be able to protect him so far.”
“I’m not sure how that’s anything but good,” I pointed out. It was long past time for that spoiled little prick to realize that actions had consequences. If someone had taught him that lesson ten years ago, the Navy today would only be better for it.
“You know Bruce isn’t the type to turn the other cheek,” Travis replied. “He’s pissed as hell at you for ratting him out. If this does blow up on him and messes up his career plans, he’ll be looking for revenge—and he’ll come after you.”
“I can handle Bruce,” I said. My eyes landed on the window of Luke’s room on the second floor, and my thoughts took a strange detour. I could handle whatever Bruce handed out. But it was no longer just me who I had to worry about.
“I know that. Your temper’s as bad as his—but he’s a snake. He’ll hit you where it hurts.”
“Thanks for the warning.” I said goodbye to Travis and put my phone away. I’d suspected the issue with Bruce was far from over when I’d come home, but the call was a nasty reminder of the whole damn situation.