Chapter 3
three
VIOLET
Having dinner with my family tonight was the thing I needed most. It’s so nice to be home with these people who love me for who I am. I’m starting to realize I never felt loved like I needed with Greg. Being with him was easy because it was predictable, but there was always something missing, like we didn’t quite belong together. Then I got so wrapped up in my job that I forgot about it and stopped trying to figure it out, brushing away any doubt of whether we were a good match.
Now I’m free of both the man and the job, and uncertain what the next step is. It’s not something my family would understand well, since none of them ever left like I did. My parents have lived in Evergreen Lake their whole lives. They met working at the library as teenagers, and they both still work there.
Iris moved home after school and has been running Emerson’s Eyes for a few years now. I was so proud of her when she opened her own practice. She deserves it after all the hard work she’s put into getting her degree. Jacob works there with her, working the front desk. He’s the perfect match to her stubbornness and ambition. I can’t help the jealousy that tightens around my heart at their perfect family.
Everyone has their place here, and I don’t know if I fit in. It has always felt like there was something missing here for me. Even in high school, there seemed to be a piece everyone else had and I didn’t. I worked with other classmates on the yearbook and the student council, but they always seemed to have plans after school that I never received invites to. The inside jokes and references always went over my head, made at events I hadn’t attended. I simply floated from class to class and then home.
Seeing my parents and my sister in loving relationships makes me want to call Greg, which I recognize is a bad idea. He’s texted me a few times apologizing, and I can’t tell if he wants to get back together or if he’s going to ask me where I hid his Xbox controller.
Mom said I could stay here for as long as I wanted, but I don’t know if that’s what I want. Plenty of my friends live at home, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. For me, overstaying my welcome and moving in here would be a step in the wrong direction.
“Violet, did you want another glass of wine?” Mom’s voice breaks me out of my spiraling thoughts.
“Yes, please,” I say, passing my empty glass her way. It’s only me, Mom, and Iris now. Dad, Jacob, and Ava have moved to the living room to watch sports highlights. I can hear Ava cheering alongside them every now and then, followed by a question of why they’re cheering. “Fill me in on the latest town happenings. What’s new?” I ask, trying to give myself a distraction.
I think I see a quick glance between my mom and Iris, but I might be making it up.
“We got a stand at the Christmas Festival this year,” Iris tells me. “Hopefully doing some free eye exams will help some of the people in this town realize they need glasses.”
“Bernice could probably use some. She walked in front of my car today. I almost hit her,” I say through a laugh.
“I wish you would have.” Iris rolls her eyes.
“Iris!” Mom yells.
“What? She’s a total pain in the ass,” she defends her statement, and I nod in agreement.
“Is she still gossiping with Mildred and Sheila?” I ask. The three of them always seemed to know everything about everyone. Thanks to them, everyone in the town knew when I got my period in seventh grade after they saw my mom buying pads at Hanson’s. Luckily I was never the target of the mean rumors. I can only imagine what they would have said if they saw Noah climbing through my bedroom window. He wasn’t as lucky though. Every time he got suspended, they knew about it. Like they had an inside source in the school office or something.
“It’s almost worse this year.” Iris rolls her eyes and shares a look with Mom. This time I’m certain I’m not making it up.
“What do you mean?” I inquire, wanting to figure out what they’re keeping from me.
“You remember how Ginger passed away, right?” Mom chimes in. I remember how my heart dropped to my stomach, and I had to sit when I heard the news. She was always so kind to everyone who came through her doors, and there wasn’t a person in town who disliked her. When I was the class treasurer she would always help host bake sales and fundraisers to help us raise money for the school dances. Mom continues when I nod, “Gingerbreads has been closed since then, and they’ve spread countless rumors about what’s happening to it.”
“Typical. Does anyone know who she left it to? She didn’t have any family right?” I ask, remembering how she always treated her employees and regulars like her own grandkids. Noah had always said she felt like a grandma to him, often picking up shifts there to avoid his own family. Part of me wishes I had a way to contact him when I heard the news, to make sure he was doing okay.
“Right. There’s no concrete information at this point since there’s no signs in the windows,” Iris says, avoiding eye contact with me and finishing her glass of wine.
“There’s also Jingle Balls.” Mom is quick to change the subject from Gingerbreads.
“They still haven’t caught them?” I ask, remembering when Iris first told me about the person who kept painting ornaments with caricatures of everyone in the town and hanging them on the festival tree.
“Everyone has their suspicions but there’s nothing solid yet. We all hope they’ll do it again this year,” Iris chimes in. “I’m kind of excited for it. I stole Ava’s off the tree last year and kept it.”
“Wait, do you have pictures?” I perk up too fast, almost knocking my glass over. My heart aches at how I missed Christmas last year.
“They’re on the town’s Facebook page, let me find my phone.” Mom hops up from the table and runs into the kitchen.
By the time she finds the pictures, we’ve finished another bottle of wine and I’ve been filled in on all the latest gossip, new shops, and neighbor updates from the last month. They tell me about how nice Noah’s mom’s new boyfriend is, and part of me wants to go over to say hi, if only to be closer to Noah again for a moment. But it wouldn’t be the same without him there.
“Is there anything else new with you? Besides the jerk wad and your sucky ex-employer?” Iris asks, rolling her eyes.
“That’s about it, but I think I’m going to wander and get some fresh air,” I say, getting up from the table and taking my glass into the kitchen .
“That’s not a bad idea. We should probably get going anyway.” Iris stands with me, checking the time on her phone.
I manage to reapply my lipstick and slip out the front door while Iris and Jacob are trying to wrangle Ava, who wants to sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. I need a breather, and the cold winter air of Evergreen Lake is doing the trick.
Walking the snowy streets, I only slip a few times before I realize I might need to get a better pair of winter boots. I wander around for a while before finally ducking into my favorite dive bar.
Stepping into The Reindeer Hole is like stepping into the past. The decor and the people are the same. Joe is still behind the bar, his dark hair now has streaks of gray through it and his eyes have more wrinkles at the corner. Dad always loves to come here after parties have died down at the house for “one quick drink,” which never ends up being quick.
As my eyes roam over the full bar I realize this might have been a mistake. I forgot tonight is one of the biggest drinking nights of the year. The bar is packed with people I went to high school with, and I have absolutely zero desire to catch up with any of them. I’m about to head home until my heart stops when I spot the last person I expect to be here.
Noah.
Noah, who lived next door.
Noah, who snuck into my room.
Noah, who moved away and hasn’t spoken to me in eight years.
He’s sitting at the bar with a beer in his hand, the label half picked off. My body doesn’t move as I take in the sight of him, his boyish looks now gone, replaced with more distinguished features. His dark hair is shaggy on top and shorter near his neck. His jawline is as sharp as ever, a dusting of facial hair complementing it .
I consider leaving when I notice his plaid flannel is rolled up to his elbows, and I see his forearms are covered in dark tattoos that stop me in my tracks. Those are a new addition, and one I wouldn’t mind finding out more about. Although, there’s no way I’ll be able to talk to him without saying something stupid. All the memories of him sneaking into my room come flooding back and it’s like I’ve stepped into some weird Twilight Zone situation. The world is black and white and the room spins, as if Rod Sterling’s voice is about to start an ominous introduction. My stomach twists and I might barf if I don’t get out of here soon. Noah makes my decision for me before I can leave when he spins my way and makes eye contact with me.
“Violettttt?!” he slurs as he lifts his beer and stumbles off his stool. I reluctantly push through the crowd and move his way, avoiding the gazes of classmates now directed at me. With his luck he’s going to end up slipping and hurting himself. I shouldn’t care so much when I haven’t seen him in so long. He’s the one who abandoned me when we were best friends. He’s an adult now, he can take care of himself. But I can’t help myself.
I reach him right as he slips, my arms stretching out to keep him steady. “Careful, Noah,” I warn him, slipping myself and getting a whiff of the beer on his breath. Historically, he was the one stopping me from falling over and making a fool of myself and it’s strange to have that flipped now. His biceps are firm through my gloves and my heartbeat picks up at the contact. The familiarity of him is the same from all those years ago, but the electricity has been increased to the max. My hands want to reach to cool down my cheeks, but I also don’t want to let go of him.
“Careful yourself, Vi. If you fall, I fall.” His words run together as he lifts his head from our feet to meet my eyes and I have to bite my tongue to keep from gasping. Have his eyes changed shades of green? I swear they used to be a deeper green, but now they seem lighter as he stares at me. I always loved when he would look at me, hopeful and kind. Greg never looked at me the way Noah did. I realize now part of me was always hoping he would one day, and now I’m grateful he never did. Seeing Noah looking at me removes another weight off my chest from the dumpster fire of my life. Without the breakup or job loss, I wouldn’t be here touching Noah.
“Someone had to catch you,” I tease, dropping my hands from him before I never let go.
He stares at me for a while, and I can’t tell if he heard me. We stare at each other as time slows around us. I’m fully aware of the whispers and fingers being pointed our way. They’re probably surprised to see me and Noah interacting. After all, we managed to keep our friendship mostly contained to the confines of my bedroom. He was always adamant about not tainting my reputation with his presence, keeping our school lives separate.
He finally speaks after what seems like ten minutes. “Are you real?” He squints his eyes at me and reaches out to touch my hair, picking it up and dropping it in the air.
“Yeah,” I laugh, shoving my gloves into my pocket. “I’m real. Do you want to sit down?” I want to talk to him, but I don’t want to do it standing in the middle of the bar with everyone watching us. They’ll all eavesdrop and report to the town gossips. By morning I’m sure everyone would have the entire transcript to our whole conversation, and I’m unwilling to give them that.
“Of course, this way.” He beams and grabs my hand, the skin to skin contact sending a bolt of electricity through my body that I wasn’t ready for. My teenage hormones make a reappearance, remembering the dreams I had of him exploring my body. I spent years desperately wishing he would touch me the way I wanted him to, but it never happened. All of our touches were nothing but innocent, two friends simply happy with each other’s company and nothing more. But I can’t dwell on all the lost time now, not when I have to pay attention so I don’t trip as he leads us through the crowd, uncertain how I’m going to survive the rest of this night.