Chapter 3 #2
"You wanted to trap a prospect," Knuckles says. He doesn't raise his voice. He doesn't have to. "You wanted to trap a man who was in no state to see it coming because he was dealing with something private. You used that against him. That's what you did."
"It wasn't like that." She looks at me again, and her eyes have gone wet. "I love you, Austin. I thought if we had a baby, you'd see that we could be something."
"Don't," I say it once. "Don't try to make this into something it's not. You knew exactly what you were doing. You've been in this club long enough to know the rules, and you broke them deliberately."
"I just wanted..."
"I know what you wanted." I crouch down so I'm at her level, because I want her to hear this clearly, and I need her to see my face when I say it.
"I was never going to be yours, Raven. Never.
I was with you because I was trying to get through something.
I'm not proud of that, but you knew what it was.
You knew what I was doing every time. And you decided to use it.
" I stand back up. "That's what this is. Not love. Don't call it love."
She's crying properly now. It might even be real. I can't find it in me to care either way.
Prez waits until she's done, and then he leans forward.
"Here's what's happening. The baby is Black Saints' family, which means it stays here and it stays protected.
You will move to a room away from the other girls, and you will stay there.
You will be looked after until the baby is born.
When it is born, we will confirm paternity.
If the baby is Austin's, it remains with the club.
You leave. You don't come back, and you don't make contact. "
"You can't take my baby." She's on her feet. "That's my child, you can't just..."
"I can do whatever I decide to do in this clubhouse," Prez says, and there's nothing in his voice, no heat, no anger, just certainty, which is much worse.
"You sabotaged a brother. In a different circumstance, you would not be sitting in that chair having a conversation with me right now.
You would not be comfortable. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? "
She understands. The colour leaves her face, and she sits back down.
"You are being given consideration because you are carrying a child," Prez continues.
"The moment that child is born, that consideration ends.
I am having a legal document drawn up. The morning after that baby arrives, you will sign it.
It will state that you voluntarily relinquish all parental rights and that you agree to leave this property and never return.
You will sign it before you take a single step out of this clubhouse.
" He looks at her steadily. "And between now and then, you will be here, in that room, with nine months to think about what happens the morning after.
" A pause. "If at any point you decide you'd rather not wait that long, Knuckles has a way of making people change their minds about things. "
Knuckles doesn't move or speak. He doesn't need to.
Raven looks at me one more time. "Austin."
"Sign it when the time comes," I say. "It's the best thing you can do. For yourself and for the baby. You never wanted a baby; you wanted a way in. When it's done, you can walk away clean. That's more than you deserve, and you know it."
She's quiet for a long moment. The fight goes out of her in stages, like air leaving something. Then she puts her hands in her lap and looks at the desk.
"Fine," she says. "I'll sign it."
Prez nods at Braxton, who has already got his phone out.
"Knuckles," Prez says. "When the document's signed, take her to the east room. Make sure she's got what she needs." He looks at me. "Austin. Bar."
I leave first. Behind me, I hear the quiet of the room continuing without me, and I'm glad to be out of it.
Cam is behind the bar, and she has a beer open before I've sat down. I don't say anything. Neither does she for a while. She moves around the bar doing the things that need doing in the morning, and I sit with the beer and let the last hour settle.
After a bit, she comes back and leans on the bar in front of me.
"How are you doing?"
"I don't know yet."
"That's honest." She tops up her own glass. "You did good in there. Knuckles told me what you said to her. About not walking away from the baby."
"Of course I'm not walking away from it."
"I know." She looks at me. "That's why you're going to be alright, Austin."
I drink my beer and don't answer that.
Knuckles and Braxton come in a few minutes later, and Cam hands them a beer each without being asked. The four of us stand in the quiet of the bar and nobody makes it into more than it is, which is exactly what I need.
"You'll be patched in before it comes," Knuckles says eventually. Not a question. A statement of fact. "Make sure of it."
"Yeah," I say. "That's the plan."
He nods and drinks his beer, and that's the end of it.
I sit there after they've moved off, and I think about Savannah.
I can't not. Wherever she is right now, she's six weeks into her new life, the one I pushed her toward, the one I told myself was the right thing, and she has no idea what's happening here.
She has no idea that in eight months or so, there might be a baby in this clubhouse that's half mine.
I don't know what she'd think of me if she knew. I have a feeling I do know, actually. I think she'd look at me with those eyes, and she'd say that whatever I think about myself right now is probably correct.
She'd be right.
But I'm still here. And the club is behind me. And if there's a baby coming, then that baby is going to have everything I can give it, which right now isn't much, but it'll be more by the time it arrives. I'll make sure of it.
I finish the beer, put the bottle down, and go back to the workshop.
The bike isn't going to fix itself.