Chapter 15
Niki
“Stop picking up that laptop and putting it back down,” Senna tells me from my door.
I open my mouth to gripe as Connor swaggers in and sits in my chair, saying, “What’s up, buddy?”
“Nothing,” I reply sullenly. “Why are you here? It’s seven thirty in the morning. It’s the first race of the season at the end of this week. Shouldn’t you be asleep or packing?”
“Grouchy bastard. I came in early because my beautiful girlfriend needed to sort out finance stuff I don’t understand, and I was bored without her.”
I roll my eyes. These two are damn cute with each other, but I don’t need it. The one woman I’ve let close will walk into my office in thirty minutes, and together we’ll confront what’s happening in my head rather than hide from it.
It’s time.
I want to wipe down all the equipment and recheck Rosie’s desk so it’s good for her, but I don’t dare with these two watching.
“Get out of my seat before I kick you out,” I grumble.
Connor sits further back in it and beams at me. Senna clears her throat and gives a pointed stare, which has him rushing to a chair on the other side of my desk.
She stands next to me. “It’s going to be okay.”
She wants to hug me. I sense it from how she picks at her cuticles and looks at me with the longing she’s given me since I returned from Greece, but I can’t. She’s hugged me from behind a couple of times, but my shoulders still hunched and my insides frayed.
“Tell me about the season.”
Senna sits next to Connor, who stares at her with adoration, making my heart ache.
“We’re not starting as the underdog we were last year. We have investors and money. We were lucky at the end of last season.”
“Helped by yours truly.” Connor winks.
Senna continues, “Helped by a fantastic team who’ve remained on staff, including a certain arrogant driver and Tawny, our other awesome driver. The team has sorted out the twitchiness. Thank you for helping with that.”
I shrug. “What is Jacs saying about the cars? Does she think we have a chance?”
“Yes. She said after pre-season training the other week, we might have issues with drag, but she’ll monitor it this weekend in Australia and use it to inform her improvements.”
“Good. Should we aim for the top four, or is that too ambitious?” I drop into my chair, remembering my discussion with my counsellor about how not everything needs cleaning before I use it. I play with the beaded bracelet in my pocket to resist the urge to wipe Connor’s germs from the leather.
“It’s achievable, but I’d like to reassess after Australia. I presume you’re travelling with us. We don’t need you as a reserve driver at practice, but I’d love your input and knowledge.”
Connor plays with the pen on my desk. My leg jiggles as I watch him twist it in his fingers, and I sit on my hands to stop from ripping it off him.
“I’ll travel alone. I must pick a place to stay and choose when to arrive at the track, too. I’ll do my job, but I want autonomy.”
Rosie quietly hovers in the doorway. I grip the beads tightly.
Senna purses her lips and stares at me. “If you must.”
“Control freak, much?” Connor mumbles, still twiddling my pen.
Senna glares at him. Her eyes soften as she turns to me, but I catch her rubbing the tattoo. Great. I’ve made her anxious again. “Are you doing okay, Niki? Are you stressed about driving because of your crash?”
“You saw me drive at the end of last year when we raced at the aerodrome. I’m not scared of driving,” I reply flatly.
My gaze flicks to Rosie, who waits patiently. Of course she’s early. She fiddles with the cuff of her blouse, but as I stare at her shifting awkwardly in her pencil skirt, I remember my thoughts from when we met.
More curves than Silverstone.
I try to delete the memory of her teasing me with her bra strap. She was glorious in her lacy turquoise and black underwear.
I want to believe I’d have given her an incredible night if she hadn’t been called away, but I’m scared I wouldn’t have let her touch me.
Even with control, I’d have struggled to make it the night I’ve since fantasised about.
And someone as sweet as her probably wouldn’t be into my power play games.
Not that I know if I’m still into those.
“Then what’s wrong, Niki?” My sister’s question drags me to the present. “You spent last year using Connor to protect me while you were away, but you’re not letting me do the same for you. Why won’t you let me hug you, and why are you distant? I want to help. I miss my big brother.”
“Please talk to us, Niki. We miss you.” Connor fixes me with his stare as my shoulders hunch, and I squeeze my fist around the bracelet so tight it hurts.
“Hey, new boss,” Rosie announces, saving me from an awkward conversation I couldn’t have escaped alone. Connor probably joined Senna to stage an intervention. “Sorry, I’m early, but I’m keen to get started.”
As Connor and Senna stare at her, I mouth, Thank you. Her smile is like a drop of rain in a heatwave.