Chapter 56 Niki
Niki
Ilean back in my office chair, moving papers around. I want to sit beside Rosie and watch her work. I’ve barely seen her all week.
I stride to my doorway and bracket it with my arms. Her cheeks pink. The way she ignores me makes me feral. I imagine throwing her over her desk and growling until everyone leaves.
“You’ve got your call with your counsellor in ten minutes,” she says with a side-eye. She gives incredible side-eye.
“I’ve missed you this week. I’ve enjoyed spending the last four days between the garages discussing our strategy for Canada next week, but I get distracted remembering our weekend,” I murmur.
She wets her lips but continues typing.
“Look at me, angel,” I demand.
She tries to hide her grin as she stares at me, but it’s obvious over the rim of the coffee mug she forces to her mouth.
“I needed a break from you,” she replies, and for a second, my heart pauses. “Because you exhausted me this weekend. I can’t believe we spent Sunday night and Monday morning ticking things off the sexy bucket list you made me create.”
“Are you telling me you didn’t want to try shower sex and fucking outdoors?”
After a few seconds where her cheeks glow and her eyelashes flutter, she says, “Do you want to come to mine tonight and hang out with me and Tabi? Sasha’s out.
” Her fingers tremble on her keyboard as she babbles.
“It will probably include a movie about princesses. I’ll make sure the place is as clean as possible, and I’ll—”
I stride towards her and kneel beside her desk. “I’d love to. I want to get to know Tabi better.”
She lets out the breath she was holding. “Good. But you shouldn’t stay over. One step at a time.”
“Of course. Tabi is the priority. I won’t even kiss you in front of her.”
Rosie grabs me by my hoodie and pulls me to her. I’d go willingly.
“You’re amazing. Now get to your call.”
I jump up, even though being inches, let alone metres, away from those beautiful lips is a travesty.
“I’ll bring food. Make me a list of what you both want, and I’ll pick it up.”
Her smile makes me grin as I stride to my desk.
The video call barely rings before I answer.
“Doc, how are you?”
“I’m doing well, Niki. You seem happy,” he replies as Rosie pulls my door closed. She’s got me when I don’t have myself.
“I’m good. Really good.”
“Before you go, Niki. I’ve got homework for you. It’s a question I want you to reflect on between now and our next session,” Dr. Ric says.
I eyeball the young George Clooney lookalike. “Go on.”
“You’ve talked today about how you’re feeling more like the old Niki,” he says, “but I’m interested in your thoughts about how you might never be that man again.
You’ve seen and experienced new things, which will have changed your perspective.
Think on that and also consider what it is you’re trying to get back. ”
I hold my fist to my mouth as I study my ceiling. A couple of marks form a pattern I struggle to distinguish.
“Don’t answer now,” Ric adds. “You’ve made brilliant progress, from talking with your family to an intimate relationship that, when we started four months ago, had seemed impossible. You should be pleased with how hard you’ve worked.”
I nod as I consider what the point of progress is if I’ll never be who I was before. “See you next week, Doc.”
“Take care.” He hangs up.
I sit at my desk in silence. I have Rosie in my life now, and I’m not sure I’d have fallen for her as quickly in the past, but I want to be the driver I was and not be scared anytime someone touches me or comes close. I want to be enough for her and Tabi.
There’s a knock at my door. “Come in.”
I rub the furrows hurting my head.
“Niki,” Rosie says. Her face has lost its playful edge from an hour ago. “Senna wants you in Jacs’s area asap. It’s about the engine problem you discussed this week.”
“Great, thank you.”
She looks down. “There was another call.” She pauses as she fiddles with the hem of her T-shirt. “It was from Clara. She asked if you could call her. She said you have her number.”
I cock my finger.
“Close the door and come here,” I say, although my brain still froths with my conversation with Dr. Ric.
Rosie edges closer. She struggles to meet my gaze. I take her hand and pull her to my lap so she’s straddling me. My dick judders, but this isn’t playtime.
“You know Clara is my ex, don’t you?”
Rosie nods.
“I don’t want to be with her. I only want you.”
Rosie slides her palms under my sweater, and I shiver when she strokes my muscles.
“I know, but she’s a model for Victoria’s fucking Secret, and you were together for a while before your accident.”
Her vulnerability rips my heart, especially because she hates showing it.
I tuck my finger under her chin, tipping her gaze towards me so I can watch the colours swirl in her eyes.
“She’s not you. No one is. You are stunning, sexy, kind, and loving.
You’ve brought me back from a place I shouldn’t have gone, and you did it with your attitude and care. ”
Her tentative smile makes my chest flutter. “Stunning, eh?”
“A fucking goddess.”
“You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever met.”
“You should have seen me before,” I tease. Her shoulders hunch. I must learn why when I’m not late for a meeting. I kiss her softly. “I’ll call Clara at some point. I owe her for the time we were together, but I’ll also tell her about my new girlfriend, who I’m obsessed with.”
“Girlfriend?” she squeaks.
“If she wants to be. We can’t be too public because of Tabi, but I’ve told my family and signed HR forms.” I cup her cheek. She presses it to my palm.
“I want to be your girlfriend. Thank you for reassuring me and not getting annoyed at my jealousy, but I don’t want to get you in trouble, so go to your meeting.”
She attempts to climb off my lap, but I hold her close, breathing in her soap and honey scent. “You’re allowed to be jealous. I’m jealous of any man that gets your attention.”
She whimpers as I kiss her neck.
My mobile rings, and she jumps up. “That will be Senna.”
I follow Rosie to the door as I answer the call, but I’m left wondering who I am now.
Can I keep the things I love and return to the old me?