3. Lettie
Lettie
“ N o one told you to go to college, Lettie.” My dad’s rough voice grumbled from where he sat at the table, the newspaper he’d been reading laying flat in front of him.
I stood in the entryway to the house, not having made it more than a few feet inside before I let my frustration be heard. “No one needs to tell me to do anything, Dad. I made the choice to leave because I had nothing for me here.”
“And now you do - fixing the old barn up for me.”
“Replacing rotting wood isn’t a purpose, Dad. It’s a chore.”
He folded his arms across his chest, his graying mustache doing little to hide the frown on his face. “It’s a ranch, Lettie. Those are the things that need to get done.”
“I can get it done, but not with him. Let me help with the rescue. ”
“Not happening.”
I wasn’t going to back down from this battle. I was capable of taking on more with the rescue, I just wished he’d see it. “Those horses need to be cared for, too. I’ve always been good with them.”
“I’m well aware.” My dad hated dealing with difficult subjects like this. He wished everyone would get along and stick to their tasks. I was the rebel child when it came to that, always pushing back. That’s why my mom and I got along so well. She was the same way when she was growing up.
I took a steadying breath. “I’m not fragile.”
He simply gave me a look, his eyes telling me what he didn’t need to voice. He thought I couldn’t handle the unruly horses or the stress of the rescue.
I threw my hands out, my attempt at getting a grip on my emotions failing once again. “I’m not some little girl anymore, Dad. Eventually you’re going to have to realize that I’ve grown up and can handle more than just replacing old beams on a dilapidated barn.”
He regarded me from where he sat, his posture making it clear he wanted to be done with this conversation. “They’re rescues, Lettie. They can be unpredictable. What if you get hurt?”
“What if Brandy gets hurt, or Reed? They’re around them every day.”
“It’s different,” he clipped .
I pulled my hand through my hair, shoving the caramel-colored strands out of my face.
It wasn’t the smartest idea to be around untouched horses when you had the risk of minor dizzy spells, but if moving away taught me anything, it was that I was tired of living my life on the safe side.
“Just give me something. Some kind of responsibility that doesn’t make me feel incapable.
Reed doesn’t trust me on the ladder, and I will not let Bailey supervise me like I’m some sort of child. ”
“You sure about that?” I jumped at Bailey’s voice behind me, twisting around only to come face to face with him. Well, more like my face to his chest.
I tilted my head up and narrowed my eyes at him as he stood there, filling the small entryway. “Am I sure I’m not a child? Yes.”
He chewed on the straw sticking out of his mouth, the stubble on his jaw moving with the act. He tossed his head back and forth like he was contemplating what I said. I tried not to stare at the way his lips moved around the single piece of hay.
Stop it, Lettie. Get a grip on yourself.
“Mm, I think even children have enough sense to communicate their whereabouts to others,” he said.
My mouth popped open. Was he seriously going to bring that up right now? This just added to my case that I wouldn’t accept his help in any capacity. Not when he just made it clear that he hadn’t let go of the past.
Ignoring his passive-aggressive comment, I turned back to my dad, who had resumed reading the newspaper as if we weren’t standing here. “Please. I’m begging.”
“I do have one errand you could do for me,” he said before laying the newspaper back on the table.
For a man who ran a ranch and a horse rescue, he sure had a lot of time to read the newspaper. He always told us to have a healthy work-life balance, but you wouldn’t catch me reading the newspaper in my free time. I’d rather ride Red or get lost in a romantic suspense novel.
“Anything.”
He looked behind me to where Bailey still stood before drifting his eyes back to me.
I felt his presence at my back, the smell of dirt and sweet grass enveloping my senses like a fog.
Not many people liked the smell of cowboy, but Bailey wore it like expensive cologne. The scent was almost intoxicating.
Reason number one hundred as to why I didn’t want to be around him.
I couldn’t cross that line with him, and if I had to be around that addicting smell and see his stupid handsome face every day, I didn’t know how long that line could hold me back.
“There’s an auction in Billings coming up. Heard they have a few neglect cases coming through. I can’t make it due to chores here on the ranch, but I’d be willing to let you go in my place on one condition,” my dad said.
“What’s that? ”
He paused, intertwining his fingers on the table. “You bring someone with you to drive the trailer and load the horses.”
A smile crept up the corners of my mouth. My choice was obvious. “Brandy can come.”
He shook his head. “I need her here for training.”
I’d suggest Reed, but he was busy with horseshoeing, his schedule too full to take the time to drive up to Billings.
Lennon, my oldest brother, managed the feed store, so he was out of the question, and with it being the summer, riding lessons were in full swing, making Callan too busy.
Beckham wasn’t even in Bell Buckle right now - he was busy touring on the rodeo circuit.
With all my brothers being busy, that left me with…
“No way.”
My dad shrugged, his usual frown still plastered on his face. “I don’t know what to tell you, Lettie. Everyone else is busy, and I’m not letting you go alone.”
“The whole reason I want away from the barn project is because of Bailey! Now you want me to go spend days with him up in Montana?” Not to mention being alone in the truck with him for the drive north.
“Afraid of a little one on one time, Huckleberry?” Bailey said from behind me, his voice too damn close to my ear as I felt his breath on the back of my neck.
Trying to act like he didn’t affect me was impossible. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with him. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed our time together - pre-college. Now I wanted to stay as far away from him as possible.
Shouldn’t he have dropped my leaving without a goodbye after five years?
“It’s either that, or the barn, Lettie. You don’t get to pick and choose what needs to get done around here,” my dad grumbled.
I gnawed on the inside of my cheek, not wanting to admit defeat on the matter. He was right. I needed to suck it up and get shit done. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come back.”
I knew it was the wrong thing to say before the words even passed my lips. Bailey tensed behind me before he turned around and walked out of the house, the door slamming behind him. My dad stared at me with concern in his eyes as he let what I said sink in.
During the time I spent in Boise, I think a big part of me knew I’d end up back in Bell Buckle.
Even though my dad’s intent was always to leave the ranch to one of my brothers, my heart belonged here.
I genuinely wanted to go to college, and afterward, I tried to stay in that city, but I wasn’t happy.
I ignored the pull in my gut for as long as I could before I packed up and drove back to Bell Buckle.
The moment I crossed the county line, it felt like I could breathe again.
College was not for me, but I made it through.
After growing up on the ranch, always having new volunteers around and different horses coming through the rescue, I hated how I was suddenly stuck in a grueling routine of studying and hour-long lectures.
I didn’t want to be stuck in textbooks. Instead, I wanted to feel the wind in my hair as I rode through the open fields at a full gallop.
There was nothing more grounding than being on the back of a thousand pound animal - every movement your body made, every emotion you felt, casting into them.
Red was the only horse my dad felt comfortable with me riding. He’d never bucked, kicked, or gone sour. Red took care of me, no matter how I felt that day.
I needed to go see him. But first, I needed to prove to my dad I could handle what he threw at me, no matter what it was or who it was with.
“I’ll do the barn, and the trip, but I’m buying a nail gun.”
He raised a bushy eyebrow, seemingly surprised at my change of attitude. “Should I warn Bailey?”
I rolled my eyes at his attempt at a joke. “For the barn, Dad.”
“That should work out. The rest of the wood should be delivered by the time you get back from Montana. Sounds like you’re staying for a while then?”
Was I? When I made the drive back to Bell Buckle, I didn’t have a long term plan. I just knew that I needed to be here. After Boise, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to try out another place, but I also didn’t want to subject myself to staying in my hometown just because that’s where I felt comfortable.
I lived my whole life doing things that were comfortable, thanks to my helicopter family. But was it comfort that Bell Buckle brought me, or a safety net knowing I had people I could lean on here? A sense of home that no other place could provide?
“I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
He nodded once, picking up his newspaper to resume what he’d been doing before I stormed in here. Satisfied with the conversation, I turned to head outside to get back to work.
“Oh, and Lettie?”
Pausing with my hand on the door handle, I looked over my shoulder at my dad. “Yeah?”
Without taking his eyes off the newspaper, he said, “Be nice to the poor guy. Life didn’t pause here when you drove away.”
I looked down at my boots and the dirt clinging to the hem of my jeans. I was well aware that things kept moving when I left. I didn’t expect anyone to wait around for me in the hopes that I’d come back someday.
I had to make amends with the people I hurt. And that included Bailey.