7. Lettie
Lettie
F ourteen Years Earlier…
“Are you doing FFA again this year?” Lennon asked me from where he was perched on a chestnut horse to my left.
Lennon, Callan, Beckham, Reed, and I had gone on a long trail ride to savor the last bit of summer. Thirteen miles total, about six hours in the saddle. We’d taken turns racing each other on the trail, everything naturally turning into a competition for my brothers.
“I think so. Dad said I can do it with one of our calves again,” I replied. Last year, I had shown one of our calves in my school’s Future Farmers of America program.
“You gonna get all sad again at the end?” Beckham teased from ahead of us on his bay.
I shot a glare at his back. “No.”
Reed burst into laughter next to Beck. “She’s such a liar.”
“Am not!” I shouted. I was so tired of them trying to get a rise out of me. “Mom said I just have a big heart.”
Callan, who was on the other side of me riding a palomino, said, “It’s okay to have a big heart, Lettie.”
“I know! But Reed and Beck always make fun of me for it,” I complained.
Lennon reached over, patting my tiny knee. “Just ignore them. Brothers always make fun of each other, you just get caught in the crossfire sometimes.”
“Sometimes?” I huffed. “It feels like all the time.”
Lennon shrugged. “We love you even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, little sis.”
Callan nodded in agreement. “Always.”
Beck looked over his shoulder at the three of us. “I didn’t ask to go on a sappy trail ride.”
“Race you to the barn?” Reed challenged Beck.
“You’re on,” Beck said right before kicking his horse into a gallop.
“Hey!” Reed yelled before following in his dust.
“Do you think they’ll ever grow up?” I asked Len and Cal.
Lennon smiled. “Lettie, you’re nine years old.”
“Yeah, but even I know they act like boys,” I stated. Childish boys.
“That’s because they are boys,” Cal pointed out.
“You guys don’t act like they do,” I said.
Cal nodded. “Fair.”
“They’ll mature one day, Lettie. Just gotta deal with them until then,” Lennon said.
Callan had never acted like Beck and Reed. He was always mature in his own way, always offering to help our mom clean or take on extra chores.
Reed and Beck were the two who were crazy, always causing problems and getting into trouble by our dad. Then add Bailey into the mix, and they were really stirring up trouble.
Lennon was a lot like Callan, less interested in causing havoc and more into taking on responsibilities. It’s funny how a ranch can mold people differently. The ranch matured Len and Cal, teaching them important life lessons, while Reed and Beck used it as their playground.
That wouldn’t be the case for long though.
Reed was four years older than Beckham, and it was slowly starting to show. While Beck still thought their childhood games were fun, Reed was beginning to grow up more, becoming the respectable teen our dad urged him to be.
We approached the barn, Reed and Beck’s voices drifting out from inside. Len, Cal, and I pulled our horses to a stop beside the pasture fence. The two of them dismounted as I took my time, looking out at the cows, wondering which mama’s calf would end up being mine in the spring.
They were busy taking the bridles off their horses when I dismounted, and the second my feet hit the ground, the world spun.
It felt like I was tilting backwards, so I clamped my eyes shut to stop the sky from turning into the ground.
My mind felt like a cloud, my fingers going warm and cold at the same time.
“Lettie?” I heard who I think was Lennon say, but then my back slammed into something hard and metal, and I struggled to catch my breath.
Something fell to the ground - a bridle, maybe? - and a hand wrapped around my arm, pulling me upright and into what had to be a chest. “Lettie, what’s wrong?”
Lennon. That was Lennon’s voice.
My hands pressed against his chest like an anchor, trying to keep the boat that was my mind from rocking against the waves.
I was so dizzy.
“Did she eat this morning?” Callan asked.
I managed a nod, but it made my head swim faster.
“Reed! Beck! Get out here!” Cal yelled.
I heard boots pounding on dirt as Lennon grabbed my chin, making me look up at him. My eyes were open now, but there were two of him. “Are you hurt?”
“No,” I croaked.
“Dizzy?”
I nodded, and the tidal wave came back, turning me upside down. I clamped my eyes shut again as Lennon dropped his hand from my chin. My forehead slammed down into his chest. I didn’t mean to drop my head so fast.
“What’s wrong with her?” Beck asked at the same time Reed spoke. “Is she okay?”
There were too many voices coming from my brothers, echoing in my head.
“Beck, get Mom,” Cal instructed him.
Boots faded into the distance, a door slammed, and my mind righted itself.
“Lettie, do you think you’re going to pass out?” Lennon asked me.
I shook my head, and this time I didn’t spin. But honestly, I wasn’t really sure what was happening.
“Keep her against you,” Cal said. “I don’t know what’s going on with her.”
Join the party, Cal.
I lifted my head, looking around us. There was no more spinning, but I felt tingly.
“Your lips,” Reed muttered, looking at me like he saw a ghost.
One of my hands on Lennon’s chest reached back to touch my lip, unsure what Reed was seeing.
“I think she’s going to pass out,” Cal said, staring at me with wide eyes.
Lennon shook his head, keeping his eyes on me. “She’s okay.”
Was I?
Lennon just didn’t want to freak me out.
The door to the house swung open and I turned to look. Our parents were running out ahead of Beck, down the porch steps and over to us.
“What happened?” Mom asked, frantic.
“She got off her horse and fell into the fence,” Lennon said.
“She said she was dizzy,” Cal added right after.
“Her lips, Mom.” Reed hadn’t taken his eyes off me.
What was wrong with my lips?
Mom reached for me, cupping my face in her hands. “You’re white as a ghost, Lettie. Do you feel okay?”
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. I really didn’t know what I was feeling other than tired and dizzy.
“I’m going to take her in,” Mom said to Dad.
“The hospital?” Lennon questioned.
Hospital?
Mom nodded. “Something could be wrong.”
“It was a long ride,” Beck pointed out.
Callan shook his head, looking almost mad at Beck. “You don’t just pass out after a ride, idiot.”
“Boys,” Dad warned. “Go inside.”
They shook their heads. “No. We want to go with them.”
Dad pinned them with his I’m-not-fucking-around face. “Go inside, and your mother will update us once they know something. She doesn’t need four boys running around a hospital while Lettie is being taken care of.”
What if I didn’t want to go?
Hospitals were scary. Hospitals were the place you went before you died.
“Am I dying?” I asked no one in particular .
Mom pulled me to her chest, hugging me tight. Lennon stayed close by our side. “No, sweetie. We’re just going to make sure you’re okay. We’ll be home in no time.”
A hand rubbed up and down my back, but it wasn’t Mom’s hand.
“We’ll be right here waiting for you, Lettie,” Dad said.
My bottom lip trembled, and I turned from Mom’s arms into Dad’s. He wrapped himself around me, pressing his lips to the top of my head. “Everything’s okay, sweetheart.”
But I got the feeling my entire life wouldn’t be the same from this point forward.