13. Lettie
Lettie
I woke up alone, Bailey and Rouge nowhere in sight.
I should be thankful I didn’t have to face him bright and early after last night.
In a way, I’d tested him by making him take a shot off of me.
The way his mouth brushed my skin, the feel of his tongue on me, it only confirmed what I’d suspected.
He thought of me as more than just his friend.
I guess I’d also tested myself. After having his mouth on me, I couldn’t deny the feelings I’d been trying to keep at bay.
I enjoyed the feel of his tongue on my skin, and that’s what scared me.
Sober me was too scared to cross that line with Bailey, but tipsy me wanted nothing but to destroy that invisible line and give in to all the urges I’d been trying to push away for so long.
Did I really rob myself of those years with him, trying to ignore the growing feelings between us, all because I was terrified of ruining our life long friendship? It was a pathetic reason.
I wished I was able to say I went away to college just for the education.
The unknown of what would happen if we took that next step kept me from entertaining the possibility of more between us.
He was twenty-two at the time, I was eighteen.
He had far more experience in that field yet his eyes were always on me.
He never brought girls around the ranch and the guys never talked about their flings, at least not around me, but it was no secret they had them.
Pushing away any thoughts of Bailey with another woman, I opted for a cold shower.
Pulling the covers off, I grabbed my phone and headed for the bathroom, turning the water on as cold as it would go.
Before getting in, I checked my notifications, finding two unread texts from Brandy.
They were sent ten minutes apart from each other.
Brandy: Have you given in and ridden that cowboy yet?
Brandy: You must be busy. Don't forget to wear the hat.
The corners of my mouth ticked up as I typed my response.
Me: No riding has happened, but his tongue was places it's never been before.
Three dots appeared as she instantly replied.
Brandy: Are you insinuating that his tongue has been places before?
Brandy: Forget I asked that. What do you mean his tongue was "places"? !
Me: I'll tell you when I get home.
Brandy: I have to wait?! This is so not best friend behavior. I'm replacing you while you're gone.
Me: You'd never. You're too obsessed with me.
Brandy: This is true. And also why I need to know why his tongue was on you, where his tongue was on you, and how his tongue was on you!
Me: I guess you'll have to wait.
Brandy: Does Bailey know you're such a tease?
I sent the middle finger emoji back and set my phone on the counter.
Stripping from my pajama shorts and oversized t-shirt, I stepped into the shower, bracing against the stream that hit my skin like tiny needles.
I pulled the door to the shower closed and fully immersed myself under the spray, soaking my hair.
I washed my hair, then moved to my body, grabbing the bar of soap from the wall.
I forgot all my toiletries at home. I must’ve grabbed the wrong bag when I left because my bathroom bag was nowhere to be found.
I’d have to get over-the-counter iron supplements at some point, and soon, because I’d already neglected to take them since I arrived home.
My head was somewhere else these past few days, causing me to stray from my daily routine.
I ran the soap over my belly, remembering the feel of Bailey’s mouth on me. I hated that I wanted it back. One hit of Bailey and I was addicted.
Setting the soap back on the tiny shelf, I stood under the shower head to rinse off, but as I did, the door to the bathroom swung open, slamming against the wall. I yelped, moving to cover myself as I faced the wall. Rouge ran over to the toilet and proceeded to drink from it.
“Get out!” I yelled at my dog.
“Rouge!” I heard Bailey shout right after the door to our room clicked shut. He came around the corner, eyes widening when they landed on me through the glass door of the shower before slapping a hand over his eyes. “Fuck! Sorry, Lettie. Rouge, get out here!”
Embarrassment flooded over me as my skin turned pink despite the freezing water rolling down my body.
Rouge was a blur as he ran back out of the bathroom.
Bailey blindly reached for the door handle.
Once he found it, he swung the door shut as I stood frozen, still attempting to cover my body with my hands.
Standing there for a few more minutes, I gathered myself, turning off the water.
I stepped out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself.
I looked in the mirror, giving myself a mental pep talk.
He probably didn’t see anything. I could go out there, grab my clothes, get dressed in here, and everything would be fine.
Mustering the strength, I took a deep breath and headed into the room. I avoided looking at Bailey, but it was hard when he sat at the desk chair, right in front of where our bags were. Rouge was perched on the end of my bed, panting as he watched me .
I walked the four steps to my bag, unzipping it with one hand while holding my towel shut with the other. God forbid it fall open.
Bailey’s back was to me as I rummaged through the bag, grabbing an ivory and peach striped Wrangler button-up, my jeans, underwear, and bra.
The hook on my bra snagged on the zipper to my luggage as I tried to pull it out.
My luck. I yanked on it, the motion causing my hair to hit the back of Bailey’s neck.
“Cold shower?” he asked, then took a casual sip of his coffee.
Fuck my life.
I didn’t have to look to know he had a shit-eating grin on his face.
“Water heater must not work,” I lied.
My bra now free, I held the wad of clothes to my chest as I made my way back to the bathroom. I closed the door, making sure it clicked this time. I locked it, too, for safe measure. I dressed, then used my fingers to comb through my hair in a meager attempt to work the knots out.
I walked out of the bathroom after hanging up my towel.
“I got you a spinach and egg breakfast burrito, and a coffee,” Bailey said, not turning to look at me.
“Thanks,” I replied before sitting on the bed, grabbing the coffee from where he set it on the nightstand.
“You’re welcome.”
I unwrapped the foil on my burrito, the smell of food making my stomach growl. Even though I drank more last night than I typically did, I didn’t feel very hungover. I hoped it stayed that way throughout today.
“So, how do horse auctions work?” I’d never been to one before even though my parents had started the rescue well before I was born. They didn’t bring me along on any of their trips, usually opting to take one of my brothers instead if they needed an extra hand.
He finished chewing his bite of food before he spoke.
“Once we’re inside, we’ll get a bidding number from the window.
Depending how early we get there, we can walk around the stables to see the horses.
Travis already knows which ones he wants, though, so once the auction officially starts, we’ll bid on them.
If we’re the highest bid, we’ll sign some paperwork after the auction is over, and tomorrow morning we can pick them up. ”
I nodded as I chewed. He made it sound so simple, as if their lives weren’t in our hands.
We sat in silence for a while, enjoying our small breakfast. Even after finishing off the burrito, I had the craving to eat ice, but settled on a sip of coffee.
Growing up, I always loved bringing a bowl of ice to my room and crunching on it as I watched movies.
Some people snack on chips, I snack on ice.
If all went to plan, we’d be on the road tomorrow, heading back to the ranch. Before leaving on this trip, I wanted to stay far away from Bailey in the hopes of not bringing up the past. Being in Montana alone with him, I had no choice but to confront my feelings about him.
I missed him, not just right now, but every day that passed in the last half a decade. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d pulled up his contact in my phone, my finger hovering over the call button before I’d think better of it and put the phone down.
After all this time, I’d assumed he’d moved on. I never asked my brothers about him because I didn’t want to hear that he was dating someone or that he was happy without me there. It was cruel, really, to wish he was missing me as much as I was him.
I was the one who left, knowing the damage it could cause, and yet I still made my choice.
I’d have to live with that for the rest of my life regardless of what ended up happening between me and Bailey.
I didn’t deserve it, but I hoped he forgave me.
I wasn’t sure if he already had, but the only way I’d get my answer would be to ask him myself.
That was exactly what I’d been avoiding since I’d gotten back, and soon, I’d have to face it head on.