29. Lettie
Lettie
F ive Years Earlier…
My hair was still wet from my shower when I finally emerged from my room at five o’clock.
Brandy and my mom had told me not to come out until five p.m., so I’d taken the longest shower of my life and did every possible thing I could between shaving my legs, using my sugar scrub, doing a hair mask, and then painting my nails after I got out.
I hadn’t bothered to do my hair since I wasn’t expecting a big celebration for my eighteenth birthday. I’d specifically told everyone I wanted it to be lowkey, and I hoped they’d listened.
I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to accept the offer for the school in Boise, so I wanted my head clear tonight. If I did choose that school, I’d have to leave as soon as possible, but that meant leaving my friends and family, the only people close to me.
I didn’t know anyone in Boise, and the thought scared me.
But did I want to spend the rest of my life in Bell Buckle?
I could choose a closer college and commute daily, but if I did that, I was sure I’d never leave.
Bell Buckle was the only place I knew, and if I wanted to spread my wings, now was the time.
But if I didn’t decide on Boise and did end up staying closer to home, I’d be doing the same routine I’d been doing daily my entire life. As scary as leaving was, I couldn’t keep playing it safe.
But safe was comfortable.
“Happy birthday!” a chorus of voices shouted as I rounded the corner of the hallway.
Stopping in my tracks, I took in my family and Brandy, all grinning from ear to ear with those cheesy cardboard party hats on.
“Thanks, guys.” I awkwardly smiled. “I didn’t want anything big this year,” I reminded them.
“Oh, please. This isn’t big. Plus, you could be leaving us soon. We wanted to go all out,” my mom said with a wave of her hand as she brought me a party hat.
Lennon emerged from the kitchen with a bowl of chips. “We have to celebrate our little sister, no matter what milestone it is.”
“I’d hardly call it a milestone,” I said.
Brandy rolled her eyes. “Call it whatever you want. You’re legal!” She squealed, running over to me to wrap me in a tight hug .
“Legal? Please,” Reed scoffed. “She can’t even drink yet.”
Brandy narrowed her eyes at him after letting me go. “We’re still going to the Watering Hole tonight.”
“No drinking for the kids,” my dad grumbled as he stole a chip from Lennon’s bowl.
Lennon frowned at him, setting the bowl on the table. “You’ve reminded us twenty times now, Dad.”
Callan snorted from the kitchen where he was checking on some food in a slow cooker. “It’s not like they’ve never been there before.”
“Or drank before,” a deep voice added from the front entry way behind me.
I spun on my heel to find Bailey standing there with a cake in his hands. Light purple frosting was messily coating the outside of what appeared to be white cake.
Bailey baked a cake?
Bailey baked in general?
Did I hit my head in the shower?
“Happy birthday, Huckleberry,” Bailey said with a soft smile.
My eyes searched his green ones, confusion clearly written on my face. “Is that for me?”
He chuckled. “Yeah, Huckleberry. It’s for you.”
“A cake?”
“It is your birthday, isn’t it?” he asked, though he knew the answer. He always remembered my birthday, but he’d never baked me a cake before .
“Let me take that from you.” My mom squeezed in between us, gently grabbing the cake from Bailey. He let her, keeping his eyes on me the entire time.
“Come out on the porch with me?” he asked, something flashing across his face that reminded me of a cross between fear and longing.
“Uh, the party’s in here,” I stuttered, hooking a thumb over my shoulder.
He flashed his stupid beautiful smile at me. “I’m well aware, Lettie.”
I looked over my shoulder, then back at him. “Don’t you want to stay in here then?”
“We both know you hate parties,” he pointed out.
Damn him for knowing me so well.
“Right. Let me grab my coat?” Any excuse to put this off. I didn’t want to know what he had to say. Not when he kept looking at me like I wasn’t just his best friend’s sister right now.
“It’s not cold out,” he reminded me.
“Right,” I clipped. “Shall we?” I gestured to the front door behind him.
He nodded once, opening the door for me. I passed him, my shoulder touching his chest and sending electricity shooting to my fingertips.
The door closed behind me as I walked to the edge of the porch, leaning my elbows on the railing. I was usually fearless, so why was I standing here like Bailey was someone to be afraid of?
He came up beside me, copying my position against the railing. “You choose a school yet?”
I shook my head. “Can’t decide.”
He shrugged. “Go with your gut feeling.”
I let out a nervous laugh. “Easier said than done.”
He faced me, standing up straight as he leaned one hand on the railing. “You don’t trust your gut?”
“It’s not that I don’t trust it. I just don’t want to make the wrong choice. It’s a lot of pressure,” I stated.
He nodded like he was contemplating that. “Then stay close to home.”
I looked up at him. “What?”
“If you’re not sure where to go, why risk moving so far and then regretting it?”
I straightened, still having to tilt my head back to meet his eyes. “Wow, you’re really helping.”
He held his hands up in mock surrender. “Sorry. I never had to make a decision like that.”
“You never wanted to go to college?” I asked.
“No,” he said matter-of-factly. “I always knew I was right where I belonged.”
I looked back out at the property and the setting sun casting an orange-pink glow over the land. “How’d you know?”
“Some things just feel right,” he said.
I wasn’t sure what felt right to me, but I did know that staying in my parents’ house with my siblings all close by would mean they’d still be suffocating me with their concern for my health.
How could I truly live my life if I was being kept in a fish bowl under twenty four hour surveillance, constantly being reminded to take my supplements, always being watched in case I got dizzy, or my skin went pale?
God forbid I chew on a single ice cube without the entire household being alerted.
The front door opened and my mom poked her head out. “We’re cutting the cake so you guys can head out early.”
I nodded to her. “Thanks, Mom. We’ll come in.”
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked, concern knitting her brows.
“Yeah,” I said, trying to hide my sigh.
“If you don’t feel good, you can skip the bar-”
“I’m fine, Mom. I’ll be okay,” I interrupted her.
She nodded, disappearing inside.
“She just cares about you, you know. We all do,” Bailey pointed out.
I didn’t meet his eyes, but I knew he was staring down at me with that damn concerned look on his face. “I know. I just hate that I can’t even step out of a room without someone thinking I’m going to pass out. It’s not even that common, anyway.”
“Passing out?” he asked.
I faced him then, narrowing my eyes up at him. “For someone like me.”
“Well, that’s your problem right there,” he said, like I was supposed to know what that meant.
“What’s that?” I asked .
“You treat yourself like you’re not normal, either. So naturally, why would anyone else?”
“I am normal,” I argued.
He reached up to shove his cowboy hat lower on his brow. “I don’t know about that,” he joked.
I lightly hit him on the arm, then walked by him to head inside. Before I reached the door, he rushed around me, opening it for me.
We walked inside to join the party and eat the cake Bailey had baked for me, but I couldn’t help feeling like our conversation wasn’t done.
***
The music was loud and the lights were low. The typical setting for Outlaw’s Watering Hole.
Though Brandy and I were still too young to drink, we still had fun drinking virgin margaritas and watching the boys royally fail at playing pool.
“The table has a tilt,” Callan huffed.
“Oh, please, Cal. You just suck. Admit it,” Lennon said.
“He’s not the only one,” Reed called from where he sat at the high top table.
Beckham was still on tour, so he wasn’t able to come home for my birthday, but he had sent me a video of him singing happy birthday with the biggest smile on his face.
I couldn’t wait for him to be home .
Lennon scoffed. “Like you’re any better.”
Reed took another swig of his beer, then slammed it down, standing from the table. He grabbed Cal’s cue from him, stalking over to the end of the table.
“Rack it,” he instructed Lennon.
Lennon rolled his eyes. “I am older than you, you know.”
“By two years,” Reed grumbled. “That doesn’t even count. I can still boss you around.”
Bailey came back from the bar with shots of tequila, setting one each in front of Brandy and me. “For the birthday girl and her best friend.”
“Oooh shots!” Brandy shrieked.
“Bailey,” Reed warned.
He waved him off. “Have a little fun, Reed.”
I looked up at him from where I was sitting. “Thank you,” I said with a smile.
“My pleasure. It’s not like you’ve waited until you were twenty-one, anyway,” he pointed out, reminding me of the times he’s had to save my ass while I was tipsy before.
“That camping trip was so much fun. We have to go again,” Brandy said before holding her shot glass out to me for cheers.
I tapped mine against hers, a soft clink vibrating off them, then we tipped them back.
My face scrunched against the burn, and I quickly used my virgin margarita to wash it down.
“Taste a little more like a real marg?” Bailey asked, watching me gulp it through the straw .
“Little bit,” I croaked.
“Another?” Brandy gleamed.
“No,” Reed clipped from where he was bent over the pool table, deep in the game.
“Don’t listen to the party pooper,” Brandy mumbled to Bailey.
I laughed at the look Reed gave Brandy’s back. Even over the music, he could hear her. She was oblivious to it, but I swore I saw something other than hatred there.
“One’s enough for you ladies. Lettie?” He faced me. “Care for a dance?”
I gulped. “Uh, sure.”
"Blue" by Zach Bryan played over the speakers, slowing down the mood for the couples on the makeshift dance floor. Really, it wasn’t a dance floor at all. Just a section of the bar with an abundance of boot scuffs on the hardwood floor where there weren’t any chairs or tables.
Once we were in the center, Bailey stopped, turning to face me. He set both hands on my waist as I draped mine around the back of his neck. We swayed to the music, a little off beat, but clearly the two of us couldn’t be bothered to keep up with it.
His green eyes seemed to get lost in mine as the bar drowned out and all I saw was Bailey.
Bailey, my brother's best friend.
Bailey, my childhood annoyance.
Bailey, the guy who just baked a cake, probably the first one he’d ever made, just because it was my birthday .
My heart rate picked up and I dropped my forehead to his chest, unable to keep my eyes on him.
He was looking at me the way someone looked at their first love, and I was far from that.
He was always playing pranks on me growing up, doing whatever he could to get under my skin. But maybe I was taking his signals all wrong. Maybe he didn’t do it because he couldn’t stand me, but for solely the opposite reason.
Maybe he did it to get me to see him.
To give him my attention, regardless if it was negative or not.
And that fucking scared me.
Bailey was always there when I needed someone to cry on or rant to, and I was the same for him, but that was all this ever was. All it ever could be.
I couldn’t ruin what he and I had by testing how far we could go.
What if we didn’t work out as more?
What if I fucked it up and he ran like all the other boys I’d had in my life in the past?
Then I’d have no Bailey.
And I’d rather keep him how he was in my life, at arm's length, than let him in further. It would crush me if something tore us apart.
His hands squeezed my hips lightly and I lifted my head, finding his gaze.
“You doing okay, Huckleberry?” he asked .
The song ended and I dropped my arms, taking a step back from him. “Why does everyone need to ask me that a million times a day?”
His brows furrowed with confusion. “You just seemed tense, is all.”
“Of course, I’m tense, Bailey. I have a lot of decisions to make right now.”
“Like?”
I sighed, looking around the dance floor at the few couples already moving to the beat of the next song. “You know what.”
It wasn’t just the school. It was us.
His face dropped, and I wanted nothing but to bring his smile back. “Lettie, don’t think about that right now. It’s your birthday.”
I looked down at my boots, then behind his shoulder at the bar. I couldn’t see the look on his face again knowing that I put it there. “I think the party’s over.”
He was quiet for a moment, watching me to gauge if I was serious, then his shoulders fell, and I fucking hated myself. “Okay.”
I turned, heading back to my brothers and Brandy as Bailey followed a few feet behind me.
I’d already upset him, and even with something so small, it fucking crushed me.
I couldn’t let us go any further, and staying in Bell Buckle would only make that more difficult.
I guess that made my decision.
I’d start packing for Boise tonight.