48. Lettie
Lettie
M y forehead pressed to the cool glass of the passenger window as Bailey drove into town.
To my surprise, he wasn’t driving like a bat out of hell to get to the hospital.
In my mind, this wasn’t exactly an emergency, but I’d been avoiding the tell-tale signs of low iron for far too long.
I’d been pushing my body to its limit working on the barn, going on the road trip, and forgetting to take my iron for a few days.
When I was in Boise, I’d have to get my levels checked every so often, and once, it had ended up in me needing to get an iron transfusion. As scary as they sounded, they weren’t all that terrible - as long as you didn’t look at the IV full of basically black liquid.
I hadn’t told my family about the transfusion because I had the feeling that if they knew, they’d want me to come home. Not wanting to cause them to worry more than they already probably were, I’d kept quiet.
Going through health problems and not being able to talk to anyone about it was a lonely way to live life. I’d debated going to a therapist, but felt pathetic spilling my issues to a stranger, so I didn’t.
Bailey rolled to a stop at the traffic light, waiting for it to turn green.
I glanced over at him, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my thigh.
Because of him, I could let my guard down and be open about how I felt and my medical issues.
He cared for me, but not in the way that suffocated me like so many others did.
He gave me the space I needed while also being by my side.
Bailey was my lifeboat in the sea of waves that crashed against me, making me want to fold in on myself. When the waters were rocky, he threw me a life jacket, keeping me afloat. I was no longer alone.
A few minutes later, he pulled into the emergency room parking lot, finding a space in the front. The lot was mostly empty. That was one of the perks with small towns. Nowhere was ever too busy.
He came around and opened my passenger door, offering his hand to help me out. I took it, folding my fingers around his, and didn’t let go once I was on the ground. The uncertainty of what was about to happen made me want to keep him close, his presence grounding me to the earth.
He closed the door, locking the truck, and we began our short walk to the daunting emergency room doors.
I wish they had a “slightly urgent” room instead.
The word emergency was intimidating in itself.
Add a multiple story building full of doctors and medical equipment, and you couldn’t help but feel the nerves settle in.
Before we reached the doors, Bailey stopped me, turning to pull me into his arms. My cheek rested against his chest as my arms wrapped around his torso. His lips brushed the top of my head as he gave me a soft kiss.
“We’ll be out before you know it, Lettie. Deep breaths,” he mumbled against my hair.
I inhaled deeply, feeling my heart practically beating out of my chest. At this point, I couldn’t tell if it was from the low iron or the anxiety of walking through those doors.
I didn’t miss how he said we’d be out. This wasn’t just happening to me anymore.
This was the two of us, in this together.
Bailey put the “in sickness and in health” into our relationship before he even asked me to marry him, and that’s why I loved him.
He wanted me regardless of all the times I’d tried to push him away, despite all the years spent apart.
I pulled back, placing my hand back in his. As soon as we walked through the sliding glass doors, the smell of disinfectant and rubbing alcohol burned my nose. My body instantly went on alert with all my past experiences in the hospital racing through my mind in a blur.
We walked right up to the counter, the lady at the desk looking up at me from where she sat. She had white-rimmed glasses on, her hair pulled back in a low ponytail, and long, sparkly pink nails. “Medical card and ID, please.”
Pulling them out of my purse, I slid them over to her. She typed a few things into the computer, her nails clacking on the keyboard to the beat of my heart in my ears. It was like I was here, but not actually in my body. The emergency room was the last place I pictured myself being today.
“Reason for your visit?” she asked.
“I, uh, I think my iron may be low,” I said, the statement coming out more like a question.
Her nails resumed their tapping, and I watched as they flew across the keys. Bailey squeezed my hand, and I looked up at him, a reassuring look on his face. I took another deep breath, leaning into his arm slightly.
She slid my card and ID back to me, and I slid them back into my purse. “You two can have a seat while you wait. A nurse should call you back shortly.”
We turned, taking the closest two seats. The waiting room was empty aside from an elderly couple in the corner. I nuzzled closer to Bailey, laying my head on his shoulder as his thumb stroked circles on the back of my hand. I watched his thumb move as I tried to push the what-ifs from my mind.
What if they couldn’t do anything to fix me? What if I let it get so bad this time that there was no going back?
Twenty minutes after the elderly couple was called back, the door opened, and a blonde nurse appeared in the doorway. “Lettie Bronson.”
I stood, Bailey following suit. He walked me to the door, but the nurse stopped him. “We have to take her back privately first, then we’ll come get you. Name?”
“Bailey,” he answered.
“Sit tight, Bailey,” she said.
He leaned in, his hand coming up to cradle my cheek as his other stayed glued to my palm.
He pressed a kiss to my lips, and I wished we could stay in this moment and never part, but all good things had to come to an end.
He pulled back, his green eyes blazing with concern as he said, “I’ll be back with you soon, okay? ”
“Okay,” I whispered.
And then I unfolded my hand from his, our tether going from physical to imaginary. But as I walked through that door, I could still feel his love for me like he was right here with me.
He’d been with me the whole time.