Chapter Nine
He was going to die of frustration.
Not only had his mom disappeared again, but every day Devi gave him a reason to put his hands on her. Every single day.
He couldn’t because it wasn’t his place.
Or was it his place?
“I need you to hand me the syringe now,”
Arthur said.
Yeah, he was helping Arthur vaccinate a group of goats. Normally Lacey liked to be the one helping the vet, but she and Devi had gone into the tiny town for supplies. Those two were getting close. He’d heard them laughing and joking as they’d done chores around the farm.
He would never had thought Devi could handle farm chores. His baby was a deep well, and he would never learn everything he wanted to know about her.
Probably because he would be dead or in prison, and that was why he wasn’t going to touch her.
Arthur huffed, and when Zach looked up the older man was staring his way.
“You’re not sleeping with her.”
He wasn’t sure why Arthur needed to know that.
“There is a lot of sleeping going on between us.”
He actually did think he slept better when she was beside him. She was cuddly and warm, and several times she’d lifted her face in the early morning light and all it would have taken was a little movement of his head to press their lips together.
She wasn’t serious about him, and she shouldn’t be.
Arthur took the syringe.
“Are you going to let this opportunity go, son? She’s softened up nicely. I thought she might be a problem in the beginning, but I think we all got to her and now she would fight for us, not against us. I also think she wouldn’t run from the fight, so you need to get her ready for it.”
The goat snorted as the syringe went in and then wandered off after Arthur gave it a pat on the back. They moved on to the next.
“I don’t want her to fight at all,”
Zach admitted, carrying the big bag Arthur had brought.
“And if your father shows up?”
Arthur asked, making his way over the soft ground. It had been raining a lot, and Zach had become accustomed to rain boots.
“I know you don’t want her to fight, but shouldn’t she be able to?”
“She’s had some self-defense training,”
Zach replied. Not that it seemed to have helped her since she’d been kidnapped by cartel assholes and then by Huisman’s assholes. According to Kala she had tried to fight Lena but had lost. And Lena was a damn therapist. He should think about that. But the idea of rolling around with her made his cock ache.
“Maybe Lacey could handle it.”
“Oh, I assure you Lacey could train her, but I think she’ll say this is your responsibility,”
Arthur replied.
“We might have already talked about this.”
“Really?”
Why would they be talking about his relationship? Scratch that. He knew why, but he was trying so hard to keep things solid so they didn’t jeopardize the mission. Missions. Could it be called a mission when it was pretty much his life at this point?
“Well, it’s that or we talk about how The Fabulous Miss K is getting along with the pigs. I swear that donkey needs a therapist,”
Arthur said, gently holding the next goat. He ran a hand along its back and gave her a treat before asking for the next syringe.
Zach sighed.
“Is there any way you could do it? You know training a person can get…personal.”
Arthur smiled.
“Yes, that would be the point, son. Train her and you’ll wind up using that bed for something other than sleeping, and then all the awful sexual tension will be gone.”
Zach heard himself growl.
“I’m trying to avoid that.”
“Why?”
A light rain began. That felt right. He was stuck in a muddy field with traumatized goats and a somewhat caustic veterinarian. His brother had gotten married, and he’d spent that time eating butterbeans, watching Brits win shockingly low amounts of money by answering trivia questions and rolling bocce balls, and trying to keep a kitten from killing itself.
“Because I’m not going to hurt her again.”
“So it’s not because she isn’t the other woman?”
Now Zach’s growl was fully focused.
“I am not in love with Tasha Taggart.”
“But you are in love with Devi Taggart,”
Arthur pointed out, checking the goat’s hooves.
“She doesn’t believe me.”
And he was pretty sure she never would. He was almost certain she would accept a sexual relationship with him, but that was all it would be. Sex.
“Do you think not having sex with her is helping your case?”
“I don’t want this to be a case. I want it to be a relationship.”
He wanted to be fucking normal. He wanted to be back in Dallas getting ready to go out with her, to go to the club with his sub and sit with his friends and not think about anything except how he was going to torture her sweet ass and who would go out with them for late-night waffles this week.
He wanted a future with her.
“You know I’m married, right? I lied to my wife about some of the more dangerous portions of my job.”
Arthur seemed to be focused on his patient, but every word was carefully chosen.
“Being that your job at one point was intelligence, that’s understandable.”
“And yet you’ve told Devi almost everything,”
Arthur pointed out.
“I didn’t in the beginning, and you know why. I walked into that team thinking they were undisciplined and would fuck up everything and ended up being just like them. They talk more than they should, but they trust the people around them. Even the non-military friends and family are willing to help with anything they ask for. I’ve never known that kind of loyalty. But it’s expected that we keep our loved ones out of the loop. It’s what they signed up for.”
“Well, she didn’t, and she would argue with you about that. We almost broke up. And then my saint of a wife decided that what she needed was time. She couldn’t forgive me, but she also couldn’t stay away. Time is on your side. Even if you don’t have a lot of it. For my wife and I it took the better part of a year, but I won back her trust. I did not do it by acting like her friend. Devi seems to be willing to have relations with you, to pretend things are normal. A funny thing happens when you pretend things are normal. They tend to become normal.”
He stood there in the mist, Arthur’s words penetrating his brain.
“You think if I take her to bed and be a good boyfriend, she’ll start treating me like a boyfriend?”
Arthur shook his head.
“I think you should take her to bed and start treating her like a good husband, a great partner. Show her you trust her. Talk to her about what you can. You aren’t beholden to the Agency when it comes to this.”
“Oh, I assure you they will hold me responsible.”
“Perhaps, but you can be open with Devi because you’re not an operative for them anymore,”
Arthur pointed out.
“You’re on your own and get to choose your team. I think she would be a good team member if you let her.”
“Isn’t that putting her in danger? Shouldn’t I protect her?”
Arthur looked up and winced.
“Don’t ask Lacey those questions. Seriously, it will get rough. You should protect her, but you shouldn’t coddle her. She’s not some child to lock away from the big bad world. Besides, she seems to find trouble.”
He huffed.
“Yeah, I get your point. But what if the Agency holds her responsible, too? I’m obviously more afraid of her in Huisman’s hands, but I don’t like the thought of certain elements of the Agency getting hold of her either.”
“That’s a chance she should be allowed to take. A choice she makes for herself.”
“I’m not going to get to marry her. Or even to have a couple of years with her.”
He heard the sorrow in his words.
“Pessimist. You don’t know that. I’m sure in your head this all ends poorly, but you know some powerful people, and they can move mountains when they want to. Besides, have you considered the fact that if you’re the one to bring Huisman in, the Agency can use that to protect their own image?”
He had not. It was a long shot. But it was a shot.
“They won’t want to admit I tricked them. They could say they sent me out and then they look smart.”
Arthur stood and pointed his way.
“Exactly. If you don’t think Ian Taggart hasn’t already considered that exact scenario, then you don’t know him well. Look, there’s real chatter about something going down soon.”
He nodded.
“I think that’s why my mom contacted me.”
“She likely knows far more than we do. The question is will you tell Taggart what you know when you know it?”
Arthur asked.
“I understand that Lacey and I can’t provide the backup you need. So are you going in alone or calling your former boss? Who happens to be Devi’s uncle and will absolutely protect her from any Agency blowback.”
He wasn’t wrong. The Taggarts wouldn’t allow Devi to be hauled off to some Agency black site to be questioned.
“From what I can tell, the Agency is taking the reports about Huisman seriously after what happened in Toronto.”
Arthur nodded.
“Ah, so actual evidence worked. I might have mentioned that.”
To a goat? He wasn’t going to let Arthur second guess Ian Taggart.
“Well, they’re all in now.”
“Are they? Or are they carefully working your boss?”
Arthur asked, putting the stethoscope in his ears and listening briefly before settling it back around his neck.
“One of the things my group is worried about is possible spies inside the Agency. I believe Huisman has his own people in high places across the world.”
Yeah. Lena Gallagher proved that.
“I’m confused. You talk like Big Tag is invincible and now you’re worried he’s being na?ve.”
Arthur started moving toward the barn, clearly in the belief that Zach would follow him.
“I don’t think a man with his background could be na?ve about his work. I do think you could be. Look, all I’m saying is if you want any chance with the young woman, you’re going about it wrong.”
“You think I should sleep with her.”
“I think you should fuck her. I think you should stop protecting yourself and be a man and give her what she needs. I have rarely met a young lady who is begging to be topped more than that one.”
Zach stopped. What the hell had Arthur said? “Topped?”
Arthur turned and gave him a grin that made him look younger and way more potentially perverted.
“Topped, Zach. As in sexually dominated, though I think you might want to take it a bit outside the bedroom with that one. I do so with my own sweet wife. Oh, she doesn’t recognize it because I’m a sneaky Dom, but let me tell you it works. Give it a shot.”
Arthur turned and started back toward the barn again.
The old Welsh dude was in the lifestyle? Huh. He and his wife. In the lifestyle and seemingly happy for years. Because there was more to marriage than youthful passion. There was peace and comfort and someone to grow old with. To spend his life with. To worship and be a partner to in and out of bed.
Was it worth the risk? Oh, he would risk his freaking soul for a chance to be with her.
Was it worth the risk for her?
He was making that decision, and it wasn’t fair.
Zach let the rain fall as he thought about a possible future.
Hope was a dangerous thing.