20. Isaac
20
ISAAC
H annah was silent except for the thank yous that she doled out to my staff, ever the picture of well-bred manners. I didn’t have much experience with this whole monogamy thing, but even I knew that a silent woman was a deadly woman.
I watched a nuclear bomb in stilettos walk into my apartment and disappear down the hallway.
I opened the refrigerator door and stuck my head inside. Perhaps this was where I left my common sense.
I fell for you at my best friend’s wedding? What was I thinking?
The cool air was a momentary reprieve as Hannah slipped into the bedroom and closed the door. I slammed the refrigerator shut and went straight for the liquor. With a glass of brandy in hand, I retreated to the couch.
My phone buzzed and lit up with Luca’s name.
“Well, well, well,” I said, tossing back a healthy gulp of my drink to fix my roiling mind. “Look who crawled out of his marital cave and figured out how to use a phone again. How’s the old ball and chain? ”
Luca snorted. “Maddie will castrate you if she hears you say that.”
Somewhere in the distance, Maddie shrieked, “Is that Isaac? I love Isaac! He’s my bestie! Hi Isaac!” Maddie was practically singing. A gaggle of feminine voices and twangy music blared in the background.
“She isn’t sober, is she?” I guessed.
Luca chuckled. “Girls’ night. I’m chaperoning.”
I glanced at the closed bedroom door and felt a little guilty for pulling Hannah away from her friends. A slip-up at Thanksgiving was the only reason any of them knew where she was or what she was actually up to.
The poker club, as Hannah called them, was a tight-knit bunch, but I understood her hesitance to tell them about us. I chased the guilt down with another gulp of brandy. Alcohol never let me down.
“If you’re out playing babysitter, what are you doing calling me? Regretting your decision to get hitched already? It’s barely been a month.”
Had it only been a month since Han and I first hooked up? And when the hell did I start calling her ‘Han’ instead of teasing her with Hell Yes Ma’am?
Luca chuckled. “One day you’ll get it, Lawson.”
“That day is far in the distance—if ever, DeRossi.”
He cleared his throat as if to signal a transition from the personal to the professional part of the conversation. “You got plans the week before Christmas?”
I thought about the beguiling woman on the other side of the closed bedroom door. The week before Christmas was when our deal was supposed to end. I had planned on kidnapping Hannah and taking her out of the country so that we could go out with a bang.
Hannah Jane and I need to have a talk .
All this started as innocent fun. I needed to fuck her out of my system, and she needed to loosen up and let go. Now, neither of those things were happening.
I made a colossal mistake taking her to the club tonight. She shut down on me, and I couldn’t blame her. I was the one with my head up my ass, saying shit about falling for her when I gave her my word it wouldn’t happen.
And me? I wasn’t any closer to getting her out of my system than the night I broke into her office and stole her champagne.
To be fair, I gave her better champagne.
“Yo, Lawson. You there?” Luca repeated. “Dude, you’re not hanging out with my Nonna again, are you? That’s just fucking weird when I’m not around.”
“Hey, I can’t help it that Nonna loves me more than you.” I laughed and downed the rest of the brandy. In the background, it sounded like the Country Bear Jamboree was out in full force.
Where the fuck was he?
Luca scoffed. “Week before Christmas. What are you doing?”
I swirled the last remaining drop left in my brandy snifter and debated spilling the beans about Hannah Jane and me. Luca would understand—I hoped . He thought highly of Hannah Jane, and knew first-hand the kind of irresistible web these southern belles could snare a man in.
Hell, he’d put a damn ring on one of them.
At the last minute, I decided that wasn’t a line I would cross without her consent. “Nothing out of the ordinary. Why?”
“It’s the big day for the new restaurant in Texas. You wanna fly down and be a pretty face for the grand opening?”
“Free food?”
“Man, you’re so cheap,” he joked. “Yeah, free food. You can stay on the ranch with Mad and me if you want. It’s real nice.”
“Maddie’s going to be there?”
“Yeah, I’m calling in the cavalry to make sure this opening goes off without a hitch. It’s gonna be a big deal. Mad’s gonna be observing in the kitchen for the first few days of service and help out if she needs to. She wrote the dessert menu.”
It was a no-brainer. “Yeah, count me in.”
“Cool. I’ll get up with Spenser with the details.” There was a ruckus and muffled curses on his end of the call. “Gotta go, man. Maddie and Bridget are dancing on the bar again. Ay, yo, Chase! You get Bee, I’ll get Mad.”
The phone call ended unceremoniously as Luca left to wrangle his woman.
The bedroom door opened and Hannah Jane appeared, a vision in a soft pink négligée. Behind her, I saw the garment bag with her black dress zipped up.
The air was charged. If we touched, there wouldn’t just be sparks. There was going to be an explosion.
I set my glass down and stretched my arm across the back of the couch. “Care for a nightcap?”
Hannah shook her head. “No, thank you.” She tiptoed to the kitchen on dainty feet and grabbed a bottle of water. Before she could retreat to my bedroom, I reached out and took her hand. “Hannah?—”
She recoiled at the sound of her name on my lips.
“Sit with me.”
Hannah’s teeth sunk into her lower lip. She hesitated, but curled up beside me, tucking her feet underneath her body. I set my phone beside my empty glass and draped my arm across the back of the couch.
She still had her makeup on. Still had her hair done up. I could still smell her perfume. Her lips closed around the water bottle, and I imagined that it was my dick in her mouth. I watched her throat flex as she swallowed. Hannah drinking water was better than porn. She capped the bottle and eyed me curiously .
“Did you have a good time tonight?” I asked gently, reaching over and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
I was in uncharted territory. I never brought women home. Never brought them here .
If I wanted to get laid, there were hotels for that. Out of my many homes, my New York apartment was my inner sanctum. My refuge. I didn’t entertain here, and I sure as hell didn’t bring my one-night stands here.
The weight of bringing Hannah to stay here wasn’t lost on me. I invited her into my home. Invited her to sleep in my bed. Hell, I slept with her for more than one night. I had never done that with anyone else. She made those lines so goddamn easy to cross.
“I had a great time,” she said placidly, offering a polite smile. “Thank you for taking me out.”
To anyone else, that would have been the green light to go from date to night . But something brewed behind her bourbon eyes. I just wished I knew what it was.
I cupped her cheek and kissed her. Sweet, supple, and warm. Her eyelashes fluttered against my cheek as she closed them, letting out a soft sigh of contentment.
We moved in perfect synchronization—her lying down on the couch, me bracing my arms on either side of her head. Hannah’s brown hair splayed across the black leather.
I straddled her hips, one knee digging into the couch, one foot planted into the floor. I skated my hands underneath her nightie. Her mellow sighs turned to wanton moans as I pushed up the silk and trailed sloppy kisses down the column of her throat.
Hannah arched her back, murmuring incoherent sweetness into the quiet apartment. I nipped and sucked my way across her collarbone, shoving the négligée all the way up so I could give her beautiful tits the attention they deserved. I pulled one rosy nipple into my mouth, grazing the peak with my teeth.
Hannah sobbed and begged for more, for relief, for a host of things she muttered that didn’t make any sense. I palmed the swells of her breasts and teased her nipples. She grappled for purchase on my chest and arms, but I reared back.
“Isaac,” she moaned. It was breathless, pleading. Demanding.
I bent down again and blazed a path of kisses from the valley of her breasts, down her stomach. Her hips rocked, seeking anything to satisfy the desperate need she felt.
I wanted that. I wanted her to be desperate. Aching. Longing.
I shuffled down and kissed the crease where her thigh met her center. Hannah gasped. Her pussy glistened with need, and I fought the urge to drive into her like a caveman.
This wasn’t a negotiation, but I was going to get exactly what I wanted from her. I wanted to direct her body like a maestro.
I draped one long leg over my shoulder and brought my mouth dangerously close to her wet core. I swirled the tip of my tongue around her clit, and she gasped, bucking her hips toward me.
“Tell me what you want, Princess,” I breathed against her pussy, making her shudder. I nuzzled my stubbled jaw against her inner thigh.
“You,” she begged, digging her nails into the cushions. If she left scratch marks on the couch, I’d cut them out, frame them, and hang them on the wall.
H. Hayes—Aftermath of an Orgasm—Artist Medium: manicured nails on a leather couch.
Hannah’s answer was music to my ears. I lapped at her pussy, tasting and savoring her. Within seconds, she was careening over the edge. I rose up and crashed my lips to hers. Her mouth opened on a gasp and I took advantage, stroking her tongue with mine.
“Can you taste yourself on my mouth, Princess?” I asked between breaths.
“Mhmm,” Hannah whined, barely coherent. She wrapped her arms and legs around me and pulled me in for more .
I unzipped my trousers and freed my dick. I needed to feel her. To be inside her. I needed the same release.
We had two weeks left, and I wasn’t ready to let her go. I only had two weeks left to get Hannah Jane Hayes out of my head, and I knew the detox was going to be painful.
“I need to be inside you. Need to feel you Princess.” My voice was rough and full of desperation. “Nothing between us.”
She went rigid.
“I’m good if you are,” I murmured as I buried my forehead in the crook of her neck and kissed her warm skin. “I’ve never done that with anyone else. Haven’t been with anyone else since our first night. Not like this.” I leaned up and kissed her lips. “Nobody but you.”
“I’m good too.” It sounded strangled. I rose up on my forearms and saw the corner of her mouth quiver.
Ah, fuck.
I pressed a kiss to her temple and held my lips there. “I’ve never wanted anyone like this before,” I choked out, baring my soul to her, preparing to be rejected in the most humiliating position possible.
I wanted—no— needed to feel her bare. I needed to see how we fit. I needed to know her more intimately than anyone else ever had. It scared the shit out of me, but I was ready to jump.
“I want to feel you, Princess. No barriers. I can’t ever get enough of you.” I wanted to bury myself inside of her. I wanted to rut into her so deeply that she would feel it for eons after. “Are you with me, Princess?”
Hannah was stiff and silent. Finally, she nodded.
“I’m gonna need a verbal yes or a no, Han.” I dragged the head of my cock through her entrance.
Her head tipped back and her lips parted as she gasped.
I brought my lips to the shell of her ear and whispered, “I put myself out there, now tell me what you want, Miss Hayes. ”
She couldn’t say it. Couldn’t say that she wanted me. It felt like I’d been slit open and gutted. From the way her lip quivered, she was either scared shitless or utterly disgusted at the thought.
So this was it. This was the end of us.
I fucked everything up and there would be no recovering. I was out of moves.
I had never been in the red before.
Pressing my forehead to hers, I closed my eyes.
So, this is what heartbreak felt like.
Warm lips met mine, and the cracks in my shattered heart began to fuse. Hannah reached between us and wrapped her hand around my shaft, lining it up with her entrance.
“I trust you.” Her voice was scared, but resolute.
Without a second thought, I slid deep inside her. She was ready—wet and waiting. And damn, did she feel good. It felt right. Had sex ever felt this right before?
Hannah groaned in delight and bucked her hips into mine. “God, I need you to move,” she said in that hoarse voice she always had when we were intimate. She was desperate for a release. There were more words on the tip of her tongue, but they disappeared as soon as I withdrew and slammed back into her.
“You feel so fucking good,” I grunted, pistoning into her hard and fast. I could feel her muscles squeezing the hell out of my cock with every thrust.
Hannah’s eyes rolled back and her lids fluttered shut. She bit her lip and ghosted her fingertips down the front of my dress shirt.
This was good. This was right.
“Isaac,” she panted in desperation.
“Right here, beautiful. I’m with you,” I promised. “I’m not going anywhere. You’ve got me.”
Hannah’s body began to shake, and her limbs turned to steel. Her inner muscles gripped my cock with an unrelenting force. It was enough to send me over the edge with her, spilling my release deep inside. My body jerked with hers as we held on to each other. I was terrified that if I let her go, she would disappear.
Her breath was ragged. I peppered her chest and neck with kisses, desperate to hold on to the connection as the post-orgasmic mirage of dreamy colors and fireworks faded from my vision.
It hit me as soon as I opened my eyes; Hannah was crying.
“Are you okay?” I asked, brushing reckless strands of warm brown hair away from her face. “Han?—”
Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. She brought her hands up to cover her mouth. “You said this wouldn’t happen,” she whispered in shaky sobs.
Reluctantly, I pulled out and stuffed my still-hard dick back into my pants. I may have been in uncharted territory, but I was pretty sure that having this conversation with my erection staring her in the face was the wrong move.
I gathered her up in my arms. My release trickled down her leg, staining my trousers. That was the least of my worries.
“Said what wouldn’t happen?” I asked, brushing her hair away from her pretty face.
“Feelings,” she sniffed. It was a whisper, but it might as well have been an eardrum rupturing gong.
I kissed her forehead.
Hannah wiped her eyes and stared out the window into the midnight sky. “I tried so hard not to fall for you.” She turned, giving me a watery look. “I was stupid to think I wouldn’t get hurt.”
My brows furrowed, and I ran a hand through my mussed hair. “What are you saying?”
A lone tear slipped down her cheek, and she looked away.
“God, this is so fucking embarrassing,” she muttered. Hannah’s southern accent came out more when she was tired or emotional. Right now, she was both. “I want more than what you can give me,” she stated calmly .
She was steeling herself to make a run for it.
I was Isaac Fucking Lawson. I could give her the world on a goddamn silver platter if she wanted.
“Tell me what you want. I’ll make it happen.”
She shook her head. “I want love .”
“I can’t promise you that.” I didn’t dabble in L-O-V-E. There was only one thing I was good at: making money. It required a ruthless approach.
I excelled at quick fucks and good times. If I was honest with myself, I was afraid that loving someone would soften the edge I needed to survive at the top of the food chain.
But the notion that I was afraid of love didn’t sit right with me either. After all, I wasn’t a pansy.
I clenched my jaw, gritting my teeth so hard I was sure I’d shatter a molar or twelve. “Just give me time.”
The corners of her mouth trembled, and she shook her head—a sucker punch to the gut. Hannah crawled out of my arms and stood, straightening her nightie.
I followed, standing up and grabbing her hands. “This doesn’t have to change anything.”
“Did you mean what you said at the club?” she asked. “About falling for me at Maddie and Luca’s wedding?”
“I didn’t want to,” I admitted. “I never expected to. I tried— God, Hannah —I really fucking tried not to fall for you. I’ve never… I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. You wreck me. You confuse me. I can’t get the upper hand with you, and I fucking hate it. I didn’t want to fall for you, but I did.”
Hannah squeezed her eyes shut, leaning into my touch. “I don’t think that’s an outcome you get to control.”
She saw right through me.
"Hannah," I begged as my knees buckled. I nearly dropped to my floor right there .
“I don’t know where we go from here,” she said, walking over to the window that peered down on the horizon of skyscrapers. If it had been any other place and time, she would have run—I was sure of it. There was an upside to her being on my turf.
I stood behind her, placing my hands on top of her willowy shoulders. She didn’t bother shrugging them off, and I counted it as a point in my favor.
“Is being with me that terrible?” I asked. “So terrible that you can’t stomach the idea of having feelings for me?”
Hannah sighed quietly. She was tired of fighting. Her resolve was fading. “I don’t want to lose myself by falling for you when we both know you can’t give me the future that I want. I don’t have to jump off the cliff to know what happens at the bottom.”
“Why are you so hellbent on being right that this—us—wouldn’t work?” I asked.
“Because it wouldn’t! We’re opposites! We don’t even remotely want the same things in life!”
“What if I want you?” I growled. “Isn’t that enough? Don’t run away from something that could change your life just because it doesn’t fit in your neat little box. I want to be with you.”
“All of me?” she nearly shouted. “Or just sex? Because I’m sorry—I thought I could separate the two, but I can’t. It will never be just sex for me. I can’t sell myself short anymore. I know what I’m worth, and it’s a hell of a lot more than just being your hobby.”
I fisted the silky fabric of her négligée, yanked her against me, and kissed her. Hard. She didn’t fight it. Hannah gave it back to me just as much as I was giving it to her.
When I pulled away and stared her down, her cheeks were flushed, and her lips were swollen. “One shot. Give me one shot to do this right. If I screw up, you can point your finger in my face and say, ‘I told you so.’”
Hannah’s lips parted and her eyebrows rose. She paused for a moment, pondering what I had said. I thought she was going to flat-out say no, but to my surprise, she just nodded. “One shot.”
A victorious smile flickered at the corner of my mouth, but I wasn’t ready to celebrate just yet. “Do we have a deal?”
Hannah raised a single eyebrow that should have sent me running. “I have one condition.”