Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Ithink dinner was a bad idea.
Well, I knew he’d be shocked. I knew that.
But I thought that when he saw Sarah, he’d get over that shock or that initial burst of anger.
But none of that happened.
In fact, I think he got even angrier as the dinner progressed.
Not that he showed it.
He wasn’t being rude or impolite or assholish to anyone like he gets these days.
He ate his food. In fact, he ate every bite and he was the only one. No one at that table finished everything. Not even Leah and Sarah.
But Arrow did and when he was done, he took a sip of his water and set down the glass gently. He even had dessert, and when dinner was officially done, he helped clear the plates.
He was every inch the Arrow that I’d known from before. And I didn’t like it one bit.
I didn’t like that he was keeping his anger in check. Even though I might’ve had a hand in bringing it out.
Now they’re talking, Arrow and Sarah.
Or at least they’re supposed to be talking, because right after dinner Leah asked me to go to my room and while I was leaving I overheard her saying that they needed to talk. That Arrow needed to act like a responsible adult and have a conversation and sort this thing out.
That was about fifteen minutes ago.
Since then, I’ve been pacing and pacing, listening to my own footsteps digging a hole in the floor and the loud beats of my witchy heart.
Until now.
Until I hear voices. Just under my window.
I rush to it then and drop down on the floor. Grabbing the edge of the windowsill, I peek my head out and see him.
My Arrow.
I see the top of his dirty blond hair and the broad line of his shoulders, propped against the wall.
The last time I saw him here, just under my window, was when he visited for Christmas with Sarah. I was so jacked up, so excited and shaky at seeing him in the flesh after months that I couldn’t sleep. I was about to go out on my bike when I saw smoke rising past my window.
I did the exact same thing that I’ve done tonight.
I rushed to the window and peeked my head out. I opened my mouth and drank in the smoke he was letting out, filling my lungs with his cancer while loving him with all my heart.
However tonight there’s no smoke.
He’s simply standing there, casualness dripping from his body like river. But I know better. I know he’s tense, I can tell by the rigid slope of his shoulders and how messy his hair looks. I bet some strands have come down to brush against his forehead.
I wish I could go to him and swipe them away. But I can’t.
Because he’s not alone and it’s not my right, is it?
It’s my sister’s right and she’s standing in front of him, matching him in every way.
His looks, his confidence, his height. The way she’s dressed in casual professional wear or whatever it’s called: a pleated skirt and a silk blouse with her hair done up in a French twist. Or at least that’s what she called it when Leah asked.
She only has to crane her neck a little when she says, “You didn’t have to walk out like that.”
“No, I had to,” he says flippantly.
“I was talking.”
“I know.”
“So what, this is better? Standing out here. In this dark spot.”
“It’s my favorite spot, actually. I usually come out here when I want to escape. Like for example, when people are talking and I have no interest in what they’re saying. But for some reason, they can’t take the hint and shut the fuck up.”
“You…” My sister exhales sharply. “That’s so rude, A.”
“Rude.” He chuckles slightly. “Yeah, I’m that. Although, I believe the correct term is asshole.”
“What?” It’s kind of dark and they’re both more or less silhouettes so I can’t really know for sure but I know my sister is probably wrinkling her nose right now.
“Yeah, it’s strangely satisfying,” Arrow drawls. “It does get you slapped in the face sometimes. But I guess that comes with the territory.”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s worth it though.”
My nails dig into the wood and I bite my lip, feeling a rush of electricity go through me.
It was me; I slapped him. And I call him asshole.
I call him that all the time.
And I’m filled with such need to go to him right now but I grind my knees on the floor.
Because I can’t.
You can’t, Salem. You absolutely cannot go to him now.
Once they get back together and the wedding is back on, I’m going to have to find a way to run and leave them alone.
“What are you talking about?” my sister asks, exasperated.
Arrow hums. “I don’t think you’ll understand. It’s a little above your paygrade. So what do you want?”
My sister sighs. “A, we really need to talk.”
“We don’t really need to talk because nobody ever really needs to talk,” he says. “People talk because they want to. And I find that I really don’t want to.”
“A, please,” she says determinedly. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you but it’s high time. You’ve been ignoring all my calls and texts.”
“Again, that’s usually a sign when someone really doesn’t want to talk.”
Sarah shakes her head, her hair shining under the meager light of the moon. “Look, I don’t want to fight with you. I just want to have a conversation. I just want to figure this out.”
“Funny. Because I was under the impression that there wasn’t anything left to figure out.”
“There is and we can do it. I know we can do it. We can do anything, you and me. We’re a team.” She moves closer to him. “I’ve been working very hard for you, A. You have no idea.”
Even though it’s dark, I still notice the stiffness in Arrow’s body. It’s not just limited to his shoulders now. It has gone on and clutched all his limbs and even his voice.
“Well, why don’t you give me an idea then?”
“The whole team has been affected by your actions. We probably won’t even make it to the semi-finals now.
Rodriguez is not as good as you and you know that.
The team is mad, A. They blame you. Their trust in you and your judgement has been shaken.
I’m the only one on your side and I’m putting out fires everywhere,” my sister replies eagerly.
“People are still waiting for you to apologize. But I told them to give you time. I told them you’d do the right thing.
Because I care about you. I love you. I want you back on the team. I want you back in my life.”
There’s silence for a few beats after that.
When my heart is pounding and pounding.
This is such a private moment.
I should move away. I should.
But God, my knees are glued to the floor and my nails have dug their way into the wood, and there’s no way I can free them.
There’s no way I can move and take my poisoned, encroaching presence away.
“How’s Ben doing?” Arrow asks. “He know you’re talking to me about getting back together?”
It’s Sarah’s turn to stiffen now.
Again, I can’t see very clearly but I can feel it all. I can feel the tightness in her frame.
“Ben has nothing to do with this,” she says in a low voice.
Arrow chuckles again. This time it’s lacking in any humor though. “I beg to differ.”
“A –”
“Because it didn’t look like that when you were fucking him. Or maybe I’m wrong.”
At this, I feel a pinch, a sting in my fingers. A sting that becomes a throb and takes over my whole hand.
Somehow that sting travels to my chest too, making a home there, squeezing my heart tightly. So tightly and painfully that I can’t be sure if I’m hearing things or if this is real.
If he said what he said.
A second later, Arrow moves away from the wall and stands up straight. Not only that, he grabs Sarah’s arm and gives it a jerk that I feel on my own body.
Bending closer to her, he growls, “Answer me, Sarah. Am I wrong?”
My sister is trying to free herself. “A, please. You’re scaring me, okay? Stop acting like this. Stop being so –”
“What, angry?” He shakes her again. “The therapist you found me says the same thing. She asks me ‘why are you so angry, Arrow? Describe in your own words what happened to make you so angry.’” He laughs without humor.
“Maybe I should tell her. Maybe I should tell her the truth. That one day I accidentally saw my girlfriend’s phone.
I accidentally read a message that said I miss you.
I miss your tight little body. Can we meet at the same place?
When I asked her about it, she lied. She said it was a one-time thing, but as it turns out, it wasn’t.
Because later that night I got into her phone again.
She hadn’t changed her password that she’d had since college days so it was pretty fucking easy.
Maybe she’s dumb or maybe she thought I wouldn’t ever think of checking her phone, I don’t know, but after an hour’s worth of reading, I found out that my girlfriend, who I was planning on proposing to, had been having an affair.
She’d been fucking my assistant coach for months.
So I’m angry, Dr. Lola Bernstein, because the girl I loved lied to me, not once, not twice, not three times but for months.
For months, she was sleeping with my best friend and not once did she think to tell me about it.
Yeah, maybe I’ll tell her that next time.
Maybe we should tell my mother too. At least then she’ll stop making these pathetic attempts to get us back together. ”
Sarah is crying now; I can hear her quiet sobs.
I don’t have that luxury though. I can’t cry.
My sobs have never been quiet. My sobs are howls. They’re loud. They have the power to break eardrums and windowpanes.
So I’m biting the inside of my cheek to keep my tears from falling.
I’m biting it until I feel the blood pooling on my tongue, all metallic and warm.
“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I made a mistake. I’m sorry I never told you. I thought I was protecting you from it. I thought I was doing it for your own good. I didn’t want anything to affect your game, your focus. And I was going to stop, anyway.”
“But I caught you first, didn’t I?”