12. MATTHEW
Chapter twelve
MATTHEW
TRYING SOMETHING NEW
On the way back to the ranch, Atlas stays one step behind. It could be for his own safety, given I nearly took his head off earlier, but something tells me it’s more than that. When we get close to the house, Dean waves us over.
“I was wondering what happened to you two,” Dean says.
“We’ve cleared another good section of the trail ready for the dozer tomorrow,” I reply, and his smile widens.
“Wow, you two are really powering through. At this rate, you’ll have it done by the party.”
“What party?” I ask, trying to sound normal, but my voice pitches up when I lie, and by Dean’s smirk, I think he knows it.
“Do you really think anything can happen on this ranch without me knowing about it?” he asks, and I shrug.
“Connor kept his secret pretty well hidden,” I say, and he scrunches up his nose as I pass him on my way to return the scythes to their safe storage in the small room inside the stables. I hear Atlas chuckle behind me.
“He’s got you there,” Atlas laughs. “Hey, Matthew, put those away and then come inside, you’ve earned yourself a slice of Sally-May’s apple pie.”
“How could I say no to that?” I reply, when really all I keep thinking is, how can I say no to you?
When I get to the stables, Loki pops his head out of his stall.
“How did you know I was here?” I ask as I step closer.
He lets out a soft neigh as if in reply to my question.
“Well, I’m happy to see you, nonetheless.
We laid out more of the new trail today,” I say as I give him a pet along his nose.
“There was an amazing valley that you’d just love.
Maybe I can take you up to see it when the dozer has leveled the path.
You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I ask, and then I hear loose gravel skip across the ground, and I turn to find Atlas leaning against the doorframe, watching me.
“Either you don’t believe me when I tell you that Loki can’t hear a word you say, or you simply don’t care,” he says.
“I don’t,” I reply, turning back to the horse who has fast become my favorite. “I thought you were headed inside for pie.”
“I was, then I thought I’d better check that you didn’t cut off your own arm putting the scythes away.”
“Look at that, he’s a comedian and a nudist,” I chuckle, and Loki stomps his hoof. I glance over my shoulder and find him right behind me.
“You should try it sometime,” he whispers, sending a shiver through me.
“I’ve never been very funny,” I reply, my heart beating double its pace. The air grows thick as he steps closer still, enveloping me in his sweet, earthy scent.
“I never thought we’d see you in anything but a three-piece suit, yet here you are lookin’ every bit the horseman. What are you afraid of?”
I take a steadying breath, but just get a lungful of him, and my head spins.
“What is it like?” I ask.
“Refreshing.”
“I mean, what is it like for you? Why do you do it? Is it something to do with the scars on your arms?” I ask, my stomach in knots the second the question is out of my mouth. “You don’t have to answer that. I just—“
“No, it’s fine,” he says, stepping back, and the room feels instantly ten degrees cooler. Loki shifts to move deeper into his stall, and I turn and lean against his gate. Not really knowing what to do with my hands, I shove them into my pockets and try to look normal. Whatever that is.
Atlas rests against the opposite stall, one knee up, foot against the gate. Fuck, this guy makes cool look effortless.
“Did you know that when nerves heal, they fire electric pulses, bursts of electricity firing under the skin and vibrating through the bone?”
I shake my head.
“Even healed over, the scars used to react like open wounds, making me wince at even the slightest touch.”
“That sounds horrible.”
“It wasn’t great. But your brain has a funny way of changing its mind about how it interprets those signals, and one day, what used to send an aching sting through my arm suddenly felt like something was crawling under it. I stopped wearing shirts, then pants, and well, you know the rest.”
“Does it still feel like something is crawling up your skin?” I ask, stepping forward.
He shrugs. “Sometimes. I’ve spent years finding clothes that have the least impact.”
“Can I?” I ask, stepping closer and reaching out with one hand. He pushes off the wall with his foot and steps forward to meet me.
I pinch the fabric of his flannel shirt at the waist, the smooth, soft blend less like the one I’m wearing and more like some fine silk. I skim the fabric between my fingers, loving the way it feels sliding back and forth.
“I can’t imagine anything feeling nicer than this,” I say, looking up to meet his soft stare.
“On a night like this, there is one thing better,” he says, and I smirk.
“Okay. You’ve convinced me. I’ll give the nudist thing a try.”
He smiles widely and grabs my wrist.
“Great, we can make a night of it. I’ll set up a fire at the trailer so we won’t get cold,” he says as I stumble along behind him out of the stables.
“You want me to be naked at your place?”
“It’s the only place you can do it on the ranch,” he says, and then he stops dragging me and turns to me deadpan. “This is just about you experiencing what it’s like to be totally free out here in the wide-open air. It’s not sexual. I don’t… I wouldn’t.”
My cheeks burn, and I’m thankful we’re out of the decently lit stables.
“Okay,” I say, my voice coming out little more than a whisper. “Lead the way.”
My stomach is swirling the whole way to his small corner of the ranch.
His trailer is surrounded by trees, shielding him from the eyes of any guests and making it feel more isolated than it actually is.
As we step through the tree line and the rest of the ranch disappears, a chill sweeps over me. What am I doing?
“Wait here,” Atlas says, and he makes his way over to the small pale-blue trailer.
The moment the silver door closes behind him, a pit forms in my stomach, and every sound around me seems amplified.
A rustle of leaves comes from my left, and I spin that way, trying to squint through the low light of the moon to see what’s there.
An owl hoots to my right, jolting me that way, my breath coming faster as the desire to run grows stronger and stronger.
Then Atlas opens the trailer door, a beam of warm light appearing with him, and relief washes over me.
“You okay?” he asks, a deep-set frown on his face.
“Fine,” I lie, rubbing the back of my neck, the muscles still tense. “Just, you know… enjoying the super-secluded, not at all axe-murderous place that you live.”
He laughs with his whole chest, a wide smile taking over his face, and it somehow calms me a little.
“Relax. If I wanted to kill you, I could just swing a scythe at your head,” he replies and then unrolls a large blanket and lays it down on the grass. “I’ll get a fire started; it might get a bit chilly tonight.”
He lifts a small, round metal plate that had concealed the fire pit hidden in the ground, and I stroll around the small grass area while he gets it going.
His trailer isn’t like the cabins. It’s one of those old-style, rounded ones—vintage, I guess you’d call it—with white trim around the curved windows and door.
He has a small table and single hammock chair set up beside the door, where I can totally imagine him sipping his morning coffee, totally naked.
I turn, and now I don’t have to imagine anything, because there he is standing bare-ass naked in front of a large fire, his perfectly muscled back facing me. How the hell did he get that going so quickly?
“I umm…” I begin, not really sure what I should do or where I should look.
“Nothing feels like this,” he says, stretching his arms out at his sides. “The cool air, the warm fire, it’s amazing.”
“Sure, it looks very… exposed.”
He chuckles.
“That’s kind of the point of it too. If you don’t want to try it, you can head back. It’s okay,” he says, and somehow his giving me permission to bail actually spurs me on to want to show him that I’m not going to run away.
“No… I just. You really don’t care about me seeing you naked right now?” I ask as I step out of my boots and start unbuttoning my flannel shirt. My fingers shake, and it takes me twice as long as it should to undo each button.
“Why would I? Pretty sure you see the same thing when you look in the mirror… well, before you get buttoned up in that three-piece suit of yours anyway.”
“I haven’t worn that in days,” I reason as I shrug out of the shirt, the cool air sweeping over my back.
It sends an almost excited chill through me. Can I really be doing this?
“And I’m pretty sure what you and I see when we look in the mirror are not the same,” I say. He turns his head to the side a little like he wants to look my way, but then changes his mind halfway and spins back around.
“Well, I won’t be lookin’ at ya anyway. This isn’t about getting naked together to… you know. It’s just about getting naked. Period. You’ll see. How are you going back there?”
“Almost there,” I say, as I take a big breath and hold it as I take off my pants and underwear together.
The warmth from the fire has started to creep my way, and as I pull off my red striped socks, I step onto the blanket totally naked, my hands covering my cock and balls, ass clenched like somehow something might try to get in there now that I’m not protected in any way.
“Okay, I’m naked, now what?” I ask, and he steps backward, then sits on the blanket beside me, his head never turning from facing the fire.
“You try to relax. Sit,” he says, and I take another breath slowly, the rich scent of the burning wood filling my nose and settling my racing heart just a little. I sit beside him, not so close that it’s awkward, but close enough that I can feel that he’s there without looking his way.