CHAPTER NINETEEN
A NYA
I should have pushed Robert away. Should have shoved him off me. Should have slapped him for kissing me without consent, for thinking I wanted to be kissed after I’d told him to go eff himself.
But I didn’t.
I kissed him back because... deep inside, that was what I wanted too. It was. In fact, I’d been wanting that since seeing him again at the bar, since realizing what he’d become in the years since high school. He was just too good, too perfect.
I wanted to deny that, and tried to dismiss it, but I couldn’t.
Even standing there as the winners had been announced, I hadn’t been able to put aside the raw feelings I had for him, the visceral attraction I had to the fact that not only was this man good-looking, but he was also nice, charming, and clearly brilliant. Any woman would want a guy like that, even a woman like me, a woman who’d become angry and calcified in the face of failed relationships and an ever-shrinking dating pool.
Damn it. Damn him. Damn this...
We kissed for a few seconds, and I fell deep into it, allowing our natural embrace to tighten as his lips pushed my mouth open and his tongue found mine. He tasted like cinnamon chewing gum, the spice wrapping his tongue in a slight fire. I wanted more of it. So much more. I could have devoured it.
But then he pulled back.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his lips hovering next to my mouth. “I should have asked first if I could kiss you.”
“It’s okay,” I replied. “You didn’t have to stop.”
“Sure I did.”
He moved away from me and gestured to the rest of the people gathered around us, their phones raised, recording what had happened. My stomach twisted—both from the exhilaration of the moment and the realization that we’d had quite an audience. As I sucked in a deep breath, Robert said to the crowd, “Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you all deeply enjoyed that.”
A few tittered replies hinted that, yes, they had. My cheeks and neck warmed.
“Good.” Robert slid his strong hand into mine, the statue and envelope of prize money still at his feet. “We planned this.”
“Now that we’ve given you all an entertaining performance, let me be the first to say the show is over; be sure to tip your waitresses on the way out,” I managed with a plastic grin.
With another chuckle, Robert spread his free hand, waving them away. “Thank you for coming.”
There were a few more laughs, and most of the people walked away, leaving Robert and me standing there alone next to the trailer bed. There was an energy still between us, a charge that seemed to pulsate from me to him, and I wanted more than anything to kiss him again, to have him kiss me back and to feel the pressure and warmth of his lips as they connected with my body. This was more than I expected, and all I wanted was to explore it, understand it, make it mine, and finally allow myself the feelings I knew I’d been suppressing for weeks.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “For everything.”
“I’m the one who should apologize. I told you to go eff yourself, and that was totally uncalled for.”
He laughed. “It was an interesting choice of words.”
“I’m good at those.” I grinned again, this time for real.
“You know, we can coexist,” he said. “The Green Frog doesn’t have to disappear.”
“Not much market for a traditional but independent bookstore these days,” I admitted. “Sales have been slipping. We don’t have the foot traffic we used to.”
“Let me help you figure something out.” He tucked some of the hair that had escaped my ponytail behind my left ear. “I’m good at business, remember?”
I laughed. “You’re good at finance and floats.”
“Thank you, Anya. I’m honestly surprised about the placings. Yours is phenomenal.”
“But sadly, not what the judges wanted,” I answered.
“Well, I learned long ago that you can’t place all of your self-estimation on what others think of you,” he said.
I mulled those words over for a minute, and although they were difficult to hear in this moment of loss, I heard them for what they were. Genuine support. This man cared. And he also gave the best kisses.
“Let’s get some dinner later and talk about this,” he said. “Can I come by your place around seven? Or meet you at the store?”
“Sure, you can come by,” I told him as if there was any other answer to the question. We exchanged details and said goodbye, Robert lingering longer than he should have, kissing me again, as if he didn’t want to leave my side now that the glacier of ice between us had shattered into a thousand pieces. But there were things to do, and we both needed to do them.
Still, I couldn’t wait for what was to come.
“That was... wild,” Morgan said a few moments later as we climbed into her SUV to drive the float back to the store.
“Totally,” I said, and realized I had a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Hope.